| 4:04p |
A healthier, happier me...(a must read)
I asked Reid for an update, and he asked one of me, so here goes...
Right now I am happier and healthier then I have been for a long time. I have lost ALOT of weight, makes me (*you guessed it!*) happier and healthier. I am trying to find joy in little things that go on in my day to day life. Even if I'm miserable at work, I try to crack a joke w/a co worker or laugh at something dumb I did. I smile and act like a jackass whenever possible. I use my mom's new found "misery" as further proof that I do NOT want to end up like her. I am taking on a lot of new responsibility. Responsibility that, well...I shouldn't have, and that I definitely don't want, but it gives me some power. I am getting a second job and staying at home so my mom can keep her precious house, (the thing that is most important to her), and so, in turn, I have the power in the situation. Every problem she has w/me is now null and void b/c I hold the ace. As soon as she starts bitching about how I am choosing to live my life/spend my money/who I am spending my time with...I can now shut it down immediately b/c she knows she better not piss me off b/c I am helping to support her. On this note, I am also going to do what I want w/my room. As you know, I was taking down the hideous wallpaper and border and painting the pink (yuck!) walls white, but was going to leave it at that b/c I was moving out. Well, now that I'm not, I am gonna figure out exactly how I want that room to feel and just go for it. I wonder if I can afford new carpet. Hmmm.
Although Susanne is pulling further away from "the group", Tanya, Kerri, and I are getting closer. Josh is still the outsider and David is a welcome addition. I am now making a point to spend more time w/Tanya and Kerri outside of work. (I am really looking forward to Tanya's B-day Bash this Saturday) One of my new favorite things? Outside activities on my Thursdays off w/Sasha and Sapphira outside. I let Sapphira out to play everyday now. It's so much fun for me to see her stalk every lizard in our yard. She's such a badass! Haha. Other new obsessions? Less soda and more products. I am drinking less soda and more water, tea, milk, and juice. Soda just doesn't do it for me anymore. I am also having a blast buying up new products to try. I am very into eye shadow and jewelry (other than rings). I use to use the same eye shadow, soap, etc everyday and wear the same earrings and rings everyday. Now I am wearing all kinds of different jewelry and makeup everyday. I match it to my mood or my outfit or both! Sound shallow? No way! It's just one of those "simple pleasure" things that you have to find in your life to keep you from going crazy w/stress or boredom!
I am still completely dreading this trip to Tennessee, so if anyone wants to go in my place...be my guest! I am just trying to keep in mind that I HAVE to go for my dad and b/c I am gonna see Graceland. I am going to be out in nature as much as I can, (away from the "family"). I'm gonna take a ton of pictures to capture all the beauty. The only thing that I have yet to deal w/is losing my dad. I don't think I ever will. Some people in my "family" are glad he's gone and all of them don't want to talk about it and act as if it never happened, like he never even existed. I just can't handle it. I think about him every minute of everyday. I hope to get help for all of that very soon.
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