like the sunshine's Blurty

Subject:	I WANT TO FUCKING SLEEP FOR 5 DAYS STRAIGHT
Time:	8:33 pm.
Mood:	tired.

why is it that im ALWAYS fucking tired? i wake up tired, feel tired all day and night, then i can't get to sleep until 1 or 2. and i wake up anywhere between 8 and 10, usually. i should be sleeping until fucking noon. what is wrong with me?
school starts in 4 days. the thought of it makes me want to punch an old person.
on the plus side, i really like my haircut.
im a psycho who blows things out of proportion sometimes. but that's just me and im glad he can deal with it.
im constantly insecure lately and i dont know why. i feel so fucking down about everything....and it doesn't help that im tired all the time. i hate that i get so annoyed, frustrated and mad about stupid shit. OISHDFSGFN. i don't think that school is going to help. maybe it will help me sleep more since ill be getting up early 3 times a week. maybe ill actually get so exhausted that ill fall right to sleep.
there are so many things in this world and about people that make me angry and i wish i just didn't think about it all or didn't fucking care so much. i turn myself into a mess.

a twirl across your rickety old floor

Subject:	mahh ha!
Time:	11:05 pm.
Mood:	contemplative.

sunday was grammy's birthday party and it was at jamie's house. it wasn't as bad as family parties usually are. i talked a lot to jamie and aunt elaine. i like them both a lot. they're fun to talk to. it's nice to finally feel like i'm being talked to like an adult.
i had fun on my date with katie sunday night. we went to this cute coffee shop that we both like a lot and talked about our boyfriends and other people and school. twas fun. shes fun to talk to and hang out with.
yesterday i spent the day with anthony. i got a new chuck palahniuk book to read from the library.
today i wasted an entire afternoon home because i had to wait for my new tv stand to be delivered. they were supposed to be here between 1 and 5. they showed up at 5:20. ::smacks self in head::
im excited for my birthday. im excited to go to NYC. i really hope i'm able to go to salem on halloween. i've always wanted to be there on halloween. i want it to be autumn, but i don't want to go to school and i don't want it to eventually be winter. it's going to suck driving in the snow since im commuting now. i guess snow days will mean more to me once again.
i was on a writing kick the other night. i kept getting inspired and wrote some lyrics. i really should work more on my blog articles and that story i was writing and all the other stories/novels i plan on writing, but never work on. i suck at being a writer. how can i achieve anything when im so damn lazy? it's like i have no drive to work, but i still want all these things to happen. they're not going to happen unless i do something. i suppose it's the procrastinator in me. "i have 3 years! i'll do it....eventually." I always write my papers the night/morning before. will I do that with everything in my life? will I ever grow up and do things in a timely manner instead of waiting for those agonizing late night writing frenzies?

a twirl across your rickety old floor

Time:

10:32 am.

i had the weirdest dream ever this morning. i was in some house that was more like a store because it had aisles and everyone was just going after each other. i had a knife and this guy was chasing me and he kept saying "im inigo montoya" over and over again and trying to kill me. then he grabbed me from behind and put the knife to my throat, but i got away. then i was in a different house that was gigantic. there were lots of people there and it was like a party, but i had just come from the other place and i guess i knew that it was going to be the same? anyway, the rule was that the only way for it all to stop was to kill this boy by slitting his throat. so me and these people were trying to figure out a way to do so. and before this, i kept running back and forth between houses, but the other house id only go in the backyard. there was this girl who followed me and she was supposedly my sister and i tried to help her, but she brought a guy along who wasn't on our side, so i freaked and hid.
in the other house, i kept running around and i went into the basement because i thought it would be anthony's room and he was down there sleeping, but it was hard for me to see so i couldnt see him, i could only hear him. i was trying to get him to help me, but i couldnt make out if it was him or not. so i went upstairs and the boy went downstairs so i shouted to anthony to be careful and watch out. later, i was in the lobby with a bunch of people who were coming in and there was this guy who was flashing a light into everyones eyes. i asked someone what he was doing. they told me that he was checking for cherry coke. lol.
later on, ashley and amelia showed up and we were singing jewel, holding hands, and looking through magazines or records or something. i was trying to tell them about what was going on, but it wasn't really working so i gave up. it was the weirdest thing ever.

oh...at some point, johnny depp showed up and was arguing with himself....like there were two of him, but it was like watching a movie where they trick you.

