Goldie's Blurty

So much passion and no inspiration
December's gone. It came and went. 2005 is here and a couple of days ago I had so much hope for this year. I had some things happen that really made me believe that 2005 would be a good year, but then today I started feeling hopeless once more. I can't see how 2005 could be any worse, though. In 2004 I lost Draven, broke up w/a boy/f I was VERY close to, got in a major car accident, got my Sunfire totaled, and lost my dad. So, you'd think that 2005 would be better, right? I'd have to hope so. It's especially hard b/c I have to go back to work tomorrow and b/c the holidays are over, I feel lonesome once more. All the family and friends are gone. I had people staying w/me for these last 2 weeks and now no one is around and it is so hard.

I told Lana, I feel so stuck and no way to get out. I am working so hard toward my final goal, but no matter what I do, I don't seem to be getting that close to it. Oh, and for anyone who is wondering...I guess that friend is gone again. I'm not sure actually. There is something fishy going on, but for right now he's gone. I was hurt, but now I'm mad. I wanna know what went on. Especially after what he told Lana about the whole situation! It just doesn't make sense. So, I have said good-bye to him. It was amazing to see him again. I always knew I'd find him someday. I hope life treats him well. I was so prepared to forgive and move on, but all he did was disappoint me again.

Am I forever doomed to be unhappy in nearly every aspect of life? I don't even remember what it's like to smile. There's no imagination, inspiration, or magic left in my heart. I feel as if I will never travel, be in love, be happy at work, or have an adventure. Right now everything looks bleak.

PS- I was doing great w/my New Year's Resolution until today! Damnit! I MUST pull myself outta this slump!

"My heart is barely beating. Don't take from me. I'm falling down. All I want to do is lie in bed with you. All I really ever need is you. All I got to do is give up all I have to be with you" - Sugarcult

Current Mood: pessimistic
Current Music: Sugarcult - "Worst December"