|Friday, January 9th, 2004|
It has been longer then ever and I have not a clue where to start. Life changes fast.
Holy poop! My life is so much different. I no longer live in Martinsville. I now live in Greenwood. Which is insane! Lets see. Ok this will be a fast update. School: My classes have changed. They are not too shabby. I am about to start night classes. That is about all with school. Family: There has been a lot going on with my family. My Mom is now with this guy. His name is Wayne. My Mother is doing rather well. She and I still have a good relationship...well not as close as we were before. This is b/c I am with my bf all of the time and she is with hers. Plus she was not living with me for a while. I was living with my Grandmother and she moved in with her bf. That was for like 3 weeks or so. That is about all with her. My Father...well I have not talked to him in a long time....It has been since like....August or something. I am not for sure I can not remember the last time I talked to him. My brother is doing ok. He and Wendy are still together. They split up for a day or so b/c Nick thought she was cheating on him. Which was so not the case. My Aunts and Uncles are ok. My Uncle lost his babies not too long ago which was hard for the whole family. My Aunt was prego with 3 babies. It was so horrid. Well there are a lot of other things like that going on but I am not going to take the time to write about it all b/c that is too depressing. My Grandmother and Grandfather are doing ok. FRIENDS: Well, Nikki and I are doing ok now. She and I have been through a lot this past year and whatever. Drew and I are not friends anymore b/c of some junk that happened. Anywho. Uhhh Chance and I do not really talk all that much anymore. And uhh MIKE and I are not friends b/c he is being a jerk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Kevin is still my friend:) He and I did not talk a lot for a while b/c I moved and all of that junk. And there are a lot more things I could say about my friendships but that is all I would like to say. Love life: Well, I am back with Chris. So, I am really happy that leaving him was not something that I look back on and regret. B/c we are now closer then we have ever been. I love him very much. I have been spending a lot of time with his family. His Dad and I get a long rather well. Everytime Chris goes to sleep while I am at his house, his dad and I talk. uhh. New things about me. well I cut off all of my hair and gave it to LOCKS OF LOVE. I lost a lot of my fatness and then I gained some of it back. As I said I live in Greenwood now. Which is interesting. I have been spending a lot of time with Chris and junk like that. I have been accepted to some school junk. I was nominated to go to 3 summitts. And that is about all. Laters. I will keep you updated.
|Wednesday, October 15th, 2003|
It is strange how our bodies can just change and make us feel as we have never felt before. With the world spinning and my head streight forward my stomach feels upset and my mind floats, or so it feels. Today it is off to the doctor to get needles stabbed into me...to get tests to see what is causing my migranes or whatever. I am off balance right now.
Ok new things in my life that you might or might not know.
Apperence change: My hair is a bit longer, I have 2 more wholes in my left ear. Uhhhh my ears that have been gaged now have gaged earrings in them...and I swiched my safty pin earrings to the 1st whole. And this Friday I am getting more earrings in my right ear. Yep. and I am fatter. and that is about all.
New things in life: There is not much new in life. HUH I am not sure what else to write about so I will just write more laters.
I love you all.
|Sunday, October 5th, 2003|
Wow it has been a while!
Holy GoD it has been a long while since I have wrote .....it sure has. Ok well a lot has happened. OK...one is my bIrthDay was on FriDay. That was ineteresting. OK well before that....ok on OCT 1st Chris and I decided to just be dating...or like friends until we decide what is going on with our relationship. Cause I do not want to go on with all of that drama. I really like him and all but I do not want to feel like crap b/c of anyone. Anywho. I have been spending a lot of time with Billy, Mike, Wes, and Josh. Which is awesome. I have found myself liking someone that I would not think I would have liked like this. If that does not make since..it is ok. I have been talking to my cousin a lot. I have been doing a lot of other things but I am not going to be able to write about it yet...I have somethings that I have not finished that I need to get done so I will write more when I am not busy...for all of my friends I love you all and I am really sorry if I have not been talking to you as much or hanging out with you as much I have been rather busy ....if you would like to go do something sometime ...just call me you know my digits...I would really like to hang with you all and be able to call you all all of the time to see how you day was and how you are doing but there are just not enough hrs in the day to call and talk to everyone. I hate to ask you to get a hold of me .....but I do not know what else to do...I will call most of you here soon...>Have a wonderful day ...and remember to smile..cause I am always thinking about you all with happy thoughts..oh and loving ones.
|Friday, September 26th, 2003|
WOW ITS RAINING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
As of right now I am HATING the rain. Ok like today has been so happy I mean like I have had the best day ever.....well in a long time....it was like I was ontop of the world! I was looking forward to doing this and that and none of it happened all b/c of the FICKING (yes I ment to put ficking) RAIN!!!!!!!!! Grrrrrrie I will write more laters....cause the stupid ficking storm might hurt the stupid ficking computer......laters.
