10:35pm 20/04/2003
mood: bleh.
music: depeche mode: personal jesus
easter lunch was held by my immediate family with a few other relatives present. i was stared at. there isn't much of a possibility of them believing i am the least bit sane. meh. my concern isn't what they think of me. i must persevere. it will all be okay when we look into eachother's eyes for the first time. there is no doubt in my mind. each moment afterwards will be heaven on earth.
scatter your brain
"words are very, unnecessary, they can only do harm."   
08:19pm 19/04/2003
mood: nothing good.
music: the canorous sounds of the misfits.
n. Offensive Slang


a. Used as a disparaging term for a Black person.
b. Used as a disparaging term for a member of any dark-skinned people.

2. Used as a disparaging term for a member of any socially, economically, or politically deprived group of people.

alright. i am going to state the obvious.

the word "nigger" CANNOT be used without it being a racial slur, whether it's user intends to degrade another because of their race, or even some inanimate object. it's entirely illogical to think otherwise if one purveys (or at least tries to) the english language as a primary, secondary, or whatever form of communication.

the "n word" was created by america with the determination to cast down a certain people (i will use blacks to illustrate my point in this composition, as they are the most prevalent victims of such verbal oppression) to a place in which they feel inferior to the individual who speaks it, all because they were born with a skin color that's opposite of the one who uses the word. there is no sense in that whatsoever. perhaps one who uses the n word may not be what i call a "direct racist", meaning that they actually embrace and openly adhere to the contexts of racism. perhaps they use it as form of slang that is accepted amongst so many of today's adolescents and adults. perhaps they just desire to demean a certain person/thing that, more than likely, has absolutely nothing to do with the black race. this is what i call "indirect racism", as if the word is used in most any way (an exception could include using it to exemplify the inherent racism in this cesspool of a country, in a research paper or even an editorial), it is a slur against the black race regardless of the intention that it's user claims to have. it matters not.

unfortunately, the users of the n word, whether they are direct or indirect racists, cannot seem to grasp this logic. their process of thought (or lack thereof) is revolting and therefore null. think of it in terms that should be simple enough for racists to understand: is disliking and therefore not eating oranges because their color isn't yellow, when it could very well be liked and enjoyed if tried, sensible? if one believes this, maybe they should consider donating their feeble brain to science with hope that the research of idiocy in humans can be elaborated upon.

fuck you, you blithering nothings. fuck you.

{postscript: usage of the n word by those who are of the black race is puzzling to me. i am not exactly sure how to interpret their conveying of the very word that was defined and created for the sole purpose of belittling them. it could be a means of mocking those who generated and assigned value to the word, or it could be due to permanent damage of the black mind throughout the hundreds of years in which they have been hated and discriminated against. while these possibilities are not faulting black women and men, i still dislike and get upset by seeing/hearing it.}
scatter your brain