Danny's Blurty
 
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Below are the 2 most recent journal entries recorded in Danny's Blurty:

    Friday, July 23rd, 2004
    8:01 pm
    in my most protensious moments i am the saddest. also i think i have the biggest ego when im the saddest. becuase its then that i assume ill grow and be published and ill have movies and ill have music and ill have books and ill have drawings and paintings with my name on it. at my most hopless i dont think of anything except trying to breath deeper.

    logically the heart is associated with love and pain so much because thats were it hurts, deep in the middle tension reaches out and holds in my chest with nervous strands like hair. but then i wonder if it only hurts there becusae ive been brought up around the notion that the heart is the center of feelings. maybe i just associate the too things because ive heard terms like "heartache" "broken heart" what a trivial chain of thoughts, i hope im not as full of shit as i sound.

    thats what my biggest fear and most painful anxiety comes from. the fear of being an average little person whos personal dramas are no more special than anyones. im afraid i sit and make plans forever and then when i do somthing ill watch it, listen to it, read it, and realize how fake and phony the whole thing was. everytime i touche somthing im afraid it will turn to shit. and many times it has. occasionally ive noticed that i get a few things past myself. but then i usually get the feeling people arent really seeing what i am. i guess its really stupid of me to expect people wont understand. i like to believe i dont think im better than anyone else. because i know no one is better than anyone else. but then again i could be wrong about everything i think is right. thats the fear. ill see this in a few years and realize how immature and stupid i was.

    this place will have to do on lonely days between five and nine.

    somtimes it doesnt take a few years, somtimes, like right now, i know how full of shit i am. and backspace is just a click away, but ill leave it this time, so it all wasnt a total waste of keystrokes.

    British Sea Power and At the Drive-in

    feeling slightly blank
    7:50 pm
    strive to be him
    Pressure builds
    intangible, can’t grasp, to fast
    running through the silence in the apartment
    but slowly the sounds build, like the metronome
    broken faucet keeping beat of rising tension
    the sides of a skull can’t hold back a flood
    the ground tremors before volcanic eruption
    the chair creeks before his explosion
    now he is the calm and next
    will be the storm
    with the introduction of the song
    filling to the brim of anticipation
    and then the explosion of sound
    fills his ears and bursts the gates
    he is a force of nature
    his hands spew ash
    onto waiting canvas
    it’s high tide for creativity
    and a wave of work washes up
    on the walls and floor, balanced against chairs
    sinless gluttony of his artistic appetite
    indulging himself while he can
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