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The Beautiful Mistake

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Smiles [03 Nov 2003|10:36pm]
[ mood | satisfied ]
[ music | Yellowcard-Way away ]

The thing I was searching for appeared in the least expected place.. And I am soo glad.. No more frowns, only smiles for you.. Thank you.. You know who you are.. I don't know what I would do without you..

xoxo

4 tell me sweet lies| sour kisses

The end is near, and no one cares.. [02 Nov 2003|09:37pm]
[ mood | numb ]
[ music | Sunny Day Real Estate- Fool in the Photograph ]

Last nite was just plain amazing.. I loved the show soo much.. It was an awesome experience.. It was greatness with Nikita's caution tape scarf and my toliet paper scarf.. Woo.. I think next year I'm gonna dress up for Rocky Horror.. (In my under roos) Lol.. Today I went to see my grandma in Bradenton.. I went with Lindsay and Kelly.. We got McDonalds' fries.. And all I could think is, "This could be the end of me.. These are killing our nation.." I am soo depressing.. Well in the car my sisters were having a discussion about my grandma dying how they don't feel sad.. Everyone is acting like everything is okay.. And I hate it.. Everything isn't okay.. :sigh: So we get there and my aunt is there.. God I can't stand my great-aunt.. She is soo lazy.. I know she's old and all but cmon get off your ass.. Jeez.. "Jessica, can you search for this magazine?" So she makes me look all over the magazine for her! Then when we drop her off she says, "Jessica, can you carry my magazines for me?" It's not like her hands were full.. Maybe I am just irritable but cmon lady.. I hung out with Pop-Pop (my grandpa) alot today.. I never noticed how cool he was before.. He gave me some pins.. I don't know what I am going to do with them.. But it's the thought that counts.. My mom, my sisters, and I were fighting over his dog tags.. But he said we couldn't have them.. We ate pierogis, fried tomatoes, kielbosa (sp?), canned green beans.. Man was it good.. I love pierogis!! We eventually left.. And the entire way home I said like 5 words.. My great aunt asked me, "Do you have a boyfriend?" I said No so firmly I bet it stung.. I did some homework.. God I hate all this crap I have to do.. Tomorrow hopefully will be good.. :sigh: I hate school.. Time for bed..

<3 Jess

sour kisses

Rocky Horror Picture Show [01 Nov 2003|11:32pm]
[ mood | giggly ]
[ music | Not Another Teen Movie in the background ]

Today started off really terrible.. I woke up late.. And sat around did nothing.. Steve and Kelly came over and asked me all about homecoming.. It was soo funny to hear his reactions... "Did you kiss anyone?" "Did you grab his ass?" LMAO It was greatness. Then I watched some t.v. and made plans to hang out with Cal since Corbin couldn't.. We were gonna go to the movies.. But then Nikita invited me to see Rocky Horror with her.. Cal couldn't go which sucked.. So Nikita and I went to see Rocky Horror.. We got there like an hour and a half early.. So we walked around downtown for like an hour.. It was so much fun, we took posters, caution tape, and some other stuff.. Oh man... So we went inside Tampa Theature and we saw Helen.. This lady wrote a V on my forehead since I was a virgin to seeing the show.. This peope had to change clothes on stage.. Oh man it was soo funny.. The show was AMAZING!! I would elaborate.. But wow.. It was great.. Tomorrow is homework day.. :sigh: Time for sleepy poo

<3 Jessssss

sour kisses

Halloween is lame [31 Oct 2003|10:10pm]
[ mood | thirsty ]
[ music | Cursive- The Ugly Organ ]

Today I was Matt and he was me.. And that was great.. His clothes were very comfy.. My clothes fit him well.. Which was kinda scary.. Stoelting was wearing a dress.. LOL.. It was sooo funny.. And later on he stuff his dress so it looked like he had boobs.. In photo I made this picture on accident and it looks soo cool.. I love it.. heheheheh.. The rest of my class kinda sucked.. In Digital Design I was fighting Matt for a while b/c he was messing with my picture and I was all deformed.. Mr. Fury kept on calling me Matt and Matt, Jessica.. In Ms. Beverly's class we had a party.. And it was fun. I ate so much I wanted to puke.. Not to much fun.. And Corbin is the greatest because he bought the doughnuts and didn't even want them! And I didn't eat any because I was going to be sick.. I yelled at this kid, he was being an asshole.. No DOUGHNUT FOR YOU MISTER! And I had to help fend off the crazy kids who wanted the doughnuts from Corbin.. AP American History was the worst class today. I couldn't concentrate and our sub slept and did some weird work.. Towards the end of the period she left for like 10 minutes and then came back and asked me to go find her creamer for her coffee.. WTF!?!?!? I came home and wanted to take a nap! But nooooooooooooooooooo! I stayed home tonite.. I wish I had gone out.. But nope, stuck home handing out candy to like the 10 kids that actually came to our door.. I am soo lame.. I wish I had a car.. Goodnite all and HAPPY FUCKING HALLOWEEN!

