| Fucking Pizzas |
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| 10:31am 22/10/2003 |
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mood: Pissed off and confused
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Okay i have to sell pizzas for this damn BPA thing and i am so frustrated because i sold a ton last night and i needed this money to turn into Mrs. Perez, but i cant because she has to have a minimum of 50 pizzas and i have only sold like 5 or 6. i am so fucking frustrated but i dont know what the fuck to do and i think that i am going to cry. Maybe i will jsut give everyones money back and then i wont have to deal with this but i spent so much time last night sellling and these people AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
fuck it all
cathy |
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| PEP RALLY |
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| 01:28pm 12/09/2003 |
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Today is our first pep rally. i am so excited. i am scared though of the thought of us not being able to get our liberties or our heel stretches or even just the extensions in our cheer. Last night at practice we were all fighting and crying and it just sucked really bad. i thought that i was going to die because we do this hitch pyramid, and Missy puts her left leg into rachels hand and amber puts her right leg into rachels other hand.... well, missy's side fell, bethany and rachel wento the right with her, and ambers very unsturdy extension walked to the side. then when we went to cradle, i couldn't step back because we didn't give her enough of a pop so she cam e crashing down on my head, and my head ended up squished between her butt and the floor. the Missy's heel stretch was wobbly and she cam down on my head too. in that very same stunt, i got punched in the face by the girl that bases with me, Dana Baker. Then i went home last night and cried all night. But anyway in our cheer there are four extensions and one of the varsity stunt groups cant get it to go up and its going to be extension, extension, prep, extension. i am kind of scared of how that is going to look, and the pep rally itself is going to be very short, so im not |
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| Composition Paper |
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| 01:27pm 05/09/2003 |
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Okay this is a paper that i have to do for composition... well its a free write and im doing a tribute to my CHEER SISTERS!!!
When I'm upset and don't want to do with things, I always have someone there for me. Whether it 8:00 at night or 2:30 in the morning, the girls on my squad are always there for each other. We were kind of just thrown together and told to get along, and although we got off to an extremely rocky start, we are so close now. It's hard to put 14 girls together 12+ hours a week and not expect there to be ANY fights, especially when the girls range from ages 14-18 years old. But the squad that I am on is pretty good at staying calm and talking things out even when everybody knows that the only thing we want to do is freak out.
There is a kind of trust that cheer squads have to have to be able to accomplish stunts and getting the crowd fired up. The Varsity cheerleaders have something deeper than that though, because when we fight with our boyfriends because their jerks or are not getting along with our parents, or even if we're mad about cheerleading or at the coach, we will put aside our own lives to make sure that the girls going through a hard time are okay. Its easy to be a cheerleader when the girls are there saying its okay you'll get it next time, or its not your fault because we know that you can do it. When one of us don"t want to finish something all the way through, like running or doing our jumps or putting a stunt up for the billionth time in a row, there are girls there saying you can do this, we know that you're stronger than you think.
