Goldie's Blurty

He's dating other girls. Emotions are stirred.
***Caution: If you are in a good mood, do NOT read this entry!!!***

So, I am having serious issues w/3 of my "friends". Friend #1 kept secrets and ended up really fucking up my head and my heart. Friend #2 has been really shady. Friend #3 has pulled me into the middle of their crazy life.

Friend #1: Three words...Best. Friend. Ever. And they kept secrets. This person has hurt me the most. I love this person more than anyone on the entire earth. We've been a huge part of each other's lives for so long and now I feel as if I'm being phased out. This person always asked my advice and always wanted my help w/stuff. Now they'll have someone else to turn to and it isn't me. I was so happy how perfectly we fit in each other's life and now my piece is being moved (or taken out) and being replaced by a new piece. I am no longer important. If it wasn't for modern medicine I'd be out on a ledge right now. (*More about that later*)

Friend #2: This person has been a friend for awhile, but we've had issues in the past, but I thought we had made amends. Obviously not. They call and make plans and never follow through. They don't return phone calls and are all around inconsiderate. The worst part is that this person has the same effect on me that Friend #1 does. I can NOT get this person outta my head. They have been there for 5 years!!! I hate that too. I can't get them out of my head and that's why their bullshit affects me so. Why can't they just get some f'ing consideration?! Grrr.

Friend #3: This person is my oldest friend. 10 years. They've pulled me into the middle of their shitty lifestyle. Although I very much wanna stay this person's friend it seems near impossible. Her mom is begging me to stay friends w/her and help her try to straighten up her life, but she's pretty resistant to that. Plus, all the shit that her boy/f and the other people around them are pulling could come back to haunt me. Either the asshole boy/f, (who hates me w/a passion), could come after me and/or turn this friend against me. So, I feel stuck. Do I tell her I'm gone if she doesn't shape up or do I stick it out? I am fighting w/myself on this one. What's the right thing to do? I don't wanna get hurt or put my career in jeopardy over her asshole boy/f!

In other news...
Still upset about mom and work and money. I miss my dad desperately. The movie "Little Black Book" sucks and the ending sucks worse. Don't rent it. I went out to lunch w/Jeryl today. It was so nice. I am starting on some meds tomorrow so hopefully I will start to feel better.

PS- I am listening to a CD I made awhile ago, but it helps me deal w/all the bullshit. One song is my theme for the shit going on with Friend #1, but I had to alter the lyrics a bit...

"Why does it always seem to be girls like that always get to be the one he thinks the world of. And why does it always seem to me that guys like that can't ever find someone like me. And its hard to know the difference between inside and out when he asks if I can mend his broken heart. I wouldn't know where to start" - Bowling For Soup

Current Mood: crushed
Current Music: Bowling For Soup - "She's Got A Boyfriend Now"