<3 Jess

The ones that you love the most are usually the ones that hurt you the most.
That seems to apply to my life..

Another quote : The love you can't have lasts the longest, feels the strongest and hurts the most.
2 tell me sweet lies| sour kisses

I want to see the world! [30 Oct 2003|09:56pm]
[ mood | lonely ]
[ music | -~ Dashboard Confessional-~ ]

Today was actually pretty good.. I pulled my print of my double exposure and I love it!!! Ms. Hopkins said she was going to submit it to a contest. Woo I'm soo excited.. So after school class was cancelled wooo!! I was soo happy.. So I went to retake my test and majority of the ones I had gotten right before I forgot how to do!! I was sooo pissed.. Owen's brother was trying to figure it out and was totally fucking it up.. And then when I went outside he saw me get into my Dad's truck and he said, "I want that truck! I want that truck!" What is it with guys and "big manly trucks"? Weird... Alex, Nikita, and I have trouble getting in into the truck! Then we went home and fixed Matt's belt.. Then we went to get the food for the party tomorrow.. I got some film.. Then we went to Mei Wah's! Their food kicks ass!!! I went to open house/ the Europe meeting.. I showed my Dad my print in Ms. Hopkin's room.. He really liked it.. I am soo excited.. Then we went to the Europe Meeting.. They are going to Florence, Paris, and Rome.. I want to go sooooo badly.. My Dad all he was concerned about was the risk of going there.. And the first thing my mom says is, "You better get a job".. Why does she always crush my dreams for everything? Last night I felt sooo terrible. .Thanks for everyone who commented before.. I kept on thinking about it all day.. I almost started to cry during math when I was talking to AJ about it.. I was talking to Stephen Roberts today and I love the fact that he has such a strong faith.. For a while I started to think it's just my imagination, she's okay she won't leave me because everyone is acting like everything is okay.. But it's not.. ITS REALLY FUCKING NOT! I mean jesus, she's dying.. She might not even see Jake (my unborn nephew).. I believe that when you die you fucking rot in a box.. But I don't want her to do that.. I want her to rise up in the heavens and be with that man with many faces and have a glowing body and look after me.. :sigh: I just hate this.. I was sooo happy and now it's like death is everywhere.. Maybe it's a sign.. The end is near.. You won't be prepared.. Man I had so much more to say.. BUt I forgot it.. Damn.. Well I must leave.. Goodbye all and goodnite..

I love you
Jess

Is it better to live in an imaginary world and be happy or to live in reality and be sad, confused, and lonely?

4 tell me sweet lies| sour kisses

Like a cat [29 Oct 2003|10:13pm]
[ mood | depressed ]
[ music | That 70's show ]

I can't believe you're leaving me.. I thought she was invincible.. My grandma is dying..

6 tell me sweet lies| sour kisses

Who would of thought [29 Oct 2003|08:06pm]
[ mood | drained ]
[ music | the vaccuum ]

Matt showed me this site and I couldn't believe it.. LOL.. You must go check it out.. Weird School is okay.. I'm soo tired..

<3 Jess

sour kisses

Hidden Secrets [28 Oct 2003|10:15pm]
[ mood | mellow ]
[ music | Rain outside ]

It's funny how I go from one obsession to the next.. I wonder where I will go next... I wonder if I will speak what is constantly hovering in my mind.. I can't stop thinking about it.. But I will just mess it up if I dare speak the words.. Maybe I'm crazy.. It's late and I didn't even finish my homework.. Goodnite all.. Keep your secrets hidden... Corbin came back today.. That was great.. He brought me leaves.. All is good in the world..

