broken smile-starless sky-end it all-say goodbye.'s Blurty Entries [entries|friends|calendar]
broken smile-starless sky-end it all-say goodbye.

[ website | my livejournal ]
[ userinfo | blurty userinfo ]
[ calendar | blurty calendar ]

oh make me over. [31 Aug 2003|07:12pm]
[ mood | nauseated ]
[ music | Something Corporate - Fall ]

i think he likes sam. accually, i kinda KNOW he like her. *sigh*, but hey, why not? EVERYONE ELSE DOES. it just makes me hate myself more and more. partly because i don't find her pretty that much. (i am a bitch. i know.) if tonight is bad, i plan to go home. yeah, selfish, i know. but he is really the only one that means something to me. i feel like throwing up, i'm so sick to my stomach right now. i'll probably be more in a little while once i get there and see it happen right in my face. i know this because it's all happened before. maybe that's why i'm so sensitive on this kind of subject.

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:) [31 Aug 2003|11:15am]
[ mood | optimistic ]
[ music | Get Low - LiL Jon and the Eastside Boyz...hahah sasha music ]

i haven't updated in a while, nothing was really interesting enough to put in here, but i thought this was good enough:

he called me last night like he said he would. i was so happy i could have pissed my pants. :) yay.i really really really really hope he calls me today or somehing.

sooo, after i told him i couldn't hang out (i thought i couldn't do anything) i went to sam's with the girls and we just chilled. haha. fun.

school starts in 2 days.. :0/ ahhh this summer went wayyy too fast. :(

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[26 Aug 2003|11:49am]
anyone who wants really cool kurt cobain icons: thacrazylady kiks ass at them. heh :0)
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[25 Aug 2003|11:21pm]

Which Rainbow Brite kid are you? By Growing.
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"i haven't seen you in awhile." [23 Aug 2003|08:26pm]
[ mood | hopeful ]
[ music | Oasis - Wonderwall ]

last night i went to the fair with my brother and guess who i saw? packers..greeeaaatt. i just glanced at him when i walked past him. when i turned back around i was like 'holy shit..that was packers.' and so if that wasn't bad enough, today i saw tom at the fair too. i was kinda just spacing out when i heard someone yell my name. i looked up and there he was. i waved and he came over and talked for a minute. "yeah..i haven't seen you in awhile" then when he had to go "i'll call you sometime." i hope he does. it was nice to talk to him again, even for a minute. after that, my day was so much better i can't even tell you..i totally loosened up (i was totally miserable before) and had a little fun.

so..i guess i'm going to green lakes again tomorrow. i really hope it's as fun as last time.

i'll probably write tomorrow.
night night.

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wow. [22 Aug 2003|11:04am]
[ mood | drained ]
[ music | Bob Dylan - Like A Rolling Stone ]

i really couldn't have asked for a much better day than yesterday. probably one of the most killer days of the whole summer. i can't really put it in words for the same effect. hah, like most of the things wouldn't seem fun or funny unless i told you myself. so here's the summary of yesterday:

sam, sarah, katie and me went to green lakes and met up with sasha, dennis, adam, terry and sid, pierre (sid's forgien exchange student from france), austin, and jason. haha, just so many classic times. even though we stayed for like 6 hours, it seemed like 2.

but..amoungst all the fun, i kept thinking about joey. i had been wanting to see him all week, but one of us always had plans or something. so i came home and got online last night. we talked for awhile, and it felt really nice to talk to him again without having somewhere to go in 5 minutes. so we're gunna hang today. :)


i'll write later.

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i'm bored..quizzes. [19 Aug 2003|11:25am]
[ mood | cold ]
[ music | Alkaline Trio - We've Had Enough ]

death in june
Whoo! You must read up on Davey a lot because you
got 100 freaking percent! Actually, you
probably just got majority of the answers
correct, but damn good for you!

How much do you know about Davey Havok?
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You're hardcore PUNK! One, two, fuck you, I don't
wanna be like you! Back off, we're busy
lighting shit on fire, woo woo!

What type of rocker girlie are you?
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You are Annette Hargrove

Clever, beautiful, smart.

