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Friday, January 16th, 2004
5:20 pm - for you...
this is to you.
i'm guessing you know this is to you, considering there's no one else i'd really take the time out to write this for. we haven't really talked much lately, and last time i tried to talk to you, it didn't turn out too well, so this is the next best thing. just think about this.
i've spent the last couple days thinking about what it was like BEFORE. before this stupid shit we face now, where we can't even sit too close to each other when we're in the same room. before, we wouldn't be able to sit that far away from each other. now look at us. i don't even know what to think of us... if there is even an "us". it was only like, 2 months ago when we first hung out. i don't know if you remember, but i was really hesitant to do much that night considering i knew one of your best friends wouldn't be too happy to know we hung out. or that you held my hand..or held me in your arms the whole way home..or kissed me goodnight. and he wasn't happy, but it didn't seem to matter how mad he got, because as much as we felt bad for him (..or at least i know i did, hahaha), we both knew that night was meant to happen...the second time we hung out, we were alone for a while. once you had your girl friends over, i figured, from past experiences with guys and their other girl friends, that you might've felt weird being all close with me around them. but you didn't. after you finally giving me back my phone, my mom called me about 70 times to scream and yell at me to come home. whether or not you knew it, i was about to cry in the car when you were driving me home, because i was scared of what would happen when i got home...she was beyond JUST mad. plus, i didn't want to leave. but you knew something, because on the freeway, there was silence in the car, and you grabbed my hand. again, you just kissed me goodnight. you had always told me that you were kind of known among your friends for your reputation with girls. i didn't care. i still don't. in fact, i trusted you more in our relationship than i did with any of my other boyfriends. you even told me after that first night we hung out that you hadn't been that way with a girl in a while...where you just sat there and held their hand and just kissed them goodnight. you took things so slowly with me, and you didn't mind. neither did i. we didn't even kiss the third time, considering i was sick. but if you remember, it DID take us about 20 minutes for us to let go of each other and say goodbye that night. that thanksgiving weeked was my best and worst. that first night of break, we were finally official. after you left that night, i swear i couldn't think about anything else. i don't know the last time i've ever been that happy where i can't even talk, let alone stop smiling. that friday night was really fun. besides you tying my shoes together, like a MATURE person, you know. the car ride home, you laid down with me on the seat. i kept wishing the ride to my house was so much longer. the next night was hell. i won't go into that, because that's one night i never want to relive ever again. all in all...we were done. i don't even know what happened. you did jump to a lot of conclusions, and you didn't give me the chance to tell you how all of those assumptions were wrong. i didn't like trevor, i liked YOU. the angry journal entry i wrote that night was not about YOU. i didn't call YOU to talk about it because the whole incident was about another guy from my past (really long time ago), and i didn't know if my own boyfriend would want to hear about any of that other guy stuff. i never once said i didn't trust you, i always were one of the only people i did trust. whether or not there was more to the reason you dumped me, i was in love with you. okay, i still am.
the week after we broke up, we were friends again, and you still came over that friday night. you held my hand again and i totally forgot we'd ever broken up. i wanted to forget it. 2 nights later, we hooked up. every weekend since the second week of november, it's been routine that we've hung out. even on new years. and on new years, i swore things were going back to normal. but i guess i was wrong.
throughout everything, i miss you. i miss all the times when we sat there in silence. it was never awkward silence with you, though. you always said we never talked's because we didn't have to. i would think, 'wow i wish he'd hold my hand right now', and 2 seconds later, it would happen. we didn't need to talk to know what was on each other's minds. after knowing you for what seems like so little a time, i could totally read you. i miss the way you kissed me. and as you once told me, i miss the way my hand fit so perfectly in yours. i know there are other girls you like right now (and a million more that like you), and i know i'm not one of those girls that you're after. but, just remember i'm always here for you, and i always have been. i hope we still hang out like we have been for these last few months, and i can only wish things will go back to the way they were. at least then i'd be happy again.
if you have totally and completely moved on, don't worry about it...i understand. just know i tried. i wish this could've been done in person...but after last saturday night, and things being really weird between us, i didn't know how many more chances i'd get to say this. i've said this before, and i'll say it again. i love you, brandon.
11 perfect aims| perfect eyes...
Sunday, January 11th, 2004
3:04 pm - absence of heart makes a boy, a man, a monster.
wow my eyes are killing me.
umm last night laura came over. then brandon came, but he left after a while, and came back later with andrew. while him and andrew were still out, maire came over. laura, maire, and i had so much fun. we made a paper chain (hahahah) and danced. brandon and andrew came over. hung out til they left at 4 this morning.
iiii hate this. the only thing that could make me feel better now is talking to him. in person. not to try and prove myself to him, but to just say EXACTLY what i want to say, and hear everything he has to say. im not expecting a good response, i just want to know where we stand. but last time i wanted to talk to him, it resulted in a big fight and us breaking up so i cant do that anymore. plus from seeing what i saw last night, im guessing we dont really STAND anywhere and im guessing he's done with me. after he left last night, the door shut and i automatically burst into tears. laura sat with me until i calmed down a little. (thank you laura i love you!) i was so upset. it was mixed emotions all built up, and i needed to cry. andrew knew something was wrong last night, he even asked me. i told him i was fine but that was just bullshit of course.
after reading rachels journal, i have to leave my friends with this. thank you guys for being the best friends ever through whats been going on. and it makes it so easier to talk to you when you know what i'm getting at. within the past 2 or 3 months, we've all seen guys at their worst. players, cheaters, liars.....everything. i think you guys all deserve the best. just know that they are JUST guys and dont let them break you, because there are more of them out there. (good ones too..surprising, i know) will treat you the way you should be treated...with some fucking respect.

