|
|
Wednesday, October 20th, 2004
| |
7:51 pm - the whole kitten caboodle
|
so monday night i am sitting around, feeling like a big piece of crap. i was smoking a cigarette on my back porch when all of the sudden i hear what sounds like a tiny cat talking to me. i tried to get it to come to me, but it ran away. then after i sat on the ground for a minute or two, it came back and started hanging out with me. she had no intentions of going anywhere after that. so i brought her inside and basically told my mom we were keeping her, even though my mom has hated cats her whole life. but how can you deny that face!!?? (last night i walked upstairs to find the cat sleeping on top of my mom's head. i think it's safe to say she is attached.) she is the cutest kitten ever created. actually, she is just as cute as any kitten, because kittens and puppies are obviously the cutest things on earth. she's only about 3 months old, and she acted like she hadn't eaten in weeks. but now that we've fed her and gave her somewhere cozy to sleep, (i.e. my head) she is all hyped up and running around like she smokes crack for breakfast. aw. i'm not even a cat person. but i love her. and she's all mine. she found me! isn't that adorable? i think so.
i've been trying to think of names for her since monday night , but alas, to no avail. some of the suggestions i have gotten so far include: silky, tinkerbell, thumbelina, princess, miss puss, and pumpkin (all from my mom) heidi, esmerelda, and patchy (from my sister), joan, bertha, kitty twister, babs, and batman the cat (drennen), chompsky (gosia), hildegard, cat power, and roberta fl-cat (john), kitten caboodle, mike ditka, catmandu, cat stevens, and dr. katz (dan nocella). all of these are wonderful names, but i don't think any of them fit! if she were a boy i would just name her milo, because milo ackerman would be the most kick ass punk rock kitten ever. but no, i'm pretty sure she is a she. i was thinking ramona, but my mom says it's too much of an old lady name. i'll figure this out soon, i can't have a nameless kitty cavorting around my house.
current mood:  excited
|
|
(2 comments | comment on this)
|
| Monday, October 18th, 2004
| |
8:20 am
|
of course, when things get down to the wire, my fucking brain craps out on me again. if i were NORMAL person, who was capable of allowing myself to feel stress, i would not have spent my ENTIRE weekend sitting on my couch, watching the growing pains reuinion special. but no! whenever i am stressed out for whatever reason, my mind makes the rest of me think that i'm not stressed at all. it just disappears. i go into denial. and then instead of just going on with life, my brain has a giant meltdown. i can't stand up straight because i'm so dizzy. i haven't left my house since friday. i haven't been able to read anything, which means the whole studying for the GRE (the thing that is actually stressing me out) cannot get done. just typing this is making my head spin. so i will stop soon. but this FUCKING SUCKS. i am sick of this shit. i missed a party and i'm sure some super-fun hang out time this weekend. and not because i was studying, but because i was sitting on my ugly couch, wishing my goddamn room would stop spinning around me. and then i got up today and it still hadn't stopped,. so now i had to call out of work, which means less money, which means more stress, which means one of these days my brain will just actually explode. sometimes i just wish it would happen and get it over with already.
i feel like i'm gonna hurl. yuck.
current mood:  sick
|
|
(1 comment | comment on this)
|
| Thursday, October 14th, 2004
| |
11:23 pm
|
tonight steph and noah came to visit from new bruns. it was good to see them again, i missed them. i miss everyone from up there. it's too weird being home during this time of year. i should be in bruns, with the trees and the old brick buildings and all the weirdos with their new peacoats and gigantic scarves. oh well. hopefully next year at this time i'll be back where i apparently belong.
noah is making a movie for some class he's in. a real movie for a film class, that is. and he is the writer. we came up with some really awesome ideas. it's this story about a gen-x guy named james, who is 18 in 1991. then there's this girl amber who likes him, amber's jock boyfriend vick, and james' best friend (still no name) who is gay, in love with james, and will kill himself at the end of this family-friendly film. noah didn't make up any of these people, some other guy in his class thought up the characters - noah just has to you know...write a story around them. and apprently there needs to be this love triangle, and also a suicide. really fluffy stuff, right? but we came up some awesome ideas. it made me miss writing all the stories i used to write when i was younger and had a lot more time on my hands. i think once i'm done all this studying i'm going to start writing again. i have a lot of good ideas, i just procrasniate too much to actually finish anything. plus i have been told all of the stuff i write ends up "cute" and not the way i wanted it to. i'll change that. i'm dark. i'm deep. i'm totally like, philosophical dude. just kidding. i think i could write something halfway decent if i put the proper effort into. i smell a project coming on,
current mood:  creative
current music: nada surf - killian's red
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Monday, October 11th, 2004
| |
8:07 pm - serenity now!