REMEMBER TO SMILE AND HAVE A GREAT DAY!
|Monday, September 22nd, 2003|
Life is Grand! Grand is a confused happiness!
ok Wow! These past few days have been interesting. On Friday I had a great time! I had a lot of fun though really did not do much. Mike, Wes, Billy and I went to Indy and walked around. I was so glad that I was hangin with Mike again...I have not got a chance to hang with him in a really long time. I miss him. Well not anymore I do not have to miss him cause we are starting to hang more. He is really awesome! Anywho. On Saturday, yeah buddy talk about lettin the old times roll. Saturday night was awesome! Patty, my Mommy and I went out and had some major fun at the horse races. I have not laughed that much in a long while. Saturday morning at work was interesting. I was still having a good day from Friday....and then like in the middle of the day BAM holy god my sickness like kicked me. Being sick is not kewl, but anywho. Sunday was interesting. Work was alright. Way Busy. After work Nikki and I actually talked like we were friends. Which was fun-filled. I tryed to walk home or whatever...but Chance stopped me and was all yelling at me to get in the car and then what actually made me was when he was like come on I have not given you a ride in a long time and for some reason that was like I do not know but I got in his car and he took me home. When I got home I went a few places with my mother then I work on my room and started on my homework..Then I talked to some friends on the net or whatever...yeah buddy. Then Chris came over...let me tell you....what a time. At first we just talked like everything was all good or whatever...then I was all like I have a bone to pick with you and some questions to ask and junk like that. I was all like ok well what is going on? He was like with what and I was all like with everything...and after a while of this and that he was like with us? and I was like yeah...and he told me that he did not know and he then asked me the same question....and after some of this and that I was all like well this is how I feel and I told him everything and he was all like telling me that I did the same thing to him and I told him that I am not about to be all like HEY and junk to someone who does not even introduce me as his girl or whatever and we had that long convo and we both cried.....I can not handle to see someone cry and he was talking and he did and I was like holy god I can not look at him or I am going to cry and damn it I had to look and I started leaking too...and he told me this and that then I felt like the biggest ass after that...then I told him about this and that and he was all like so what are we going to do and I was like well I came up with a lot of things to do ....but I do not know right now. I told him one thing that I was going to do was just tell him that we are no more at all...and other things were a bit different....and so we are just going to talk about all of that later. Now we both know where one another stands. I think I know what I am going to do and I know that he is not really going to like it as of this time...but he will understand it better as time goes and if he doesn't then well I suppose it was for the better...or maybe it is going to be something that I go back on and wish I did not do ...but who knows. We will just figure everything our soon. Anywho....well my sickly self is about to go lay down so I do not get sick again......like as in praying to the porsolin god...yeah buddy...well iwill talk to all ya'll laters. cough cough cough cough cough.....that will be most of the convo....lol cause that is what I sound like ever 3 mins.
|Thursday, September 18th, 2003|
Hey Hey Hey!
OK Xfest was amazing! Igot there at 7 am and left at 12:30am...so put 1 and 1 together and you get 2 I was there all day. I took Cody, Patty and Georgia. Everyone got split up by the time we all went to second stage...like after the music started we all were split up. I was smashed against the baracade from 1:50 in the afternoon until 7:?? something that night. It was crazy madness. I loved it. I got awesome pictures of Mudvayne and Powerman 5000. I have 2 pictures of SR71. The drummer was amazing! Yep. I met a few new ppl. I met Jared(from Muncie), Drew (from INDY) and Jake. I am not sure where Jake was from, but he was really good looking. My boyfriend was there but he acted like he did not know me. Kevin, my best friend, was there and he hung with me for a bit. Aaron was there as well...he and I talked a bit. Jenna and Issia were there. Kenny was there. Josh, Mike, Kelsea, Jesse, Josh George and Beth are the ppl I hung with for all of main stage. Oh and that Jared guy he walked around with us. We had a good time. I am really glad that I got with Mike and JOsh. I am going to there house this weekend. We are all going to have fun. Anywho Durning Godsmack Mike, Josh Kelsea, Josh George, Beth, Jesse, Jared and I Jumpped the seats and went down to lower pavillion...it was awesome! Well if you wanna see my pics from Xfest just let me know and I will show them to you. I am so happy I did not hurt my ribs anymore...but I did fracture my sternem.(however you spell it) Yep and I was really black and blue. BUt that is all good. I will write more laters. I have more concerts and life things to write about. Laters.
|Thursday, September 11th, 2003|
9-11 A day to remember.
