Date:	2003-10-10 20:50
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	crushed
Music:	(Shanghai Knights movie playing and popcorn munching)

As I read all these stories and books from brilliant writers, I realize "what am i gonna do?"

High school has got be thinking 'cos the teachers are already asking this to us.. even our principal. 'cos we have to choose CAREFULLY what courses we must take now to reach the goal we want to reach.

I mean, it's been a dream of mine to be a writer. I've practiced, but I'm never happy with my results. My ideas seem plain, ordinary, repetitive, and boring. Thing is I have no talent in that department. I've realized that. And I don't much talent in anything else.

I mean, you can't really PRACTICE to be creative. It's just something you're born with. Natural talent. I already know my friends are gonna be great when they grow up. Their talent is shining, glowing, and radiating from them and from all that they do. Musicians, dancers, swimmers, scientists, a job having to do with computers, a job having to do with children... And I'm left where?

Sometimes I have ideas for stories in my head. They sound brilliant there. But on paper they sound really and truly stupid and pitiful. And the way I write it on paper is horrible. I just don't know.

Oh God, I think I have a crush on someone. (I'm over my other friend, thank goodness.) I hope not with THIS one. But it'd be really, really bad if I do. So messed up if I do. Please, please don't let it be HIM. Must think of Orli thoughts... DAMMIT.

::sigh::

Date:	2003-10-10 18:18
Subject:	today.
Security:	Public
Mood:	blah

blah... studied.. had homework... was raining.. got wet.. didn't see my friends even though they said they were goin go to visit :( rented a couple of movies.. shall update everything about school later... looking up orlando bloom stuff...

::sigh:: here's ANOTHER lucky girl that gets to kiss him... hm.. a blonde this time. wonder how kate feels... heh.

To see the piccy of Paris (Orlando) and Helen, go here:

http://full-bloom.net/images/films/troy/20.jpg

Date:	2003-10-09 18:46
Subject:	stunned...
Security:	Public
Mood:	shocked

(Ehrin: please don't tell anyone once you read this)

Was having a good day today.. before.. eh. A lot of fun stuff had happend to me these last couple of weeks actually. I was ACTUALLY having a pretty good week.. until... ::sigh:: Lots and lots so that entry will be extra long. I won't talk about it now since the parentals are home and that'd take to long 'cos I got a test tomorrow. Probably tomorrow though. But ohhhh boooyyy.. today... today... Oh Lordy...


................


I was walking to my science class 'cos Spanish class just ended. I was sitting in my seat in the back of the room when someone enters that is not in that class...


The impossible has happened and the world is about to end....


Oh Lord, a guy asked me out to homecoming...


Of course, I said no. Don't get my wrong though, I felt really bad. But I don't know him. It's just a guy in my Spanish class actually and have never talked to him except once--that experience I shall explain in a later entry. I answered that I wasn't going actually. Which is the truth. I don't like dances. Esp. if we have to dress up. Bad experiences in the past. I THINK I said sorry 'cos I was in a state of shock. But he left. And then class started...

I think another guy who is also sits behind me in math overheard and was talking about it to this other girl.... something about "how sad" or something... I think.

I stayed after class until like.. almost 5 'cos I had trouble with the whole chapter and test is coming up... and was also with this junior. It was good time spent though. I just hope I remember everything by Tuesday. ::crosses fingers::

I totally forgot about the guy asking until I was in the car while I was talking to my dad. Oops. (Was talking about setting an appointment to get contacts... but this whole month is booked o.o;)

The thing is.. I'm me. And that felt really, really odd. Plus I don't really want a guy right now. Also, my parents would freak out. They say: "No dating until college." Very strict as you can tell. I kinda agreed since I never ever had boy problems like COUGHRINANDJLECOUGH. ahem. Also, ANY of the guys in my school I think are cute. Just not interested and kinda glad. Hmm... Heh. I was actually going to talk to my Spanish teacher about it 'cos he's just cool like that. You could talk to him about anything, but.... Hmm... I would've explained about the parents thing to him, but... Odd if I see him tomorrow. ::shrug::

Well, whatever.