|
i stayed home from ohio to study all weekend. wow, my life is so awesome. actually it wasn't too bad, but i must say the people who write the GRE can KISS MY ASS. i'm going to let all of you in on a little secret: rachel is not as smart as everyone makes her out to be. i don't know how i have gotten this rep, but it is becoming abundantly clear that i have no idea what's going on. i'm dismal at math, i don't get any of these f-ing analytical questions, and i really don't know how i'm going to memorize every word ever in the next 3 weeks. yes i am hard on myself, but seriously guys...i don't know how some people just, you know, take this and not have any problems.
plus on top of this, something wonderful and terrible happened. drennen has gotten offered a job - an awesome job. the only thing that isn't awesome about it is that it's in north jersey. like 2 hours away. and he'd be working about 300 hours a week, leaving him very little time to come home and visit. for 5 years i had to live 3 hours away from him - driving from new brunswick to delaworld too many times to count. and then we both graduated, and we were actually sort of in the same place. and now he's going away again. he's my best friend in the whole world, i don't want him going anywhere! i'm really happy for him that he got offered this incredible job...but at the same time wish he would just deliver pizzas or something, as long as it meant he'd be available in case i suddenly got the urge to rent a ridiculous movie or drive around with no destination in mind. who am i gonna go to the mall with?? who is going to tell me to get a grip on a daily basis? blasted north jersey!! the only consolation i have is that in a year i might also be living up there, in new brunswick again. if i get into school there. i could potentially live closer to him up there than i do right now in delran. i'll just show up on his doorstep with all my shit one day and inform him i'm moving in. i'm sure he would love that.
so yeah. half my life is being flipped upside down right now. in the last few weeks, i have changed my major (which was actually a very integral part of my every day life...oh everyone go to rachel, the THERAPIST, she will help you out. see? that's not going to be a part of me anymore), I changed the schools i want to apply to, started studying all the time instead of watching that 70's show reruns every night, and now my best friend is up and leaving me. oh yeah, and, they decided to hire me on as a "real" employee at fleer, so now i am training to have a "real" job. wonderful!
jesus, all i want is some stability here!
current mood:  stressed
current music: nada surf
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Thursday, October 7th, 2004
| |
7:17 pm - yet something else i have stolen from hutch's journal...
|
1) Spell your name with bands.
R - Radiohead
A - Anniversary
C - Cure
H - Hot Hot Heat
E - Elliott Smith
L - Lucksmiths
2) i don't get the whole blank question thing
3) What song makes you cry? - ladies and gentlemen we are floating in space - spiritualized
4) What song makes you happy? - laid by james due to sentimental reasons, and many a stevie wonder song
5) What do you like to listen to before bed? - abbey road
Part II Appearance:
HEIGHT: 5"11"
HAIR COLOR: blonde
SKIN COLOR: cracker-ass cracker
EYE COLOR: brown
PIERCINGS: 3 in each ear
TATTOOS: no thanks
Part III Right Now:
WHAT COLOUR PANTS ARE YOU WEARING? - the infamous egg pants, of course
WHAT SONG ARE YOU LISTENING TO? - silly girl - descendents
WHAT TASTE IS IN YOUR MOUTH? - diet coke
HOW ARE YOU? - in freak out mode over my future; signing up for GREs in between answering these questions
Part 4 Do You:
GET MOTION SICKNESS? - oh lord, yes. it comes with the whole nerd package. i also have many allergies, and i can't see without my glasses.
HAVE A BAD HABIT? - i smoke too much, i procrastinate, i'm a complete slob, i can't save money to save my life, and i hardly ever finish anything i start. and i tend to get down on myself...
GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS? - my mom, yes, when she isn't being a psychohosebeast. my dad, when i do see him, i guess you could say we get along, but as of now i haven't seen him since last december, so who the hell knows?
LIKE TO DRIVE? yes, especially home on a sunday after a party in township, listening to clarity.
