Goldie's Blurty

"Why should I waste my time with you? Because maybe you always bring me down" - Simple Plan
I told myself that I wouldn't post on here again until I had something good to report, (or the shit going on in my life was over), but here I am. I'm at work. Been here since 9:45, we don't open till 12, but I need the hours. It's Josh and I working today. He'll be here at 12. This week I am working 6 days in a row! Yuck. Atleast on Thursday I have my interview. I am so ready to get it over with! I've been stressing about it since they called me. I really hope I get it. Not only do I really want the job, but it would help my out alot. I could get the money I need for my place and it would help me get away from the toxic people in my life.

Life has become a struggle. Something I am merely surviving from day to day. That is no way to live, I know. I feel so tired and so frustrated b/c I thought once I started to deal w/the pain of losing my dad, I would start to feel better. No such luck. The rest of my life is unbearable as well. I have been in an ungodly amount of pain since the first week of October 2004, when dad went into the hospital and was diagnosed w/cancer. The pain continued seeing him decline, getting false hope from the doctors, and finally, being in the room when he passed away. Then was the funeral, dealing w/life w/o him, getting through X-mas and New Year's w/o him. Hurt was compacted w/financial troubles, my settlement nowhere in sight, my best/f's woes, my other best/f ditching me for a new girl/f, desperately trying to get away from mom and have my own place, and now a boy/f who makes my heart ache 24/7. I consider myself to be a rather attractive female. I have alot going for me and my friends always have some very nice things to say about me. I just can't imagine why the one that "loves me" would pass me up for a string of skanks. Quanity over Quality, I guess. People often say that young guys are trouble...so are the older ones. Guys never change. They'd rather have a skank who giggles and carries around various types of STDs than a good girl who is in love with them. I think one of the problems is that I love him more than he loves me. We've been through so many things together. The things we have conquered together are quite extraordinary. But where do you draw the line? Maybe I am too helpful. Too forgiving? I don't know. All things I know, all the lies, all the unanswered questions, all the girls, all the things I've found...it's just so much. I don't know how I have survived this long. I get chest pains everyday. I am so afraid that one day I will collapse b/c my heart has just given out. That's what they said about my dad, he was still fighting when he passed, but he had fought so hard and so long and his heart just couldn't do it anymore so it just gave up. That sounds like what might happen to me.

I was trying to make a poll to post on here, but I couldn't figure out how. In that case, post me a comment in answer to my question, (*and if you want a side by side, photo comparison, post on here and I'll e-mail it to ya!*).

Who would you rather date?

1) Someone who is about 45, 5'7", short light brown hair, 150-175 lbs, built like a 6 year old up top, with pastel makeup, and all gums

-OR-

2) Someone who is 23, 5'6", long dark brown hair, 120 lbs, built well on top, with normal looking makeup, and a nice smile

PLEASE post and let me know. Just want some feedback. Again, post or e-mail for pics!

"Tell me, does it feel good to be like you. And tell me, why should I waste my time with you? 'Cuz maybe you always bring me down. And I'm sick of being pushed around. I'm not gonna change. You can't make me" - Simple Plan

Current Mood: crushed
Current Music: Simple Plan - "You Don't Mean Anything"