Weird. I actually had something else to talk about in this entry until.. well that happened. I'll talk about it anyway... funny that it had to with boys. Heh. Oy. The irony in this weird world of ours. ::shakes head::

Wheee! Saw Angel yesterday! Spike was there!! yay! I felt bad 'cos no Buffy... awww... And he's getting old.. Darn it all. Angel's getting chubby too. heh. Maybe some some Spike/Fred?! Hmm.... hehehe.. Thought it was cool how they mentioned "Depp and Bloom." tee-hee.

And right then I thought, "Man, all the guys I like are too old, taken, out of reach, or all three."

::sigh::

High school is SO not what I thought it would be.

Date:	2003-09-19 21:12
Subject:	Happy "Talk Like a Pirate Day"
Security:	Public
Mood:	tired
Music:	"Rock Your Body" - Jagga Lee (sp?)

((::hugs rin:: I'm really sorry, Rin.))


i had all these story ideas... but i forgot all of them... ;_; i always think of ideas at wrong times.. like.. during tests for example... bad, bad...

I had all these major tests... I think I failed bio today.... ::sigh:: i have all this homework this weekend... blah. and for extra credit i gotta draw a god/goddess.... but i can't draw original stuff... I just copy... hmmm...

These rich guys were really being mean to my friend Julie.. they threw a water bottle at her for no reason.... She cussed a hecka lot... she looks innocent but man.. she can just like jle!

Random Facts:

My math teacher likes watching Oprah (never misses it), thinks Madonna's hot, likes polka music, and Chelsea (soccer team... always play the song in class) And the teacher is : MALE. freaky. plus he reminds me of jack nicholson...

My spanish teacher can be total serious and a total nutcase... And the clothes he sometimes wears reminds me of the Outsiders for some really weird reason...

Chat with the class:

(my teacher... is... odd...)

in our spanish book... it's talking about what people do... with example pictures... teachers, students, policemen.. etc.

book: (has picture of a lady in a skirt and top with a tight bun and glasses)
spanish teach: she is HOT.
me: o.o;
spanish teach: if she took those glasses off... man.. blah blah.. we'd paint the town red.. blah...

next... in our spanish book.. it was talking about greetings.. how we ask how people are doing formally and if we know them... our teach was asking if anyone had pets.. bec. they'd be like family... anyways, this guy's cat is named "Thumper" and of course.. everyone's laughing..

spanish teach: is he snipped so to speak?
class: HAHAHAHAHA!

spanish teach: do you play with your pussy...?
class: ::once more with the laughing::
spanish teach: (looking confused) what? I play with my pussy when I get home...

(i dunno if he's being serious or not... 'cos he's still young.. and he overreacts...)

Also, yesterday people from other countries visited our class! From Europe, Asia, and South America. (Darn.. no one from the UK.) They're here to improve their english which already very good. It was pretty interesting... We asked them questions and they asked us questions. A girl from Japan name was Chihiro! Like in Spirited Away... and the other japanese guy had the coolest phone ever... it had a freakin' movie camera for goodness sakes.. sheesh. The guy from Austria -- he was the one with the best english, he sounded like he was right outta cali -- he went to a british school in Austria, but it took him a while to get rid of the accent.... Also, he's a rapper.... lol. They were all at least 6/7 years older than us unfortunately... But that guy from Switzerland DID look kinda cute... lol.

We're currently learning about Greek gods and goddesses to prepare us to read the Odyssey... We picked gods/goddesses we'd most identify with.. yadda yadda... i identified with none... but picked Hermes 'cos it'd be fun to be him flying around... Then the teacher went on a personal note saying when she was younger she would have picked Athena... but then found out as she got older that she'd most identify with Demeter... (In case any of you don't know the story, Demeter is the earth goddess whose daughter was kidnapped by Hades... but there was a deal made so that her daughter Per.. per something... could come back on the earth for.. 6 months i think...) because she lost a daughter of her own... and all was quiet.

We all had to pick a lesser god/goddess we identified with or would like to be like... and I picked one of the Graces. The teacher got excited because 3 of us wanted to be like them. She asked which one I'd like to be and I said I didn't care... then the others took 2.. and I got stuck with Aglaia (Splendor.) And then the people at my table were teasing me and calling me Grace... -_-; The teacher went on with how one day we'll have the graces or something like that...

Our english teacher also said today was "talk like a pirate day.." They even had a web site and everything.. she wrote some of the words on the board... "Arr. Ahoy. Blige rat. Beauty. Lubber..." I asked her if she watched POTC yet.. she said no not yet... but heard it was a good movie and that Johnny was really good... I said it was a really good movie.. this guy at my table saw it too.. he said Johnny's makeup creeped him out... lol.

