Blurty for like the sunshine. View: User Info. View: Friends. View: Calendar. View: Memories. You're looking at the latest 20 entries. Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 20 entries.

Monday, July 7th, 2008

Time: 12:53 am. Mood: content.

i saw msi with phil tonight, got knocked in the back of the head and got to meet jimmy urine. fun! he and his wife are cute (she came onstage to sing with him during one song). and of course, lyn-z was gorgeous, although i didn't get to see much of her since i was on the other side of the crowd. i only need $35 more for my camera. i think i'll be getting it next week! :) bedtime now. today was grand.

a twirl across your rickety old floor

Subject: shopaholic. Time: 5:23 pm. Mood: excited.

i love how good buying a cute new dress feels. msi tonight! i shall be leaving shortly. :)...i really don't want to stand through julien-k and the birthday massacre, but whatever. i'm very thirsty.

a twirl across your rickety old floor

Subject: what happened to us? Time: 9:26 am. Mood: sad.

i try to be there for people and they don't take me up on my offer, i guess. i don't know what's wrong with me that they don't want to. i don't know....maybe it's weird because i'm one to talk about all my feelings and problems and they don't? i just wish i could be their best friends again. i miss it. i miss them. i just want honesty. fuck going to the insurance job today. i'm tired and now i probably won't be able to get back to sleep. i loved wall-e. :)

a twirl across your rickety old floor

Subject: i hate the heat. Time: 6:55 pm. Mood: sleepy.

so i got $95 from the state because they screwed up on my tax return. awesome. msi wednesday! i really need to go to my other job. i havent gone in a week...but i'm trying to only get gas once a week and i got it on friday. it's only monday. i have a little over a quarter of a tank. i want to go to the camp tomorrow with anthony, but he's sleeping there tonight which means i'd have to drive tomorrow and it's about 45 min. away. i want to quit the insurance job, but i want to keep it for when school starts in case i get an apartment and need as many jobs as i can manage to pay for some of it...or all of it. i still need to talk to my dad. ugh. with the 3 jobs i have now, i can make about $900 a month...but sometimes we skip a week for the guitar lesson and i don't know how my class schedule will be yet. i think the least i'd make would be about $760. that's enough for a semi-shit apartment and no spending money, i guess. meh.

a twirl across your rickety old floor

Time: 8:46 am. Mood: tired.

how did i ever get up 5 days in a row at 6 in the morning? i can barely get up at 8:30 now and it's only 2 days in a row.

a twirl across your rickety old floor

Subject: there was a fever in her hair and a beauty in her brain. Time: 5:30 pm. Mood: exhausted.

i love my new job!!!! finally!!! :)! i found another band to fall ear over heel in love with. they remind me of page france and all those happy fun weird instrument bands that i love so much and wish to be a part of. i hate when i listen to a song and wish i wrote the lyrics. it amazes me when the lyrics are so simple, yet so unique and pretty. i love when people play with words and really use their imagination. anyway...the band is called bishop allen and i love them. :) i really like the song called butterfly nets. bishop allen drive is a good song too. secrets out! i really hate colleges. transferring is surprisingly stressful. and i really want a place of my own, but i can't do it without my parents unless i work 2 or 3 jobs...plus school. it will defeat one of the purposes of moving closer to home....to spend my free time with my friends and anthony. i would have no free time. ugh. i hate how things are so expensive. i feel pooped. i think i'll go lay in bed and read fellowship of the ring since i've finally started re-reading it again. that or i'll watch the extended version of the movie that i have yet to see....another goal of mine. i've been working on my stomach pretty consistently and seeing results...except apparently if i go one day without doing anything, it's as if i didn't do anything for the past week or so. lame.

a twirl across your rickety old floor

Time: 1:07 am. Mood: determined.

looking back at past entries makes me realize that you really can never guess what's going to happen in the next few months. it's scary and exciting. i'm going to write a story about an aspect of my life. maybe it'll make a good book someday. you never realize yourself growing up.

3 and there is nothing in this world that i'd like better thans| a twirl across your rickety old floor

Time: 4:01 pm. Mood: frustrated.

shitty mood.

a twirl across your rickety old floor

Time: 5:12 pm. Mood: content.

why must i be bothered if a poster or a book of mine has the slightest imperfection? sometimes i get so angry at people on the road that i just want to ram into the back of their car. of course i wouldn't. my boyfriend is grand. :)

1 and there is nothing in this world that i'd like better than| a twirl across your rickety old floor

Time: 9:50 pm. Mood: tired.

im excited that my parents are letting me go to the midnight show of the dark knight with anthony, zak and sarah. that shall be fun. i've lost my voice so now i can't work tomorrow, but i need to go there to get my check since i didn't get one last week. i don't know why i think it's weird that i'll be 19 in 4 months. i really need a good night of sleep. at least 10 hours worth. i got 5 last night. i took a semi-nap today. i kept almost falling asleep, then i'd keep waking up. i hate when that happens. for once it seems like summer is going by slow and i like it.

