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Tuesday, June 15th, 2004

Subject:honestly...
Time:11:48 pm.
Mood:i wish.
Music:i'm real- j.lo and ja rule.
I'm so happy I got my belly button pierced!!! I can't wait till it heals =]

I REALLY want to get fucked up. I want to get really drunk and/ or high... and I want a cigarette. I think I might on Monday or some day around then... I don't know, I guess I just am self destructive kinda. I think I'm bipolar, and if I am, that's probably the reason why. I don't have the guts to tell someone though because the logical thing to do is to tell my mom, but I can't tell her something like that.

I also really want to cuddle with a guy... I want someone to really care about me and carry me to the bathroom when I'm puking form drinking too much. I want him to stroke my hair and kiss my forehead. I want a really sweet guy.

Oh well.
leave me one <3

Sunday, June 6th, 2004

Subject:Anticipation
Time:9:06 pm.
Oh my god, I can't wait for so many events that are coming up!
1. There is only 3 days left of school, and they are short days! Finals though. =p
2. Even though I have a bunch of practices this week and the recital is on my birthday (Saturday), I'm happy because dance is almost over! Also, my friends are coming to see me. Hopefully, my mom will let me have a sleepover party, but I doubt it because she's not the type to have 10 teenagers over the house. She says she doesn't want to "babysit." Grr. I just want to have SOME type of fun on my birthday...
3. I'm going to sleep over my friend Kala's hizzouse soon (her dad's house) and he lets her and her friends drink as long as they sleep over. Yay!!!!
4. My best friend's ex-boyfriend Mike, who is now a friend, has a fake ID that says he's over 21. We had to convince him, but he's gonna buy alcohol for us! We're paying him extra for his services lol. We're all going to his lakehouse that is in the middle of nowhere and nobody is there. I think us three are gonna take a few other people, too. Possibly our friends Audrey and Steve. The more the merrier, eh? Also, Mike might buy us cigarettes, too. Donna and I have been trying to obtain cigarettes for a while, but it hasn't happened yet. Maybe it will now.
5. It's finally getting hot out! My favorite season is summer. I love going to the beach. Normally I go with Donna and her family. It's really fun. Last summer, we met a few guys who are friends now. They are from NJ, and one is from Texas.
6. I still hope my parents are gonna let me get my belly button pierced for my birthday! I REALLY want it done, I think it looks cute/pretty/sexy. And, it might take the attention away from my big lovehandles. Hehe.

I'm happy, cause today I bought 4 things:
1. A pink Jansport bookbag thats really big and nice. For only $20. Aren't they normally like $60?
2. A brown shirt from AE that's really soft. (And matches my flip flops.)
3. A pink AE tank thats really pretty with palm trees and beads on it. On sale for $10!
4. Denim shorts from Aero because I didn't have any good shorts.

Now I'm not gonna buy anything for another like... 3 months. School clothes maybe and thats about it. We're getting a dress code next year, and it sux! Nobody wants it. Oh well, though. Now I don't have to put as much thought into what I'm wearing. And, my parents won't have to spend as much money on me and make me feel bad.

<3 Candy
leave me one <3

Wednesday, June 2nd, 2004

Subject:I feel clean.
Time:8:36 pm.
Mood: bored.
Music:Jojo... ?.
I just got out of the shower. I love showers! Haha I imagine it is a waterfall sometimes (when I take a cold shower.) I know, I'm weird. I cut my ankle shaving, though. =p Before the shower, I was at dance lessons. Hence the reason for the shower at night. Hmm... should I scrunch my hair or straighten it for school tomorrow? I'm SO happy tomorrow is the last full day of school! After that, I have four days of finals and I get out early. Wednesday is the last day. Wow. This year went by SO fast. Faster than any other that I could recall. I'm going to be a sophomore... woohoo! One more year closer to graduating high school! (Then again, I don't know if I really want to graduate... I have no clue what to do after high school. It's almost a definite that I am going to college, though.) I can't wait for college. I definitely want to go somewhere far enough that I have to stay in a dorm, because I don't want to stay at home at all. My family pisses me off. Especially since a couple months ago I got caught doing drugs, and a month after that I got caught riding in the car with my friend who just got her license... and obviously I wasn't supposed to be doing either of the above... so it resulted in a month of being grounded for each. Now, I am ungrounded, but of course there is now limits to what I can do. I.e. I can't go to the mall ( I LOVE THE MALL!!) because that mall is where I got the marijuana from, and my parents found that out from my friend's parents who caught us. Haha speaking of that night of getting caught... My friend Donna and I had shots of scotch (80 proof) and we also smoked pot out the window... (stupid idea... but we were already drunk and not thinking.) It was the worst time EVER out of all the times I've done it. I was hearing pounding inside of my head that wasn't real, but extremely loud. My heart was beating so fast, I was so numb I couldn't feel a thing, I was shaking, and extremely sensitive to being touched. Donna also talked like a retard... I don't know if it was just the way I was hearing it or if she was actually talking like that. Also I don't remember things in a sequence of events, just chopped-up memories of events that occured. If I had a few more shots of scotch, I could have died. Yeah, so to sum it up... it was really scary and I thought I was going to die. Sorry for rambling on about that, but it's just one of the major things that has happened to me and I thought I should just mention it, I guess. Also, to any of you who read this, it might serve as a deterrent to using pot/ and or alcohol. DON'T DO WHAT I DID! (I'm kind of being hypocritical though b/c I still drink... just not pot. I also tried vicodin but it was just stupid b/c the only thing it does is make you tired.)

So anyway, my birthday is June 12... in a week and 3 days. It is also the day of my dance recital. =[ I want to do what I want on my birthday... not have my dance recital! I hate dance most of the time, but I have been doing it for so long (since I was 4) that I feel I just can't quit. Also, the studio would be losing a dance teacher if I quit. I help out the dance director with dancers a little bit younger than me. I hate it. I think sometime around my birthday I'm going to an amusement park with friends. It's about an hour and a half away. I LOVE COASTERS AND WATERPARKS!!! I can't wait. Also another good thing around my birthday is that I think my parents are gonna let me get my belly button pierced for my birthday!! It woouldn't be ON my bday though because of my recital... imagine that... trying to dance with a new hole in your belly button... OW. So I'm waiting until June 15 b/c they are closed the 2 days after my birthday. Yaay, I can't wait.

I'm done for now, that was loooong!
*Candy*
leave me one <3

Tuesday, June 1st, 2004

Subject:First Entry
Time:9:06 pm.
Mood: content.
Hey everyone, this is my first entry. Woohoo! Well, I'll make an actual entry later! =]
leave me one <3

Blurty for Candy.

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