Wow, this is a bunch of craziness! Today my Dad has been gone for 3 yrs and the World Trade Centers for 2 yrs. It just seems like time is passing so fast. It is hard to grasp sometimes. Nuts I tell ya. Wow so today at school we had some lady talk to us about sex and all of this and that. She was telling us about the con's of sleeping around and how it affects girls worse then boys. I think that might be a leway on the big question..........." Why is it that when a girl sleeps around she is a whore and when a guy does it he is a prideful king?" I believe that is b/c well actually I could not tell you but I just think that makes a little more sense b/c a guy can only contract 4 STD's or whatever and the girls can contract all 30 STD's...I think lableing a girl a whore is just saying be extra careful she has been around...but then again now-a-days you could be considered a whore for just doing it with one person that has a big mouth. And by word of mouth that is not even true...yep rumors! The biggest HS turn off is a rumor. Anywho enough about that....I hope that everyone had a great day.....Mine was alright. OH and Meagan...about Mat or whatever...if you do no love him then tell him before you let him get in to deep......you would not want to crush him..He is a great guy! I will speak with you laters...Love ya lots...oh and I do not know what that Marcie chic did to you but if you need anything just let me know. And whatever you do do not let her get to you or you are just stooping to her level....see you at school.
|Tuesday, September 9th, 2003|
Sick is not fun
Wow, I am getting kinda sick...in more then one way. I am physically sick with something that is going around...which I hope I do not have for long. I am trying to pretend that I do not have it so that it will just leave...I mean sometimes pretend works right? Yeah it does. Anywho. The other reason I am sick ...well I am just sick of somethings that are going on in my life, yeah so I am putting a stop to that junk. But ya know I do not wanna bitch about things so whatever. Anywho.Wow so life...how is that? Pretty swell. I just talked to my friend from Daleville. He is amazing, and I am going to go see him as soon as I get my car....YES MY 1st by-myself road trip. OH no and it is to meet some guy...lol. Just KIDDIN' But yah he is so cute, and amazing to talk to. I respect him. He is going to make someone special really happy one of these days. After school I hung with some of my old school/new school friends. Then I have been running with my mother and junk like that. I have been talking to this friend of mine a lot lately and I think we are going to spend sometime together this weekend. Things like that. WEll I suppose that is all there is to write about today. Have a good night everyone who is reading this. Laters. Oh and one other thing I wrote the begining of what is starting to be an awesome song. SLEEPY TIME NOW :)
|Monday, September 8th, 2003|
OH BUDDY ITS BEEN A WHILE!
Wow, the last time I wrote was like a month ago. Crazy huh. ANywho. Well, my life has been interesting enough. I have been really busy with a lot of things in my life. Uhh I suppose that is in the past now and it does not matter so I will just blab about whatever else. The newest things right now would have to be my new belly button ring I just got today and some pins and junk like that. I have been working my butt off to get everything ready for my car....uhh I am about to go to Xfest...I will tell how that goes. I finally got to start seeing Meagan more...I do not see Nikki that much...like we have not hung for a long while like we used to. UHhh I hung out with Kevin a lot and junk like that. Chris finally started coming around. and I think that is about all for now I will write a lot more this weekend...but for now I must be going. Laters
|Thursday, August 21st, 2003|
Wow, today was just an ordinary day. Just a day of everlasting words and endless things to ponder while the teacher is talking. :) My Grandmother will be home tonight which is going to be insane. Cause I will have to deal with her, my Grandfather and my little cousin Natalie. I mean I am not saying that is too bad of a thing I am just saying that it is going to be louder and prolly kayotic. Sure thing. I am just ready to move into a house and not move again for at least a year this time. Well, I am sleepy from not sleeping. So, I will write more laters. Good Night....well it is just a nap but yeah ya know.
