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Oh no [17 Jul 2005|08:39pm] [ mood | relieved ] If Billy and I were still dating we would have been together for 5 years as of today. Yikes!!! ...That is all Listen To The Music Of The Night

"Papa Gene's Blues" is the soundtrack to my life now [16 Jul 2005|05:43pm] [ mood | loved ] [ music | The Monkees - "Papa Gene's Blues" ] Yeah, that's the greatest song ever. It is stuck in my head. It's awesome and I luv it b/c I could've written it myself. Life is pretty damn sweet right now. I'm changing my hair again. I have pictures of it. Click this link and that link. That's what it's gonna look like. Yep, I am gonna be turned into one of my idols...Rachel Mc Adams! I am gonna get that done on Thursday. My sister's baby shower is on the 30th. Yay! That'll be a lot of fun. Gail and Sue are gonna be here for it. Maybe Margaret too! Got off of work early today! Woo-hoo! It was slow and I am sleepy!!!! So, now I am at home relaxing and have been since 4. Hung out w/David Wednesday and Friday. He's amazing. He liked his b-day gift, so that's good. Wednesday I hung out at his place, (but he's moving into his new place in August). Friday we went to Clearwater beach. We had drinks at Frenchy's and Palm Pavilion and walked on the beach. Everybody looks at us when we go out. Haha. I love it! Doesn't bother me a bit. I just love how people react to us. Close minded bastards. Then we went back to his place. I went to bed after 3 and got up at 8:30. Ugh. It was completely worth it though. Not much else to say. I am so happy. Life is so carefree right now. Everything w/David and I is completely comfortable. No pressure, no stress, no confrontation, no lies. I love it. It's so peaceful. He is my ray of sunshine. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Papa Gene's Blues" - The Monkees No heartaches felt no longer lonely Heights of waiting finally won me Happiness that's all rolled up in you And now with you as inspiration I look toward a destination Sunny bright that once before was blue I have no more than I did before But now I've got all that I need For I love you and I know you love me So take my hand I'll start my journey Free from all the helpless worry That besets a man when he's alone For strength is mine when we're together And with you I know I'll never Have to pass the high road for the low I have no more than I did before But now I've got all that I need 'Cause I love you and I know you love me Yes, I love you and I... know... you....love....me!!!!!!!! Listen To The Music Of The Night

Goodbye to you. Goodbye to everything that I knew. [10 Jul 2005|06:09pm] [ mood | pessimistic ] [ music | Michelle Branch - "Goodbye To You" ] Well it's over now. I am not bitter. Disappointed...yes. Bitter...no. I guess I just wasn't the right one for him. If I was he would've taken the time. If I was he would've proved it to me. If I was he would've made me feel like I was. Tomorrow is his birthday. I was suppose to be there, but now it will just be his friends and family, (which I am no longer). He may call from time to time, but I doubt I'll see him again. We were symphonies, (as Rob Thomas once said). So in tune with one another. So right. Each of us complimented the other perfectly, but now that is done. Goodbye to you. I cared for you more than I have cared for anyone in a long, long time. I could have loved you so easily. I think I was closer to love with you than I would like to admit even to myself. You could have made me commit to a relationship and I NEVER thought I would want a romantic relationship again. You fascinated me and I was more than happy to sit back and watch you amaze me, but that didn't last but for a moment. Too soon you let me go. You stopped caring and stopped taking the time to nurture this "love". If it was truly meant to be than maybe someday you'll find your way back to me. Until then I know I must say goodbye. As with all great tragedies, I know exactly what I must do...change. That's what I do when I get hurt, I make a major change. I already had so many things in the works, but now I just going to pick a few and go for those first. First on the list? My looks. That's right, I am changing again. I'm starting with my hair. I hope to have it done before my sister's baby shower. There's one more, but I won't mention that on here, (I know who reads this!) "I still get lost in your eyes and it seems that I can't live a day without you. Closing my eyes and you chase my thoughts away. To a place where I am blinded by the light, but it's not right" - Michelle Branch 4 Phantoms| Listen To The Music Of The Night

