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22nd January 2003

10:55pm: Waking up into this world.
I've been waking up into this world more, realizing what is going on. We are responsible for ourselves, no one else is. How is life, a series of chapters in the book of our life.
Lately I haven't been sleeping well, my sleeping patterns are still a bit out of rhythm. I cannot remember the last time I slept and woke up refreshed. I still have strange dreams. Waking up in a cold sweat. I think my body is teaching me how to wake up "properly"?
I've decided to stop letting life pass me by. For so long I have just waited for the right things to fall in my lap. Now sometimes it is necessary to let life run its course, but sometimes you need to run your life yourself. If fate exists, then it is not needed; you are just spinning your wheels, because your life will find its course no matter what!

20th January 2003

11:51pm: Short Term Memory Loss
"I have to do something about my short term memory [loss], but I keep forgetting."
-Some Mechanic.

Good deeds, vs. sins. What you believe is good, is it good? Maybe, but what about guilt for innocent things? Is it possible to simplify life, can issues really become black and white, I wish it were that easy, but why isn't it? I try not to judge others, but sometimes I cannot help it. I do feel guilt rising up from within me.

Intimidation draws the wind from your sails.

19th January 2003

10:40pm: I am the negative of myself...
I am the negative of myself, an equal but oppisite.
I feel like an insane person, inside a mental intitution with no walls, where I don't even know that I am here. I feel like I'm living a "normal" life though. Maybe it's just normal in another reality.
Remember your past, but must you forget it? "Conspiracy" of an alter past?

I'd like to write a book... "Ravings of a Madman, Common Sense (knowledge, thoughts, intelligence?) for us all."

New thoughts to life... Take care of things right away, if possible. Life is balanced: Creativity is good, but no all the time.
No good or evil, just "is"

Is this world copying me? Have I opened up too much? Trends? Theory of Everything? Unified Theory.
Can one person make a difference? What was the purpose of this universe? To create us?

Limiting yourself with your mind, anything is possible in infinity7, including nothing, but does that create a paradox? A nothing would seem to be infinity, but would be infinately small, quick and too tiny. A non-infinity within infinity.

Money sucks, get a job. Downward spiral: wants vs. needs.

Feeling the future. Just open your mind. Examine the possibilities, but just choose the right one.

Tonight's meditation will be trying to think the infinate but the nothing, but knowing/feeling the infinate.

1st January 2003

1:10pm: New to this...
Well folks... This is my first journal entry. Actually today is not the first of Jan. It is April 24th. I'm just having this entered on this day for two reasons:
1. Keeping it simple.
2. I have some earlier entries from another journal which I'm going to copy into this.

So isn't this just peachy. I'm actually going to be working on this to store ideas for a book. But we will have to see how it works out, ya know?
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