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niki

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stuck [20 Mar 2007|11:25pm]
in that place where you don't know how to move forward, but you can't go back. i thought i was pretty grown up by now, but i guess not. recent events have shown i am completely ignorant to this whole adult world of relationships and i just don't know what to do about it. sigh. i need a drink, oh wait, i just had three. sigh, i need another drink.
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12 days and counting..... [02 May 2006|05:38pm]
that's right folks, only 12 more days of actual school for this girl. graduation is just around the corner and it feels like the only thing teachers care about is just cramming in that one final project. it just makes you want to get the whole high school "experience" over with, before you decide it would be better to just strangle anyone in close enough proximity, rather than do the busy work you know the teacher is only going to grade for completion points. damn those completion points, the bane of my existance! i can't believe its really going to be over, i'm so excited! no more early mornings! yay! no more annoying principals and administrative staff who piss me off! oh goody! and besides, i'm going to get to see all my family and friends! yay! ok, i'll see everyone soon! oh, i can't wait for all this to be over, i think the only thing i'll miss is my friends, but at least there won't be that many stupid people in college, right?
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prom baby! [09 Apr 2006|11:48pm]
dress...check. shoes...check. purse...check. friends (lauryn and emily)...check. ticket...check. mom's digital camera...check. so what don't i have, a limo (gonna use the convertiable), a place to eat, tunes for the road, cool dance moves, and emily's ticket. shoot. i'm so excited! i still have a lot to do! but this year the theme is "midnight mascarade" which is lame, and its at jillian's at desert ridge. nothing says prom like a 45 dollar ticket to the mall. woot! you know what else, prom means that its almost graduation. ack! now i'm nervous! ahhh! this entry is pretty random, but i don't care, because my head is pretty scattered around right now anyway. did i mention i have the worst case of senioritis ever. i do absolutley nothing in 5 of my 7 classes. how crazy is that. and the 2 i actually do stuff in is totally half-assed. in acadeca, ms.batsell just sends us to the library cause she doesn't want to deal with our obnoxious lack of enthusiasm as they start next year's ciriculum. ho hum, i want a plum. okay, starting to get weird, so i'll stop.

p.s. i got an exceeds expectations on my wombat!
5 comments|post comment

the corporation [03 Apr 2006|11:39pm]
you know how sometimes you have a conversation, or read a book, or something happens that changes the way you look at the world? well, that happened to me today. we all know how bad walmart is and how big companies like coke and mcdonalds are souless profit making machines, but i never really thought about how much these corporations affect my life, without me even knowing it. the movie brought to light so many issues and i learned so much. things like how a US based corp privatized all the water, steams, rivers, even the rainwater in Cochabamba, Bolivia, so that people who made 2 dollars a day had to pay 1/4 of their income to get drinking water, and the government of bolivia supported the company when the people rioted. people actually died over water, how depressing is that, people died over something i can walk across the room to get. other ridiculous things like major corporations actually patenting human genes, owning them, like the breast cancer gene, so when a cure is discovered, they can turn a profit. if you ever get a chance, i highly recommend that you see this movie. my explanation does not do it justice, but i can say that it has left a profound effect on the way i now view society, and our world.
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sometimes, life is just not how you want it to be. [13 Mar 2006|01:22am]
no one really takes dissapointment well, thats why its dissapointment. so besides totally not doing that well at state, i had fun. staying in a hotel was exciting and i got to know some of the other kids better. but now that its over, i realize the connections i made with these people are gone, and it'll never be the same again. after avoiding facing the future, or even thinking past state, it all kinda washed over me in a giant wave, and i feel like i'm drowning in it. i am unprepared for the next stage of my life. its coming too fast, and i can't stop it. i'm going to lose friends soon, people i genuinely like. even tho people say they're going to keep in touch, it won't be the same, even if we don't lose contact. if this is growing up, i honestly would prefer to stay a kid for the rest of my life. but that is not an option, so i need to accept the fact, that for once in my life, when i've made friends on my own, i will lose them, and i can't do a godamn thing about it. i mean, i love all the friends i have that are thru becky, and you are my real friends, but this is like being slapped in the face by a non-existent god. i finally open myself up to others after getting over that rejection in sophmore year, and its like it doesn't even matter. this shit is just playing off of my insecurities and i'm becoming more so every day. no one can help me with this, its something everyone has to deal with on there own. i'm sorry this is so heavy, and a lot of it might not make sense, but i don't want to go into too much detail in case the wrong people see it, tho it is a highly unlikely possibillity. i'm not even going to go into the boy drama running rampant in my head. its so hard to not be able to tell some of my friends about it because i can't tell anyone who really knows him. but it hurts so much. i don't want to like him, it hurts, there are no fucking words to describe how much it hurts. sigh. at the risk of sounding suicidal, i want it to just end.




ps i stole amanda's icon one day, and look, it came in handy.
5 comments|post comment

i'm so stressed out, i think i'm gonna rip all my hair out; that would suck cuz then i'd be bald! [07 Mar 2006|04:52pm]
so, um yeah. state is friday for acadeca, and i'm nervous/excited. i want to do well, but i don't think i will do too great and i don't want to let the team down, ya know. then there's all this shit with college i have to figure out. dad's pissed off because i'm not going to Nau, and is so on edge about everything, and yelling, and calling me shit that i don't deserve to be called. honestly, he is making this whole thing be a lot harder than it has to be. i know he only wants whats best for me, but he needs to realize its my decision where to go to school. then thered actually applying for housing, orientation, financial aid, registering for classes, making all the payments, and trying to balance all this shit with school now. and my mom, who for some crazy reason didn't want me to get my senior pictures done at grads, finally decided she wants them done by this guy, asks me my opinion about the options, completely ignores what i say, and decides on her own what she wants FOR me, and wants me to call up the salon and make a hair appointment, even though i don't need one that bad. whatever. ugh, and prom is in april, and i need to get a dress and figure that whole mess out. i hate my life right now. ok, not really hate, but maybe really really, really dislike. i know i'm sounding complainy and stuff, but i have so much crap going on and i need to vent. thanks for reading this and feel free to take a stab at being an unlicensed therapist and give me advice:)

oh, the icon is like how i feel right now: harry and ron are the world and i'm snape and i just want to stab everyone in the mouth!
6 comments|post comment