A while ago, when things were rocky with my squad, maybe 2 or 3 weeks ago, I was debating whether or not I wanted to quit. I would sit up at night and worry about how hellish practice would be the next day. Then I talked to some of the girls, not about me quitting but about how un-needed and unappreciated I felt, and that some of the other new Varsity were feeling the same way, and since then that is what i wake up waiting to do; to cheerlead and be with the girls that make me happy when I'm sad, the girls that are there for me when Im worried about family problems, the girls that I know for sure care about me. My cheerleading squad is my life, and I love each and every one of them like a sister..... they are all my best friends. |
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| Stupid |
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| 02:15pm 04/09/2003 |
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today i have practice and i didnt write because i was bitching in my other journal. im going to the JV and freshman game with tim and before that amber is coming over to help with the garage sale! YAHOO!! ya right.... i cant wait for this garage sale to get over
class is over
hasta luego
cat |
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| 01:34pm 03/09/2003 |
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Today i am such a good mood. i was really tired earlier, but now im okay. i have to do something for student council, the whole open house deal from like 730-815, and i wanted to get some sleep tonight, but ill probably just have to wait til saturday night. since school started this week i have only gotten 7 hours of sleep. but like i said i took some ginseng. but its almost gone so i think that i have to go buy a new bottle. i jsut read my horoscope and it told me that i should make an early delivery on a promise, theres a couple of things that crossed my mind, but that one thing just stood out. i really dont have anything else to say so i guess thats it..... later
cathy |
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| nothing |
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| 01:30pm 02/09/2003 |
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well, this weekend was interesting. swan valley lost horribly, but theyll play better i hope. im mad at tim right now because he lied to me. i mean it was about something so stupid and unimportant, but its just the idea that he can still look me in the eyes and lie. he lied to me before when he would tell me that he loved me, before i cheated on him, he told me that he was lying to me. and then he promised that he wouldnt lie to me anymore, and oh my gosh look what happened. HE LIED. he said he was sorry, but now im kinda skeptical when he talks to me. i promised myself that after Jeff there would be no one that could lie to me and treat me like shit, i mean I PROMISED MYSELF and i let Tim lie to me twice already. its hard for me to trust people in the first place, and this kinda shit doesnt help. i love him so much though, and i honestly dont think that he means to, i think its the kind of lie thats just kinda there, it just happens. But this time, for real, if he lies to me again i WILL dump his sorry ass. Right now i feel really mean, like i dont really care about anything close to me. its just kind of weird, and im wondering if maybe the lexapro isnt working as well as it used to. Or it could just be my lack of sleep. i only got 3 1/2 hours of sleep last night, but i took some ginseng and im all good now. i have algebra homework and im supposed to be doing my composition paper right now but i dont really give a shit. Anyway Nickelback has a new song out and its called Someday and i cant wait to get the lyrics. I LOVE NICKELBACK!!!! OMG I WANT TO GO TO A CONCERT SO BAD!!!!! NICKELBACK IS GOING ON TOUR
im too interested in Chad Kroeger right now to care so late
cathy |
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| Cheerleading |
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| 01:41pm 27/08/2003 |
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Yesterday there were 2 stunt groups that got their tick tocks, and it really makes me jealous because i wasnt in the 2. im in the stunt group that hasnt gotten anything accomplished. we cant even do our libs sturdily yet. its not the flyer or the back , or the other base, so maybe its me. i dont really think it is, but what else could it be? Maybe, hopefully its just that were not used to each other yet. Anyway, were still only doing extensions, but maybe well get better soon. the girls on our squad fight so much, and im not holding my breath for us to get along, soon or even EVER. i think that our personalities clash and that makes it really hard to get along. I feel so useless and unwanted on my squad. they all act like their better than me, and i know that Missy is a lot better than me at most things (except the attitude part) but thats no reason for any of these girls to make me feel like shit. i dont even want to be on Varsity anymore. im not sure that i ever did. i was kind of forced. JV has their first game tonight and it makes me REALLY jealous. i wish that i was on that squad so bad, and that we all got along and acted like sisters and covered each others asses and brought everybodys spirit up. THis year i get along with Rachel and most of the time Leah, and sometimes Becky. i think that everyone else just tolerates each other, and it really makes me dislike practice. im kinda ashamed to say this, but theres some girls that i dont care if they get better or worse or if they personally were even on the squad, and i know that a lot of people just feel that way about me.... like im just another body for a formation or a stunt. Anyway, tim always makes me feel better. Ive never been so content in my life with a guy. it seems like hes perfect for me. Not to sweet, and he gets kind of a cocky so what attitude sometimes and its so cute. its the perfect balance. and hes really kinda self concious and thats cute too, but it can get annoying. Like i said i think that hes perfect for me, and besides the fact that sometimes hes full of himself, i dont see anything wrong with him. I love him more than MOST people in my life, and he is definetly the biggest influence on me
later
cathy |
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