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Monday, April 4th, 2005
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1:02 pm
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| Thursday, March 31st, 2005
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3:16 pm
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too many quizzes. i know. i didn't mean to, but i get bored at work. nothing too much has been going on with me lately. i still want to open the book store. most of the people i am telling about seem to think it's a good idea, which is reassuring. i still think it's totally insane, but i have to make something of myself eventually. big risk, big payoff? eh i'm usually the wary one.
i am glad it's finally spring. the frequent cold & rainy days make me want to kill myself.
i have been reading a really interesting book by steven pinker. (who i think may be one of the smartest people alive. and he's really funny. seriously. look him up. he's even in the "Luxuriant Flowing Hair Club for Scientists" check it out http://www.improb.com/projects/hair/hair-club-top.html) so anyway, the book is called "the blank slate: the modern denial of human nature." it's really interesting. it's all about how genes effect our behavior and thoughts - and it's completely backed up by science. more to add to my trivia pursuit arsenal. mwa ha ha...
speaking of which, i also learned a great deal against my will during the 12 hours of jesus programming i watched on easter sunday. easter is by far the worst holiday for those of us who are non-christians. everything is closed, and yet no fun music, no fun movies, no fun food, no fun at all. the tv has nothing but 24 hours of sunday masses with rosy-cheeked, shiny-faced old men with fluffy white hair and cheap suits raving about the day jesus became a zombie. wow, i never thought i'd ever been able to sit through a 2 hour documentary on the real mary magdalene, and yet i did it. why? because i had nothing else to do. sucks to easter. you heard me, JC.
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(comment on this)
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2:43 pm
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You Are A Poplar Tree |
People tend to look up to you, and it's a bit lonely at the top.
Inside, you are not always self confident, but you show great courage.
Mature and organized, you are reliable in any situation.
You tend to have an artistic or philosophical outlook on life.
You are very choosy in love and take partnership seriously. |
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(comment on this)
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| Friday, March 25th, 2005
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3:53 pm - that's a lot of clams
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| Thursday, March 24th, 2005
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5:16 pm - i rule!
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Bacardi 151
Congratulations! You're 139 proof, with specific scores in beer (60) , wine (150), and liquor (104). |
| All right. No more messing around. Your knowledge of alcohol is so high that you have drinking and getting plastered down to a science. Sure, you could get wasted drinking beer, but who needs all those trips to the bathroom? You head straight for the bar and pick up that which is most efficient. |
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My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
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You scored higher than 86% on proof |
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You scored higher than 90% on beer index |
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You scored higher than 99% on wine index |
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You scored higher than 98% on liquor index |
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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11:17 am
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the longer i wait to hear back from the grad school that hasn't actually rejected me yet, the more i am pondering - what the hell am i going to do if i don't get in? at first i considered becoming an english teacher or a psych teacher. only one problem: i don't want to be a teacher. i don't like teenagers enough to be surrounded by them for the rest of my life.
and then an idea hit me.
i don't know exactly how out of the question this idea is. i know nothing about business and i have no money. however, i had this vision this morning whilst in the shower.
a bookstore/record store/coffeehouse/music venue. a place mostly for buying books and zines and whatnot, but then also sell kick ass music, let local bands play there some nights, have trivia nights, book clubs, movie nights, singles nights, music lessons, sell art...whatever! basically a place people can just hang out and do whatever! (all you have to do is imagineer it!)
big comfy armchairs, an area (obviously) dedicated to harry potter, awesome listening booths ala empire records. not overcharging people, not being a dick - giving people in south jersey somewhere to GO, maybe. does this sound too good to be true? am i just kidding myself? i think it would be the best thing ever. of course, there is always a chance of it going under...BUT...maybe it won't, right? and maybe if enough of the community embraced it, it would be wonderful. anyone could be in on it. want to play there? sure. want to sell a painting? sure. want to make coffee for people? be my guest. want to discuss confederacy of dunces? absolutely!
i am excited. tell me what you think. i would obviously be taking some business courses before i ever took anything seriously...but still. i need feedback to help me decide if i am out of my mind or not.