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard [07 Jul 2005|06:03pm] [ mood | sleepy ] [ music | The Monkees - "What Am I Doin' Hangin' Round?" ] Saturday through today has been a roller coaster. Emotions have been running high, but today Tanya gave me some hope. Basically she told me to stop being such a hard ass. Since my dad got sick, (heck, even maybe since Gary and I broke up last year), I have cut myself off from many things. Mostly from drama and feelings. After talking to Lana and Tanya I feel like I've been too much of a hard ass. I've been in self preservation mode for too long. I need to learn to let people in again. I need to feel free. I was trying to push him away b/c he's such a nice guy. Once Jolene told me that she thinks my relationships w/others have been suffering b/c of my inability to deal w/my father passing away. She also urged me to lighten up. I am trying. He is worth it. He makes me smile and walk on air. I think I will hear him out and give him a second chance. What can it really hurt? Saturday - went out w/David Sunday - went out w/David This Saturday...going out w/David. Haha. He's the best. On Sunday we went to his friend Mike's house. Mike is a cool guy. I gave him some advice on his psycho ex and shared some of my stories w/him. I told him that if she doesn't leave him alone that I'll kick her ass. Haha. Yeah, I'd do real well against a woman who is 40 something. NOT! I just always run my mouth! Hehe. I still have hope for my "situation". I just have to let my anger go. Breathe deep and go w/the flow. I may actually end up being one of those "lucky people". *sigh* "Well it's been a year or so, and I want to go back again. And if I get the money, well I'll ride the same old train. But I guess your chances come but once and boy I sure missed mine. And still I can't stop thinkin' when I hear some whistle cryin'. What am I doin' hangin' round? I should be on that train and gone" - The Monkees Listen To The Music Of The Night

Depressed, and not afraid to admit it [30 Jun 2005|10:50pm] [ mood | lethargic ] [ music | Lillix - "Sick" ] Had a weird couple of days. Went to the funeral yesterday and called in to work. (*Originally I told Tanya that I would come in after the funeral, but once I got home I knew I couldn't do it*) Basically, I feel sick to my tummy tonight and have felt under a lot of stress the past week or so. I am having a lot of physical problems again, but I am still against getting the surgeries they say I need. So, I'm in pain all the time and being on my feet all day everyday doesn't help. Plus, mom is driving me f'ing insane. She is pissed at Wayne and is trying to get me on her side, (it's that whole "misery loves company" thing). She was also pissed b/c asshole was here today, (he NEVER works), and I didn't come downstairs and hang out w/him while he was here. We hate each other! We don't wanna see each other! Plus, I am NOT going and sitting around his place on the 4th. Why don't I just walk out in traffic?! That would be more pleasant. I just want a massage. I just wanna rest and clear my head. Sunday I went out w/David. We had a lot of fun. We were thinking of hanging out again this week, but we haven't gotten around to it yet. He quit his band. Boo. He said, "I guess I'm not as cool now, but at least I have more free time". Whatev. He's cool no matter what. He fascinates me. Everything he does is just so killer. We talked about how life wouldn't be so bad if the voids we each have were filled. I know what his are and he knows what mine are. He has 2 and I have 3. His two are the same as two of mine, I just happen to have an extra one. Confused?! Haha. The one void we know the other has is lack of love. He doesn't wanna be alone anymore and I'm starting to think I don't either. Don't get it? Here's a quarter call someone who can explain it to you! It's quite obvious you t-tard! Haha. I want a cookie so bad and I know there are none in the house. Damn these monthly female cravings! That is all. "I'm not sorry and I don't wanna worry. I'm sick of you again. I'm thinking no. I'm not sorry and I don't wanna worry of falling behind. Don't want to wonder and cry again. And I just want to say stop" - Lillix 1 Phantom| Listen To The Music Of The Night