B. Part 5 Love:
BOYFRIEND: woe is me
GIRLFRIEND: i'm not that desperate...yet.
SEXUALITY: i think at this point most people think i'm asexual. i'm starting to wonder myself.
CHILDREN: babies are awesome but not now, no thanks.
HAD A HARD TIME GETTING OVER SOMEONE: oh alex byrnes, you illustrious minx
BEEN HURT? there isn't one person alive who hasn't been
GONE OUT WITH A SOMEONE YOU ONLY KNEW FOR THREE DAYS: no but i have hooked up with someone i only knew for 20 minutes. i guess that counts.
YOUR CD PLAYER HAS IN IT RIGHT NOW: yeah yeah yeahs. awesome to listen to on the way home from work. makes you want to ram into every car on the road.
IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? break out the crayolas and color me tickled pink
WHO MAKES YOU THE HAPPIEST? drennen and the beatles. oh yes and the muppets.
WHAT'S THE NEXT CD YOU'RE GONNA GET? probably the elliott smith album that comes out next week.
WHO DO YOU CONSIDER GOOD FRIENDS? the father, the son, and the holy ghost. haha whoa just kidding, people. people i consider my good friends know about 1.) the old man collection, 2.) not to say the "p" word around me, 3.) not to ask me for directions, and 4.) that when i get really, REALLY drunk, i tap dance. no lie.
Part 6 When/What was the last time:
TIME YOU CRIED? when i heard "hear comes the sun" on the car radio, after spending like 48 hours drinking heavily and not getting any sleep. it was very cathartic.
YOU GOT A REAL LETTER: a few months ago, from a crazy bird i met in jolly old england. her name is colette featherstone. don't you just love it??
THING YOU PURCHASED: i bought lunch today at the macaroni grill while eating with dan hill. the last thing i actually bought was nick's birthday present - america, the book.
MOVIE YOU SAW AT THE THEATER: oh my god, i have been so broke for so long i can't even remember...oh yeah, napoleon dynamite. it was dyn-o-mite!
Part 7 Your thoughts on:
ABORTION: do whatever you want to do. i know a lot of people whose lives would be totally different if it weren't legal
GAY MARRIAGE: so, michael jackson is allowed to get married like, what, 3 times, but terry and pat can't get hitched after they've been together for 30 years? there is something horrible wrong with this scenario, don't ya think??
THE IRAQ WAR: mess o' potamia
RELIGION: should be combined with...
EVOLUTION: because one explains the other. people evolved into having these big brains, capable of making them think about things that aren't happening in the present, which scares them, and makes them wonder about what goes on whent they're not here, and so they dreamed up religion to help them deal with that. so there.
wow, you must be pretty hard up for entertainment if you got all the way down here.
|
|
(8 comments | comment on this)
|
| |
7:14 pm
|
i am an indie snob!
How indie are you? test by ridethefader
You're just too cool for school, aren't you? You're pretty narrow minded
and opinionated with regards to music (and probably most other things
as well). But you're allowed to be, because you really are better
than everyone else. You take pride in obscurity.
You probably prefer vinyl too, you elitist bitch.
hahahahahaha i answered those questions honestly, too! but i didn't think i answered them as a snob...sheesh
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Tuesday, October 5th, 2004
| |
7:08 pm - aghhhh!!!!
|
i am having such issues right now. i am now considering dropping psych altogether and attempting to get a ph.d in anthropology. the problem is, i want to get into evolutionary psych, but it's so close to a lot of anthropology that most of the time, the programs are in the anthro department. one will have a biopsych program with a specialization in evolution, another will have an anthro program with a specialization in evolution and behavior. what the hell is the difference?? i have no idea. i am totally lost.
on op of this, i just realized i need to take the GREs in 3 weeks, as oppsed to 2 months from now, which i was planning on. i need to have my applications for school in by december 15th, which gives me precious little time. i am going to go completely nuts, i think. my scores on this test are going to dictate the rest of my life - where and IF i get into grad school. what if i don't get in at all? i'm going to have to wait around for another 2 years!!! i cannot let that happen. i will need to study my ass off for 3 weeks and just get it done big time. i've been in hang out mode since may, and now all of the sudden i am being thrust into this ridiculous situation. fuckin a.