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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| Friday, March 18th, 2005
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11:43 am - hahahaha duh
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| Monday, March 14th, 2005
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2:42 pm - why am i not surprised?
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You speak eloquently and have seemingly read every
book ever published. You are a fountain of
endless (sometimes useless) knowledge, and
never fail to impress at a party.
What people love: You can answer almost any
question people ask, and have thus been
nicknamed Jeeves.
What people hate: You constantly correct their
grammar and insult their paperbacks.
What Kind of Elitist Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
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(comment on this)
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| Friday, March 11th, 2005
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1:57 pm - THE RICHEST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD HAVE STUPID NAMES
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TODAY THE FORBES LIST OF THE 400 RICHEST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD CAME OUT, AND UPON INSPECTION, I NOTICED SOME OF THESE PEOPLE'S NAMES ARE RIDICULOUS. DUE TO SHEER BOREDOM AT THE JOB THAT WILL NEVER ALLOW ME TO EARN ANY SWEET MOOLAH, I HAVE THROWN TOGETHER THIS LITTLE LIST:
**I SWEAR ALL OF THESE NAMES ARE REAL, AND YOU CAN CHECK THEM OUT AT FORBES.COM**
RICH PEOPLE MOST LIKELY TO BE MISTAKEN FOR A CHINESE FOOD MENU ITEM:
LIM GOH TONG
TEH HONG PIOW
TOM KWOK
TSAI WAN TSAI
RICH PEOPLE THAT SOUND MORE LIKE A CORPORATION THAN A PERSON:
IMOGENE POWERS JOHNSON
JORGEN PHILLIP-SORENSON
PETER KELLOGG
RALPH LAUREN
RICH PEOPLE THAT COULD POSSIBLY BE INCLUDED AS CHARACTERS FROM LORD OF THE RINGS:
RICHARD MANOOGIAN
HARRY TRIGUBOFF
JOHN MORGRIDGE
JOHN GANDEL
KHALAF AL HABTOOR
AXEL OBERWELLAND
RICH PEOPLE WHOSE NAMES COULD ALLOW THEM TO HAVE PROMISING CAREERS AS LOCAL RADIO DJS:
DIRK ZIFF
CLEMMIE SPANGLER
RICH PEOPLE THAT PROVE THAT ALL THE MONEY IN THE WORLD CANNOT MAKE YOU SEEM COOL:
WINTHROP ROCKEFELLER
PINCUS GREEN
MARVIN HERB
ADOLF MERCKLE
HUBERT BURDA
RICH PEOPLE WHO COULD EITHER BE CHARACTERS FROM A CHILDREN'S BOOK OR NATIVE AMERICANS:
FORREST MARS
JAMES GOODNIGHT
DICK RAINWATER
PAUL FIREMAN
J. FLOWERS
RICH PEOPLE WHO HAVE NAUGHTY NAMES:
BARBARA COX
CHUCK BUTT
PAT WANG
STANLEY HO
HENRY FOK
ISAK ANDIC
DIETRICH MATESCHITZ
RICH PERSON WHOSE NAME SOUNDS LIKE A CASH REGISTER:
LA KA-SHING
RICH PERSON WHO SOUNDS LIKE EITHER A CHARACTER FROM AIRPLANE!OR AN ADOLESCENT BOYS' CARTOON:
JON STRYKER
RICH PEOPLE WHO COULD BE MISTAKEN FOR EVIL VILLAINS IN ANY BRUCE WILLIS OR JAMES BOND MOVIE, AND ALSO ANY CARTOON FROM THE 60'S:
DIETER VON HOLTZBRINK
FRITS GOLDSCHMEDING
JONATHAN HARMSWORTH
FRIEDRICH FLICK JR.