<3 Jess

sour kisses

My Dog Ate My Homework [27 Oct 2003|09:17pm]
[ mood | irate ]
[ music | Something Corporate- Me and the Moon ]

I hate Mondays.. They are the worse.. I always use the excuse I'm tired when someone asks me what's wrong.. So Nikita told me to say instead that my dog ate my homework. So today Joe asked me what was wrong and I started to say I'm tired like always but I remembered I was suppose to say my dog ate my homework.. And he thought that my dogs had really eaten my homework.. I was soo shocked that he believed me and was on about it that I made some shit up and just had to walk away.. Other than that school sucked. CORBIN IS BACK! YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYY! LOL.. Man... I'm tired.. I worked on alot of my history homework.. We got an extenstion.. I'm glad.. I had some other things to say but I forgot.. Hmm that's a bitch..

Love Jess

2 tell me sweet lies| sour kisses

Let us dance in the moonlight tonight [26 Oct 2003|09:06pm]
[ mood | indescribable ]
[ music | Billy Talent- Try Honesty ]

Hedwig was just plan amazing.. I loved it sooo very much.. I can't even describe it.. It was just that amazing.. That guitarist was majorly hot!!!! Today was Kelly's baby shower.. Man was that exhausting.. I didn't get much of my homework done.. WE WON THE REGATTA THOUGH! HAHAAAHAHAH YESS!! WOOOOO!!! I'm soo happy.. It makes me sad that we are doing so much better now and I'm not there to be in the greatness.. Maybe it's because I'm not there.. :( Anyways.. I kinda feel like picking up my guitar again.. But I just don't have time.. Nor do I want to because I don't have the feeling for it.. Thoughts of you plague my mind.. I still miss Corbin.. :sigh:

<3 Jess


We shall dance under the stars
With the moon so bright
It burns our eyes.
You tell me empty promises
that fill my heart
Til one day when it all comes to an end.

3 tell me sweet lies| sour kisses

Dressing Up and going down [25 Oct 2003|08:44pm]
[ mood | groggy ]
[ music | White Oleander the movie ]

Well today I had to volunteer for 5 and a half hours.. Little did I realize that it's Florida and you BURN! I have these terrible farmers tans now.. It makes me sad.. :( Well I'm going to Hedwig tonite and I can't wait.. What does it mean when someone leaves and you miss them.. When they are gone for just a couple of days and can't wait til you see them again.. Hmm.. I miss Corbean-o.. It just doesn't make sense to me anymore.. Tomorrow is Kelly's baby shower.. This blows I still haven't done my homework for AP History.. :sigh: I must leave now..

<3 Jess

1 tell me sweet lies| sour kisses

Lies everyone told you [24 Oct 2003|10:24pm]
[ mood | lonely ]
[ music | Dashboard- This Bitter Pill ]

I'm writing a story.. I hope it turns out good. .And I hope I actually finish it.. Who knows.. I miss Corbin.. Photo wasn't the same without him.. I'm tired but sleep is for the weak.. I don't want to grow up. I wanna stay young F-O-R-E-V-E-R!!!!! Hmmmmm.. Tiredness.. Must sleep.. Tomorrow is a busy ass day..

<3 Jesssssss

1 tell me sweet lies| sour kisses

Perfection [23 Oct 2003|09:36pm]
[ mood | excited ]
[ music | Radiohead- Karma Police ]

Today was going fairly well.. Until my mom got home and said, "We are going to clean the whole house today!" Woo that blew.. My mom is such a perfectionist.. I am to some extent, well I'm just paranoid.. Well actually I am such a lazy ass.. I've been thinking alot lately.. I am run off of emotions.. It blows.. Sometimes I find myself wanting to go to my Dad's because I am soo free there.. I can do whatever I want basically.. This is too great.. Matt is going to borrow my clothes and wear them.. I am going to wear his clothes.. That is cool.. I am happy still.. WOw..Still amazes me.. I am tired.. And umm forgot everything else I was going to say..

Jess

2 tell me sweet lies| sour kisses

Just there [23 Oct 2003|05:06pm]
[ mood | peaceful ]
[ music | Switchfoot- Meant to live ]

I haven't had much to say the past couple of days.. I feel happy, yet sad, confused and lost but fully aware.. It's soo weird.. Things have settled down.. For some reason Doug is always right.. And it kinda bothers me.. Because whenever someone else tells me advice and I follow it, things get worse.. But with Doug it works.. Odd.. Maybe he's God, like he let me believe Nikita was God.. Lol.. That was funny.. I am soo busy these days.. I have so much homework and things to do.. :sigh:: And on top of it all.. I miss crew so much.. I miss being on the water and closing my eyes and feeling so at ease.. I miss it soo much it hurts.. It's funny how foreign dating seems to me.. I kind of miss it.. But in a way I really don't... Oh, I applied at Old Navy, I hope I get the job.. It's funny how the sweetest guys you never want to date them.. I love life now.. What happened to me? What made me soo happy? I wish I knew.. I wish I knew..