and on top of this, i may need to have a writing sample to apply to any of these places - i don't have any writing samples about evoutionary anthropology. this means i'm going to have to write a fucking research paper. i already graduated, why am i doing this to myself??? because it's important. that's why. everyone thinks i'm insane for doing this to myself. but it's vital to my overall happiness. i do not deal well with rejection or losing. i will not lose. at least i hope so anyway.
i cannot believe it is this simple for me to forget about becoming a therapist. what if this is just a phase? do i really want to become a researcher and a professor? dr. rachel ackerman, ph.d, evolutionary anthropology? am i being ridiculous?? it is impossible for me to be objective about this right now. if i go into a psych program i'd still be a psychologist, just not one that dos therapy. jesus i am confused.
current mood:  pensive
current music: violent femmes
|
|
(2 comments | comment on this)
|
| Tuesday, September 28th, 2004
| |
9:03 pm - wonder years moment
|
remember that feeling that was in the air the day before christmas break when you were in elementary school? the day when you got to watch movies all day and eat candy canes, and people had on those santa hats with their names in glitter on them? those days were awesome not only because you knew you were about to get a.) a whole week off from school, and b.) a new nintendo/my little pony/etch a sketch, etc. but they were also great because everyone was a little more relaxed - you were more your "hang out" self than your school self, teachers included. people were a little bit more goofy and weird. today during the last hour or so at work, the power kept going off and on because of this hurricane crap that's going on, and it felt just like that day before christmas break.. it's funny how adults still act like little kids if they're put in the right situation. we were rolling around on our chairs around the cubicles, throwing jolly ranchers at each other, playing with all the toys that are sitting in the production department, and running up and down the pitch black staircases to smoke yet another cigarette because we had nothing better to do. there were 50 year old women giggling like little schoolgirls and some other girls that i work with were scared to go into the bathroom alone because they were afraid of the dark. i love it when people can act like they are little kids again, especially in a work setting, where everyone always is supposed to have this business demeanor about them all the time. none of us want to be wearing high heels and ID badges. none of us want to have professional voices on the phone, or sit through hour-long meetings every day. we all just want to be hanging out on the floor of our classroom, eating candy canes and watching rudolph the red-nosed reindeer for the hundreth time. we like to see our teachers laugh and joke around, just like they were "real" people. something about seeing your boss laugh so hard he practically falls off his chair, shooting rubber bands at you from inside his cubicle, really makes you realize what's up.
i'm sure this will continue tomorrow, when i am going to go to happy hour with the entire fleer customer service and sales departments. i want to see what happens when that one asshole guy from the other side of the office isn't the one i'm asking to sign an important document or something, but asking him what kind of beer he prefers. should be interesting...
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Sunday, September 26th, 2004
| |
12:35 pm - long-winded update
|
after my internet being down for 2 weeks i am back like an ack attack. i have so many things to say!
first of all, my job is still pretty kick ass, considering it's a temp job. it's still entertaining on a daily basis, even if some of the initial amusement has died down. i now know lots of baseball players, basketball rookies, and football players, which is probably never going to be useful, unless i can finally answer some of those damn sports and leisure questions in trivial pursuit. fucking with fleer customers is the funniest thing ever. these people are completely insane, and i get to read their 4 page letters about how disappointed they are that they didn't get an autographed card in the box they just bought. we hang up the most pathetic ones in our cubicles so we can be reminded just why we do our job.
i decided recently that i'm going to start taking violin lessons, which i have gotten some shit for already even though my lessons haven't even started yet. it's one of those things on my list of stuff i want to do before i die, you know? i've waited about 5 years to do it, and now i have time and money, so i'm gonna get it done big time. i already rented a violin, and thanks to my decade-long experience playing the piano, i can successfully play not only mary had a little lamb AND twinkle twinkle little star, but i can also play 4 whole bars of ode to joy. thank you, thank you. it's not as hard as i thought it would be, but then again when i play it sounds as if 30 cats are being slowly tortured and killed. but i am determined to learn how to play like a pro, no matter how long it takes. i think this is some sort of shift or phase or something - i have been listening to soooo much classical music lately, i think my co-workers think i'm a bit odd. who listens to operettas before they go to work, only to listen to 8 hours of symphonies and concertos, to come home and listen to even more of the afformentioned operettas? is there something wrong with me? eh, i really don't care, even if there is. i love this shit so much! it makes you feel like everything you're doing is so profound and meaningful! i started reading some von goethe, and so i'll sit down and read that with a mahler symphony blasting in the background. maybe a little classical thunder. it's stupendous! even if i don't know what the hell i'm reading i feel like the smartest person alive. i love it.
