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Monday, May 23rd, 2011
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7:00 pm
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And I do want you to know, I'll hold you up above everyone.
And I do want you to know, I think you'd be good to me.
And I'd be so good to you, I would.
dear whoever you might be,
i'm still waiting patiently
Sincerely, me
Are you lost or incomplete?
Do you feel like a puzzle,
you can't find your missing piece?
Tell me how you feel..
Well, I feel like they're talking in a language I don't speak..
and they're talking it to me
And I say "baby, yes I feel stupid to call you, but I'm lonely
And I don't think you meant it when you said you couldn't love me
And I thought maybe if I kissed the way you do, you'd feel it too"
You learn a lot about people
When you listen to the songs that mean something to them
i dont think you realize how easy
it is for you to make me smile
and lying next to you, and hoping that it's true
and with you i'm truly in my element, my element with you
Snails see the benefits
The beauty in every inch
on the good ship, lollipop
its a sweet trip to a candy shop
where bon bons play
on the sunny beach and peppermint bay
lemonade stands everywhere
cracker jack bands fill the air
and there you are
happy landing on a chocolate bar
We both laugh, at the most random situations
That's the key, baby don't you agree?
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| Wednesday, May 18th, 2011
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11:07 pm
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i'm through with doubt
there's nothing left for me
to figure out
don't you think
I wish that I could stay?
your lips give you away...
cause i'm feeling like
i might need to be near you
sperate the space [b.e.t.w.e.e.n] love & lies
Dear friends of this academy
Oh, Romeo is bleeding to death
Thin- imbed gorgeous green eyes smiling & I'm going straight to hell
Darling, all of these awkward jumpstart-stalling conversations mean much more to me than anything
Oh, how I long to be found
theres a difference in what we long for, what we'd settle for, and who we are truly meant for.
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| Monday, May 16th, 2011
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10:29 pm
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To be brave is to love someone unconditionally, without expecting anything in return. To just give. That takes courage, because we don't want to fall on our faces or leave ourselves open to hurt
what a feelingg i cant describe,
i wanna hold you till' the morning light.
I got a first class ticket to a night all alone
And a front row seat up right by the phone
'Cause you're always on my mind
And I'm running out of time
I've got your hair on my pillow
And your smell in my sheets
And it makes me think about you
With the sand in your feet
Is it all you thought it'd be?
You mean everything to me
But I'm the first to fall,
And the last to know
everybody here is living life in fear of falling out of line.
tearing lives apart and breaking lots of hearts just to pass the time.
So buy me the ocean
And paint it with pretty stars
And sell me to something
Take me anywhere but here
With your words you pull me in, I always lose I just can't win
And though I see my heart is blind, it gives in every time
You've got me on constant repeat, I need a cure or a remedy
'cause if I stay there won't be, nothing left for me..
I'm holding on by letting go of you.
I love you, in a really, really big pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window, unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you.
So pick me, choose me, love me.
I've seen it a thousand times
Oh the fire we had before
Are now just bitter ashes
Left scattered on the floor
but now we speak with ruined tongues,
and the words we say aren’t meant for anyone.
it’s just a mumbled sentence to a passing acquaintance,
but there was once you.
you said you hate my suffering,
and you understood,
and you'd take care of me.
you'd always be there.
well, where are you now?
"I miss you more than you'll ever know"
these words are whispered day in & day out.
But he's not there to hear them.
He's out living his life.
& once she starts living hers again,
he comes around saying things like
"I love you baby" & "I can't believe I let you go"
& she buys his lies everytime
Every once in awhile I get lonely too.
But I'd rather be lonely then have the
"love of my life" sitting next to me
breaking my heart with every
"truth" that escapes his lips.
I'd rather be lonely then cry myself to sleep
night after night because "I messed up again"
I'd rather be lonely then
to settle for second best.
So I spend my days getting high and drifting away
Into an alternate universe where everything is still okay
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| Tuesday, May 10th, 2011
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6:03 pm
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We were on the phone when I made up my mind, I want you staple-gunned right to my side all of the time.
the distance makes the stronger weaken
so many days we'll never know
Here...
A little jealousy.
I hope you think of me.
Hope you wonder where I sleep at night.
Cause I feel like I'm inside out
You got me upside down.
Maybe I was holding on too tight.
Yeah, you're sorry,
I'm sorry,
everybody's sorry,
but... I can't do this anymore.