AUGUST VON FINCK
SERGE DESSAULT
BORRIS IVANISHVILI
RICH PEOPLE WHOSE NAMES ARE PROBABLY IMPOSSIBLE TO ANNOUNCE AT ANY PUBLIC EVENT:
BJORGOLFUR THOR BJORGOLFSSON
BULENT ECZACIBASI
MARIA ASCUNCION ARAMBURUZABALA
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, March 1st, 2005
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11:10 am
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PARDON THE CAPS, I AM AT WORK AND I AM DOING THIS WHILST DOING DATA ENTRY. I HAVE REACHED A DEAD END. AT LEAST THAT'S WHAT I FEEL LIKE. SATURDAY I GOT A LETTER FROM RUTGERS THAT BROKE IT TO ME GENTLY - MY APPLICATION HAS BEEN REJECTED. IT WAS STRANGE. EVEN THOUGH I KNEW SOMEWHERE IN MY MIND THAT I HAD A 2% CHANCE OF GETTING IN, IT WAS STILL A SHOCK TO MY SYSTEM. I STOOD STARING AT IT FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES BEFORE I EVEN TOLD ANYONE OR EVEN MOVED. I WAS REPLAYING THE LAST 6 MONTHS IN MY HEAD - CHANGING MY MIND ABOUT MY MAJOR, STUDYING, WRITING, BEGGING PROFESSORS FOR LETTERS, LOSING IT, ETC. ETC. ETC. AND IT WAS ALL FOR NOTHING. MAYBE NOT, I STILL HAVE YET TO RECEIVE THIS LETTER FROM UNIVERSITY OF CONNECTICUT...BUT EVEN IF I DID GET IN, WHICH I HIGHLY DOUBT, I WOULD HAVE TO MOVE TO CONNECTICUT. AWAY FROM EVERYONE I KNOW. ALONE. AND LET'S SAY I DON'T GET IN, WHICH I KNOW I WON'T ANYWAY. THAT MEANS EVEN IF I AM ACCEPTED NEXT TIME AROUND, I WOULDN'T BE STARTING SCHOOL AGAIN UNTIL SEPTEMBER 2006. THAT'S A YEAR AND A HALF FROM NOW. WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH MYSELF UNTIL THEN???? IT'S NOT LIKE I CAN AFFORD TO MOVE OUT AND AT LEAST PRETEND TO HAVE MY OWN LIFE. I WILL BE STUCK IN MY BASEMENT FOREVER. I WILL NEVER GO TO GRAD SCHOOL. I WILL BE FORCED TO CALL 800 NUMBERS AND HANG UP ON PEOPLE UNTIL I KEEL OVER AND DIE. I WISH I COULD JUST PICK SOMETHING EASY AND DO IT. WHY DO I HAVE TO GET A PH.D? WHY CAN'T I JUST BECOME A GARBAGE MAN, OR A SHOE SALESMAN, OR A VIDEO STORE CLERK? OR EVEN GET A JOB THAT YOU NEEDED TO GO TO COLLEGE FOR LIKE HUMAN RESOURCES OR SOME SHITTY JOB AT A MENTAL HEALTH CLINIC? NOOO, NOT RACHEL. SHE'S TOO "MOTIVATED" FOR THAT. SHE'S TOO "DRIVEN." SHE'S A FRIGGING IDIOT IS WHAT SHE IS.
I NEED TO ESCAPE. I AM STUCK. I'VE BEEN HOME 8 MONTHS. I HAVE READ BOOKS, WATCHED MOVIES, HUNG OUT, PLAYED MUSIC, HAD 2 DIFFERENT JOBS, I EVEN WENT TO EUROPE FOR CHRIST'S SAKE. IT'S NOT ENOUGH. I DON'T THINK IT WILL EVER BE ENOUGH. I NEED TO BE CHALLENGED. I NEED SOMETHING.
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| Wednesday, January 26th, 2005
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12:47 am
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the full moon is in full swing. it seems like things are happening to every person i know. today i was offered a job, if only for 2 weeks. 2 weeks of data entry is enough for me, thanks. after that who knows what i'll be doing. i also left my house for the first time in eons, it feels like. me and lauran met up with brad, luke, and the other rachel in philly for some coffee talk. i'm actually going out two whole days in a row too - tomorrow i am venturing to new brunswick to consort with my old roommates. the last time i was there lots of alcohol and drugs were consumed. not so much by me, but just being around a bunch of people on painkillers makes you feel like you're on them too. so that should be interesting.