eventually, (if this violin thing works out) i'd like to be part of an ensemble or something. it would be hella cool. hahaha
another thing i've been thinking about a lot lately is the fact that maybe i don't want to be a therapist after all. it's shocking to most people, myself included. but now i think maybe i don't want to do that forever. maybe i want to do research and teach college courses. but isnt't that every nerd's dream? would it be impossible to get a job at a university? and would i really want to do research for my entire life? i'm really interested in evolutionary psychology, which is a combo of sociology, anthropology, evolution, and psych. but am i interested in it enough to make a career around it? this is a terrible feeling. for 6 years i was totally sure i wanted to be a therapist, and now 2 months before i apply to grad school i change my mind??? what the f??? so now i am totally at a loss, i don't know what the hell to do with myself. i think i'm just going to read some evolutionary psych books and see if i really am that interested in it. on one hand i feel like i would be wasting my natural talent at being a good listener if i become a professor. BUT, at the same time, if i become a therapist maybe i'm wasting my natural talent at research and my long ass attention span, and my neverending curiosity. but is that really something you can get a job in? being curious? i have no idea what to do about this. i need to figure it out soon. the way i look at it, if i were to become a professor, i would still be able to talk to my friends about their problems all the time, i just wouldn't have to do it all day long every day. ugh! i have no clue. maybe i should see a psychic or something.
so yeah that's what's been going on lately with me. this weekend me, dan hill, dan nocella, drennen, lauran, and sarah went to this irish festival in wildwood. it was pretty ridiculous - drunk from about 10 am until 1 am when we got home. drennen acted like a robot for like 3 hours. lauran pounded the beers like a pro. dan hill wore a green derby all day and i decided he should always be wearing one. and also have a cigar in his mouth. like a bookie. i don't know why. oh yeah and also, we saw a puppy wearing a derby, thus allowing our cute words to come full circle. PUPPY DERBY = CUTEST THING EVER. we took pictures. you must see.
okay this is the longest thing ever. if you have actually made it this far, i commend your dedication to my psyche, and i should treat you to an orange mocha frappaccino or something. have your people call my people, we'll work something out.
current mood:  confused
current music: rachmaninoff
|
|
(4 comments | comment on this)
|
| Saturday, September 4th, 2004
| |
11:11 am - funniest job ever.
|
i have finally procurred a job!!! and what a HILARIOUS job it is. anyone who has ever met me knows that i may know a lot about books or movies or human behavior, but when it comes to sports i know jack shit. this is why it is very humorous to me that i work at FLEER TRADING CARDS. all day long i am surrounded by baseball cards, basketball cards, lifesize cardboard cut-outs of basketball players, footballs, and hundreds of letters sent to fleer by lunatic customers who think their cards were damaged. did you know that now you can get cards with pieces of jerseys in them? they also have cards with pieces of patches, pieces of footballs, sweatbands, baseball bats - pretty much anything you can cut into hundreds of little pieces and stick in a card.
the best part of this job so far, apart from the comedic appeal, is my supervisor. my supervisor is the comic book guy. and i don't mean he is LIKE the comic book guy, he IS ACTUALLY the comic book guy. he's this big fat guy with a ponytail and beard who curses at customers while he has them on hold and listens to strictly metal bands. yesterday he was flipping out because the new danzig album cover is "totally sweet." he has to take a cigarette break every hour, and when he goes outside he smokes 2 in a row. he's got all these tattoos, one of them being quagmire from family guy. i've only been working there 2 days but i can already tell this is never going to get less entertaining. plus, i just happened to get hired during employee appreciation week, so i already got a free fleer t-shirt, hat, and fleer tumblers! wow!
i am beyond happy that i finally have a job, even if it is with a trading card company. now my trivia game skills will finally be complete. mwa ha ha.
current mood: amused
current music: the shins
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Tuesday, August 31st, 2004
| |
4:50 pm - balls!
