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holland (not) the country

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the lovely sleepy brown-eyed girl [08 Feb 2004|12:37am]
[ mood | refreshed ]
[ music | Mae-Skyline Drive ]

the sun woke me up this morning at 8 and my mother's screeching voice telling me about some arm and hamor/shampoo paste i need to put in my hair. i can't really remember what she said, but something to that effect. anyhow, i finally got up and started to get ready for church. So after going wayy out of my way to get a "Fresh Now Bagel" -from Bruegger's Bagel i headed towards Franklin for church. Church was really exciting today. Me, John, Steve and Naomi all sat together and we were sitting behind the cutest married couple ever, with the most precious babies, i think i fell in love with that family, and im pretty sure i was paying more attention to them then the message-Oops, but the message was on money, and i don't have any so i didn't really need to listen. I saved the day at church because Naomi thought she dropped a $100 in the parking lot, so after two trips out in the parking lot during the service i looked through her Bible and found it in the book of 'Joel'. After church i took a really short trip down memory lane and headed home back into my hermit shell better known as my room in my bed. Erica suprisingly showed up and took a nap with me and we played and talked about what a scary time this is right now. And how we need to cherish these last few months with the people we love the most. I felt like today, when looking back on things that have happened in my life totally fit in place now. And don't get me wrong i'm not so particularly proud of everything i've done, but it's apart of my life and i believe it helped form me into the woman that i'm becoming. And i don't want the people who i love the most to miss out on that. You know what- now could possibly be the most crucial time to prove people wrong and mature quickly. I feel like i have to essentially set my priorities in stone and be determined and disciplined, this is where i turn my life around... again, but stronger and different.
Solitude is important during these times, but only in moderation. I must say i really have enjoyed my own company lately, and that of my family; especially my brother, whose coolness over the years has been discounted.But he is the best, and one of my top priorities is spending as much time as i can getting to know him and getting those years back that were wasted not being spent with him.
I also have this strong feeling that something amazing is about to happen, and all i really have to do is just sit back and wait- and that is such a refreshing thought.
I must say that my life for many years, the short years i have lived, hasn't really ever made complete sense. But in the wake of a natural disaster, like heartache you realize how things fall in place and inevitably change and somehow just "fit'.
"this wasn't a dream, this was my life unfolding and you've watched me grow up and climb the highest tree and speak of the things we thought were so impossible, like falling in love and taking long drives down this road to nowhere with only the company of the sky you colored blue, everything is so clear i thought this was life for me and you... no, this wasn't just a dream, this was our dreams coming true."

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..so much more than a fairytale [08 Feb 2004|12:49am]
[ mood | indescribable ]
[ music | Lunahalo- Haunted ]

...i wish i could go back to the 'twirling skirts' days, sitting in the sandbox talking to my G.I. Joes with pink curlers in my hair, running through the sprinklers in the summer, climbing the tree in my front yard, going on adventures in the "forbidden valley",playing house and marrying the boy from across the street everyday, when my best friends were my stuffed animals that never missed a tea party. I remember when i was little i thought things would be so much different than they are today, and i thought life was always going to be this easy; i mean my biggest quandry was after my nap whether to go to the swimming pool or ride bikes. _So i guess this is what growing up is all about...looking back on the days where everything is surrounded by a innocent haze and all you needed was your imagination.
Now, all you want is someone to share the memories with and make the rest of your days easier, but it seems every day approaching that 'someone' of mine gets further and further from me. I hope that this isn't how happily ever after was meant to be.

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