ksdfja;lkjfakfja ...i want to die.

current music: Worms Of The Earth//Finch
2 perfect aims| perfect eyes...
Saturday, January 10th, 2004
2:42 pm - we'll be in the streets with a new sound.
someone's riding those vespa scooter things down my street. if i had a gun i would be getting it out right now. just kidding im not that violent.
last night was alright. went to the promenade w/ laura, nicole, jaime, kim, rachel, and ashly. we saw mr sloan in barnes and noble and jaime made this really gross gross that none of us could sit there anymore so we all got up and ran downstairs so we wouldnt have to see him and think about it. thennn we were sitting in starbucks w/ rachel and ashly while they ate their food they'd picked up from cpk. we got kicked out of barnes and noble...well laura and i were downstairs listening to music, and later, we went upstairs w/ everyone else, and a bunch of these other guys. then some man came and told us we were all kicked out. everyone blamed it on rachel, but i dont know what happened exactly. weird. anyways, we were sitting on the benches outside. andrew and ryan and their friends came to say hi. they left after a couple minutes. laura and nicole paid rachel $5 to make out with this kid from westlake. we called him over, and he comes over and nicole goes "hey will you make out with her" and he goes "WHOA" hahahaha. he wouldnt do it. i think...okay, i know...he had a thing for ashly, haha. he walked away, and he was saying bye to all of us, and he "accidentally" slapped rachel across the face, lol. trevor called, and him and andrew came to say hi for like 1/2 a second, then they had to go. annnd yeah that was basically it.
now tonight i think andrew and brandon are still sleeping over. i think. because andrew forgot to actually TELL brandon that they were going to sleep here. but im pretty sure it's still happening. yaaay.