God bless Mike Celidonio and Tim Mortimer [29 Jun 2005|06:29pm] Went to Mike and Tim's funeral today. Saw Tim's brother, Ryan and Mike's sister, Lindsey. I knew them from school, but wasn't very close with either of them. There were probably 200 people there, (or over). It was so sad. The priest said that Tim's dad, (Mike's uncle), went to the scene of the accident and watched as they pulled the bodies out of the car. I don't know how he got through that. Mike's casket was covered w/the American flag, (he was in the Navy), and Tim's was covered with purple sashes in the shape of a cross. The family wore buttons with a picture of Mike and Tim together on them and had purple ribbons on. There were matching carnation hearts w/a red sash around the middle. They were set up next to each casket and one said "Michael" and one said "Timothy". It was SO hard to go. I'll miss those guys. They were awesome. Mike, Tim...I love you. You will be forever missed. You were taken too soon. I suppose that it's better that you were together. I don't know how one of you would've survived without the other. Mike, now that you're in heaven, please tell Adrian I said hello. Tim, you and Mike and Adrian and my Dad better be waiting there for me whenever I get up there. I love you. Listen To The Music Of The Night

I know I'm meant to say "no" [22 Jun 2005|10:01pm] [ mood | mellow ] [ music | Jessica Simpson - "Irresistable" ] Plans for tonight got canceled. Oh well. Good things come to those who wait. And goddess knows I've waited long enough, but a little bit more time won't be that terrible. It'll be worth it in the end. Thanks to everyone for their advice and constant support. I know I went crazy a few times. I'll post as soon as anything happens. Amazing things are happening around here. The sun is shining on me and that hasn't happened since I fell in love w/Gary back in '03. But now in '05 Gary and I are at odds and the sun is shining on me for new reasons. I told Lana today, (she had the day off and called me at Skinz), that this time everyone will just have to accept what I'm doing in my life, (i.e. - my mom, my bro, and my sis (in-law) ). This is too important to me to give up b/c they have a hard time understanding it. It's not for them to understand. I promised my dad that I would do whatever I wanted w/the rest of my life as far as I was happy, and this is what has made me happy for the past 6 months. Ok, now onto a fun game for all! So I guess I'm supposed to list my 6 favorite songs of the moment, and my favorite lines from them and then tell 6 other people to do the same. A random LJer told me I had to. So I have to. =) 1. "Irresistible" - Jessica Simpson 2. "Girl" - Davy Jones 3. "Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again" - Phantom of the Opera 4. "Just Can't Wait" - Stroke 9 5. "Lonely No More" - Rob Thomas 6. "I Will Play My Game Beneath the Spin Light" - Brand New 1. "Don't you try to tell me that he's not my type. To hide what I feel inside. When he makes me weak with desire. I know that I'm supposed to make him wait. Let him think I like the chase, but I can't stop fanning the fire. I know I'm meant to say no, but he's irresistible" 2. "Girl, look what you've done to me. Me, and my whole world. Girl, you brought the sun to me with your smile. You did it girl. I'm telling you girl, something unknown to me makes you what you are. And what you are is all I could ask for me. And its good to feel that way girl" 3. "Too many years fighting back tears. Why can't the past just die? Wishing you were somehow here again. Knowing we must say goodbye. Try to forgive. Teach me to live. Give me the strength to try" 4. "And every single little bit of love that I spread is coming straight for you. Would it be all right to go out tonight? It doesn't matter where we go. You're the only one that I want to be near and try to get to know. Cause you got eyes that I would love to look through. A life that I can't wait to get in to" 5. "What if I was good to you? What if you were good to me? What if I could hold you till I feel you move inside me? What if it was paradise? What if we were symphonies? What if I gave all my life to find some way to stand beside you?" 6. "Every minute is a mile. I've never felt so hallow. I'm an old abandoned church with broken pews and empty aisles. My secrets for a buck. Watch me as I cut myself wide open on this stage. Yes, I am paid to spill my guts. I won't see home till spring. Oh, I would kill for the Atlantic, but I am paid to make girls panic while I sing" And uh... people who have to do this? 1. Reid 2. Sarah 3. Jolene 4. Demi 5. Lana 6. Jen 5 Phantoms| Listen To The Music Of The Night

