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mood |
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contemplative |
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music |
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Amon Amarth- The Sound of Eight Hooves |
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I've realized that this year, Tech has been very boring for me. I distinctly remember, on the first few days of school, seeing faces I had not seen in a very long time, yet feeling nothing. Absolutely nothing. It was nothing special to me. The renewed interaction has evoked no excitement. Every single day, things seem to get grayer and grayer. It's hard to explain, though. If you quantify it, you'd see that all the interactions are the same. I still see people, and funny things still happen every day, and I have my laughs, so that can't be the problem. It's just nothing is special anymore. There is no more magic, that there was during freshman year. I recall that around this time, last year, I had met Gary, and as part of Operation Buttsniffer, we went around doing stupid shit, which I enjoyed much. It was immature, but I had to have my fun. Then there was the Nov. 20 walkout, where I first met Justin, and got acquainted with some other people. Everything was new to me, and very exciting. The concept of "cutting", and breaking the rules, to go to an anti-war protest seemed too much to swallow. Man, good fucking times.
Those kids at the corner where I used to hang out, are now all gray and dull. I see nothing special in them. They are ordinary people. Additionally, they aren't my crowd, especially since they have no future. I want to befriend people who have better things on their minds than just immature fun... so short-sighted, and so destined to fail, and fade into obscurity. I need a crowd who will motivate me, so that I have a good reason to proceed with my academic studies, and not just give up, grab a skateboard, and "have fun". I believe the main problem is that my circle of friends has stagnated. As part of my plan to revive enthusiasm in my studies, I'm joining Stageworks, since I neglected joining a club, last year. I'm told I'll meet many new people there, and plus, there are power tools. I suppose that's the place for me.
I've found a purpose now. Last year, I was lost, and went along with the flow, and that's how I was so exposed to everything and everyone, which allowed me too loosen up and have fun, perhaps the epitome of that being all those very late nights at The Temple, in which I'd arrive home at around 3. Now however, I'm planning on taking charge. I need to focus, because I want a productive future. I do not want to fade into obscurity and become a nobody. I do not want to become a bum. I do not want a sub-par salary, earned from a mere job. I do not want a job, which is pathetic. I don't want to work in a McDonalds, or in the street. I want a career. That's something that will carry on as my life progresses, and not something that will merely pay for the bills, as I struggle to survive, because I was a fool who didn't go to college. I hate these poor fools who seem content with that sort of future. It's just sad.
Anyway, enough of my ranting.
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