1 and there is nothing in this world that i'd like better than| a twirl across your rickety old floor

Time:	5:53 pm.
Mood:	bored.

why am i so lazy?!
i need a haircut. my bangs can touch my lips.
im always tired....wtf?
its been over 2 weeks and my new debit card has yet to show up. it's such an inconvenience!
i want to be in a band that plays shows in which i can sing and jump around. i think i'd make a good stage performer. it would be fun. maybe ill find people at school. im jealous that anthony is in 2 bands that play shows.
i might take drum lessons.

a twirl across your rickety old floor

Subject:	make 7 UP YOURS.
Time:	3:50 pm.
Mood:	weird.

i've decided there should be a hand gesture that means "im sorry" or that means that you take back that middle finger you gave someone so that if you think you're right and then realize you were wrong, you could just show someone that hand gesture and it'd be alright....because i feel really bad when i realize i was wrong after giving someone the finger.
i actually got a lot of sleep last night. i kept waking up this morning though. at least i was able to get back to sleep every time.

1 and there is nothing in this world that i'd like better than| a twirl across your rickety old floor

Subject:	meh.
Time:	8:28 pm.
Mood:	cranky.

why is it impossible for me to get enough sleep?
im using my powers of persuasion (even though i don't think i have any) to try and get a library job. it probably won't work, but whatever.
i'm glad some guy called me about buying my amp last night, and then this morning he calls me and was like, oh, my son bought a guitar pack so, we won't be buying the amp. psh. there goes $50 i was excited about getting. the antique place only has me working one day a week now because they're not that busy during the week.....meh.
i've yet to get my $80 back from that website place or my bank. ugh. i should call tomorrow and see what's going on.
im freaking out because school starts in 3 weeks. sfjdiuodhfipojsad!

a twirl across your rickety old floor

Subject:	STYLE!....NOT lame!
Time:	10:02 pm.
Mood:	geeky.

im glad i've been looking at halloween costumes since the beginning of the year. now im trying to decide what to be. i'm down to 8! hopefully all those halloween stores will open soon and i can try things on.
i can't wait for my birthday. i love october so much. i still need to figure out what to do for my birthday.
anthony and i were discussing what to do for our 3 year anniversary. it made me excited. :) i need to decide what to get him. there are so many things to choose from!
im always in awe of the outfits those stylists for magazines and models and photoshoots put together. they take things that seem like they won't go together, and somehow make them work. i want to be able to do that. i love clothes and fashion. i feel like i could be more creative with my wardrobe.

a twirl across your rickety old floor

Time:	8:46 pm.
Mood:	bored.

imagine if the entire internet just comepletely shut down and stopped working. it would be the weirdest thing ever.
so im taking a history class, a philosophy class, a physics class, a theater class and a geography class. i might switch the geography one for a math one so that i dont have to get up early, but i like having only 1 class on monday. at least ill like one of my classes because of the theater class. watch me end up hating it for some reason. i was looking at the textbook list for it and we're reading a funny thing happened on the way to the forum which is awesome!
i don't feel like working all day tomorrow. meh. i need the money though.
what is with gas stations suddenly having different prices for cash and credit? wtf? i saw one today that said $3.95 if you use cash. it was the most beautiful thing i've ever seen. lol. not really, but it was nice!
anthony and i need to go to the drive in like we've been planning.

a twirl across your rickety old floor

Subject:	did we just become best friends?...YUP!
Time:	10:56 pm.
Mood:	weird.

pokemon cards for about 4 hours today. lol...what losers, but we had fun. :)....even though i get frustrated when i lose after having all kinds of good stuff ready to do.
my advisement appointment is tomorrow to schedule my classes and whatnot. i know i'm going to have to take crappy classes and this year will most likely suck, classwise. i'm hoping it won't suck any other way. i hope there are lots of fun people. at least i know people who go there that are alright.
this whole august thing is freaking me out. i need to do so many things. by that, i mean that there are about two days of things i'd like to do, but still...
i need to start hiking and exercising again. i need to start riding my bike again because it was expensive and i've only ridden it about twice. it's just that it was so muggy out all that time! theres always an excuse.
im glad a website that i ordered $9 hair dye from a few months ago decided to charge me $79.99 for no reason the other day. and they don't even have a phone number. they just have one of those message forms that you fill out and they say they'll get back to you. it's making me really anxious.
i need to reorganize the stuff in my room once again, which means buying tons of storage things. ikea, here i come!
i love doing nice things for people and giving people presents. i get so excited to see their reaction. i can't wait to go shopping for the girl that i teach guitar to. her birthday is in a couple of weeks.
i'm really in the mood to write. i better go before this goes away.

a twirl across your rickety old floor

Subject:	kiss my front butt!
Time:	10:52 pm.
Mood:	good.

the other night anthony and i went to the beach for a little bit. i forgot how much i love the beach at night. it's so peaceful and nice.
after weeks of making fun of anthony for always playing pokemon cards with his friends, i finally gave in and had him teach me and now i like it a lot. it's fun to play.
we saw step brothers today. it was funny, but not completely awesome....then we played pokemon and he helped me build a deck from his cards. it was nice of him to give me some of his cards. :)
i need to do some of the things and go some of the places i've been meaning to go this summer. i also really need to stay away from ebay.