I can be insightful at times [21 Jun 2005|02:09pm] Nothing depended on him before so why does everything depend on him now?! Listen To The Music Of The Night

Time has passed, but the wounds have not healed [19 Jun 2005|11:36am] [ mood | nostalgic ] [ music | Shania Twain's "Up" CD ] Here's my horoscope from yesterday...(so accurate!)... "You just wish everyone would get their issues out on the table, where they can be dealt with in your preferred forthright style. This particular weirdness, however, is going to take a day or two to come to the surface" So, today is NOT a good day for many reasons. Mom wants to go see "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" to get my mind off what day it is. (*Never thought she'd do something nice*) Was in a very nostalgic mood last night. I couldn't sleep AGAIN, so I stayed up and watched a few episodes on my Monkees DVDs and looked at pictures. Found some of Sarah and I & also some of Jimmie and I. In case I haven't mentioned this before, Sarah and Jimmie have recently contacted me through classmates.com. I also found some very interesting pics...Justin and I from prom in '98 and then the ones of us from Delta Chi's formal. We haven't changed. Haha. I love that guy. That's probably why I had a dream about him last night too. Strange. I need to put some more pics on my site. I noticed that I never posted pics from my graduation. I also wanna put some pics up on there from middle/high school of me and my friends. I also have some "Then and Now" of Sarah, Lana, Justin, Robbie, etc. I know I've been pulling away from everyone lately and I'm sorry. I just need my space. I am completely depressed b/c I am without someone today. I am also depressed b/c my phantom has not been very easy to live with these last couple of weeks. I will feel better soon and once again give y'all the attention you deserve. Please be patient. 4 Phantoms| Listen To The Music Of The Night

FINALLY!!!! [18 Jun 2005|12:08pm] David is home safe and sound. He called me this morning before work! *all smiles* Ok, bye! PS- Happy Father's Day to my amazing brother, Wayne; My bestest good friend, Gary; The asshole, Anthony; and My newest friend, David. And unhappy Father's Day to me, (yeah, I don't wanna talk about it!) Listen To The Music Of The Night

I'm on another planet with you [14 Jun 2005|11:13pm] [ mood | jubilant ] [ music | Blink 182 - "Another Girl, Another Planet" ] "As my father lay dying he said, 'When I am in heaven, child, I will send you the angel of music' "... ...And so my father has. Everyday I look towards the sky and thank my father for my angel of music. He knew I needed someone nice, someone to calm my wild ways, soften my heart, and look after me. And so the Phantom entered my life. I don't really have much to say. I feel sublimely happy. I feel like a lady. I feel ready for this. It is finally a level playing field with no expectations and no hurt feelings. Wow. No pressure. No competition. Just shared care and respect. My sentence of solitude is ended. Everyday is exciting now. I am on another whirlwind adventure and I am loving every second of it. I can't wait till Friday! Wanna know more? E-mail me....(b/c right now only Tanya knows) "I think I'm on another world with you. I'm on another planet with you. You always get under my skin. I don't find it irritating. You always play to win. I don't need rehabilitating" - Blink 182 Listen To The Music Of The Night