I can't. And I won't. I'm gone
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| Sunday, May 8th, 2011
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4:50 am
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I sit here this mothers day and I realize at 450 am how alone I really am. I mean I have my friends.... but tahts it. I dont rly see my family. I'm alone. Jess is married... Barbara is dating TJ.... I'm just alone.... Even bert has a boyfriend.
I feel completley and utterly undateable. I swear this is my lifes main focus... is finding a relationship.
current mood:  depressed
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| Tuesday, February 1st, 2011
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3:27 pm
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I am so afraid that when you die, its a black nothing.
Nothingness, for eternity. The world just stops. There is nothing. I am terrified.
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| Tuesday, December 28th, 2010
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2:51 pm
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if I could have one wish tonight
I'd wish upon a satellite
to bring me back to you
To continue loving somebody even though there's no chance of that love ever thriving...that's romance
The power of a glance has been so much abused in love stories, that it has come to be disbelieved in. Few people dare now say that two beings have fallen in love because they have looked at each other. Yet it is in this way that love begins, and in this way only... Nothing is more real than these great shocks which two souls give each other in exchanging this spark
I'm bouncin' off the walls again.
Woah.
If you'll be my star, I'll be your sky. You can hide underneath me and come out at night when I turn jet black and you show off your light. I live to let you shine
Hey Miss. Blonde Barbie doll
i just wanted to let you know
i fucked Ken last night
"do they collide?"
i ask and you smile.
with my feet on the dash
the world doesn't matter.
I'm your puppet I'll learn to love it and I'll undress if you need it but please don't need it if you need it I'll scream out weave a secret I will sweep it beneath the carpet where you'll keep it how weak is that? wish I was worth it to you review my wishes for fair weather 'cause I know if the clouds with rains or snows you wont be there how weak is that? wish I was worth it to you..
THIS IS WHAT I GET FOR WANTING MORE
Love cant make a home in these lonley bones
you're spending all your nights growing old in your bed and tearing up your photos cause you want to forget it's over..
Emotion is an accessory these days
so baby, dress me up in sincerity
let me just tell you one thing, i loved you
[01 Feb 2006|04:04pm]
broken up on little girl dreams
you'll always be my prince charming
and ill dream of your strong arms
protecting me
from
wasteheads, druggies
and new york muggers.
and the only place i wanna be in the world
is where you are
because i cant think anymore
about anything
other than the hug
and kiss
you gave me
3 months ago.
in muddy grass we stand side by side
with our knuckles interlocked.
The hardest things to say are the words that mean the most
So I'll bite my tongue till it bleeds and I doubt you'll even know
You should get a tattoo that says warning
Thats all, just a warning
So the potential victim
Can take a left and safe breath
And avoid you
my metaphors are dirty, like herpes, but harder to catch
my heart bleeds no more
now, it's been turned to stone.
your stomach feels sick for someone else.
i've broken both my legs falling for you.
drag me on the ground.
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| Saturday, December 25th, 2010
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2:53 pm
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I want to learn, how you save yourself for someone who, loves you for you. So many times we just give it away to someone who, couldn't even remember your name. Could you save yourself for someone who, loves you for you, loves me for me. Give it away to someone who someone who will cherish your name.
You left before I had a chance to say goodbye
But that's the way life usually is
it just passes you by
But you can't hold on to regrets
and you can't look back
So I'll just be thankful for the
times that I had with you
I hope I'm just like you
if you find yourself here on my side of town, i'd pray that you'd come to my door, and talk to me like you don't know what we ever fought about, cause i don't remember anymore. i just know that he warms my heart, and knows what all my imperfections are. and he said that i was the brightest little firefly in his jar
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| Friday, December 24th, 2010
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5:01 am
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I'm laying here in my bed, on christmas eve... stalking my ex on facebook. It took me a while to find him... but I did.. and well, I gotta say... I'm a complete fucking asshole.
I obsess over being in a relationship,and everyone that ive ever dated is always on my mind. IDK what to do about it. And I looked at his facebook, and realized how much of an asshole I was to him, and then I let him use me, and then I was an asshole again for good reason the last time. Now we dont speak, and I have been really missing him.
Is this part of my problem? I'm hoping not. I'm hoping that I wont have to think about him, or anyothers as time goes on, and me and him broke up in 2005. So you would think, 5 years later, I'm over it... =[
My exes come in and out of my life frequently. and IDK why. It irks me..