*~*What Cruel Intentions Character Are You?*~*
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Which Personality Disorder Do You Have?
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Your Match Is Billy...well not really...because
Billy's MINE! We'll just say that you're most
compatible with him... Billy's unique and
artistic, and he's a guitarist (I love
guitarists.) And Paul says one of Billy's
greatest qualities is his kindness. He's just
a total sweetie. He's also got his own
clothing line: LeVeL 27. (Go check it out if
you havent already at You
prolly like tattoos, cuz Billy's got lots,
including a Nightmare Before Christmas one on
his lower right arm and the coolest Lord of the
Rings tattoo on his left wrist. (I love Lord of
the Rings!) And he's so sexy. Just look at
his gorgeous blue eyes (which look like they're
brown in the pic but in reality they're blue)
and his perfect jaw-line! (Yeah, I know...don't
ask...I think his jaw-line is so hot...and I
kinda have a thing for his neck, too...;)

>>> Which Good Charlotte Boy is Your Love Match? <<<
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i wonder if you can have withdrawl from people. [17 Aug 2003|11:25pm]
[ mood | depressed ]
[ music | Vertical Horizon - Best i Ever Had ]

i knew when i wrote my last entry that the next one i wrote was going to be negitive in some way or another. yet another down. i'm so sick of this. i don't even know why i'm like this. i think i'm going to go to sleep and i'll write more in the morning.

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just woke up. [15 Aug 2003|09:45am]
[ mood | chipper ]
[ music | Phish - Heavy Things ]

..katie just left like 20 minutes ago and i'm trying to decide whether to go back to sleep or go outside and get my tan back. i've noticed that with the nicer weather my depression is deffinitely getting better. but not the need to lose weight. ew, i felt so fat and nasty yesterday. i'm really uncomfortable with my body lately, seeing everyone in their bikini's without shorts or a tank top on over them made me feel like i was dressed for winter, cuz i was wearing shorts over my bikini bottom. i can't wait until i'm comfortable with my body again.

but anyways.. yesterday me and katie went to enchanted forest. we met up with sarah, so that was fun. i saw marcus too. heh. interesting times. my mom says we're gunna go again in two weeks. i hope so.

ahhh....wednesday night when me and katie were online, we were talking to charles and he asked me if murphy could call me sometime and that he had my number he's just shy or something and that he'd go out with me. i hope he calls me soon. :)

i've decided that i am excited to go up to camp this weekend, or atleast just for the ride up there. it's suppose to be really nice, so i'm gunna just sit in the sun and go skiing and knee boarding all day.

well, i'm gunna go. have a killer weekend everyone. :)

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quick update. [13 Aug 2003|05:00pm]
[ mood | excited ]
[ music | the Used - Bulimic ]

katie's staying with me until the weekend and since none of m friends know about this thing, i probably won't write in here til next week. this weekend i'm going up to camp. i haven't been there this year like at all. i think i only went once and that really doesn'nt even count cuz i had to leave early to go to the Dead, moe., and willie nelson concert. so i'm kinda looking forward to it. kinda. but i know it' going to be boring.

i haven't talked to joey in a while. i really wanna hang out with him some more before summer's over. i hope he's okay. and on that note..fucken josh called kaite a fucken bitch and told us that he didn't care that sam broke up with him because she was 'boring as shit anyways'. i really wanted to go throught the computer screen and kick his ass last night. not only because he called katie a fucking bitch, but because he is really going to regret saying any of that shit to us b/c when he wants sam back again it's not gunna happen. soo anyways, the next time i see him i plan to bitch whcih i never do unless i really feel it's nessicary.

well i think i'm gunna go take a shower and go. maybe i'll write later. if not, have a good rest of the week and weekend everyone! :)

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updates. nothing, nothing, nothing. [11 Aug 2003|08:45pm]
[ mood | sleepy ]
[ music | Bright Eyes - Lover I Don't Have To Love ]

i suppose the reason i haven't written in here in a while is cuz nothing's happend really.

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..well i feel sick, and you just don't care anymore.. [06 Aug 2003|05:16pm]
[ mood | determined ]
[ music | SoCo -Globes and Maps ]

first day of diet: i did okay..i guess..but that's deff. not good enough. i was sitting in class thinking of how much weight i would lose if i just stuck to my diet. no junk food, dont eat until 12 and don't eat after 6. i'm going to plan my meals for this week so i don't go off my diet. i think that will help me stay focused on what i need to accomplish.

i was thinking about this yesterday, but i was too sick to my stomach to write it in here last night. the more that i think about having a real relationship, the more appealing it seems to me..i know this sounds kinda mean but with murphy gone and since tom doesn't go to fm anymore, i won't like anyone else except joey. or atleast i think. i guess i just don't really know at all. it just sounded better in my head last night.

every time he's online when i'm on somehow i think he's going to IM me and everything will be like it was before. he'll tell me how much he misses me. and then he'll call and we'll be together again. *sigh* i can only dream, but it breaks my heart to even dream about it.