current music: Watch The Rebellion Grow//S.T.U.N.
1 perfect aim| perfect eyes...
Thursday, January 8th, 2004
9:22 pm - dreaming a reality: where truth and fiction dont seem to exist.
senssssesss faiiiiillll <3333 my favorite band ever. apparently theyre playing at the glass house in a little less than a month. i want to go so bad. anyone wanna drive? i got dave (miller)'s sn this week. i want him to sign on so fuckin bad. i got his sn from Mike, the guy from the band took me a while to get THAT sn lol...if only you knew what i went through to get it.
theres a sadie hawkins dance at school on the 24th. pretty damn gay. laura and i were singing Sadie Hawkins Dance by Relient K all day today, and we got it stuck in everyone's heads, ha. neither of us are going though. best interest show. and i'd much rather go to a show than a dance. although i dont think many people are going to the dance anyways. we watched gandhi in history today. wow is THAT movie boring. and its like 3 hrs long...shit.
uuuummm as far as life goes now, nothing bad is going on for once, so im pretty happy. :)
trevor dumped jessica last night and im proud of him. andrew and brandon are coming over saturday night. so is laura. andrew said its going to be like re-living new years. im excited.
fall out boy/homegrown show in 22 days! ahhhhh!!!
that was one of the most random entries i've ever written.

current music: Dreaming A Reality//Senses Fail
2 perfect aims| perfect eyes...
Monday, January 5th, 2004
9:08 pm - i know you want it all, and you got me. sorry i never was everything you ever dreamed..
this update isnt going to be much. today was my first day back at school. it was gay.
danielle is going through a huge guy trauma. so, danielle, i am so sorry. scott is a jackass. he should die. along with many other guys in this world who have no respect for girls whatsoever. and thats fucked up.
ohhh and of course, congratulations marissa :)
anyyyways. laura is worried about me. trevor kind of is too. okay i'll admit im a little worried also. i swear im torturing myself, but not on purpose....i hate this cuz i cant fucking stop.
i just told matt about the day my mom and i walked out on my dad and now im all weirded out. .
everyones in a bad mood lately. im one of those people.
i have so much more i want to write in here but i cant even begin to describe what im thinking right now.

current music: Baby Blue//The Early November
perfect eyes...
Saturday, January 3rd, 2004
10:46 pm - remember me for times i've ruined you.
well. there goes being happy.
i know everyone has gone through a time of being excited to go somewhere, and then getting that excitement shot down once your plans get ruined. that was tonight.
last night i went to laura's to sleepover. we watched DTR DVD2 & ate. listened to olllld songs and took weird pictures.
today i came home and i did nothing. i was supposed to be out tonight but..never mind that. anyways. i tried writing something when i was laying down about an hour and a half ago. it didnt really work because when i have so much on my mind, i cant really get my thoughts out enough to put them into a poem or anything.
my mom fucking flipped out on me tonight. for NO reason, she just started going off on me about everything...getting a job next summer, needing to raise my grades, being so depressed tonight, driving, talking back to her, and basically anything else i do wrong. im just like one big mistake.
last night, devon called me, and was talking about how she feels when she's with chad and i sat there thinking about how i feel when im with brandon. incredibly happy it made me when he did the little things to show me he liked me...i mean, the littlest holding my hand was always enough and i didnt need anything more to be happy. sometimes, he'll still take my hand, but i dont know whether that's out of wanting to be with any girl or wanting to be with me. and when i talked to marissa, she feels the same way about kyle. devon and marissa, im wishing you all the luck with these guys. not that either of you need it, because im sure you could do better than i tried my best to do.
tonight, i will sleep with a gun in my mouth....
goodnight my love.

current music: Love To Hate, Hate To Me//A Static Lullaby
1 perfect aim| perfect eyes...
Thursday, January 1st, 2004
5:18 pm - ungodly gorgeous. buried in a chorus...i'll forever be brutal..
northstar writes the most incredible lyrics. i cant even explain how much i love this cd.