it kind of scares me, how easily they will swallow pills. at first it's just one of the little blue ones, then it's 2 or 3, then it's a yellow one, and so on and so on. i don't do drugs. and honestly it bothers me to be around people who are on them. i'm not talking getting stoned or once in a while dropping acid though. i'm talking making a pile of random pills on a table and taking them in random combinations. i have a good reason for feeling this way, i suppose. my father was addicted to prescription drugs - uppers and downers - up until i was about 13. my whole childhood was spent visiting him in rehab, even though as a 6 year old i had no idea what that meant. i remember the dare officer in my 3rd grade class being so amazed that an 8 year old could explain what valium was, and what amphetamines were. looking back on it, i understand now why my dad acted the way he did. when he was on speed for months at a time, he would never sleep. he would sit at the kitchen table all night long, reading the newspaper and drinking tea. then when he was on valium or percocets, he would lock himself in his office, never coming out. for days at a time. i used to go in there and just sit on the carpet and try to talk to him, but at the time he wasn't much of a conversationalist. there were times he'd be so sped up that he'd take us to visit every one of his relatives in one day. or sometimes he'd decide we were going on a vacation - right now. other times he'd be in his room for weeks, reading stephen king novels and not talking to anyone. there were even a few times he had taken so many pills that he had seizures in his office, while his patients were in the waiting room, no idea what was going on in the back. and then there was the time he was so fucked up he thought i was his dead uncle, and thought we were skiing in the alps. i was 12. it's funny - i knew something was wrong in all of this, but i wasn't scared. not scared enough, i guess. maybe if i would have been more scared i wouldn't have been around him so much - wouldn't have had to watch him go through all of that. i did it anyway. because he was my dad, and i was his little buddy, and i didn't understand what a drug addict was. he hadn't always been like that. when i was about 2 he started doing more and more drugs, and although i can't remember anything from those first 2 years, they definitely left some kind of impact on me. they must have. that's what freud was all about, right? do i have abandonment issues? something like that...it was a pretty fucked up way of growing up. not the worst by far, but certainly not the best.
so that's why i don't do drugs. that's why when i hear the word coke i leave. i don't do drugs for a very good reason. it ruined my dad's life, it ruined a good portion of my mom's life too. i would never say it ruined my life either, but from all those shitty things he did, it definitely changed our entire relationship. i don't what my life would be like if i had a good relationship with him. i guess i don't really think about it because there isn't really a point. can't change the past. but i can stay the hell away from drugs. just in case i somehow decide that's the right way to deal with things.
i don't mean for this to sound like an afterschool special. i guess i just felt like talking about it.
oh well. pip pip and tally ho.
current mood:  contemplative
current music: chopin - fantaisie impromptu
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| Monday, January 10th, 2005
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10:35 pm
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since last monday, i have more or less read 31 - yes count them, 31 books. i have the bibliography cards to prove it. i am getting very close to finishing the research part of my paper. tomorrow i start actually writing the damn thing.
i think my brain is going to spontaneously combust.
i knew it was time to call it a night when i was reading some essay on "savages" and "redskins, i.e. Amerinds" and their "primitive" religious beliefs from...what the hell year was it? 1913. i read nonstop from 9 this morning until 10 tonight. i'd had enough of the "negroes' " soul-shadows. i think it's that it all finally started making sense....that's the kind of stuff that should NOT make sense. i had to slowly put the book down and walk away.
apparently they'll let anyone write books these days. i have read some real - keepers. these are the most pompous, conceited, pretentious, self-serving, armchair-scientist blowhards i have ever come across. they all think they are right, and everyone else is dreadfully wrong. well, guess what bub. NONE OF YOU ARE FUCKING RIGHT, OKAY?? i'm more right than 90% of these assholes. take your little "distinguished" beard, and your philosophy degrees, and your little life theories, and shove them up your anally retentive anus.
i just get mad that they can sit there so comfortably and pretty much rip a person's entire life's work to shreds, just because they refuse to have an open mind about things. i guess i am just dreading the day that i am the one on the receving end of this viciously retarded cycle. can't wait! i suppose i'll just have to make sure i'm always right. right?
