| Wednesday, December 9th, 2009 |
| 10:48 am |
My dad
My dad brought many smiles to my face during my childhood. He was the only one that really made my childhood happy, fun, great mememories! |
| Monday, November 9th, 2009 |
| 10:29 am |
Another story about me and my dad.
my dad and I played bingo once. We agreed to split the winnings. I was underage so really the winnings would be his. I won $75. I owed him a lot of money for shooting my BB Gun at his landlord's car. The damage for was around $250. Instead of tearing my butt up right then he decided to let me work off my debt. I had to work at his job. He had to stack bags of chips at supermarkets. I normaly help in order to stay away from my mom and Larry. I pulled off out dated bags of chips, dumped them out, then flatten them out for the company to get. Then I would preopen the boxes and flatten out boxes to stack better. It was hard work for a 10-11 yrs old boy. He paid me $10 an hour to pay off the $250 debt. Well when I won $75 that cut my debt inhalf. He said that will be off what I owed him but I thought just by workin with him counted of course. Inever knew I would win real cash. Well we got in a huge fight and at that time we were taking busses to get me home. While we were waiting for the bus i decided i was going to be a pain in the butt. When the bus arrived I didn't move. My dad has never hit me or even grabbed at me so because of me being a pain in the butt we missed the bus.While we waited for the next bus it started to rain. We were in the bad part of town. I mean really bad where all the businesses were borded up and spray painted on the boards. the only shelter was a tiny phone booth, remember those glass boxes with the folding doors. We ran to that and hide in there while it rained. We were soaked. While in the telephone booth we made up. i don't remember much of the incident after that. |
| Thursday, November 5th, 2009 |
| 8:36 am |
Button game with my mom
I can't remember 100% of how the button game came about but i do remember my mother drawing three buttons, stop, slow, and button for fast. The button game started when I licked my mother's vigina. she would tell me to lick fast, slow, or stop licking. I taped the button drawing on my dresser. I then layed down and let Alicia sit on my face. I licked her vigina until she reached orgasm. She then got off my face and push the stop button. I remember much about how or what my mom explain about me to Alicia but for a while only way I got to lick Alicia was the buttons and only when my mom drew them then sent Alicia to my room. I was asked how do I know my mom never watched Alicia and me. I don't think my mom ever watched us because it wasn't sexual to her. It was a way for her to get us away for a little while. NOw when Larry was really trading sex with me with her i remember getting caught many tiems, licking and humping other young girls, and my mom covered it up so fast. Of course I thought it was out of love and protecting her investment. YOu see the only way she was able to have sex with Larry was if Larry could have sex with me. So in many ways I was an investment to her. I think this was her only ay of showing love. This way is the only way she knew how. I never asked why. I just did what i was told. |
| 8:26 am |
About my dad
I had good times with my dad. Some would say we did small crime and a father wasn't suppose to do those things with a son. But I feel as I look back on the things we did that I pushed him in doing them than him pushing me. It wasn't major things. Such as we would set small fires in the BBQ grill at parks with wood and leave it going. Then watch the fire departments come and put the fire out. We shot illegal fireworks. We sometimes climbed on roofs of tall buildings that we shouldn't have been climbing. There are other small stuff we did that is best unshared. I can look back now and realize that sometimes he couldn't tell me no because he wanted to make me happy and make up for lost time. Some of the father and son times have brought back good mememories and brought a smile to my face. |
| 8:21 am |
About my dad
My dad's mother died when he was 13yrs old. His mother was a typical mother. She did what husband asked, cooked, cleaned, etc. Over many years I have tried to ask my dad about his past and his family tree. He doesn't open up very well. His childhood was so bad he shuts down or talks in a depressed manner. I really don't know much about his childhood. I do know now that he doesn't talk to them and he feels as a loner, outsider. His past and what made him who he is today is a subject I want to know about very much but I don't ask. I know how upsetting it is to him. He wants to know about my past such as the abuse my mother put me through but I can't tell him for the same reason he cant tell me of his past. Another reason is I fear the safety of my mother if my fahter knew everything. Even though she has done the things she has I still love her. I guess some things about our past is just best unshared. |
| Tuesday, November 3rd, 2009 |
| 12:47 pm |
My dad and me
I remember a time I was with my dad and I was around the age of 10 or 11. I had a huge addiction to sparkling flavor water. My favorite was berry. It had a lot of sugar in it. I held the bottle tight to my lips and shook the bottle back and forth. Wow! Soemthing happened and half of the bottle sprayed all over the car like champain exploded. my dad freaked out. he pulled the car over. With a lot of cursing he cleaned the car up the best he could. Well months even years later we couls still find drop splatters. when this is brought up to this day we laugh about it. |
| 12:27 pm |
a little about my mother
A friend of mine explained the reason my mother buged me all the time. One minute she was nice then next she did things I still to this day don't understand. My friend looked at it from this point of view. My mother had so much built up stress during her life. I was always there to take the bunt of the stress. I was a way of letting her stress out. Not an excuse to do it. But still it happened. Parents tend to let out their stress on their children because the child is there to take it. No matter if I was her release or not and not matter what she has done over the years I have always loved her. Thinking in this matter helps me to forgive her a little more. Some of the things was just wrong. Some of the treatment I was put through was more as entertainment in a childish way. I have to look her as in being not all there, still a child herself. I have heard people say that the brain slows down at the age of sexual assult. i believe this because there are times I still fell 11-12 yrs old in some of the decisions I make on a daily basis. What I have learned over the years is my mother was molested between the ages 2-5. So for her to tease me as a mean girl in a playground this statement fits. |
| 12:25 pm |
Life's story
this is the story of my life. It will be graphic at times but it is my life, my thoughts, my opinion. |
| 12:25 pm |
I have been writing my life's story down and I have only shared a tiny part of who I am. I am a little overwhelmed because I have so much to say, to write about. A friend of mine said it will take a good 18 months to write it down. So I better get started. Now this is the rough draft so bare with me. Maybe my words will help someone one day. |