Then we had a pep rally.. really no point in those... the cheerleaders.... oh the cheerleaders... and everyone was booing each other... it was.. strange. There's a dance tomorrow.. but i ain't going... i really like dances -- can't dance and bad experiences -- and i don't know anyone.. and i have hw... -_-;;;

Today's chat in Spanish class:

The lesson today was asking what we like...

(most of dialogue in spanish...)

spanish teach: (to me) Do you like swimming?
me: no.
(i could feel people staring 'cos the school's very near the beach... with people very into water... i mean... i like swimming SOMETIMES.... when it's really, really hot in my own swimming pool with no one watching me...)
spanish: (looks surprised) really? What about dancing?
me: no.
(i'm the only girl who said no to both dancing and swimming...)
spanish: (in serious tone) Good. It's the devil's game.... blah blah.. esp. young girls... blah blah... witchcraft... blah...
me: O.o;

This girl had some sorta makeup from the pep rally today... and it sorta smeared so she had black smudges over her face.. The teach said it's probably from the ashes from the fire from the witchcraft... and that it looked kinda cute. The girl just stared.. and The teach: "OK... MOVING ON..."

Oh yeah... my Spanish teacher also has a doll... that he likes to hit... when we say a wrong answer he slams the dolls head in a drawer with a crazy glint in his... "Baby doesn't like it when you make mistakes!" But really he's a nice guy... crazy but nice... good teacher too.

He's a really good actor. He should be in Hollywood.

Anyway.. my week.. my friends were SUPPOSE to come today... but they had a dance... ::glowers:: i was going to finally rent Two Towers.. but I have too much hw... ;_; I wanna join anime club... but I can never find them and don't know anyone who's in it...

So, this is my week... ::goes off to read Outsider fanfics and do hw....blah::

Date:	2003-09-14 18:14
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	bouncy
Music:	my relatives downstairs... flip party! woo hoo!

still hate school.. still a loner there... i got a new internet friend though... ^_^ We have to go swimming for pe... i don't like swimming so much... esp. with strangers... felt so embarassed... we have to time to shower... or we'll be late... and it so does not help having my class on the other side of the campus.... i only had one minute left to get to class... so i ran.... i came in late.... "huffing and puffing" says my history teach... a guy came in 2 min. after me...

teacher: (to boy) how did ms. ______ beat you?
boy: sore toe
class: o.o;
teach: i can even picture you limping.... so tragic..
class: HAHAHAHAH!

teacher was cool and didn't lower my grade.. thank goodness...

i still suck at math.. i need a tutor... and i'm going to have a test on thurs... :P I HATE GEOMETRY!

in spanish class, my teacher and some gangster guys were talking about cartoons... from power puff girls to the simpsons, to arthur to recess...

and on friday my olp friends visited me!!! it felt so nice! first time i smiled all week... we watched lotr... some of them only visited for 20 minutes... rin visited for like... 1 minute!!! they're planning to visit me at school this time on friday... then we all can go to my house and FINALLY watch two towers... hopefully... hopefully...

new issues of the heart of my friends i found out... and i STILL get no action.... grr..

visited my cousins yesterday.. 'cos she's going back to college next week..... helped me with my math hw... still have an essay to do... ::sigh::

today i went to a hospital picnic... it was fun.. my friend was there... she's a junior and goes to olp... we were talking about her starting an anime club.. and if i went... that i could've joined... -_-; i wanted to go to olp... blah. i got a airbrush tattoo... a heart with thorns on my arm.. pretty cool.. and i won 20 bucks!! all is good...

and right now downstairs my cousins are there... having a bit of a party.. and now i must go... pizza is a callin'.. yum...

Watched POTC again.. for free... heh. ahh.. the orlando-ness... It was crowded.. got to watch it with my friends and forget about reality for 2 hours or so... and still have this damn essay to write for english. grr.. Might go watch Two Towers tomorrow... (FINALLY!) And cursing that it's almost the end of the weekend... damn.

::goes read fanfic about legolas in puberty...::

muahahahhahaha...