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| Wednesday, December 15th, 2010
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12:01 pm
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to me,
you're strange and you're beautiful.
you'd be so perfect with me
but you just can't see.
you turn every head but you don't see me
so brown eyes I'll hold you near
cause you're the only song I want to hear
a melody softly soaring through my atmosphere
Hang yourself like I've hung on to every word you've ever said
It seems like around Christmas time we're all hanging by thin strings,
I try to dry my eyes but the rain just seems to cling.
Sleep and hope for January
you're the worst actor that i've ever seen,
but if this script called for liars, you'd play the lead
you kissed me and i know
and i knew
you didnt mean it
Those boys tell all the lies that roll right past you: "I don't wanna fuck you, I just wanna hold you."
I'm sorry I'm not what you wanted.
don't worship me, I'm not what you need
My words are my words, nothing more
I love and hate just like you
I'm beautiful and weak just like you
I worship too
But disciples are such useless vessels
Empty and scarred and ready to receive
I'm here on my soapbox, listen to me
No, I'm here on my tip toes&push me
don't try to fuck me or conquer me
Just see me, I'm beautiful and weak just like you.
you said its dangerous to be so intimate
you know its dangerous its dangerous its dangerous
We've gotta fuck the ones we think we love. Just because it's human nature doesn't mean it's not fucked up
"I'd rather live knowing I'm not good enough, than live questioning whether or not I am."
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| Tuesday, December 14th, 2010
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1:24 pm
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i'm racking my brain trying to comprehend
how, for some unknown reason,
our status will remain as friends
i'm destroying my mind
trying to understand how with little to no effort
you've got me eating out of the palms of your hands
calm me with your lies your simple tragedy;
it's all i want to hear.
Step one light me of fire
Step two walk clean away
i wont burn long
and evidence of your done wrong
will be gone in seconds i swear
but if you got time anyway
why not watch me hurt?
yeah, ill save myself
as soon as i finish this perfect line across my arm.
why do i try so hard to fufill your needs,
when all you ever do is trash me?
they always say that theres that one person out there for everyone.
but what happenes if that one person dies? or gets married to someone other than you?
it doesnt work like that.
there will always be someone better than the one youre with.
When all you want is the will to get out of bed.
When all you want is some understanding.
Sometimes the inspiration, it never comes.
and the truth is...
I'm really sad
and I dont know how much longer I can do this
Sometimes the worst of us come out
at the most unscene times. But we learn
to move on and forget all our regrets.
i need you by my side; its you that helps
me find my courage and get by.
Its going to be a lonely winter without
my body in your warm sweatshirt,
and without being able to call you mine.
Just promise, promise me you won't forget me
I've got so much left to say
If every simple song I wrote to you
Would take your breath away
I'd write it all
I'll have to walk a thousand miles just to find the ground deserving of your feet.
You could throw me down and walk on me
and I'd just look on through my love and through the haze.
he'll never change
he's just too vague
he'll never say you're beautiful
How many special people change?
How many lives are living strange?
Where were you while we were getting high?
Slowly walking down the hall faster than a cannonball.
Where were you while we were getting high?
someday you will find me caught beneath the landslide
In a champagne supernova in the sky..
I've been biding my days,
you see, evidently it pays,
I've been a friend with unbiased views,
and then secretly lust after you
I know what it's like to want to die,
how it hurts to smile,
how you try to fit in but you can't,
how you hurt yourself on the outside
to try to kill the thing on the inside
Couldn't you just laugh until you choke, I wish you would
&& your face could make your eyes, cold and blue and lifeless
How did I ever fall for you?
Just like the weather
you disappoint me.
Self Medicate to try and match the feeling Anything to feel as beautiful
Means justified by the reason Love more. Lesser I'm loved And start to let go
Do your nights feel incomplete
without our phone calls?
Mine do.
And do your eyes feel like they're
burning out of your skull?
Mine too.
And is it just a little routine
that we're missing so bad?
Or is it the fact that we're both loosing the best friend we ever had?