Why can't the past just die? [12 Jun 2005|11:19pm] [ mood | bouncy ] [ music | The Phantom of the Opera-"Wishing you were somehow here again" ] In a very odd mood tonight. This morning I had more dreams about him. No, not my angel of music. Of the one who abandoned me. I had dreams about him almost every night I was up north, but when I got back home they stopped, so, I figured they were over. Nope. Had another one. But in this one I got him back. He begged for my forgiveness, told me how he should never have left me, and that he never would again. He told me that he didn't want anyone else and that he wanted to marry me. Then my alarm went off. I desperately tried to go back to sleep and recapture him. Recapture the feeling that I had w/him around me. But it was gone. Perhaps, never to be found again. Now I want a dream catcher for over my bed. Or some kind of cure. There's got to be something on a Wiccan website or something. B/c cutting him out of my head and my heart probably wouldn't be the best idea. Life is moving on rather well right now. I hope it keeps up. Mom and I went to see Star Wars tonight. (amazing!!!) On the way home I checked my phone and David had called. He's going to Chicago this week. I don't know why or when he'll be back. Damn. All will be realized when he gets home. This is the truth b/c Tanya foresees it. Ms. Tanya, make it so. Sorry, that was Star TREK not Star WARS. As for my lyrics below, this song is dedicated to my father always, (especially since Father's Day is a week from today. damnit), but some of the lyrics apply to the evil one of my past. Night. "Too many years fighting back tears. Why can't the past just die? Wishing you were somehow here again. Knowing we must say goodbye. Try to forgive. Teach me to live. Give me the strength to try" - The Phantom of the Opera 2 Phantoms| Listen To The Music Of The Night

Goodnight moon [08 Jun 2005|11:36pm] On my way to bed. Gotta open the store @ 8 tomorrow b/c Tanya has jury duty. Boo for her and me. And Sasha too! My angel is having surgery tomorrow. I'm so not happy about that. It's a big chunk of money, but she is worth it and more. She'll have to wear one of those cones. She'll look so dman cute! You better believe I'll be snapping pics while my dog is mad b/c she got stitches and a cone. ;) Talked to David for 1/2 an hour tonight. He left Skinz. He got a job w/an architect full time. I'm happy for him but sad that I lost my boy. He's still there on Saturdays and hopefully bewteen his band, his new job, and Tyler...and all my obligations, we'll be able to hang out. Ok night! PS- The fortnight is not yet over! 9 Phantoms| Listen To The Music Of The Night

It's time to play the name game! [06 Jun 2005|10:53pm] Name twelve people you know: 1. Tanya 2. David 3. Lana 4. Susanne 5. Jeryl 6. Jenni 7. Blake 8. Nick 9. Angelo 10. Alanta 11. Kerri 12. Gary -Who is #8 going out with? No one that I know of. Boo. -Is #9 a boy or a girl? A hottie boy -Would #11 & #2 make a good couple? No, they are both spoken for ;) -How about #12 & #4? Uhhh...NO! -What grade is #7 in? My college bound cuite -When was the last time you talked to #12? A couple of hours ago -What is #5's favorite band? She's never told me! -Does #1 have any siblings? Brother - Chip -Would you ever date #3? Yeah, Lana's a hot lamb-a -Would you ever date #7? Haha! People ask us that all the time! -Is #12 single? Technically, yes, but not in Janice's mind -What's #9's last name? Yasparro -What's #10's middle name? Christine -What's #6's favorite thing to do? Make crafty stuff and eat sushi @ Jotos with me! -Is #12 hot? The hottest! Especially in UPS shorts -Would #1 & #12 make a good couple? Um, no. 2 reasons - 1) Kerri and 2) No...I guess that's the only reason -Tell me a random fact about #2: He's an amazing drummer -Have you ever had a crush on #5? Nope. She's hot, but she's not a guy -Where does #9 live? In Oldsmar near the flea market -What's #4's favorite color? Blue...maybe -Would you make out with #1? Did you see that on the internet? Don't tell Kerri! -Are #5 & #6 best friends? No. They've never even met -Does #7 like #10? He would if he met her and vice versa -Does # 8 like # 5? He would if he met her and vice versa -How did you meet #2? I work with the hottie! -How did you meet #6? I use to date her dad -Does #10 have any pets? 2 Huskies - Cinnamon and Zeus -Is #12 older than you? Yep! Good 'ol 17 -Is #3 the sexiest person alive? #2? Huh, what? Did you say #2 on the list? Haha Listen To The Music Of The Night