Date:	2003-09-05 17:41
Subject:	Drowning..
Security:	Public
Mood:	tired

I survived the first week of school... and I hate it. Some teachers are okay... the classes are harder... they go fast... but that's what they're suppose to do... In PE we have to go swimming soon... the girls AND the boys.... for 2/3 weeks.... Some of my classmates are obnoxious and rude. They all know each other... And I know no one except 2 or 3 people... (and really have nothing in common) and they're only in 2 of my classes. I hate it.

I used to smile a lot... the littlest thing used to make me laugh.... but now... I'm always tense.... It's not a good feeling. I just fake smile mostly. I cry a lot now. I just thinking about life right now and that one thought can make me cry. My mom's worried about me. She keeps saying I can transfer to the local school.. or she can get another job so I can go to OLP. That just makes me feel guilty. I wish I was rich so I could've gone to the school I wanted in the first place. It's so frustrating. There's a heavy feeling in my chest all the time. I can't stand it. But I try to smile for my parents. Now I have to go back to hell on Monday. Dammit.

Oh wow, I sound so serious. But then again this is a journal so...

I try hard to make the best of it... but really I can't. I'm growing up. And I really don't want to. I try to not think about it... but I can't. It's life. ::sigh:: If only books were real... to escape. Like Peter Pan's Neverland of sorts. That would be wonderful.

Date:	2003-09-02 17:12
Subject:	Day 1
Security:	Public
Mood:	sad
Music:	Thunderstorm outside

First day of high school. Not fun. Junior high is easier. Too many people. V. intimidated. Classes look hard. Especially Advanced Bio. Am pretty sure I'll fail the class. Almost got lost twice. Classes are everywhere. So many stairs.

Have PE 2nd period. Freshmen girls are going to use the pool. I hate swimming with other people. Especially with girls who look very pretty and make me feel very insecure. Not good. Saw a girl during PE period making manga. She is GOOD. Can draw really fast. Wanted to talk to her but she looked busy and too cool.

Have a guy that looks like James Franco 'cept younger and better looking. But he's a smart a**. Looks totaly genuis type. Met a girl name Julie. Seems nice. Reminds me of Janice 'cept quieter. Was going to meet her and her friend at lunch. Lost her. Found Alex. Ate with him instead.

Locker was being stupid today. And I was surrounded by blonde preppies and gangstas. I feel really stupid in all my classes. Don't feel like I deserve being in them. Like Spanish teacher. Don't like fellow classmates that is full of preppies and a few gangsters. Felt v. uncomfortable. Spanish teacher is fun. Like a big kid that can do funny accents inclu. Spanish, Valley Girl, Surfer, Brit... Looks really young. He said bad words including the f ones. He's crazy. Yet I don't like Spanish or my fellow classmates. Go figure. Wish Alex was there too.

When I came to my car I felt like I was going to cry. Feels like I will before I sleep. Must try to find friends... Hopefully... hopefully.. But Spanish classmates made fun of Harry Potter. Feeling alone again. I wish I went to OLP. Wah. Now less internet time bec. of SCHOOL. WAH.

Date:	2003-08-29 23:21
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	anxious
Music:	Simple Plan - "Addicted"

Went to Sea World again tonight. Watched the fireworks as usual. And my mom bought this really cool jester hat that lights up.. I'll use it for Halloween or somethin'...

Anyways, I saw my OLP friends today!!! They look so preppy! lol. I saw Rin, but she had to go.. bummer. We went to the mall.. to eat lunch... we saw Michael (old classmate) too. Then after we went to the S. freshmen football scrimage to see our old guy friends... er.. one. They look so big with their shoulder pads... We kept crackin' up when we saw then in spandex... or their "under armor." We also saw the cheerleaders... a couple of them are our friends so we watched them even though they didn't want us to.. lol. We were SUPPOSE to watch Two Towers, but had no where to watch.. dang. And school's starting on TUESDAY! AHHH!

Hm.. I still have to change a couple of classes though... I don't think I can handle Japanese anymore... all my other classes seem to hard.... Advanced English, Advanced World History, Honors Geometry, (I suck at math have no clue how i got that...).. blah blah blah... A girl that goes to my new school suggested to ask an old teacher of mine to write a letter saying that I should take Spanish 3,4... I think I'm sticking to 1,2 'cos i forgot already... Also have to change to Advanced Bioglogy.. looks good on the college thing... even though i stink at science....(says my sophmore friend...) I'm not sure of my classes.. AT ALL! I suck at math and science... and this school SPECIALIZES in math and science dammit! ahhh.. i hope i don't have a nervous break down the first week....