that's enough of that. i'm going to bed.
p.s. i have decided that for some reason unknown to me, the song "are you sure" by willie nelson is the best thing ever. i have listened to it approximately 67 times today. download it. tell me what you think. i don't know why i like it so much, i can't really relate to it or anything. i just can't stop listening to it...i think i'm slowly slipping into madness! mwa ha ha
current mood:  drained
current music: willie nelson - are you sure
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(comment on this)
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| Friday, January 7th, 2005
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11:02 pm
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for the last 5 days straight i have been doing research for my paper. the only conclusion i have come to so far is that reading about thinking about thinking is really wearing me out. i'm reading book after book about the soul and the mind, and the philosophy of cognition - as i am reading, i am thinking "i am doing this right now!" and then i have to concentrate harder so i can continue to read about thinking about thinking. it's called metacognition. it's what separates us from the monkeys. but reading about it day after day, and thinking about it constantly has left me in a odd sort of state of mind. half the time i feel really smart, and then the other half of the time i feel incredibly stupid.
i always do this to myself. i start out with the best intentions, and then i go and muck it up by making it WAY more complicated than it ever should have been. somehow in my mind i am molding this theory - taking parts of various -ologies (i.e. psych, anthro, soc, bio, theo, and philo) and mushing it all together and coming up with something that is not only coherent, but also intelligent enough to wow the admissions boards at rutgers and the university of connecticut. at least enough to let me go to their schools.
it's a relief knowing that in a week i will be finished with all of the application process. i miss having nothing to do. i don't want anymore deadlines or homework. i want to read some novels and watch cartoons and play the piano. fuck school. cheesesteaks rule!
current mood:  confused
current music: the smiths
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(comment on this)
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| Friday, December 31st, 2004
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2:22 pm - all i wanna know...is who's coming with me
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so...i was fired from fleer. hahahaha. i have worked roughly 20 jobs in my life and i've never been "let go". this time it wasn't really anything i did, it was more that i will be going to school eventually, and that means they needed to hire someone permanantly. but the temp agency pulled some unecessary stealth move, and called me at 9 pm to tell me i wasn't allowed near fleer again. i didn't even get to say goodbye to the people i worked with for the last 4 months, which was defnitely the worst part. but it's okay. as long as i find a job in the near future i will be fine.
now i have time to work on my paper, which is going to be able the evolution of soul in religion throughout the ages. exciting stuff! well, at least i think it's cool. to do research for it, i went to the historical free library of philadelphia, which, ironically, i had to pay $15 to obtain a library card at. it's so cool and old in there, and you have to climb teeny tiny staircases to get to the top levels of shelves. the best part was, while i was walking to check out my comically tall stack of books teetering in my hands, there was a crowd of people in the main lobby. i just happened to be there when john street was giving a speech. so there i am, trying not to drop all of these books all over the place, pushing people in suits out of my way. it was kind of an odd experience altogether. it beat staring at baseball cards, i can tell you that much.
so tonight is new year's eve. we are all off the club transit, to dance the night away with !!!. open bar. wonderful! hopefully we'll all come out of it okay. i want no drama, no injuries, no fisticuffs, no getting kicked out by bouncers, and no puking on the dance floor. i know it's a lot to ask for, but i know we can do this. as dan hill put it, "my excitment is unparallelled. "
i think since i now have an infinite amount of time on my hands, tomorrow i will be listing some resolutions. even if they are a bunch of bullshit.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
current mood:  excited
current music: !!!