Anyone is suitable for you, I guess, tonight
You weren't fazed
It's over with
You my beautiful
You weren't fazed
It's over with you my beautiful
With your beautiful blue and white
The first time that I saw those eyes
was the first time that I came undone
I guess I'll have to accept that my fate will consist of waiting for him for the rest of my life. Waiting on the boy who I know cares somewhere deep inside. He's just too scared to show it, of course. Thats all it is. Cowardice. You know what boys are like. But when he grows out of it, I'll be there. Like the sucker I've always been.
Everything You Say Is A Lie.
a LIE. LIE. LIE.
Yeah.
let's destroy each other cause we're too cool
for love lines, soft kisses over cheap wine.
Smoke me baby like your last cigarette whisper
to me, say "you'll never forget" could you
break my heart a little more? Shove my body up
against yours and kiss me like you mean it
anything worth a taste burns as it goes down.
Could you tell me I'm so Audrey Hepburn when
my hair falls to the side? and say
"Girl, I'm not here to love you tender, I'm
just here for the ride." Let's blind ourselves
by love and be deaf to all who say it's fatal.
It's not that we don't know,
It's just that we don't care
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| Monday, December 13th, 2010
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2:27 pm
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What I want is to be needed. What I need is to be indespensible to somebody. Who I need is somebody that will eat up all of my free time, my ego, my attention. Somebody addicted to me. A mutual addiction.
It's easy to cry when you realize that everyone you love will reject you or die.
The only difference between martyrdom and suicide is press coverage.
When we don't know who to hate, we hate ourselves.
I drink to stay warm and kill selected memories.
There is no right way or wrong way...you just have to live.
Everything I feel, feels wrong.
I didn't mean to make you want to leave.
You are giving up like they always said you would.
When people can't save us, we suddenly hate them.
You make me forget that I am alone.
Life's hard. It's supposed to be. If we didn't suffer, we'd never learn anything.
Different is not wrong.
But as bad as I am, I'm proud of the fact that I'm worse than I seem.
The windows to my sould are made of one way glass. Don't bother looking into my eyes, if there's something you want to knw, just ask!
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| Friday, December 10th, 2010
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4:26 am
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as soon as you left
when i stood up
i fell
its like you were my strength
as soon as you left
i ran into a wall
its like you were my sight
as soon as you left
i stopped breathing
its like you were my heart
as soon as you left
i was 6 feet under the ground
its like you were my life
but we can all tell
from the hospital bands
and the slits covering her arms
that shes not okay
We'll run away from everything
Lie to me,
Love me
We'll run away from everything
My head is saying
who cares about him
and my heart is screaming
i do- he's her drug
and she's addicted
Anyone is suitable for you, I guess.
You weren't fazed
You stole the life inside of me. I can’t breathe.
and oh how i wish i meant a little more
than a symphony of heavy breathing
and the friction of hips
Will someone dance away these tears with me tonight
I'm in love with you and I can't stop.
What's best for everyone is bound to hurt somebody.
What's best for everyone is killing me.
Let me down. Set me down. Let me down easy.
Blood crushed from a clock.
I'm in love but we just talk and your teeth make me weak
and you're keeping them from me.
YOU'RE BETTER OFF WITHOUT HIM.
DONT CALL HIM.
he's breaking your heart.
She's moved on.
and i feel sorry for you
because she thought you were the most amazing boy ever.
if she could have any guy in the world, she would have picked you above the others.
she thought you weredifferent.
she was wrong.
you're just another guy to her now.
Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
Swear I knew it all along
And I am flawed, but I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself
i want everyone to comment me back.
and tell me what "i miss you" means to you.
cause i'm starting to think everyone's lost touch of what it actually means.
xo
if i act like i own the place
it's because i do
My worst nightmare has come true, I'm nothing to you
and I wish you would stay the night
&I wish I could wake up next to you
&&I wish you would love me back
cant we just spend an hour or two in the back seat of a school bus
with a roll of tin foil...
will you make me a tinfoil tiara with your tinfoil gloves
ill be the tinfoil queen and i will rule your tinfoil heart
When I looked at you for the first time, and I mean really looked at you..... it was like time stopped and you were all i could see at that moment. And now, theres this hole in my chest, because I know that I can never have you the way I want you. I really do want to keep you forever... but you belong to her.. so I have to let you go and live with this hole in my chest. Hopefully find someway to patch it up in time... Always know that I love you... and you are my best friend.