happy new year to everyone. wow i cant believe its already a new year. i hope this year is better than last year. soo last night was really fun. i had the house to myself all night and up until 1 this afternoon. rachel and ashly came first, and we ate cuz we were hungry. then josh, kevin, nicole, and jaime came. thennnn shaun & matt. last was jenn. we watched Almost Famous. maire came, and ashly & jenn had locked rachel in my room [haha they're nice.], so maire and i went up to put her stuff in my room, and rachel was watching Pretty In Pink. she'd never seen it, and maire and i got totally into it, then ashly came up and couldnt stop watching either, haha. jaime got a prank call, and she laughed and goes "brent i know its you!" and i asked to take the phone, i got on, and we were both excited to talk to each other. holy shit i havent talked to that kid in forever. brent if you happen to be reading this, i miss you, and you guys have to play out this way again soon!! brent and i talked for like 15 minutes, but jaime complained i was wasting her minutes so i had to hang up with him. rachel invited these 6 guys over, one of which was sean, who i know, and the rest of them were really weird. jenn pretty much did the job of kicking them out, which was funny. they were there at midnight...we took pictures and the guys finally left. rachel and ashly left too. then everyone started leaving my house at around 1:30. richie, trevor, and mike called. mike was very messed up. mike, i promise the cops werent after you, lol. maire and i sat and talked for like, an hour and a half. brandon called and told us him and andrew were coming over. they came at 3:30 and ate some of our leftover food. they decided to sleep over, but i dont think any of us actually fell asleep til around 5:30 maybe. maire ended up sleeping in my bed, andrew was on the couch in the den, and brandon and i were on the one in the living room, until after about an hour, he decided to get off and lay on the floor, hahaha. woke up at FUCKING 8am to the sound of my front door slamming [brandon and andrew left. they tried to let us sleep but it didnt work for me.], so i was up early and i let maire sleep til she woke up at like 10. we hung out til she left, and now im here. bored. as usual.
i cant believe winter break's almost over. FUCK.
hopefully nothing changes this amazingly good mood i'm in. wow, i wonder why.

current music: My Ricochet//Northstar
1 perfect aim| perfect eyes...
Tuesday, December 30th, 2003
12:32 pm - so take that glare back, and put it behind glass.
the past 2 days have been pretty boring considering i didnt do much. last night, nicole and i went to the topanga mall for a little while, ate at red robin, and then went to tower. i got the northstar cd. then we dropped her off, i came home, and laura came over. we watched the spectacular spectacular dvd. haha, i love it. i think i just like it more because they have more senses fail footage this time. annnd we talked to richie on the phone...he was being kind of..violent..with laura, hahaha. then we sat downstairs and talked til like, 3. talked about, friends, love...once we got to talking about guys, i just couldnt handle it anymore. i hate this. i always feel like the only reason im unhappy is because i brought it on myself with all the stupid mistakes i made, but i know this wasnt all my couldnt have been. i've never been that happy with someone because i never liked someone that much. i'm probably wasting my time now liking him and all, but i don't want to stop...if i wasn't being pushed away, i'd keep trying. but that's the feeling he gives me. it'd be better if someone could just tell me what the hell was going on. wow it took me so long to write that..i can't even write what i'm really thinking. and i really hope this isn't taken as some stupid joke because i'm so serious...i was genuinely happy. but... whatever, i guess.
..and i know i was never beautiful enough for you

current music: Taker Not A Giver//Northstar
4 perfect aims| perfect eyes...
Monday, December 29th, 2003
10:28 am - you remind me of a song i used to love.
i think this is by far the best cd i've ever bought. im so glad i have it.
annnnyways this winter break has been pretty fun... on saturday night i went to devon's for dinner and we had to give each other our xmas presents. her friend gianna came over. she's so nice...we were talking while devon was running around the house in a panic, because chad was coming over. he came, and he's a really nice guy, but she tortures herself over him. i know what she's going through, though, cuz i'm going through the same thing. he was over for like 20 minutes at the most, and then his friend came to meet him outside, and they went somewhere together. danny had come over sometime in there, and gianna left. but oh my god, i love danny. he is the best. he's one of chad's best friends too, so he knows a lot about him. after he left, he told us chads like, ENTIRE life story. he has....issues. devon wouldnt stop talking about chad for the entire night and she was completely worried about everything he'd said, and the 20 minutes he'd been at her house. all he did was bring over his food that he got, eat it, talk on his phone, and get interrogated by devon about some girl named bailey. thats IT. and i thought I was paranoid, seriously...went home at 1130ish..
did nothing yesterday. wow, was that boring.
im leaving you with some jamisonparker lyrics.