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(comment on this)
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| Friday, December 10th, 2004
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7:27 pm - baby it's cold outside
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i finally got to see all my old new brunswick roommates this week. it was very strange being back with all of them - they are all together, everything is exactly the same...except i'm not there. it felt awesome to be around everyone because i know they love me and reunions are always the best, but it was also sad because i knew that my life has become boring and predictable and their lives haven't. as long as i can remember, winter has always been really fucking rough for me. i almost become someone i'm not. i become sad and antisocial and i read too many philosophy books and watch too many foreign films. but the last two years that didn't really happen to me. there was a dip in my mood, but it was nothing substantial. nothing that stress and no sunlight couldn't explain. i think the reason why it didn't happen the last 2 years was because i was living in this crazy house with 7 crazy chicks who really love me. there is something so comforting in that.
i'm not really the type to constantly want attention. i don't need flattery. i don't need someone to kiss my ass all the time. but i do need to feel needed. and a lot of the time at home i do not feel needed at all. it explains why most of my best friends are out of their minds most of the time - i'm good at dealing with them. but when i'm home, no one really needs me for anything. while it is a relief not to have to constantly worry about someone, or have someone basically following you around asking you for advice, i have to admit that i miss it. my friends at home need me in a different way. they need me to be a part of the gang. i have my role i fill and everything, and we all love each other and whatnot. but if i didn't show up no one would really care all that much. it was different at school. if i didn't come home when i was supposed to, chaos would ensue.
so now i have found myself in that good old familiar winter funk. but it's okay. i kind of like it. i get off on being sad. it helps that i still have a completely nonexistant love life and i have a shitty job where i get yelled at by losers who are obsessed with NFL cards all day long. i also have no money, i am convinced i am never getting into grad school, and i haven't gone to the gym in 2 months. right now i'm just trying to work on my writing sample for grad school applications (which, is anyone cares, is on the evolution of the soul as identity in religion. enthralling!) finish my xmas shopping, and clean my fucking room, which has not been accomplished in about 3 months. i'm also going on another read a novel every week kick, and this week's selection is nabokov's lolita. perverted and disturbing but still good nonetheless.
on a happier note, i got to meet famed author nick hornby wednesday night! you may remember his writing such classics as high fidelity and about a boy. he shook my hand, i told him he had great taste in music, he signed my book...it was really amazing. he read a bunch of pieces he had written about music and shows and things of that nature, and then a band (marah) would play whatever song he had been talking about. highlight: marah playing clash's lost in the supermarket. lowlight: being stuck standing behind the fucking dork who i recognized as the guy that writes a dating column in the courier post. he was trying so hard to kinda bop around and look very suave, but he looked like he had a bad case of jock itch or something. ugh. but yeah, meeting nick hornby - it made my month!
p.s. this isn't one of the ones he read the other night, but here is an essay about a ryan adams song that is very nice...
http://www.mcsweeneys.net/links/song/hornby.html
current mood: contemplative
current music: bright eyes - fevers and mirrors
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| Monday, November 22nd, 2004
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10:21 pm
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oy vay.
for those of you who haven't seen/talked to me in a while, i figured i'd give a good old-fashioned update. i am still hurtling down the path of exhaustion, working all day and then working all night on getting myself into the kind of position where i don't have to work all day. know what i mean? in other words, i am still trying my hardest to get my ass into grad school by next september. thankfully this whole torturous process will be over in about 3 weeks. tonight i worked on the letters i am sending to get professor recommendations. all of my classes had 500 people in them...imagine how hard it is to make SURE that you have 3 ph.d's writing glowing reviews of your work ethic and researching skills...when they've never even met you. it's a trying expereince. i should have talked to more professors when i was in school. but i didn't. can't change that now. i am sending all this stuff out to 5 of them, hoping against hope that at least 3 of them will be feeling generous the day they get that huge maila envelope in the mail.
i also took the psych GRE's, which were a fucking blast, let me tell you. 250 multiple choice questions. 4 hours straight. i was glad when it was over. i won't know my grades for another 3 weeks. the only upside to that whole expereince was that after i took my test at rowan, i went to the dan den, where dan hill, drennen, and lauran flung open the door holding a sign that said "CONGRATS NERD!!!" and then dan popped open the champagne, and we drank mimosas and ate breakfast at angelo's. that was one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me.
most of the time i feel like either 1.) i talk about school too much and everyone is sick of it, or 2.) i alienate everyone because i am doing these ridiculously academic things, whereas everyone else is just hanging out, and they think that i think that i'm above them somehow (totally not true) 3.) or that i am just nerdier than them 4.) or i care too much about this, and i should stop being so neurotic about it.