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[05 Aug 2003|09:40pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]
[ music | the Used - Blue and Yellow ]

holy shit......... i NEED to lose this weight NOW!!!!! ugh i've gained so much weight. i can feel it. not to mention see it !! diet deffinietly starts tomorrow. there is no way out of it this time. i liked it when i drank so much water my throat hurt, it was a sign that it was working. but then i stopped. why? b/c everyone was getting suspious. well this time i don't care. i'm going to lose weight before school starts.

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[04 Aug 2003|07:42pm]
You're a Diamond. You seem like a cold and an
unreachable person outside, yet you are
beautiful inside and outside. You may be
stubborn at times. You act with grace and
elegance and you are a precious asset to all
your friends.

What Jewel Are You?
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[03 Aug 2003|09:53pm]
does anyone really read this thing anyway?
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he's a brick and i'm drowning slowly. [03 Aug 2003|01:41am]
[ mood | tired ]
[ music | Ben Folds Five - Brick & Magic ]

ugh..i ate way too much tonight. holy shit. it never ends. and atleast i felt kind of skinny today. but not now. now i feel like a mix between a cow and a whale. i can tell you this right now..i'm NEVER eating like that EVER again. it's so disguisting i feel so nasty. and to top this all off, i keep thinking about him. i can't help it either, i just do. well, hopefully the next time i see him i'll have dropped like 20 pounds. that'd be nice. thinsperation. maybe i should just sleep all this off. hopefully when i wake up i'll feel better. ha, i doubt it, i haven't been happy sice like 3 weeks ago when i last had a real conversation with him. *sigh* well, i think im gunna go to sleep since it's like two in the morning.

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just great. [31 Jul 2003|11:42pm]
[ mood | drained ]
[ music | Smashing Pumpkins - Perfect ]

you know the feeling when your just about to get over someone b/c you wanna know that you're strong enough to move on? ha yeah well it doesn't help when you see the person the beach..i thought i was going to die right then and there. i like started shaking and i got so sick to my stomach i thought i was going to throw up. i wish it never happened. and you know what? on top of that, i keep relializing how fucking much i'm going to miss murphy next year. :(

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so sick, so sick of being tired and oh so tired of being sick. [29 Jul 2003|10:53pm]
[ mood | depressed ]
[ music | Linkin Park - Somewhere I Belong ]

i wish i knew why i have these ups and downs cuz i'm sick of feeling this way. sick of feeling like shit all the time, sick of being depressed and annoyed all the time and sick of feeling fucking fat 24/7. damn..i ate WAY too much today. maybe that's the reason i feel like shit right now. when i got home, i felt like i was gunna throw up all over and my stomach hurt really bad. i just want to be okay and all happy again, like i was when i was little. i remember all these happy memories, and they make me wanna cry. sometimes i even do. i know. sad isn't it..

.....i wanna heal, i wanna feel what i thought was never real
i wanna let go of the pain i’ve felt so long
Erase all the pain till it’s gone
i wanna heal, i wanna feel like i’m close to something real
i wanna find something i’ve wanted all along
Somewhere i belong.....

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yeah, i'm sorry too. [28 Jul 2003|11:35pm]
[ mood | crushed ]
[ music | Smashing Pumpkins - Stumbleine ]

'i just wanna be friends.'

.........i knew it.
told you i couldn't win.
sigh...oh well.

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quizzes. [28 Jul 2003|07:13pm]
[ mood | bored ]

Courtney Love
Rock on. You're Courtney Love.

What sexy girl are you
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Blue info
Your Heart is Blue

What Color is Your Heart?
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Stoner Bear
Stoner Bear

Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?
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lol okay......

Gangsta Bitch!
You're Gangsta Bitch Barbie. You're tough and you
like it rough, and of course you like to pop a
cap in any wiggers ass.

If You Were A Barbie, Which Messed Up Version Would You Be?
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Hey dude, you are the typical stoner kid. Put down
the bong and pick up a book once in a while.
Try the Yellow Pages --look up Rehab.

What kind of typical high school character from a movie are you?
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