A Letter To My Angel of Music [04 Jun 2005|09:16am] Dear Phantom, For so long I loved your music, but because of your indecision I am beginning to despise it. I have proved myself to you and now you are willing, but the hope I had for you has shattered. I hate that you talk to others to get information. The people that you've asked barely even know me. We had so much promise. I still feel the way I did. The time that has passed has hurt, nevertheless, the hope that you will prove yourself once again is still there. The chase has been worth it, but sometimes you just run too fast. Even in my dreams I am chasing you. In my dreams you tell me to keep chasing, to keep up, because the end result will be amazing. In my dreams I always catch you...in the end. In my dreams I never get to kiss you. I lean in, but before our lips meet I wake myself up. I suppose I don't trust you in my dreams either. I need to know that I can trust you before I go back out into the world, vulnerable and innocent. You're already the voice inside my head. You have made quite an impression that will not soon be forgotten. I suppose that if this is meant to be, then it will happen. I can't help but wonder when. I have been chasing for so long and I am growing weary of these games. Seal it with a kiss or walk away. I will keep my half of the deal, if only you will keep your's. I will give you a fortnight from tonight to pick up the pieces and put them back together. If this task is not taken care of within that time, I will fade away and be a distant memory of your's. My promise is kept. Love, Your muse Listen To The Music Of The Night

You can take the girl out of the country, but you can't take the country out of the girl [30 May 2005|04:22pm] [ mood | relaxed ] [ music | ALL - "Think The World" ] I'm back from my big "vacation". Actually we went to spread my Dad's ashes on the trout stream where he fished 3 times a year. Here's the itinerary: Friday (5/20)- Left home at 7am. Drove through Georgia and South Carolina. Arrived in Johnson City, Tennessee at 9:30pm. Checked into hotel and went to sleep. Saturday- Wayne flew in and met us at our hotel. We then drove to Shady Valley, Tennessee to buy fishing licenses (and nobody that worked there knew how to make change or type so Wayne had to make the licenses for he and Tyler). Then we drove over the mountains to Damascus, Tennessee to fish. We spent the day at Backbone Rock. Saw the worst car accident I have ever seen. It was on a 2 lane, country road, so we sat in traffic for over an hour, (most of the town was there! haha). Left Damascus, got dinner, and went back to hotel. Sunday- Checked out of hotel in Johnson City. Drove to Damascus (early) and went to Dad's favorite fishing hole, (on the same stream from Saturday). Wayne said a few words and we poured his ashes into the stream. Went again to Backbone Rock and fished. I caught the biggest fish, but the line broke when I was brining it up. Damn. Went back to Johnson City. Wayne flew out and the rest of us drove to Sevierville, Tennessee. Checked into a hotel. Got dinner. Watched "Who's Line Is It Anyway?", (we finally had cable!!!), and went to bed. Monday- Got up. Mom and I went to Dollywood in Pigeon Forge. Got dinner. Went back to hotel. Read. Went to bed. Tuesday- Checked out of hotel. Drove to The Forbidden Caverns, (also in Sevierville). Took the hour tour. Took a bunch of cool pictures and spent sometime in the gift shop. Left there. Drove ALOT. Crossed the Tennessee border. Went to The Smoky Mountain National Park in North Carolina. Went to Clingman's Dome which was on the very top of the mountain. Took some spectacular pictures! Froze my ass off b/c it was 32 degrees up there! Left there and drove to Cherokee, North Carolina. Checked into a hotel. Ate at Big Boy, (oh yeah, I have a pic w/him!). Shopped downtown. Went back to hotel and went to sleep. Wednesday (5/25)- Shopped again in Cherokee till noon. Started the drive home. Stopped at a glass/jewelry place, (in NC). Then decided to drive through instead of staying the night in Georgia. Stopped for dinner and ice cream in Georgia. Crossed over into Florida and I drove us through Florida. We got in around 1 am. Went to bed. The end. On Thursday I picked up Sasha and Sapphira from Gary's. I bought a lot of cool stuff! I also got some souvenirs for Gary, Tanya, and Susanne. I don't have the pictures scanned in yet, but I will e-mail everyone the link to them when I do. I'm going back to work tomorrow, so I better get outside and wash my car before it gets dark! Please e-mail me and catch me up on anything I missed when I was out of town. PS- I am now researching real estate in South Carolina. I can't imagine not seeing the mountains again. It's in my blood. Living in the mountains is part of me. My dad instilled that in me and I miss the country so much. Every time I go up north it reminds me how much I don't fit in Florida. "People want to judge me. They exercise their open minds. Call me names and make fun of me. I'm not as dumb as you think I am. I might know a thing or two. I really don't care about nothing at all, but I think the world of you" - ALL Listen To The Music Of The Night

