Took my chances on a big jet plane, never let them tell you that they're all the same.   
12:50pm 28/05/2012
  I've created a benchmark.

I started to think, of certain significant things.
Juices, the small yellow snail, long walks...
I realized that all of these things mean something to me.
But, simply because he means something to me.

I came to the realization that I care about this person.
Truly, honestly care.
Not lust, not artifical.
I guess it's just been so long since I really cared about someone.
There have been suitors, sure.
But, they mean little to nothing.
I realize too, that although this is incredibly impractical, it still exists.

I am still alone, and I assume he is as well.
Yet, we are still together.
Could this be the perfect arrangement?
Although, our conversations have been minimal after this departure...
...it surprisingly has little affect on me.
I still think we will speak again.
I ignore my apprehension and easily fall right back into him.

Temptation surrounds me, and yet one desire ensues.
Together and still alone, such a bizarre arrangement.
Even if he is not alone, the strings of lovers can not be very intimate.
I may have slipped up a time or two, but each one meant less than nothing.

Now, moving 10 hours away holds a sort of intrigue and also frightening excitement.
I wonder if I will be speaking with Trouble in a year's time.
Will this new life I'm pursuing encourage or defeat our chances?

Although this seems to be such an awkward situation, it is still present.
This draws me closer to the conclusion that perhaps it is supposed to be this way.
I am supposed to learn something from this situation.
Or, I am supposed to feel something form this relationship.

It seems that now, once I have my eye on someone, is when all the wannabe potentials make themselves heard.
As scary as I consider this to be, I still tell myself that I should go for it.
So opposite of my normal paradigm.
I am excited to see him.
Excited to see his culture.

I'd like for him to show himself.
To have the talk I've been dreaming of.
I'd like him to tell me he misses me, cares for me, or something.
However, I can not be disappointed or impatient.
I must only close my eyes and fall or jump.
 
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