Silent Whispers

2 tell me sweet lies| sour kisses

Nothing left to say [22 Oct 2003|09:45pm]
[ mood | hungry ]
[ music | Cursive ]

I feel happy and content.. But weird nontheless.. I got a new jacket and its kickass! WOOOOO! I am soo tired.. It's soo funny how guys say, "Jessica you're not mean.. Not at all" It's funny how they lie soo badly.. I'm a bitch.. Just admit it..

14 tell me sweet lies| sour kisses

Animal Crackas [20 Oct 2003|08:50pm]
[ mood | optimistic ]
[ music | Loudermilk- Ashes to ashes ]

I am happy.. It's weird but I am.. School wasn't too bad.. I'm going to Hedwig and the Angry Inch on Saturday! Wooooooooooooooo!! YAY! Class was canceled today that was good.. I painted, made a bracelet and sat around.. I am such a procrastinator.. I feel so relieved.. Maybe subconsciously I am taking to heart what that psychic said. Hmm who knows... I want to be happy.. It's soo much better.. I am sick of animal crackers though.. The goodness makes me sick now.. :( Must practice for the damn PSAT now..

I loves you,
Jess

10 tell me sweet lies| sour kisses

New Beginnings and the End [19 Oct 2003|09:48pm]
[ mood | content ]
[ music | The Early November- Every Night's Another Story ]

Well yesterday I went to Sam's Club.. That was effing awesome.. I love that store.. Today I took some pictures.. Got a bunch of stuff for Kelly's baby shower.. I can't wait til Jake is born.. It's gonna be sooooooooo exciting.. Then we went to the mall.. I got some pins and patches.. I found a jacket I realllllly want.. I hope my mom gets it for me.. It's sooo pretty.. I got this heart thing with wings.. It's on a spring and when you pull it, it bounces up and down. It's really cool.. I like it.. I went to Home Depot and took some pictures of flowers and I went to Vinyl Fever.. I saw a kid there who reminded me of Nick.. They had this really cool Radiohead pin.. I should of gotten it.. I've been watching movies and they piss me off.. Always everything works out. .THAT NEVER REALLY HAPPENS.. Grr..I hate school... For some reason I like my Dad's.. I have no worries.. It's sooo easy to just be free here.. Hmmm.. Things are still peachy.. I suppose.. No more frowns for now.. I am tired though. .And re-heated Mac-N-Cheese isn't very good.. Goodnite all

4 tell me sweet lies| sour kisses

The Dance of Courage [18 Oct 2003|04:58pm]
[ mood | happy ]
[ music | A Perfect Circle- Blue ]

Yesterday was the BIG day.. Lindsay put the bottom half of my hair and rollers and then put the rest of it in a pony tail and I had to walk into Kelly's work like that so she could do my makeup.. Lindsay wouldn't stop laughing at me.. Wasn't funny.. Then I came home my mom did my hair and I got ready.. I was freaking out the most of the day b/c of something someone said to me. .But now I'm cool..

I went to Magginano's to eat.. There was like 12 of us.. The food was really good but all the girls kept on slipping on the floor!! Soon a bunch of sophmores were there and I had to sit near Cone ass.. sigh.. Emilio was acting all weird.. Oh yeah.. Mo forgot to bring me a flower so she asked this guy that worked at the resturant if she could have one, so she took one and gave it to me.. Khushbu drove me to the dance..

I got there and found everyone.. Everyone looked all pretty. .At first no one would dance.. But I danced with Megan for a while.. It was just soo much fun we danced and danced.. I saw David R there it was soooooooo funny I couldn't believe I saw him in a white tux.. LMAO.. I was going to dance with Emilio but he was being a dick about it.. So I left. Alex dared me to ask Skyler to dance.. Nikita went with me.. I almost chickened out.. But when I got up there I saw him... He said hi really loudly and when I asked Skyler he mouthed a no to me and shook his head. I thought he would say no. But he said yes, yes to a slow dance.. LOL So Nikita said loudly, " Now that wasn't so bad now was it?" I wanted to die.. We stood there dumbly for a while and walked away when it was a slow dance I walked back to him and he was actually really nice.. It was weird b/c he's soooooo effing tall and I was really short especially without my shoes on.. Alex and Stephen kept on smacking my ass while I was dancing with him.. Which I took off once I got there.. Then Alex, Nikita, Stephen, and I went up to the front and danced some more.. Alex and I booty danced alot.. It was soo much fun.. Later Alex asked Skyler to dance and he said yeah.. It was soo cute.. LMAO.. We are such nerds.. Man I thought Jared was a bad dancer.. Some people just should not be dancing.. Oh yeah.. Ryan was just sad. He could not dance if his life depended on it.. Eventually the danced ended and that sucked..