|Wednesday, August 20th, 2003|
Holy Poop BatMaN! It's Been 4EvEr
Wow! I so have not wrote in a long time. ok here goes. School has started as most of us already know. Yep. That is ok. I mean it is not all that bad. I have some interesting ppl in my classes and I am making new friends and things like this and that. It is just weird now that I do not have any classes with any of my primary friends. I mean I do not even see them at all through out the day, or so it seems. I see Kevin every morning. I walk him almost all the way to his class.(cause my locker is on the way to it) I see Nikki after 3rd. I see a lil bit of Kimmi here and there. I have lunch with a lot of my friends...just not primary ones. I sit with my SEXy Davie, Beth Beth, Abbadi, Danny and sometimes Candace sits with us. Everyone leaves like really early out of our lunch which is really crazy. I have classes with a lot of ppl that I have not talked to in a while, considering I never had classes with them and I was never passing them in the halls...plus I am a really busy person. I have made some new friends. I am greatful that I have 1st with Patty and Amanda. I just do not like the fact that I have Mr. James. But that is kewl he is not that bad. uhh news about me. I suppose Chris and I are doing well. He and I talked and junk like that. I have gained a lot of weight...which in this case is not a good thing. I am going to be going on a health diet here soon. I have glasses for driving at night now. They are really kewl. I do not wear them a lot though. My red highlights are brighter then ever since I re-did them again. I am hoping to not be homeless here soon. YES! I will be able to find a place to live :) Which I am happy about. My old best friend just moved back from Florida this year. I am greatful for that. I am just sad that we do not talk more. So, I think I am going to give him my # so that we can get together this weekend. I am tring to find a new job like crazy. I am a mad job hunter. I suppose that is about all. Cause Nikki explained the Jason Mraz concert......well I have a bit more positive notes on it but that is just b/c I am taller....(shhh I cheated I had on really tall shoes) I have new projects that I am starting. That is about all.
|Monday, August 11th, 2003|
Wow today was quite the interesting, and then again it wasn't.but I am going to sleep so I will tell you about it in the morn.
Just thought I would tell everyone that I got my glasses today. I am ever so happy about the whole thing. Yep. They are fun filled. Yep. Well that is all for now.
CaNcLeD cOnCeRt! Oh No
OMG the Trapt concert was cancled. After we got all the way to the Northside of Indy...we found out that the concert was cancled.I could not believe it. I was so mad. Now I have 5 tickets that I have to mail in to get refunded. But it was all good. The ppl that went with were; Kevin, Cody, Stacey and James. I had my Aunt's car which was kewl. So anywho. We all went back to Moorsville and stopped by a gas station so that everyone could call their parents. Cause I am like really mom like or whatever. So I had everyone call their parents so that they would not get into trouble. While at the gas station I got so really kewl glasses. Then we went to the gas station right before you get to Paragon or whatever so that the other peeps could call their parents. Then we all went to my Grannies to tell my mother...and off to the park we went. We played on the set and all of this and that. Then BAM....small road trip...to Jordan's house. We played Twister and junk like that. It was so fun. Then after that we went to Stake-n-Shake. And Then...I took everyone home. Which took forever. But it is all good. Then I came home to a mad Mommy. She was all mad at me for not being home earlier cause she had to follow me to my Aunt's to take her car back or whatever and it was like 2 something when I got home and she had to be at work early....but I mean I told her that she could have went to sleep and then I could have woke her up...then she was like.....uhhhh...cause she new I was right. I still felt really bad about the whole thing. Well after I got home from my Aunt's I called Kevin and we talked for a long while about this and that. And about how he is going shopping and all of that. Yep. And I almost fell asleep on him so I got off of the phone and went to sleep.
|Saturday, August 9th, 2003|
~PaRtY FuN! HA~
I went to Cody's party last night, and as I figured it was not going to be all that fun. I mean it was better then doing nothing...but it was still not all that fun. Before the party I went and got my pictures done. I drug Nikki along with me. It was fun and we laughed the whole time. Stacey came with. When we got to the party there were not too many ppl there. It was just Lance Simpson(Nikki's ex),Kyle Whitaker(his cousin) Sarah, Kara, Ricky, James and that was all. Then ppl started slowly getting there. Cody was not there yet he was picking someone up. The rest of the ppl got there...which were. Tammy (the mother of some chic), her daughter, Amanda(the chic that flashed everyone), Floyd, Chris, Tomas, and other ppl that I can not remember at the time. Well the party was going all well. Nikki befriended this loner chic. Oh wow I fed Ricky and James gummy bears while they were on the trampoline, which was so fun. Ricky reminded me of a fish or something. It was action-packed. After that Brandon showed up. Well the chic that Nikki befriended turned out to be a back stabbing bitch. Nikki was all telling her about how she wanted to get with Brandon or whatever and the chic was all like yeah buddy go for it and then next thing you know that chic Trish went for Brandon...and to all of our suprizes she got him. Then Cody and Brandon and James decide to fill me in that Brandon does not like Nikki that way anymore. I was all like whatever. And Nikki is like better then Trish. Trish was all telling Nikki that she almost had sex earlier that day with some guy but Cody interupted her, and she was all makin out with that guy or whatever. That is what makes her a bitch in my book is that she would do that to her new friend. I guess she was never a friend to begin with. Anywho. I moshed with Cody..not good for the cracked ribs. I spent the night hangin with Lance, Tomas and Chris. They are kewl kids. OMG you will not beleive what this mother was talking about...ya Tammy the mother of that chic was all fighting over a condom with her daughter....ewwwww. That is right NASTY! But yeah the party ended with Nikki and I getting masseged and giving them. It was kinda interesting. But yeah I think I could have made it better if I would have been able to plan it and all of that...plus if Jeremy was there for Nikki...or if Brandon was like not a skank kissing cock sucker and a freaking strang person. Yep...I would have been more happy if my sercret someone was there...wink wink...Nikki you know who I am talking about...yep...shhhhhh. Oh lol one good part that I did not tell about was that Nikki, Stacey, James and I almost 4 way kissed. Yep. Well that is enough. Laters
|Friday, August 8th, 2003|
There is this guy that I am really into....but I can't do anything about it. Am I scared? No. It is just that I am kinda with someone right now. Why is this that I feel so much for him? I do not want to hurt him, but I do not want to really be in a one way relationship. It is strange for me being in a relationship. I really like him and all, but it just seems like as I said this is a one way relationship. Who knows. If things do not work out then I will get with the one I still feel for.