"Your Song"
tonight i'd rather be in love,
rather it was you flowing through my blood,
scraping through my veins, my everything..
and you cling to every thread that clings to me.
i live in notes and photographs,
and everything i'm holding back.
but you're the words that weren't enough,
you remind me of a song i used to love.
i couldn't call you if i wanted,
my fingers couldn't work if they tried.
they're so sore from keeping crossed
and tracing over cuts on my worthless arms.
if i said "i hated the feeling", it would be a lie.
you remind me of a song i used to love

current music: Your Song//JamisonParker
2 perfect aims| perfect eyes...
Saturday, December 27th, 2003
12:44 am - this is side one. flip me over. i know i'm not your favorite record.
well. i just got home about an hour ago. tonight...andrew & ryan picked me up..went to mcdonalds...then went to gareth's... scott, gareth, and brandon were already there. watched tommy boy.. yeeeah i dont have much else to add to that... lol it was cool though

i've got such a headache. just in the past 2 days, i realized how amazingly happy i have been. i don't know what caused that ..happiness.. to be ruined, but it was something...... i heard a lot of shit tonight by the time i got home. i'm sick of drama. i seriously wish there was no such thing. ryan reminded me once that life has its good and bad times, and from all bad things, there are only good things to come. unfortunately, i'll have bad things happen for about a month, and things will get better for less than a week, then it's back to bad again. i hate how people do really stupid things and think it's not even going to affect other people around them. like hell its not. i hate how people misjudge and don't bother to even ASK for the truth before making any assumptions. i hate the feeling that you've been used. asdfkj;slkdjfa;kljf god damn it i dont know what to think anymore.
the only feeling left is the feeling that i fuck up EVERYTHING. which, from what i've seen, seems to be the fucking truth.

current music: Dead on Arrival//Fall Out Boy
2 perfect aims| perfect eyes...
Friday, December 26th, 2003
5:58 pm - you brought me back to where i began, and i'm starting well again. and i remain here until the end.
last night was so fun. andrew and brandon came over...then i called afton and she came over. she wasnt exactly dressed to see people, lol, but that's okay cuz we made her stay. hung out..laura came over. laura and i got completely abused by brandon and andrew with pillows. that was painful..brandon played Crash and we all watched. afton left. we talked and laughed for like 2 hours..about nothing...really funny. andrew said he'd make food for us, but that apparently meant he needed an apron. weird...haha. watched stand by me. the guys left at like 3 and laura and i didnt fall asleep til an hour later.
we got up and watched pretty in pink, the end of little rascals, and the beginning of billy madison. then we got ready and went into malibu.. walked around on the beach and stuff. it was fuckin windy though, holy shit.
annnd now im waiting for ryan to get off work to do something tonight i guess, haha.
i wish i could've gone to the show tonight. still going the 24th though...for sure. :)

current music: Over It//Rufio
perfect eyes...
Thursday, December 25th, 2003
8:05 pm - the storm is letting up, but it won't die.
merry fuckin christmas

this year has sucked all together. basically none of my family was into christmas this year. maybe 3 people at the most. 2003 was just too weird. im so glad its almost over. my aunt made me a scrapbook of my family, and pictures of me when i was younger, and all that. it's really cute, and apparently she worked on it for months so i like it. i wasnt in the mood for any christmas shit today at all, and i usually would've been.
last night was weird. trevors girlfriend jessica is a PSYCHO and she needs to chill the fuck out. apparently she wants me to go kill myself. nice girl, really. it's okay though, because i've talked to other people that know her, and they all hate her anyways, so i dont really care what she says. it's one thing to talk shit about someone you know (and thats still wrong), but you can't talk so much shit about someone you've never met, and know absolutely nothing about. my business is just that.... : MY fucking business.
i dont know which of the 2 guys i like i should be going after more, or who's better for me. im doing the best i can, but nothing ever seems good enough.. ahhhh. theres something about one of them i really want to put in here, but i dont think he'd take it the way it should be taken. :(
god damn it! i hate this weather. i especially hate rain, so i wish it'd just stop. anyways im done being random. that took me like 20 minutes to write, and i still dont know why i wrote it in the first place.