but then they go and do something like that, and tell me that they're proud of me for not hanging out so i could study, and that they know i'll make an awesome professor, or whatever the hell i am going to be anymore. and they know i'm stressed out, and they still love me anyway. i need stuff like that. i think everyone does.
in other news, all my favorite fucking cds were stolen out of my car, when it was parked rioght in front of my own house. a whole book of 75 of the albums i listen to the most is gone. i'd like to see the look on that guys' face when he opened up the cd book..."what the hell is this shit?! who is rainer maria? jazz legends?? 69 love songs...what does that even mean!?" serves him right. there were probably 2 cds a guy like that would be into, and they're all scratched up. so there. i'm more upset about all the mix cds i had made, and also the cds people have made me over the years. i listened to them the most, and now they are gone. thanks a lot asshole, whoever you are. you really made my november, buddy.
ok well i gotta go to bed. i have another fun day at fleer tomorrow. i'm just looking forward to this weekend - turkey, friends, and alcohol. how can you go wrong?
current mood: tired
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(comment on this)
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| Sunday, November 7th, 2004
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9:24 am - perfection
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this was originally in response to a comment made on my entry when i said that all i'm looking for is the male version of me. nick said that was my problem right there - what i'm looking for doesn't exist. here is what i have to say about that:
i know he doesn't exist. but i bet someone close to that exists. a girl can dream, can't she? i just think it's funny that everyone has these lists of things that they want their ideal person to be, and when you really look at it, the ideal person is just them, but better. it's usually who they'd be if they were braver, or funnier, or had a better sense of style, or had read more books than they had. that's who we all want to be with - the tyler durden of ourselves. some people don't feel that way, they would rather have a challenge...but most of the people i know want what i want. someone they strive to be. it gives us someone to look up to. i think that's why a lot of people say that the one they love makes them a better person. it gives us all goals.
even though i know that it would be impossible to find a guy who is exactly like me, (which is actually a good thing because we all want to be unique, right?) i think it's more about finding someone who has the right combination of traits that you both have in common, and then some other traits that don't outweigh the common ones. i spend a lot of my free time watching the discovery channel, so it would be good to find someone who also likes it, or else he will be very bored with me on the weekends. however, i also like muppets more than most people. if he wasn't crazy about the muppets (but i mean, how could you NOT be??) it wouldn't be the end of the world. we could get along in a muppetless world. it's all about that balance between wanting to spend time with each other and wanting to tear each other's eyes out. aw how sweet.
i know none of this excuses the fact that i want what doesn't exist. but everyone i know has some impossible dream that they have - a perfect body, perfect grades, perfect job, etc. if we had nothing to look forward to, what the hell would be the point of life?
and now i end as all good english majors do; with a quote...
"Aim at perfection in everything, though in most things it is unattainable. However, they who aim at it, and persevere, will come much nearer to it than those whose laziness and despondency make them give it up as unattainable."
- Lord Chesterfield
current mood: hopeful
current music: lucksmiths
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| Tuesday, November 2nd, 2004
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5:41 pm - sweet relief
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ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
thank god it's all over!!! today i took my GREs. finally. i feel like i spent an entire month of my life cooped up in my room, drilling myself on vocabulary words. probably because i did. but now it's all over. of course, 2 days before the test i had to come down with what i think might be strepp throat, but would you expect anything else from me, the unluckiest girl ever? so i think i did alright. from the looks of it i scored around the 65-75 percentile, which is admirable, i suppose. i don't know how i managed this one, but i somehow got a better score on the math section than the verbal. me. can you believe it? ha oh well. i won't know how i did on the writing analysis for a few weeks, but i am pretty confident i did as well as expected. right now all i want to do is hang out and drink, but of course i am sick as all hell and i can't breathe or talk because of the whole throat swelling shut thing. so maybe i will just sit around and watch election coverage on CNN or something. what a momentous day! GREs and the election - which i diligently woke up at 6 am to go and cast my ballot. so many little old ladies in one room, it was really quite amazing.
ok it is time for me to chill the fudge out. al-riiiight.