Rin, seeing you had so much to say... and i need to get off soon.. i'll comment on yours later, k?

Date:	2003-08-28 10:18
Subject:	high school stuff
Security:	Public
Mood:	okay
Music:	Simple Plan - "Addicted"

Yesterday was orientation and now I just came back from registration.. Heavy books.. I gotta change a couple of classes though.. I'm still torn between Spanish and Japanese... Spanish is more useful, but I'm tired of Spanish and Japanese is interesting but really hard. And I sorta wanna learn French.. Darn it. Hopefully I can take Japanese or French or something in the summer... hopefully... but I wanna take it now... Blast it. I got a bottom locker.. bummer. Thankfully I had a friend help me out though. Today I saw a guy with one of those "swinger" hats... feather included... pimpin'... My future classmates are soo... TALL. And they look too old to be freshmen.. hmmm... I swear.. everyone knows each other there.. except me... I feel so left out. Sheesh. Parents keep saying I'll get friends, blah, blah, yadda, yadda... hopefully I can visit my OLP friends on Friday and make fun of their uniforms... j/k. lol. Then after we'll watch Two Towers... hopefully... ::crosses fingers::

James* named changed.. in case he ever finds this journal.. lol

Was talking to an old guy friend about yesterday... (Hope you read this, Rin.) Surprisingly, we talked for a while a first... ::re-reads chat:: Hm.. if he only knew... ^_^ (I only put bits of our chat.)

James: what'd you do in the orientation?..
Simplyriddikulus: tour the school, do weird get-to-know-each-other games..
James: did you have to do something like counting to twenty?...
Simplyriddikulus: YEAH
Simplyriddikulus: i was silent the whole time... lol
James: my friend's a Link Crew leader so he told me some stuff..
Simplyriddikulus: they did this really, really strange game at the start though..
Simplyriddikulus: ic
Simplyriddikulus: i got a friend in link crew too..
James: cool
James: what'd else you guys do?..
Simplyriddikulus: did your friend say anything about balloons?
Simplyriddikulus: a game with balloons?
Simplyriddikulus: they gave us bottled water...
James: nope
Simplyriddikulus: the game we had was strange.. it looked wrong...
Simplyriddikulus: 'cos
Simplyriddikulus: a guy and a girl had to hug each other with a balloon between them and try to pop it
James: ... interesting..
James: :-D
Simplyriddikulus: hahaha
Simplyriddikulus: yeah.. you woulda liked it..
Simplyriddikulus: if you took part
James: lol
James: so... are you nervous about school?..
Simplyriddikulus: hell yeah
Simplyriddikulus: everyone else knows each other..
Simplyriddikulus: so weird..
James: that sucks..

^_^
(talking about foreign languages...)

James: I kinda like French, though... it sounds so... proper...
Simplyriddikulus: there was this one guy in my group... he didn't want to talk.. at all..
Simplyriddikulus: lol
James: lol
Simplyriddikulus: like the link person would ask: tell us about yourself
Simplyriddikulus: guy: i don't like to talk
James: you guys went into groups by last name letters right?
Simplyriddikulus: we had name tags with numbers on them
James: oh...
James: cause my friend says we might have to go into group by last names..
Simplyriddikulus: ic
James: so... I would be in a group with nguyen, nguyen, nguyen.... etc...
Simplyriddikulus: there are lots of people with your last name..
Simplyriddikulus: yeah
Simplyriddikulus: haha
James: yeh... I was also thinking if we get a white guy that maybe we all could pretend to be cousins..
Simplyriddikulus: HAHAAHA
Simplyriddikulus: fun
James: yep
Simplyriddikulus: what if you get a white guy with the last name nguyen?
Simplyriddikulus: lol
James: ... that would be a first...
James: he would have to be half at least...
James: ... cause...... that's messed up...
Simplyriddikulus: hehe

^_^
(the rest...)

James: what's your school mascot?..
Simplyriddikulus: vikings
Simplyriddikulus: yours is.. marauders?
James: yeh
James: I have no idea what it is...
Simplyriddikulus: what does that look like
Simplyriddikulus: hehehe.. kinda fits for the ghetto school
James: but judging from the picture... I looks like a cowboy...
James: ...
Simplyriddikulus: like troublemakers...something like that
James: cool

^_^
(talking about gangs...)