a twirl across your rickety old floor

Subject: everything looks perfect from far away Time: 10:13 pm. Mood: contemplative.

i went canoeing for the first time today. it was a lot of fun and it eased my menstrual crankiness. i wish anthony's cousin's camp wasn't so far away though. it wasn't that bad today since i went to work and was already going in that direction. i love camps and state parks and the like. i really need to hike sleeping giant and get to the castle. i want to see the view. i love views. i love being so far above things and the way everything looks tiny. i like when you're in an airplane and you just take off or you're coming in to land and everything looks like one of those mini model towns that people build. everything looks perfect from far away, says iron and wine....it's true. that also reminds me of clueless and how alicia silverstone's character uses the phrase "monet" to describe that amber girl. lol. from far away it looks ok, but up close its a big old mess! thats how the world is. good job, cher. i suppose thats not fully true. some places are beautiful no matter what....but for the most part....the world is a monet. i wish i knew what makes a good painting. i really like chuck palahniuk's novels a lot. he wrote fight club, though i haven't read that book yet. i'm reading choke now. he reminds me of george orwell, which is probably why i like him a lot. 1984 is one of my favorite books, if not, my absolute favorite. sometimes i think about some of my favorite things and wonder why they're my favorite. maybe i just have to reestablish these things from time to time. how weird. my favorite song is moonlight sonata, but i still really don't know if it is. i think it is. theres so much fucking music out there. it's overwhelming. that bothers me. books, music, movies...all of it..theres such an overwhelming amount of them. i don't think you could ever read every single book ever written or hear every song ever made. there are constantly new editions. new creations. new bands forming. i wish i could hear it all. i wish i could read it all. i like when people are knowledgable about all kinds of different plays and books. maybe thats why i like english teachers a lot....that and the shared love of literature and whatnot. all of this from canoeing. maybe i should canoe more often....or maybe i shouldn't. it produces these strange ramblings...lol.

a twirl across your rickety old floor

Subject: why are you alone wasting your time when you could be with me wasting your time? Time: 3:46 pm. Mood: tired.

i hate the idea of wasting days. i feel like almost every day i spend wasting it. i feel like theres something better i could be doing, only i don't know what it is. i want to go new places. i want adventures. i want something worth spending my time on. this doesn't mean that i think ALL my time is wasted. i don't think it's wasted if i'm spending it with someone and creating and sharing memories. im talking about the ones i spend alone doing nothing because theres nowhere to go, i'm trying to save money and i don't want to use all my gas....or the ones i spend at work. yeah, i make money...but theres better things i could be doing...theres even better jobs i could be doing. sometimes everything seems so meaningless. those days that you spend organizing your room or writing a crappy poem or the start of a crappy song just to feel productive...like the day wasn't a total waste...but it doesn't satisfy you. i always want an amazing summer and i never get it. i start to get anxious even though theres still about 2 1/2 months left....i feel like itll all be over so fast and i will have done basically nothing with it. im so fucking lazy and ridiculous and sometimes i make myself crazy. and people.....people are fucking pieces of work, aren't they? people can be so....fleeting. i don't know if that's the right word....but it's like half the people you know aren't even really there. they're just someone you see once in a while or talk to. it hurts the worst when they are someone who you used to spend practically everyday with or talking to. i don't get what happens, but it does. i hate that i let it. i hate that they let it. i hate that it happens in general. maybe it's the feeling of being replaced. i really think that sometimes its my fault. i used to be really judgemental and get mad about stupid shit. ive changed since i was 14, 15. im almost embarassed of how i was. i hate feeling like people might think im lame because my idea of fun is not getting drunk. i've gotten past it, but at the same time, i haven't. it's like they think they're better. who knows why...maybe because they've "experienced" more. we have different experience and choices, but why should that mean excluding people when doing something that both parties enjoy? why do i even care though? if they can't pick up a phone and call me to hang out, then screw them. i've planned something and invited all of them and they can't commit to it. whatever. all of this sounds like such stupid pointless "high school" horseshit. i've come to the conclusion and the realization that i don't have many friends. by this, i mean i have lots of friends in terms of people i've talked to, maybe hang out with occasionally and had class with....but i don't have many friends that i hang out with frequently. i hang out with my boyfriend....meg and i have started to hang out more this summer which is great fun. ashley, jeanna and phil are the ones i'd consider close, even though we don't talk or hang out as much as we used to. they're the ones that i know would be there for me though. that even though we don't talk or hang out a lot(which kinda sucks), that if i called and needed them, they'd be there. so thats 4 friends and a boyfriend. i'd be lying if i said that wasn't all i needed. id also be lying if i said i didn't want more from these friendships. i'd also be lying if i said i couldn't give more. things need to change and i need to be the one to do it, i think. if you don't like something, change it. make things happen.....too bad im lazy and waste my afternoon complaining to my online journal. at least i exercised my stomach today for the first time in months. seriously though...i think these are things worth changing and i'm going to try. i need to make the days worth more. i need to make the relationships stronger. i know it's a two way street...but someone has to initiate it. heres to hope, who always endures no matter how many times it disappoints.