current music: Without You Here//Finch
2 perfect aims| perfect eyes...
Tuesday, December 23rd, 2003
1:24 pm - i can tell that i'm falling in love with you. the bruises prove it's real.
god i am so damn tired. last night was different, haha. laura came over and we decided we wanted to go to the park and go on the swings, so we started walking, and afton had nothing to do so she came with us. we were swinging for a couple minutes, then got hungry, so we went back to eat. we watched finding nemo. cute movie. then we ate 10000xmore food, and played that stupid Crash video game. that game's so fucking addicting. someone from af's film as lit class called af and did that thing where when we talk through the phone, some recording on the other end answers us. we couldnt figure out who it was, and afton was determined, so we talked to all kinds of people for about an hour...bill clinton, george bush, grandma & know. it was pretty funny. we thought it was brandon & andrew at first, so i called brandon, but i think i scared obviously was not him. haha.. sorry brandon. we heard the people laughing in the background, but we couldnt figure out who it was, so afton just hung up. we played Crash more, then went into the den to lay down. we stayed up til 5am advice, telling stories..all that stuff. it was really fun. woke up at 1130...and yeah they just left.
figuring out my day now. and what the hell to do with my whole SITUATION. s;dkfhaslfjalsfjas;lsidhfalshdfaldhf god damn it.

turn off the lights so you cant see my eyes,
my fingers are crossed while i promise the world to you.

current music: Bruises//Sugarcult
3 perfect aims| perfect eyes...
Sunday, December 21st, 2003
11:05 pm - take this stupid heart. i know its all you ever want me for. i hope you keep it close..
today was very long, but fun. ahh. woke up, got ready, nicole came over at like 930. picked up laura. went to ventura to this punkoff was fun. we got good stuff. almost bought an acoustic guitar for $20 haha. the guy that worked there was awesome. then we walked around across from seaside park at the beach...surfers. mm. then to lunch at hamburger habit. shopping around ventura. drove behind this car with the coolest kid it who was wearing a santa hat, haha. he was trying to touch bikers' asses on the side of the road, hahahaha. then we went home. andrew & ryan picked us up.. went to in n out.. then best buy. hung out in the computer chairs, haha. went to andrew's. brandon, scott, and matt came over. they played this stupid video game for like, 2 hours!!! good lord, i cant believe i know these people!!!! haha. matt left, mike and dan came over. they had like 4 computers was making me really sad for them... lol. laura found this stuffed lamb that used to be andrew's when he was little, and when you twisted the little metal thing on it, it played "mary had a little lamb", lol. we put it on the desk in front of us, and i noticed that it's head was so fucking weird. we watchd that until brandon took it away and put it on a shelf :(...far away, and very high up for us short people. after a while, nicole was so tired and laura was tired of abusing andrew's bird [WITH A PEN.], so i guessed it was a hint that they wanted to leave, haha. brandon took us home...he gave me back my cd :) what a good boy. nicole & laura came over, we watched the dtr dvd cuz nicoles never seen it. she loved it. we found my hanson cd...listened to that, hahahaha. good times. they left at like 10ish.
anyways. im listening to JP now. jamison covington...marry me. <3 [FUCK hes beautifullllllll]