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| Friday, November 19th, 2010
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7:04 pm
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I gotta say... when we started this fling we have going on, i really believed you when you said that you werent going to sleep with anyone else and if you did you would tell me.. Then you told me that you never did this before. Almost a year later (TODAY) you tell me that youve been sleeping with other people. Now, I know you have been, and havent been telling me. And I wonder what else you have told me that isnt remotley close to the truth. I'm starting to doubt any faith I had in you.
I never took the time to get to know someone like I have with you. And it hurts to know that I havent really gotten to know you the way I thought I did. And any ounce of respect I had for you, is pretty much gone.
I hate men. Why do they have to do this to me?
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| Tuesday, November 9th, 2010
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6:29 pm
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I understand that I no longer come first because I had a child. But ever since I was a kid, I was never shown the respect I deserved as their child, and it turned out that thats the reason I have no respect for them anymore.
I told my dad I was going to use the TV in the attic for myself b/c my remote is fucked up and I cant reach the TV when it is so high up on the wall. He could not give me an actual reason as to why he doesnt want me to have it. The reasons he gave me were:
you leave the TV on all night long
you dont deserve anything better than what you have
i dont want you to have it.
I guess the last one is the actual reason.
Then, my child gets sick. I have a migrane thats thru the roof. Now I know shes not really sick. Shes pretending b/c I'm sick. I went to the walk-in clinic today and I was told I have the flu and I HAVE to stay in bed or it could turn into pneumonia. LMFAO.
Then my mother walks in. She sees that I'm awake, and starts screaming at me. I tell her to stop talking so loud, she gets louder. I tell her that I have a migrane, I get "I DONT CARE ITS NOT ABOUT YOU TODAY!"
So now I'm in bed with a 102.3 fever, a migrane, and im ready to kill someone.
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| Friday, October 29th, 2010
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7:37 pm
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We both understand we've got no way back, our love was strange in a strange land. We got broken wings, we were bound to fall. Until the sun comes up, you can hold my hand.
he holds a certain gesture when we're loving
to ask each other "do you want it? do you want me?"
i want it. it is you.
you are where i want to be.
kissing is the most effective tool we have in fighting fascism. don't doubt it and don't stop it.
He was not my boyfriend. On the other hand, he wasn't just a friend either. Instead, our relationship was elastic, stretching between those two extremes depending on who else was around, how much either of us had to drink, and other varying factors. This was exactly what I wanted, as commitments had never really been my thing. And it wasn't like it was hard, either. The only trick was never giving more than you were willing to lose.
I've never seen a smile that can light the room like yours - it's simply radiant. I feel more with everyday that goes by. I watch the clock so i can make my timing just right. would it be okay, would it be okay if i took your breath away?
Cause I need you like the dragonfly's wings need the wind, Like the orphan needs home once again, Like heaven needs more to come in, I need you here
Dante believed God punished suicides by trapping the person's spirit in a tree trunk. On Judgment Day, they were the only sinners who didn't get their souls back, because they tried to get rid of them once before.
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7:36 pm
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"I think about the person I used to be, and she seems so far away. She walked fast, I walk slow. She stayed up late and got up early, I sleep. I feel like if she gets any farther away, I won't be connected to her at all anymore."
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1:43 am
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you're my something.
you are my everything.
you're the one that makes me feel alive.
you end my suffering.
you end my misery.
you're the one that makes me feel alive
<3
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| Sunday, October 24th, 2010
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9:17 pm
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Last night I talked to him on the phone for a while after I got home ..
He told me that he only has his sights set on me, and that he doesnt want anyone else. He said that the only way he would leave me alone is if I broke his heart, and that I will always be a part of him and he will always be a part of me.
I gotta say. Even after a year of hearing this, he still seems to good to be true.
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| Monday, October 18th, 2010
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6:57 pm
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I let you see a side of me that I don't share with anyone.
Promises are just words unless they are fulfilled.
Knew from the beginning all I had to offer you was my heart,
I'm just sorry that it wasn't enough.
So, we'll go our own ways,
And hopefully you'll remember these things I've told you,
Hopefully you'll understand that everything I said is in sincerity.
A broken heart is not what I wanted from this,
But I guess I've learned from it.
But aren't you supposed to learn from your mistakes?
I don't consider this a mistake,
I just wish the story didn't end this way,
Cause I'm still in love with the person who helped me write it.
Remember when you held my hand like you'd never let it go?
Remember when we talked about where we'd be a year from now?
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