a twirl across your rickety old floor

Subject: frau blucher! Time: 9:40 pm. Mood: sleepy.

i wish i got to go to the disney store in new york today. young frankenstein was funny. i love mel brooks. i still need to see the producers (the movie). monday i spent the entire day with meaghan and it was grand. we played scrabble in panera and visited the high school. we watched some of our favorite episodes of friends and played more scrabble, then played mario kart on the wii. twas swell. tuesday was BK and the mall with anthony. delicious and fun. we played with a golden retriever puppy who kept attacking us and trying to bite us. he was ferocious. we also played skee ball at the arcade! :) ive finally started a little fund (meaning money in an envelope) for my new camera that i am planning on getting. i should be able to get it next month....hopefully. i think that's it.

2 and there is nothing in this world that i'd like better thans| a twirl across your rickety old floor

Time: 12:10 pm. Mood: refreshed.

i will never eat at the casino again. i puked so much last night. in a trashcan, then later in a plastic bag in anthony's car. what a looong night it was. it felt wonderful after i puked though...and then after i slept. and now i've woken up and i'm bored. ::shrugs::

a twirl across your rickety old floor

Subject: do you wanna dance under the moonlight? Time: 10:24 pm. Mood: bored.

something needs to happen.

a twirl across your rickety old floor

Subject: i can't get to the phone right now... Time: 10:44 pm. Mood: creative.

when someones voicemail or answering machine says "i can't get to the phone right now", i imagine that theres some obstacle keeping them from answering their phone...like a dragon they have to slay or an angry gnome. maybe an irritated chipmunk is running around in their pants, gnawing at genitalia. slept over meg's last night. it was grand. we went to a coffeehouse today. it was a cute place. tomorrow i must work. i'm going to TRY and work 4 hours, if my mind can take sitting there on the phone for that long. i get bored after an hour. i've started taking breaks to play sudoku or read my book so that i don't go insane. that's how i get through it. anthony is taking me for dinner and a movie tomorrow night. :) i'm excited. people can be pretty lame. i hate people who think your ideas suck, but if it was their idea or their best friend's idea, it would be awesome. pfft. meg and i planned a scavenger hunt where you have to go around town and take pictures of people on your team doing random tasks. everyone who replied so far, minus one person, has replied with a "maybe". i wonder if they think it'll be lame, if they're only going to come if they don't have something "better" to do, or if they really might not be able to come because of some family thing or something. who knows. all i know is that im excited for it and it would be so much fun. i hope people will come. i'm going to see young frankenstein on broadway next week with my mom. that should be fun. this journal seems so boring and lame when i look at it. why do i even write here?

a twirl across your rickety old floor

Subject: "not you, we named the monkey jack." Time: 10:50 pm. Mood: silly.

i love playing cemetery on guitar. i remember learning it. it felt so fun and great. send the pain below was on the radio on my way to work yesterday. it reminded me of the summer of 03 and put me in a good mood. i feel like writing. not serious writing. just fun writing. im sleepy though. i slept for about 10 1/2 hours last night. wtf. why am i tired? i need to save money for the guitar i want. it's $300. maybe i should just save the money i get for teaching guitar each week for a guitar. maybe ill put the money i get for selling clothes to a thrift store towards it. i love pirates of the caribbean. i love adventure movies. i got harry potter and the order of the phoenix for $4 today. it was a "like new" dvd at the video store. i don't care that it's used. i do dislike when i don't get a scene selection sheet on the inside. but whatever. it was $4. whatta steal! haha. i saw the new indiana jones last night. i enjoyed it. anthony is going to see sex and the city with me. that makes me happy. lol. he's cute. he told me it's because theres nothing good coming out this weekend. i'd laugh if he secretly watches it. lol. that gets me. i just picture him laying on his couch with ice cream and cursing mr. big. lol. aiden is way better than mr. big in my opinion. enough of that.

a twirl across your rickety old floor

Subject: NO TICKET! Time: 10:12 pm. Mood: tired.

im glad i have harry potter cuddle dreams. im glad it's getting nice out a lot again. this week hasn't been awesome, although going to the point with anthony was grand. i still need to visit the high school. the library lady emailed me back and told me that shes reviewing resumes and setting up interviews next week. i think that i actually need a set schedule. im lazy and have no will power. i shouldve went to work yesterday, but didn't. i organized my room instead. at least i felt accomplished still. if i work at the library, i can take my bike to work and save tons of gas. :)! i love the part in the third indiana jones when he pushes the nazi guy out of the blimp and says "no ticket" and then everyone on the blimp starts waving their tickets to give him because they think he's the ticket collector. it really gets me. i need to see the new one now. ive run out of things to say........................... i hate going to the doctors and tomorrow i have an appointment. blah. i thought it was friday. good thing they called. jurassic park is on. :)!!!

a twirl across your rickety old floor

Blurty for like the sunshine. View: User Info. View: Friends. View: Calendar. View: Memories. You're looking at the latest 20 entries. Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 20 entries.