James: hopefully I won't get shot or stabbed...
Simplyriddikulus: you won't
Simplyriddikulus: you're too nice
Simplyriddikulus: ^_^
Simplyriddikulus: lol
James: yay...
Simplyriddikulus: marauder

n : someone who attacks in search of booty

Simplyriddikulus: lol
Simplyriddikulus: yup.. sounds like _______... hahaha
James: lol
James: sounds like it

Simplyriddikulus: we had this game where we had to introduce ourselves and shake hands... this one black dude... : call me sexual chocolate
Simplyriddikulus: and olp had to eat dinner there
Simplyriddikulus: guy: or sc
James: interesting...
James: lol
Simplyriddikulus: the other girls didn't know how to do that.. fist thingy..
James: what thingy?..
Simplyriddikulus: and i was the only one i think..
Simplyriddikulus: where you hit the fists
Simplyriddikulus: ghetto style... ya know?
James: lol
Simplyriddikulus: i don't know what to call lit
Simplyriddikulus: the other girls were looking at me funny.... i felt awkward..
James: ghetto handshake?..
Simplyriddikulus: yeah.. there you go
James: at least you knew the ghetto thing..
Simplyriddikulus: lots of surfer guys at my school too
Simplyriddikulus: haha
Simplyriddikulus: i guess
James: well.. it's _____
Simplyriddikulus: even though i'm not
Simplyriddikulus: yup..
James: surfers with long hair?...
Simplyriddikulus: yeah..
James: damn.. I want long hair..
Simplyriddikulus: you're getting there..
Simplyriddikulus: how long are you growing it?
James: denno..
James: so far I think my hair's about 5 inches long..
James: wait a sec... I'm gonna measure it..
Simplyriddikulus: haha
Simplyriddikulus: k
James: it's like 4 inches..
James: yep..
James: it's still not as long as before...
James: remember the stupid parted faggot hair I had?,...
James: that was 7...
Simplyriddikulus: hehe
Simplyriddikulus: i like your hair now
James: really?...
Simplyriddikulus: yeah
James: it's Greaser/Outsider style...
Simplyriddikulus: haha
Simplyriddikulus: yeah.. killer look for the ladies, man
Simplyriddikulus: lol
Simplyriddikulus: just wait until tomorrow..
Simplyriddikulus: lol
James: yeh...
James: I hope..
Simplyriddikulus: it'll happen
James: the asian girls don't really like the punkish asian guys, though..
Simplyriddikulus: 'cos you're a guitarist/nice guy/punker/gangster
Simplyriddikulus: there aren't that many..
James: gangster, huh?...
Simplyriddikulus: asian girls like nice guys though
Simplyriddikulus: yeah
James: really?...
Simplyriddikulus: yup
James: I don't remember being gangster...
Simplyriddikulus: you look like it
James: gangster punker... now that's an oxymoron
Simplyriddikulus: yup
James: cool
Simplyriddikulus: yup
James: cool
Simplyriddikulus: you'll be pimpin' soon, my friend... lol
James: i hope so...
James: I'd be happy with one girl, though!!!
Simplyriddikulus: hahaha
Simplyriddikulus: you'll get one...
James: I hope so...
Simplyriddikulus: we'll someday visit.. then you'd have all these girls following you..
James: or I'll have to become a priest or monk...
Simplyriddikulus: lol
Simplyriddikulus: with spiked hair..
Simplyriddikulus: oh boy..
James: lol
James: that would actually be interesting...
Simplyriddikulus: hm..
James: what?..
Simplyriddikulus: you as a priest with your jokes.. (they're semi-perverted jokes... -_-;)
Simplyriddikulus: oh jeez..
James: yep... that would give the church a bad name...
James: :-D
Simplyriddikulus: hahahahaha

That's it... woulda talked more if ONLY my dad didn't make me come off... And there weren't any awkward silences the whole time... Another first. Oh well.

Ahh.. just found that my best friend came back.. and broke up with her boyfriend.. 'cos she met this other guy on vacation... again.. and I actually liked that one too... darn..