It's over now, the music of the night [15 May 2005|08:48pm] [ mood | rejected ] [ music | Phantom of the Opera - "Think Of Me" ] Yep. Done. Over. Ignore the last post. It doesn't matter anymore. Had fun w/Tanya and Kerri last night. We went to see the Boston Crusaders and to Dan Marino's Martini Bar to see David's band play. I got one of his drumsticks, but I'm w/the band no longer. *sigh* The only good news is that I am back on track. When I get back from Tennessee I am going to paint my furniture, paint my room, get a new job, get my apartment, and cut my hair. I've wasted too much time on others. So, to the band I say, sayonara and fuck you! Now, here's a survey for fun. "We never said our love was evergreen or as unchanging as the sea. But please promise me that sometimes you will think of me" - The Phantom of the Opera ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A - Accent: Southern. They tell me I have one, but I don't hear it B - Breast size: Big enough, and real...which is most important C - Chore you hate: Dusting! I put it off whenever possible D - Dad's name: Ronnie E - Essential make-up item: Eyeliner...dark black eyeliner :) F - Favorite perfume/cologne: Cherry Blossom G - Gold or silver: Silver H - Hometown: Charleston, West Virginia I - Insomnia: Often. Especially when I'm stressed...which is often. Haha. J - Job title: "Mannequin Manager"...thanx Tanya! K - Kids: None Now. None ever. I'll be "The lady w/the cats" L - Living arrangements: Living w/2 other girls and 2 boys...girls = Sasha & Sapphira, boys = Hamtaro & Chili M - Mom's birthplace: Charleston, West Virginia N - Number of apples you've eaten: 6573929....hehe, I have no idea O - Overnight hospital stays: 1...when I was born P - Phobia: Clowns, rats, enclosed spaces, falling in love again R - Religious affiliation: Agnostic S - Siblings: Brother = Wayne, Sister = Alanta T - Time you wake up: 8 am U - Unnatural hair colors you've worn: All shades of brown, blonde, red...oh, and fuschia V - Vegetable you refuse to eat: Carrots W - Worst habit: I'm too nice and let people walk all over me X - X-rays you've had: Jaw, neck, back, legs, hips Y - Yummy foods you make: Hehe...I don't even have a smart ass answer for this Z - Zoos are fun?: Always 4 Phantoms| Listen To The Music Of The Night

[14 May 2005|12:56pm] So nervous now. What the f'ck am I doing? Can I handle this? Everyone has a past, so why can't I handle this? Somebody help. Listen To The Music Of The Night

