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i just want to listen to music all day, particularly smashing pumpkins, sunny day real estate, new found glory, mest, good charlotte, nirvana, the used, page france and beach house. i don't like this feeling. i'm scared and nervous and frustrated. i'm unhappy and i don't know why. is it school? is it my parents? is it boredom? is it fear of losing again? maybe it's everything. my entire life feels out of my control. i take that back...just most of it feels like that. on top of that, i feel like i can't control myself. it's like relapse. god i love the smashing pumpkins. i just want to be alone tonight. there are a select few that i wouldn't mind being with. i don't want to feel like this. i feel like you would feel if your insides were intensely itchy and you couldn't scratch it, because you can't reach, of course. i can't get to it, i can't get the relief. i feel that im to blame for so much and at the same time, i feel justified. i am in love. |
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depressed.