|
so for the past month or so i have been going to the gym on a regular basis. i never thought i would enjoy it so much. i actually have...fun. can you believe it?? my sister and i have discovered the yoga balls and now we're ball-crazy!! it's really funny. i have been going to the gym for like 2 hours almost every single day. it makes me feel better that almost everyone there is a chubby housewife...one even had fucking curlers in her hair today, which was ridiculous. last week i had taken my measurements, and since i started going to the gym i have lost a total of 7.5 inches from various places all over my body. that was awesome - but today was even better when i noticed in the gym mirrors while i was lifting weights that yes, MY COLLAR BONE IS VISIBLE!!! to most people this would be no big deal, but i can't honestly remember a time when i could see my collar bone. ever. i've weighed the same amount since i was about 14 years old, and i have never excersized regularly. but now...oh man. pretty soon i'll also have - get this - cheek bones! can you believe it??
yo if i keep this up in about 6 or 9 months or so i'll be a total hottie. look out boys. rach will be on the prowl.
woo hoo!!
current mood: accomplished
|
|
(2 comments | comment on this)
|
| Friday, August 27th, 2004
| |
12:48 pm
|
i felt like i should update even though nothing is really going on. a few nights ago me, drennen, lauran, and nick went to visit mark in brooklyn. we hung out in a russia-inspired bar that in in his building. i commented that a painting on the wall was terrible, and that it pissed me off because someone actually paid money to own it, when i could obviously do better. this led to mark and nick challenging me to create something better. i have 2 months. i know i can do it. i guess no one really notices this but i am a very artistic girl. i am always making stuff. i'm no gina cardillo or steve black, but i feel like i can hold my own when it comes to carrying out an artistic vision. so now i am brainstorming...i want to wow them with my mad skillz. cause girls only want boyfriends with skillz.
drumminfest II was a good time for all involved. MVP obviously nick rossi in his southern comfort-inspired performance. post-it notes have never been so amusing. with the broken porch, bathroom ants, microwave tomato, random people from high school, drunken messes, and the super hangout day afterwards, this was the "best of" drumminfest. we can look forward to a few years from now, when we'll be having drumminfest - greatest hits, for the big 10 year anniversary. dan hill managed to get a hot girl to come, not talk to her all night, and manage to make her want him more. only he is capable of such tomfoolery. the space chairs in drennen's backyard are magnificant, and i'm sorry to anyone who did not get to experience them. side note: i've decided that watching family guy with 15 of your best friends the day after everyone was a drunken disaster is probably one of my most favorite things ever.
i decided to wait to read ulysses until after i read portrait of an artist as a young man, as the main character is the same guy. i am about half way through, and man! can i tell you, i have never been so educated about christianity! you people are freaking nuts! there is a good 20+ page detailed description of hell in this book. it's the most disturbing thing i've ever read! but it's great, the more i read about it, the more and more sure i become that my previously held notion that religion is bullshit is 100% correct. this is the most elaborately planned dupe in all of human history! i think george carlin said it best:
"religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man! living in the sky! who watches everything you do every minute of every day! and the invisible man has a special list of ten things that he does not want you to do. and if you do any of these ten things he has a special place full of fire, and smoke, and burning, and torture, and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever, until the end of time...
but he LOVES YOU!! he loves you, and he NEEDS MONEY!!!!"
speaking of money, i have hit the absolute rock bottom. i have ZERO dollars. so to anyone who can't figure out why i'm not hanging out, it's not because i am faking out, it's because i can't afford to put gas in my car. which also means i can't afford a few beers and a pack of cigs every time i leave my house. i'll start working next week, hopefully. until then, come and visit me at my house - if you don't, you won't be seeing me any time in the near future! boo hoo rachel is going to be so lonley!!!
current mood: pissed off
current music: !!!
|
|
(1 comment | comment on this)
|
| Wednesday, August 18th, 2004
| |
1:58 pm - brain aerobics
|
after 2 months of sitting around and doing nothing, i have resorted to reading ridiculously difficult books. just for fun. i have started reading ulysses by james joyce, which is supposedly one of the most genius, but also most impossible to understand books ever written. it's like the holy grail for lit professors. i am actually taking notes and reading summaries before each chapter. in other words, i am giving myself homework.
it has taken me an hour to read 23 pages. i have to keep looking up words in the dictionary because i have no clue what they mean. a sample: ferrule, jejune, nimbus, prepuce, etc.