A healthier, happier me...(a must read) [12 May 2005|04:04pm] I asked Reid for an update, and he asked one of me, so here goes... Right now I am happier and healthier then I have been for a long time. I have lost ALOT of weight, makes me (*you guessed it!*) happier and healthier. I am trying to find joy in little things that go on in my day to day life. Even if I'm miserable at work, I try to crack a joke w/a co worker or laugh at something dumb I did. I smile and act like a jackass whenever possible. I use my mom's new found "misery" as further proof that I do NOT want to end up like her. I am taking on a lot of new responsibility. Responsibility that, well...I shouldn't have, and that I definitely don't want, but it gives me some power. I am getting a second job and staying at home so my mom can keep her precious house, (the thing that is most important to her), and so, in turn, I have the power in the situation. Every problem she has w/me is now null and void b/c I hold the ace. As soon as she starts bitching about how I am choosing to live my life/spend my money/who I am spending my time with...I can now shut it down immediately b/c she knows she better not piss me off b/c I am helping to support her. On this note, I am also going to do what I want w/my room. As you know, I was taking down the hideous wallpaper and border and painting the pink (yuck!) walls white, but was going to leave it at that b/c I was moving out. Well, now that I'm not, I am gonna figure out exactly how I want that room to feel and just go for it. I wonder if I can afford new carpet. Hmmm. Although Susanne is pulling further away from "the group", Tanya, Kerri, and I are getting closer. Josh is still the outsider and David is a welcome addition. I am now making a point to spend more time w/Tanya and Kerri outside of work. (I am really looking forward to Tanya's B-day Bash this Saturday) One of my new favorite things? Outside activities on my Thursdays off w/Sasha and Sapphira outside. I let Sapphira out to play everyday now. It's so much fun for me to see her stalk every lizard in our yard. She's such a badass! Haha. Other new obsessions? Less soda and more products. I am drinking less soda and more water, tea, milk, and juice. Soda just doesn't do it for me anymore. I am also having a blast buying up new products to try. I am very into eye shadow and jewelry (other than rings). I use to use the same eye shadow, soap, etc everyday and wear the same earrings and rings everyday. Now I am wearing all kinds of different jewelry and makeup everyday. I match it to my mood or my outfit or both! Sound shallow? No way! It's just one of those "simple pleasure" things that you have to find in your life to keep you from going crazy w/stress or boredom! I am still completely dreading this trip to Tennessee, so if anyone wants to go in my place...be my guest! I am just trying to keep in mind that I HAVE to go for my dad and b/c I am gonna see Graceland. I am going to be out in nature as much as I can, (away from the "family"). I'm gonna take a ton of pictures to capture all the beauty. The only thing that I have yet to deal w/is losing my dad. I don't think I ever will. Some people in my "family" are glad he's gone and all of them don't want to talk about it and act as if it never happened, like he never even existed. I just can't handle it. I think about him every minute of everyday. I hope to get help for all of that very soon. THE END 2 Phantoms| Listen To The Music Of The Night

So accurate it's scary! [01 May 2005|11:43am] [ mood | hopeful ] Your Birthdate: March 26 Your birth on the 26th day of the month (8 energy) modifies your life by increasing your capability to function and succeed in the business world. In this environment you have the skills to work very well with others thanks to the 2 and 6 energies combining in this date. There is a marked increase in organizational, managerial, and administrative abilities. You are efficient and handle money very well. You're ambitious and energetic, while generally remaining cooperative and adaptable. You are conscientious and not afraid of responsibility. Generally sociable and diplomatic, you tend to use persuasion rather than force. You have a wonderful combination of being good at both the broad strokes and the fine detail; good at starting and continuing. This birthday is practical and realistic, often seeking material satisfaction. What Does Your Birth Date Mean? At work. Yesterday was f'ing fantastic! I am hopeful again. The trip to Tennessee/West VA. is sounding less and less exciting. Mom is coming to my work in an hour w/Sasha! ROCK! 2 Phantoms| Listen To The Music Of The Night

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