a twirl across your rickety old floor

Time:	10:16 pm.
Mood:	frustrated.

cape cod does not bring out the best in me. it sucks and i'm glad i'm going home tomorrow. i didn't even want to go in the first place.
i hate that i get so upset and paranoid about so many things. it just makes everything so much more stressful. i worry too much and i always have so many expectations so im always disappointed....but i can't just give up on hope and expectations so it keeps happening. im so hateful towards a lot of things and i must admit, it gets tiring. i really need to start counseling again. it even stresses me out that school will be starting in a little more than a month.
being stuck in one room with my parents drives me crazy because i need my own space away from them. i think they finally understand that im just not into these trips anymore. we have different ideas of fun and vacation, usually.
it seems that i always have something to be upset about. why can't i just not care about anything? what is wrong with me?
it sucks being somewhere you don't want to be with people who want to do touristy things. i don't mind going places, but i want to do what i want to do when i get there. i don't know....
tomorrow can't come soon enough.

a twirl across your rickety old floor

Subject:	oh joker, you slay me.
Time:	11:23 am.
Mood:	satisfied.

so i went to the midnight show of the dark knight last night. it was amazing! heath ledger made such an amazing joker and no, i'm not saying that just because he's dead. the joker was always my favorite batman villain. heath played him so well. it's a shame he's dead and can't know the acknowledgment he'd receive. everyone says that they're glad that maggie gyllenhall (sp?) has replaced katie holmes...but i don't think she's any better or great. i have no problem with katie holmes, but i can see why people don't like her as rachel dawes. but maggie isn't great either and she's soooo ugly and weird looking. anyway....the movie was amazing and everyone should see it. you'll laugh, cry and feel like you just orgasmed when it's over. lol.

a twirl across your rickety old floor

Subject:	what are you going to do with your life?...i'm going to get what i want!
Time:	8:15 pm.
Mood:	geeky.

so much for my surprise...i ended up having to tell him...but he's excited, nonetheless.
it's going to get busy this week, and even busier next week. i kind of don't want to go to cape cod. i feel like i'm going to be bored after a day. i don't really like the beach. honestly, i'm just excited to see what kinds of things the thrift stores there have to offer. apparently there was a shark attack there a few days ago. eek!
i feel like i have no inspiration to write songs. i do have my novel project. i feel like it would make a better screenplay though. i can always try redoing the kat story again, too. i have another novel project that i've been getting little ideas for here and there. i'm not quite sure what the story will be, but i know a little bit what the main character will be like.
i HATE feeling insecure.
i love driving and i'm excited to be driving to different states in the next couple of weeks. i'm excited for quality time with jeanna.
i keep getting nervous that i'm going to not want to be a journalist once i get into my junior year or so and then i'll have to stay in school longer to figure out what i want to be or just get a degree in something i dont really want. i hate school.
it bothers me that theres less than 2 months of summer left. once again, i feel like i haven't really accomplished much. i still need to work on my list.

1 and there is nothing in this world that i'd like better than| a twirl across your rickety old floor

Time:	1:45 pm.
Mood:	excited.

i got my new camera today! newegg.com is doubley awesome for getting it to me 2 days after I ordered it for only $8 for shipping. I have to wait for it to charge though. Horray!
Today I actually slept until 1, with the exception of waking up at 9:10 to bid on something on ebay. lol. I won, though!
Guess I'll have to work at the insurance place tomorrow instead of today.

a twirl across your rickety old floor

Time:

6:50 pm.

it felt good to be by myself running errands and shopping today. i haven't had a day to do what i want in a few days. i got an awesome skirt and a cute dress from a thrift store and consigned a shirt that my mom didn't want. hopefully it sells and i get some money. i'd probably only get like, $5 since it would probably be marked for $10 and I only get half of what it was bought for. I need to bring a whole bunch of things so that it all adds up to a significant amount.
i ordered my camera today! it should probably be here by the end of the week because newegg.com is awesome. it came with a free memory card (i'm not sure how many pictures it holds though) and a free case. :)
my job has made me addicted to ebay. i'm watching 37 items. lol. i'm bidding on 2. I lost an auction last night and got pissed because it was the cutest dress ever. I was a dollar short. I think I waited too long at the last seconds. Oh well...it saved me $50 that I will try to spend on different dresses. I get nervous and anxious when the auction starts to end. ha.
i don't know why i lose my internet connection when the phone is in use, but it really pisses me off.

a twirl across your rickety old floor

Blurty for like the sunshine.

View:	User Info.
View:	Friends.
View:	Calendar.
View:	Memories.
You're looking at the latest 20 entries. Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 20 entries.