current mood:  relieved
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| Wednesday, October 27th, 2004
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7:22 pm
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i miss my friends. i feel like i haven't seen anyone in forever. soon i will be free of this hell known as the GREs. i have been cramming as much info into my brain as i possibly can for weeks now. hopefully this will all be worth the self-imposed social frustration.
but do not fret! i will however, be at the party of the season - dan hill's halloween extravaganza. if you are reading this you had also be there, dammit. this year for halloween i decided to buck the trend i seemed to have fallen into during the last few years...i always seemed to be an old woman (linda richman) or an old man (royal tenenbaum). this year i'm going to be a kick ass hot chick - She-ra. i wish someone was going as either he-man or skeletor, but usually you need to have a boyfriend or something to have such an elaborate team effort-type costume. but she-ra kicks ass, and she will kick yours if you're not careful.
here's a funny story for you...so i work at this big company where everyone is male and either 50 years old or a total jerkoff. but there was this one guy - slightly nerdy, kind of funny, obviously shy, lots of awkward smiles being exchanged.
you know. just my type.
well, the shit hit the fan yesterday when i was hanging out in the break room and the nerdy guy is in there, and my boss goes, "so how's the kid?" uh, yeah. i thought this guy was like 23, maybe 24. even if he is 24, he is apparently married, has a one year old, and another one is due in a few months. oh joy for me!
see? i have no luck in these matters. i am doomed to wander the planet alone for the rest of my life, totally companionless. i want someone, dammit! even if it is some nerdy guy who works at a trading card company. and the only person i have that is anything close to a companion (read: drennen) is moving 2 hours away this weekend. what the hell am i supposed to do now?? jesus i can't wait to go back to school, if only for the oppurtunity to meet some english ph.d candidates, who have big scarves or big glasses, (or at least big brains) and that wonderful dishevelled hair - not the kind they decided to try out after they saw that spread in GQ, but the kind that is dishevelled because they just haven't thought to look in the mirror for a few days. i want one of those.
i just want the male version of me. is that too much to ask? i mean, i know i'm kind of strange and everything, but come on people. rachels need love too.
current mood:  lonely
current music: interpol
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| Saturday, October 23rd, 2004
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11:15 am
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so since i am technologically retarded, i don't know how to just put a picture of my kitten on here, so i just made her my icon. isn't she adorable?? i love her. so the verdict is in: i have named her. i know everyone will be dissapointed after all of those ridiculous suggestions they made, but i have made up my mind. here's a list of just some of the suggestions:
Elizabeth of Cat-thory
Hildegard von Cat
Cat Power
Roberta Fl-Cat
Ima Cat
kitten caboodle
catmandu
death cat for cutie
cats: the musical: the cat
the sophomore catillion
dr. katz
catboy slim
cat stevens!
lenny
mitch
mike ditka
fountains of pain 2: electric boogercat
mr dog.
st ides.
goosegeese
crocodile mouth
cat-22
isadorable
fantasticat
sophisticat
catillac
catastrophe
scatmandu
riff raff
hector
mongo
wordsworth
nermal
Beckster
Mewtations
Stereopathetic Soulkitten
skitters
sally!
apples
connie the cat
lucy
ack (as in response to eek the cat)
soeph
www dot cat
kyneesha
parabola
walrus the cat
and the winner is...Ramona! some of those names are awesome, but i can't imagine calling my cat mewtations or mike ditka. and anyway, i found out ramona means wise guardian, and we can all use one of those in our lives, right?
so now i am going to spend my weekend studying for the GRE. all week long my job was entirely too busy, and i came home every day and passed out at like 9 pm. it's weird being in charge of yourself at a job. now there's all this pressure to make sure i do everything in a timely fashion. oh well, it'll be fine.
of course now i get to talk to the LOVELY fleer collectors who call to complain about...pretty much everything. a lot of them start out by saying stuff like "prepare to be scolded" and you people owe me my damn cards." and another thing: it is impossible to understand anyone from virginia. i can understand tennesee, texas, alabama. but something about virginia makes it totally unintelligible.
ok that's enough. time to re-learn some geometry! yes!
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