| i loved, i lost |
[25 Feb 2003|05:47pm] |
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mood |
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 thoughtful |
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music |
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something corporate-"i woke up in a car" |
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I would go on about how dreadfully boring my day had been but I rather discuss more important issues.. I was talking to Jessica today, (not myself) and she asked how could I not know I liked him (meaning Nick).. And I replied that when you tell yourself something enough times you begin to believe it.. And if you don't believe me ask Shelby.. Everyone assumes I'm gonna go back out with him.. And I hate to admit it, but I kinda think so to.. Mostly because that's my nature.. It's what I do.. But the odd thing is that Nick says he likes me so much yet why hasn't he asked me out yet? He must have doubts, as I do.. He's a cool kid and all, but I know nothing will change for the most part.. Like I dated Jared 3 times, yes I know that's a lot but I always thought it would change the next time.. Well it did, but very little things changed.. It took him a long time to get boyfriend like.. I don't think I would have the same problem with Nick but still.. Skipping subjects... Ryan... I don't really think about him all that much anymore. And I know a lot of people are happy about that.. Mostly because Nick has come back into my life.. Well whenever I see him, we will wave, talk for a sec. You know like friends.. A part of me thinks he may still have feelings for me, but if he doesn't I can understand that.. He didn't really do anything right, but I think he was scared..
I hate people who are cocky.. That look in the mirror and say, " Damn, I look good." I can understand if you say that once and a while but everyday it's just pathetic.. I look in the mirror and think, "Is that really me?" Some guys have told me I look good, hot, blah blah blah.. I don't see it.. The prime explain of pure cockiness is Anthony.. He goes on about how every girl loves him, he looks so good.. God it annoys me!
I thought all these things while I took a walk today.. Because I was a bad girl and skipped practice but hey I'm sick.. I know I ramble on and on about my life's personal problems.. But you just have to get it off your chest. I just wish sometimes I wasn't scared to do the things I want to do.. I hate when fear overcomes me.. Maybe one day I will prevail..
<3<3 Cowboy
Waiting with your arms wide open, only to feel the breeze
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