Deep inside you is you.
In our life we are taught to sugar coat everything we do. But we are taught to have a slected mind and to except what doesn't hurt. With the first up set in our life....our perfect selected world is shattered. What are we to do. Nothing but cry and tell our story over and over until the day our attention is all. Yet others upset the upsetter. But what do we do when the one who we thought upset us turns around with a mirror on their face....and then we see that the upset upsetter was all just you and me. What do you do when you find out your life is depressing b/c of your own actions. When you find out you shun away your friends with your hatebreeded words and indepth scarse face or hurt and fronted tourment. When we tell ourselves that we are one way...after a while we will become that way. Dont let yourself hate yourself for wanting attention for you hurt and anguish.
|Thursday, August 7th, 2003|
What does he really mean?
Could he be the one I won't let myself fall into? Or do I let myself fall without seeing it. Are the people I know telling me the truth I can't see? Is being with him where I should be? Could I love him? I feel I do....but the one the love of my life....I can't forget, or see pass my feelings for him. How could this be another he? But then there is her. So in deep for him....and then there is him..so in deep for me? But yet another loving me. I can't see b/c I am traped in a tourment of frustrations and temptations. How do I know who is going to be true? How do I tell? I can't....I just have to live life and go with the flow. Though my flow is different from the rest. Is this my life....my undieing quest?
Having friends, but not knowing who they are. Should I be confused. Being there with them and not seeing who they are. How can I choose if they are who I want to trust. I put all of my trust into some and then they are gone. No questions asked, no frobidden words, or answers to find, just lost friends and memories left in my mind. Am I loosing another friend, the closer we get the more it seems to be the end.
As you would be able to see I am very confused about a friend or so of mine. I am unsure if I am loosing her or if we are just not as close. A lot of things have happened in her life to change her in great ways. I am not so sure it is a good thing.....or even a bad thing. Another thing that is puzzleing in my life would be my so called bf. I mean he is nice as can be to me. He is never rude and he does not yell or fight with me. He just never calls or acknowleges me. I am not sure what is so wrong with me, that he would not want to talk to me or say that he is with me. Sometimes, I just think that there is this part of me that I can not see that I am exposing that is so horrid..and that is why he doesn't call, and that is why I have lost my very best friends.
LaSt NiGhTs FuN!
Last night the 3 Doors Down Concert was freaking awesome! Here is the concert. ShineDown came on they kicked! The bass player gave me his water at the end of the set. Then Seether took the stage...who I was going there to see. They were killer! Before they were on I saw them on the side of the stage and we exchanged rock on signs and junk like that. At the end of their set the drummer walked over to me and gave me his water. I was loving every min of it. Then Our Lady Peace was on. They were swell. Well then OmG 3 Doors down...seeing them for the 2nd time was so much better. The drummer was all into me or whatever....he was all giving me the rock on sign and junk like that and smiling at me. It was so kewl...b/c he is my fav out of the whole band...cause I am kinda a drummer freak or whatever. But yeah it was awesome. Though I think I killed my ribs at the concert. See I cracked them at Ozzfest and they were all getting better and stuff then like I went last night and now I have really sharp pains when I breath..in and out. sure thing. So crazy. But it is kewl. I'm out for now. PEACE