Hot Patootie! [27 Feb 2006|09:00pm]
i had to get my rhps fix. its official, i've succumbed to the trend of posting all my quizzilla results in my blog. i am now one of the masses. i have been assimillated ibto the fold! no, no, no...NOOOOO! all i wanted to do was share my awesome results, i didn't mean any harm! anywho... here it is.
rhps lips
YOU ARE A ROCKY GOD! You know this movie, you could

dress up as Frankie, and pull it off in

style! You can recite the whole damn movie

and sing every friggin song! YOU KICK ASS!!


Whats your Rocky Horror IQ?
brought to you by Quizilla
CMyDocumentsLAURENSFILESeddie.jpg
Your ideal match is Eddie! An ex-delivery boy.

He's a saxophone rock and roll player, who

may not be the most attractive fellow but

will treat you nicely. Until he is brutally

murdered, that is.


Who is your ideal Rocky Horror Picture Show mate?
brought to you by Quizilla
You Are Columbia
You are Columbia!


What Rocky Horror Picture Show Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
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an even trade [25 Feb 2006|01:24am]
so i totally meant to go to school today, but yeah, that did not happen. went to a new dermatologist, got my wart burnt off (it smelled like burger king), went to ross with mom, went to el encanto dos (the new and "improved " shelaligh's), and watched mindless tv. i've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and decided a few things. i'm different now, but i don't think anyone's noticed the change but me. inside, i have a new perspective, and i look back and see my old self as a completely different person. i suppose this is growing up, but i always thought it would happen all at once, not this gradual shift into a new skin, like a snake shedding its dead scales. or maybe like in shrek, i'm an onion, i've got layers. see, that's the old me...still weird and goofy and not entirely serious. but everyone evolves, and i'm excited now, about the future, about life. its never been like this, like i have something to live for. i guess cutting off a physical part of me was the catalyst that helped me realize the changes within myself. so i can't hate the wart, and i'll always have the scar, a physical reminder of this new part of my life.
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car wash, duct tape, and chuck norris [16 Feb 2006|11:27pm]
today rob and i spent all of sociology looking up chuck norris facts on his sidekick. my favorite one is "chuck norris' tears cure cancer. too bad he has never cried." another goodie, "chuck norris can slam a revolving door." in other news, i still have this stupid wart, and the doctor told me to put duct tape on it. DUCT TAPE! he didn't burn it off, or freeze it off, or even look at it for more than 3.6 seconds, he just told me to put a piece of freaking household tape on it. grr. today was shay's first day at work (shay's my friend who i got a job for at my job). i dropped her off at three and had an hour to kill before my shift started so i thought i'd go get the car washed since the black convertible top looked suspiciously like it was naturally brown. i've never paid eight dollars and had so much fun by myself. who knew the combination of tri colored foam, swirlling streams of high pressured water and being in a car while the under carriage was washed could be so exciting. i'm going to crown king tomorrow, to spend time with daddy. i haven't been up there in like...six months, at least. who likes my icon? well you better, because i freaking made it. oh yeah bitches, check out my mad pixelating skills. um, nothing left to say, so, um..the end.
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i am officially a masochist [11 Feb 2006|10:56pm]
[ mood | melancholy ]
[ music | elliot smith...always good when you feel like dying ]

*sigh* why do i have to be like this? why can't i be a normal girl and move on when i know for a fact he isn't interested? i put myself through all this shit, when i know nothing will ever happen. why can't i just be happy with what i've got? *sigh* my brain is telling me to get over it, because its like beating a dead horse, but my heart is hoplessly pining away. damnit. note to self: quit being such a baby and get over it. *sigh* it isn't working.

8 comments|post comment

We will destroy you in your sleep..... [05 Feb 2006|12:04pm]
[ mood | jubilant ]
[ music | damn birds outside my window won't shut the hell up!! ]

Acadeca was this friday and saturday. We destroyed at regionals. Out of 29 teams, we placed third in overall..... superquiz..... AND superquiz relay! thats two trophies, a plaque, and two medals for each person on the team. individually, jared on our team got NINE medals, three gold, three silver, and three bronze!! Mike got a bronze for speech, and a silver in MATH! we failed math sophmore year together!!! insane!! and he dropped math this semester! lauryn's 18th b-day was saturday and she got a silver medal in lang and lit. i'm so proud of her! i took her to claim jumper afterwards, and am still making her presents (janet and rocky....damn those gold underwear). i cannot wait for state, i vow to annihilate in science, as it is my speciality. and i will divide and conqer in superquiz. i helped us win the relay portion by getting 4 out of 5 right. the rest of arizona's decathaletes better get ready to die, because we are going to destory you in your sleep...

4 comments|post comment

so you'll quit bugging me..... [21 Jan 2006|12:02pm]
[ mood | bitchy ]
[ music | the last coyote in desert hills ]

its official, i got one. i am now a part of the revolution.....viva la blurty. can't you just see the sarcasm rolling off the screen in waves of technicolor brilliance? maybe next entry i won't be so cranky. maybe.

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