Last night, just wow. I am in such a content state of mind right now because of last night. I went to Zero gravity, and here is a post I put on the FreeSpyrit board because of it......
This is going to be long, and sort of an emotional outlet, but i hope some of you feel the same.........
Last night was probably one of the most intense experiences of my life from dancing and music, for many reasons.
I danced my ass of last night. And not my usual "Im dancing because I do love to dance," but I felt a connection with the music that I haven't felt in so, so long. I danced with my eyes closed, felt the music, saw the music, and the vibe of the others there last night combined gave me a high greater than anything I've felt in so long, and yes, I was 100% sober. My friends that were there made me feel "myself" again, and as some of you know, I've been through so much shit this past year that has changed me and altered the way I am. I became a mother, which was a gift and I can not thank God enough every day for this beautiful life that I get to hug and kiss everyday. I was diagnosed with depression, and thats been hard, because I did not want to accept that. I found out 4 days ago that I have cervical cancer cells, and although they can remove all of the cells without chemo, that is scary to live with, and to know I will always need to go through this for the rest of my life. I have met so many people since my daughter was born that have graced me with something that I can honestly say I never had before, and that is true friendship. All of you, some of you more than others just because of some times weve had together, are my friends, and I dont call just anyone my friend. Everyone of you have a small part in making me who I am, and I thank you for it.
Music is my life, and the people that are able to dance beside me and smile when we both know in our hearts that together, us and the music, and the people around us, THAT is true happiness. I looked around last night at some people, Paulo and Laz in particular, and just damn, it made me smile to know that what I was feeling, I know they were feeling too. It was just awesome. At one point of the night I started dancing and was so into the dancing that I danced as I never had before. My body hurt, I was tired, but the music still moved me. Last night was such an emotional release, and I am so glad that I got to share it with some of the people from this board, and talk to some of you and get to know you all better, see old friends, and hey, I even wore candy! It was just awesome. Seeing the dedication in Omar, and talking to him realizing how blind he is, and how he is such an amazing DJ, it made me want to cry, it seriously did. There is a place in my heart for musical dedication like that, its just sick and awesome. Last night I felt something I havent felt in so long, and it revived my faith in music, before I was ready to stop partying just because I was SO SICK of some stuff, but now? Never. I will always love the music, I will always love dancing, and I will always love those that I call my friends. With that, Im out.
I put that post up because damn, what a fucking amazing night. I had so much fun, was dead tired, but was just in awe of the music, the people, and most of all, Omar and Spacegirl. Vlada rocked, got to meet and talk to her, she has a pretty accent, a very cool chick indeed. And omar, wow, hes amazing. I cant believe how good he is and how blind he is, its dedication, and a love to the extreme. It was just awesome. That's all I can say, no words can describe how good of a mood im in from last night, while completely sober, and partying it up. It was fun... more than that.
Today was awesome for Mothers day, I am so happy that my beautiful little angel is here, and I got to spend the day with her. She is my true angel, a gift, and what I feel for that little girl is more than love, I dont know the word, but it's an emotion that I have never felt. I just love her, and I hope she knows that, well I know she knows that, but when she gets older I'll be damn sure to tell her how much I love her all the time.
I found out I have cervical cancer/dysplasia, which sucks, but it's stage 1 and there is almost a 100% guarantee to remove all the cells with 1 of two options. I just need to watch myself. It's shocking, as Im very young but I'm okay, im strong, I know that everything will be okay, and that's all I need. Even if anything happened, as a hysterectomy is procedure with later stages, I have my daughter and although I do want more kids, Lily is enough of a gift that if shit did happen, I have her, and thats all I will ever need to get through anything. So Im optimistic, no use getting worked up over something, it will do more harm than good if I do that.
Anyways, im out.