So then we went bowling I didn't have any socks which sucked.. I changed out of my dress in Bu's car.. Bowling was fun.. I was really hungry.. I did okay.. Mo was dancing it was hilarious.. I had a good time nonetheless.. We left there at like 2 and went to Liesl's.. We made cookies and talked.. Then we went to sleep at 4.. Woke up at like 11 this morning ate donuts and bagels then played Catch Phrase.. Even though I suck at that game my team won both times.. It was such an effing blast.. I had a great time..

My Dad picked me up and I went back to my house to get my stuff for his house.. Talked to Lindsay and heard about this crazy bum... We left went to Target got me a shirt, hairbrush, socks, and a picture frame.. Then we went to Lowe's and I took some pictures of Oleanders.. I <3 that flower.. It's soo pretty.. Came back to his house.. My bed is soooooooooooo soft.. I l0ve it!!! Man my Dad can cook a mean Mac-n-cheese out of the box.. I am sooo hungry.. I can't wait til tomorrow I'm going shopping :) Yes! I feel so much happier.. I haven't had this much fun in forever..

<3 Jess

sour kisses

But what do I want? [16 Oct 2003|10:25pm]
[ mood | horny ]
[ music | MxPx- Chick Magnet ]

Nikita is so right.. I am soo dependent on other people's opinions I never seem to do what I anymore.. I have given up on soo many things that I miss soo much because of other people.. Maybe I am too scared to admit what I want.. Maybe I just wish it wasn't true.. Maybes.. Anyways.. So today was school I wore this short ass skirt but had to change b/c I felt soooo odd.. School was kinda lame.. As usual.. I got my toenails painted for Homecoming tomorrow.. I like the color.. It's really pretty.. Then I went to the game.. At first I got two hotdogs.. Ate those and got a dollar from Kyle and bought another.. I was still hungry so I bought pizza.. I feel like such a fatass.. I'm not gonna fit in my dress!!! I hung out with Stephen the entire nite.. It was fun.. Tyler was acting British.. It was funny the first half an hour.. My new name is Lady Spartacus (Alex came up with that) of Licktenstein.. LOL great name huh? Tyler dry humped the Dog (school mascot) it was soo fucking funny.. The Joes gave me two dollars..That was quite nice! WOOOOOOO.. I hung out with Bu for a little.. I saw the boy.. Seein him makes me sad.. But I must get over that.. I must be happy.. Tomorrow is homecoming! woot! I am home now.. Basically all alone.. And it's sad... Anyways.. Corbin is sooo nice.. I love how he won't let me forget my dreams and hopes.. He's sooo great.. <3 <3 Oh yeah.. Stephen said I need a boyfriend and he is gonna look for one for me.. LMAO.. This should be interesting if he remembers.. He said I'm horny.. Hmmm I miss the days when I didn't care.. They were better.. Cal's gf said I was mean to her when I rode the bus with her.. I can't remember her at all.. I feel bad.. Maybe it wasn't me.. This is bothering me.. Weird.. I am tired.. Good nite all.

-~Lady Spartacus of Kicktenstein

My heart pounds for you


Edit: Stephen, Tyler, Catman, and some black kid were going to pay me like 5 dollars, unconditional love and head (from Stephen) and a water bottle for me to show them my boobs. I think not..
sour kisses

What happened to trust? [15 Oct 2003|09:58pm]
[ mood | irritated ]
[ music | Idlewild- Quiet Crown ]

Today was 70's day, hardly any people looked "70ish".. Anyways today was pretty blah.. I got my haircut.. That was good.. It looks the same.. Why do people come back for more? Why can't they let the past die away with your rotting heart buried behind the willow tree? Anyways.. Umm went to the swim meet! UBEEEEERRRR BORING!! I was soo bored.. Came home did lots of History HW.. I now hate history, it use to be sooo interesting.. NOW I EFFING HATE IT! gRRRRR.. James Ball called me.. Weird.. I am sooooo fucking tired.. Tomorrow is the Homecoming game.. I don't know if I want to go anymore.. Blah.. Goodnite all.. This post is real dumb.. DO NOT READ!

<3 Jess

2 tell me sweet lies| sour kisses

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