Date:	2003-08-26 19:28
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	nervous

AIIIIII! My orientation's tomorrow! And I have to wake up early! And that guy and I are carpooling! Crud! There goes the summer... I'm so nervous.. What if people think I'm a loser? What if people judge me by my status? What if I don't make friends?! What if I do something stupid.. ?? eeee...

I spent the whole day reading Harry Potter fanfics and I'm planning to watch my Harry Potter (and if I can) Lord of the Rings dvds to comfort myself.... I'm deciding whether I should wait for the extended version of Two Towers...

My friend Jle right now is trying to give me advice. She already got a friend that reminded her of me. Which made me jealous. Even though it feels stupid to be jealous. Blah. -_-; She already knows me by now that I'm not a people person... For goodness sake's. she already knows I'm the most paranoid person she knows...

Oh jeez. A guy friend that Jle's talking to is so stupid... so naive... so... guy-ish... He thinks he'll be a loner and not have a girlfriend... PLEASE! There were so many girls that crushed on him and still do... I even had a crush on him once.. But he's just a friend now. Sheesh! If he only knew...

Date:	2003-08-25 18:53
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	confused

Hmm.. I was just listening to the radio (the song that was on was the "Boys of Summer") and thinking.. And all of a sudden I felt like crying. I guess... I was thinking about my friends leaving or something... Leaving my friends? Growing up? Life getting more difficult now? Dying? I don't know. I just felt really sad... Great timing, this is... Just when school's about to start. ::sigh:: Confused, that I am. Brighter note... er... ::coming to a conclusion that there is none at the moment:: -_-;

Date:	2003-08-25 11:47
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	restless
Music:	the radio.. (still trying to find a station)

Went to Sea World AGAIN yesterday. 'round.. 7 I think. We saw the prettty fireworks. Man, Sea World at night is like some crazy party. A live band playing the 70s, a hip-hop dance group with rap music, and crazy acrobat tricks. At night is when the shows are different too. The sea lion one was doing spoofs on all the other shows in the park. Before the killer whale one started it was some big dance party or something. They even played the "ketchup song" showing the steps. (hehe.. the dance, rin.) There's this huge big screen tv where the camera guys focused on the audience who had glow sticks and stuff. Fortunately, they did not put me on the big screen. And when the show started, the trainers did some pretty cool tricks like riding the whales like a surf board. Looked pretty fun. They even played techno music during the show. After the fireworks, people on stilts were dancing along to the music. That looked pretty fun too. I gotta take Jle next time 'cos she's in love anything that has to do with water and rap songs that have bad words in it...

Today is when the OLP and WV people started school. I'm so bored. lol. We're finally splitting up... ::sniff sniff:: hehe.. Tomorrow is when Two Towers come out! whoo hoo!!! Legolas goodness.. ::pause button:: (Add drool here.) hehe. Man, my orientation is already in a couple days. Damn. Not as much internet time... Homework, tests, new people... And I forgot everything I learned in school last year... wahhhh...

Date:	2003-08-22 20:40
Subject:	Sea World
Security:	Public
Mood:	content
Music:	Bow Wow - "Let's Get Down"

Went to Sea World today. My dad bought these silver passports that'll last us a year. I got these cool shark tooth necklaces... hehe.. pointy... lol. I've been to Sea World already... 2 months ago, I think, so none of the shows were new to me. But I loved watching some them anyway. My favorites are the sea lion one and the Cirque de la Mar (sp?). The sea lion one is funny, and the other have cool circus tricks and has humor in it. Hahaha... if only Jle was there... she woulda cracked up at their costumes... I got SOAKED at Shipwreck. I saw Dory and Nemo. lol. Lots of fun stuff to do at Sea World in the summer.. Shows, rides, music... And it gets more fun at night. (Must invite the OLP girls when there's the Club Sea World! ^^) But we left early.. dunno why.... We're going back Sunday though to see the fireworks. Of course everything was expensive. Leeches. My mom bought this chocolate cake thing... tasted so sweet and so good... but now I gotta excercise more since orientation at LJ is coming up. Blah. While we ate snacks, this live band wearing funky costumes were playing some oldie songs... These two girls started to dance when the played "Dancing Queen." It was very cloudy all day. The exact opposite weather than at Six Flags. I liked it better that way... but somehow I got a tiny sunburn... and I had my glasses on all day... darn it. -_-; I saw plaid shirts.. but none looked so good... XD (inside joke.) Tomorrow I'm going to a party, and it'll be the last one where I see everybody before school starts. And I think that's the last time I'll see them. (They say otherwise, of course.) Too bad, Jle isn't coming though. More jokes that way! ^_^