i can just feel my brain getting bigger! but unlike all those pretentious lit majors i am not going to pretend that i understand half of what is going on here. i would have to know all greek, christian, and irish mythology, and also understand irish slang from 1914. no way jose. oh well it gives me something to do.
i have a feeling after this i'll be needing to read something more on the level of a cereal box
current mood:  nerdy
|
|
(2 comments | comment on this)
|
| Tuesday, August 17th, 2004
| |
11:52 pm - stuck the landing
|
it's funny, even though i have about zero interest in sports, i always find myself watching the summer olympics. in the last 2 days i have watched about 30 hours of gymnastics, swimming, & volleyball. i didn't go to sleep last night until 6 am because i was watching SPORTS. hahahahahahaha.
a few observations:
i find it kind of creepy that of 6 men on the gymnastics team, 2 of them are identical twins and they get almost the same scores on everything. they are the hamm twins, look it up. you can't tell the difference between them at all, except one has slightly more gel in his hair.
i imagine these poor gymnasts having nightmares about "sticking the landing" this is obviously a sport just made for obsessive compulsives, considering a 1 inch step when you are hurled from a high bar will cost you a medal.
male chinese gymnasts have awesome koosh-ball hairdos
i can't stand those stupid-ass moves the gymnasts do in between flipping around on the floor and on the balance beam. not necessary whatsoever.
michael phelps may be a great swimmer but he talks like a retard
these swimmers from the usa and australia with the blonde hair and tans are totally sexy
also, i have decided that i need to start playing volleyball. these chicks are totally hot! gymnasts are too little and swimmers look like dudes. volleyball is apparently where it's at. i'm tall enough and everything. the only problem is that i have no talent...or interest. sometimes i wish i was athletic, but then i quickly face reality - i'm not competitive or motivated enough to do anything. oh well. i always have my books. and the summer olympics every 4 years.
ooh bob costas is telling me shotput is up next. gotta go. hahaha oh this is so funny to me
current mood: amused
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Sunday, August 15th, 2004
| |
5:26 pm - sorry
|
i just wanted to apologize to anyone who came to my party last night who had to deal with me yelling at them about being loud, or had to watch me get yelled at by my mother, or who had to witness me arguing with a certain person about the afformentioned issues. i hope you all had fun despite these setbacks. i think it's safe to say that was my last house party until i move out, unless my mother actually leaves my house for more that 8 hours at a time.
up until the end of the night i had an awesome time, and i hope everyone else did too.
current mood: crappy
|
|
(4 comments | comment on this)
|
| Friday, August 13th, 2004
| |
10:05 am - this one's dedicated to adam jimmy!!!
|
|
| Thursday, August 12th, 2004
| |
9:40 am
|
so i have an interview in a few hours. officepimp, if you care to know. i have applied to 46 jobs that i know of, and of those 46, i got ONE phone call. but that is the job i declined because it looked like they were too desperate. but whatever, i'll just do temp work until something comes along, that is, if ANYthing comes along. i am becoming disallusioned. but i can't be broke anymore. i cannot sit in my room all day every day anymore. when you don't have a job you get a lot less accomplished as a whole than when you have a job. i'm in hobo-on-the-street mode. i need to start studying for the GREs. i made like 30 flashcards a few weeks ago. here's a little sample of the words i need to memorize:
alacrity
amalgamate
abscond
obviously i've only done the A's so far. i also need to reteach algebra and pre-calc to myself. this is so sick, but right now i am actually looking forward to doing this shit. i feel completely worthless as of late. i mean, my worth as a human being is okay i guess, but my worth as a productive member of society is slim to none, and slim left town.
haha my mom always used to say that.
in other news, my birthday is tomorrow! i'll be 23 years old. it's amazing how much and also how little has changed in the last year. to the untrained eye i look exactly the same. but on the inside i feel different. i don't know if it's maturity, or boredom, or insecurity, or what it is. but from my point of vantage things look weird...
maybe i'm just trying to convince myself that things are actually different, when in reality they ARE exactly the same. am i just fooling myself? a year is a long time for nothing to change. in the last year i have graduated college and gone to europe. i have lost 20 pounds but gained back 22. i have learned how to play chess. god, my life blows!!!!