<3 taylor

current music: Dead To The World//JamisonParker
1 perfect aim| perfect eyes...
Saturday, December 20th, 2003
12:09 pm - i wont be thinking about you baby.
last night was awesome. allister/homegrown/jamison parker/mugshot at the roxy. so fun. laura got out of the car and made the car door hit the curb really hard, which made the guys out front go "oooh!! im glad that wasnt my car!" haha. but it was like deja vu..standing in the same spot outside of the roxy as last time. and then a mix of deja vu from the dtr show, cuz scottie was standing next to me on his phone..on sunset..again. haha. darren from hg walked right in front of us which was cool. went up to the stage like right away. talked to the people next to us. this girl mary had been at the story of the year/sugarcult/dh show in oct. when we were there too so we were talking to her. her brother, brandon/brad [?] was hot. oh wow was he hot. first up was mugshot...they were these guys from canada who were totally new here. they were all sick too. apparently at their show before last night's, their drummer had fallen off his drum stool during their set, haha. joel, the guitarist, was the coolest, i liked him. the crowd was being really gay and disrespectful during their set. stupid. next was jamison parker. wow. i cant even explain how hot these guys are. i jamison covington is beyond beautiful <3. god. they were fucking AMAZING. they did an acoustic set, and had the crowd sing parker's parts in the chorus cuz he had no voice, since he was sick too. the crowd screamed out A STUPID HEARRRT in the chorus, and they both started laughing, so they had to start the verse over, haha. too cute. after they played their incredible set, allister went on. they were awesome. played old and new stuff. scottie recognized me, which was cool. then was homegrown. they were good..but not as good as at the dtr show. they played old and new stuff too. some kid was crowdsurfing, and no one wanted to hold him anymore, so they pushed him onto stage..he landed on the speaker on his HEAD and did a somersault into adam's mic, hahaha. adam slipped on water on the stage, lol. and yeah that was it. laura and i got the jamison parker EPs, then left. went to in n home at 130..and thats about it.

current music: Last Chance To Lose Your Keys//Brand New
1 perfect aim| perfect eyes...
Thursday, December 18th, 2003
7:05 pm
hahahahaha okay this conversation was pretty daaamn funny so i want you all to see it...

bestinterestbass: i was on the verge of getting sick like 2 weeks ago, but i fought back
bestinterestbass: haha
bestinterestbass: and won the battle
free 1 8 7 fall: lol oooh yay
free 1 8 7 fall: sounds like you fought off cancer when you put it that way
bestinterestbass: it was tight, i felt like i was in war, all the little germs (germans) were killed by all the vitimuns (veitnamize)
free 1 8 7 fall: lololol
bestinterestbass: hahahahaha
bestinterestbass: yay
free 1 8 7 fall: you mean vietnamese? hahahahahahahaha
bestinterestbass: you think thats funny!? it was tragic
free 1 8 7 fall: ok then im not laughing...see>> :(
bestinterestbass: we lost some men
free 1 8 7 fall: awww
free 1 8 7 fall: RIP (?)
bestinterestbass: but we prevailed
bestinterestbass: VICTORIOUS!!!!!!
bestinterestbass: haha
free 1 8 7 fall: Yayyy
free 1 8 7 fall: ryan youre my hero
bestinterestbass: i do what i can...

......and you all just wish you were that heroic.
1 perfect aim| perfect eyes...
10:40 am - my pen is the barrel of the gun. remind me which side you should be on.
AHHHHHH im sick again!!!! i gave my cold to laura, who gave it BACK TO ME. god i hate being sick. anyways. soooo marissa called me last night. i havent talked to her on the phone forever. she has a new love interest lol sounds pretty damn cute. im jealous.
brandon and i played word association the other day and "taylor" was associated with "short", "flower" with "rose", and my least favorite..."taylorwantshercdback" got associated with "no". im never going to get that back. :( i really liked that cd too.
trevor is acting like nothing happened. which is pretty gay on his part. oh and hes grounded now. [karma. thats what you get for ditching a best friend for some girl youve known for 2 weeks]
ok i just realized today that christmas is next week. im totally not into it this year at all, i havent even gone shopping hahaha. i burned like 700 cds for people yesterday. annnd im seriously going to KILL jaime because she was singing the brady bunch songs in PE on tuesday and theyve been in my head since then. damn her.
yaaay concert tomorrow night!!! fuck yeah. well im going to go eat now cuz im hungry but ill update later.
<3 taylor [aka SPOON..thanks nicole.]