i've always had this secret longing to be some explorer like the guys on the discovery channel that go off to remote places and research rare animals and plants, like in anarctica or the rainforest or the galapogos islands. or not even be the scientist, be the photographer that lives with the natives for 3 months at a time and hangs out with the scientists when they come around. if i wasn't such a baby about leaving home, i would be an archeologist, or an anthropologist or something awesome like that. the next margaret mead? haha. righhhht.
office temp <--------> anthropologist in exotic locale
i think i'm failing to make the connection here.
current mood: hopeful
current music: garden state soundtrack
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Monday, August 2nd, 2004
| |
1:26 pm - woe is me
|
somebody give me a goddamn job! PLEASE!!!! ugh.
i work my ass off for 5 years in college, and for what? who the hell cares if you've been on the dean's list all through college? apparently no one hiring mental health workers in the philadelphia region. this, my friends, is a bunch of hooey. i'm glad at least my friends think of me as a competent pseudo-psychologist. every few days i get to analyze someone, whether it be one of my friends, someone in my family, or myself. i need to be needed. i'm not surrounded by neurotic chicks anymore like i was at my house in new brunswick. i need someone to need my professional opinion! at this point it's the only thing i'm worth. if anyone out there needs to vent, or work on some cognitive/behavioral changes, just let me know! i am ready and willing.
anyway. nothing else is really going on. i'm just sitting back and watching the days of summer roll by. i haven't gone to the shore once. i haven't done anything, really. i can't believe it's already august. what the hell happened? my birthday is in less than 2 weeks! how!? this is turning out to be the most uneventful summer of my young life. going to europe was that one shining moment, and after that everything went to shit.
the fact that i'm not going back to school in a month is starting to depress me. autumn is my favorite time of the year, and i can't imagine not being able to wander around new brunswick when all the leaves are changing and everyone is walking around with their scarves and headphones and coffees from au bon pain. aw!! boo hoo.
oh well. i don't mean to complain. it's just that i feel like my house is a prison, and i can't afford to leave it. plus it rains every fucking day, so i can't even float around in my pool! the horror!
ha ha i am such a spoiled piece of shit.
current mood: restless
current music: cake - fashion nugget
|
|
(7 comments | comment on this)
|
| Wednesday, July 28th, 2004
| |
7:58 pm - not quite a working girl
|
so today i went for my first (probably of many) interviews. this was for a job in philly, at a mental health center where i would be "working with some very nice psychotics." that is what the woman who interviewed me said anyway. i don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. i really hope something else comes along before i'm supposed to start because i don't think this job will be very fun at all. calling social security and medicare all day long, and then having to relay the information back to a paranoid schizophrenic is not exactly my idea of a good day at work.
i really want a job as a research assistant. if you know any crazy scientists that are in need of someone to feed their rats or hook up electrodes, send them my way. what i would really want is a literature research job, where all i would have to do all day is sit in a library and read journal articles. call me crazy, but to be able to be paid for that is like my dream come true.
i'm getting really bored sitting around like this all day, every day. i wake up, do a crossword, play the piano, clean (even though my room has been in a constant state of disgusting mess for about a month now), do laundry, and if i play my cards right i go out and drink some beers with my friends. if not i stay home and read a book and watch aquateen hunger force. haha oh yeah and i also go to the gym every day, which i still find sooo amusing. i guess it's a full life for some people, but i am bored out of my skull. plus i have no money to do anything, and i would just hang out every single night, but i live 45 minutes from every person that i know, and gas costs your first born child these days. so i don't go out as much as i would like to.
eh, oh well.. things could be way worse. i'm not unhappy, just bored, broke, and occasionally lonely. but who isn't, right?
current mood:  bored
current music: louis armstrong
|
|
(comment on this)
|
| Thursday, July 22nd, 2004
| |
8:43 pm
|
Indie rock! You're my most favourite type of
music... Your music channels lots of emotion.
On the top it seems simple, but underneath
there's always a deep meaning... As your name
you're independent from most of music! Stay
that way! Good on you! There's so much
variation in your style...from deep and
thoughtful like The Stills, to happy go lucky
like Belle & Sebastian, to dancy and catchy
Franz Ferdinand, and back to boogie down Hot
Hot Heat and The Rapture...
What genre of rock are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
haha wow this tells me so much
|
|
(comment on this)
|
|
|
|
|