current music: The Pros and Cons of Breathing//Fall Out Boy
2 perfect aims| perfect eyes...
Tuesday, December 16th, 2003
8:40 pm - you let me down for the last time. truth prevails.
aahhh. as if things could get much worse.
trevor's stupid girlfriend text messaged me from trevor's phone out of nowhere last night to ask me why i told trevor i thought she was a bitch. um maybe cuz she IS. she made up some shit that i lied to her and trevor about brandon, then told brandon that i lied. next she ruins my friendship with trevor. she's like "i know ur jealous, but y did u call me that?" and i was like "well... i have nothing to be jealous OF, so you got that wrong."... which is true. just cuz that whore apparently "sucks him off every night" (in the words of cameron), doesnt mean shes a better person than i am. well. one would think. trevor got home and i asked him what the hell that was all about and why the fuck she's getting into my business. did he side with me? no. her? yes. he was willing to end our friendship to keep her and he didnt seem to care that she willingly texts me and says whatever the hell she wants. i think hes just afraid of her or something. can you say: P U S S Y W H I P P E D?! what a good friend.
on another note. brandon and i are good again. made my day better for sure.
umm lets see. apparently our test scores in mr cloud's class were really bad.. oh wait. or in his words: "they were hideous" [right.] .. haha i knew i did bad.
yeah thats about all.
ill update laterrrr

current music: The Pharmacist//Hot Rod Circuit
1 perfect aim| perfect eyes...
Monday, December 15th, 2003
2:43 pm - drowning these memories in the rain. biting my lip to transfer this pain.
im getting ready for friday night by listening to this cd. i havent listened to this in so long wow haha. [by the way, friday night is when laura and i go see allister/homegrown/jamison parker/mugshot at the roxy] im so excitedddd.
anyway. brandon and i are not on speaking terms right now i guess. friday night was hell. and i would rather not re-live that. ever again. it was like him telling me "hey i invited you to hang out with me only to show you how much i DONT like you anymore....i hope youre ready for me to ruin your fucking weekend"
then saturday night i went with rachel, nicole, and ashly to the football game. OP vs OC - CIF championships. yeah we lost but thats ok it was a good game. rachel, darren, ash, and i were making fun of people the whole time, hahahaha. i talked to kristine whos having the same problems as me, kinda...i havent talked to her in forever so we talked for a while. i miss her. thennnnn i talked to bj and he had like 2 girls on him. what a pimp. haha.. its gotta be the name. yeaaa so the game was really fun. oh.. and maire.. tell your bro to feel better :(
thats about all. <3
you broke my guard with guiltless eyes. devoured me like a virus from inside. and came back just to salt the wounds.

current music: Flypaper//Allister
3 perfect aims| perfect eyes...
Friday, December 12th, 2003
3:20 pm - i could be an accident, but im still trying.
fall out boy is awesome. everytime i went to tower this fuckin cd was sold out, butttt i FINALLY got it.

it's so effing cold in my house, and the heat's on. anyways. yesterday was an okay day at school. jaime and kim kept picking me up and jaime was trying to get me to play in the leaves [?].. yeah they're weird. i talked to hayley, danielle, and sandi in english instead of working on our project. i love hearing the shit other groups of people talk about...since i dont really hang out with any of them. its completely different from what i usually hear in my group of friends. then today, we didnt do anything in pe. but maire was talking about the mtv version of CARMEN and negeen wasnt fully listening obviously, and she goes "YOU'RE NOT MORMON!!!!" lol... it was pretty funny. i took a math test today and i know that i tooootally failed. then i wrote nicole this note with song lyrics all over it...i was proud of it.
i was supposed to go to the best interest show tonight but it'd take us like 3 hrs to get to pedro cuz of traffic and that shit. but i know they'll be sorry i couldnt go you guys :( but jan. 24th i will be seeing you for sure :)
shit, christmas is coming soon. im not in the holiday mood this year. this year has sucked. my mom and i didnt even get a tree, which is SO not like us. im burning cds for all my friends this year so if you guys want a cd that i have, tell me and ill burn it for you. unless you want me to just put a bunch of bands on a cd for you.
well, now i have to go figure out my night.

current music: Grand Theft Autumn//Fall Out Boy
perfect eyes...

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