Date:	2003-08-21 17:48
Subject:	::sigh::
Security:	Public
Mood:	indescribable
Music:	Damien Rice - "Volcano"

I just found out that guy I think I had a crush on is going to my school. Weird. We might even carpool. I don't know.. if I'm happy if he's going or not. At first.. I wanted him to go.. but now.. I'm not so sure. I thought I'd never see him again. But soon I'm going to see him almost every day. So awkward. I'm talking to him right now... This is so strange...

Date:	2003-08-21 16:45
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	blah

bugger. a few minutes ago my mom got off the phone. i'm going to a bloody retreat in november. and it's OVERNIGHT. with STRANGERS. doesn't she know i'm not good with people!? i went to a retreat with my class once.. it was boring. ::sigh:: earlier a girl that's going to my school wants to make sure i'm going to the orientation... wahhh..i don't wanna go to school yet. even though i've done absolutely nothing useful this summer...


Seer


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Heh. Cool.

I gotta help cook dinner. Laterz!

Date:	2003-08-18 19:44
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	pessimistic

Hmph. My friends (well... most of them) have their orientation tomorrow. I wanted to go to their high school... :P They're gonna be gone the whole day and even eating dinner there. So I'm gonna be left out... as always.... :(

I'm so worried that we're not going to talk to each other anymore. They all say we won't... but they don't know. They can't see the future. They don't know what's coming at them. They don't know that we won't be as close as before. They don't know how much it'll hurt. 'cos they got each other. And I got squat. As always. Like before. They never been through the freakin' sh*t that I went through...

My friends call me "the pessimistic one." I say: "I'm not being pessimistic.... I'm being realistic!!"

((That there is my motto...))

Date:	2003-08-17 15:33
Subject:	dreams
Security:	Public
Mood:	curious
Music:	Audio Slave - "Like a Stone"

Forgot to mention in my last entry that I had really strange dreams the other night that made me wake up at 7 AM (which is way early for me) when I slept at 1:30 AM.

First dream:

I was in the hospital with Sano and Kenshin (of all people ^^) were trying to protect me from Hanya, Hyottoko, Beshimi, and Shikijou from killing me. Why they were trying to kill me.. I have no clue. Then we came to a part of the hospital where there were stairs near the elevator. They were in the doorway while Kenshin and Sano were shielding me and the elevator was right behind me. There was dialogue in the dream... I just don't remember. -_-; Then everyone started fighting and Kenshin was trying to get me in the elevator and get me to safety, but Hyottoko and Shikijou was already inside. So Sano pushed me towards the stairs and told me to run. Kenshin looked mad that I had to take the stairs 'cos I guess.... I couldn't get away faster. So I started climbing. (These were metal stairs with those little holes.) I stayed on one floor for a while so I decided to go down. Then all of a sudden I heard Beshimi on the upper floor with some innocent person that was in the way. So I heard Beshimi KILL that person.... smush that person actually. I could see... "unpleasant bits" going through the holes. ::shivers:: I was sitting in a corner trying not to scream. Beshimi didn't go down so slowly I went down the stair where Sano and Ken looked really wiped out. Kenshin grabbed my arm and we started running again. Then we ended outside where we started walking. I stared asking questions but they said now wasn't the time. We went into this one store... then I think who was Kaoru joined us. Some other stuff happened.. but I don't remember. It creeped me out though. So I woke up scared.

Then I figured: I guess since I had a bad dream, I won't have anymore. ::sigh:: I'm always wrong.

Second dream:

I was inside my house. Then I went outside to our yard but saw a rattlesnake. I screamed and ran inside. Then I started yelling at my bro--who I thought was inside-- that there was a snake outside. No reply. I started searching the house. Next I heard a scream from outside. My brother got bit on his leg. The snake was gone so I dragged him in. I screamed for my parents saying my bro got bit by a rattlesnake. Then I remembered my dad getting angry and yelling at me.

I decided after that dream I didn't want to go back to sleep anymore. So I just spent the rest of the morning watching tv.

Hmmm... I wonder what these dreams mean.

Date:	2003-08-16 22:30
Subject:	Family Reunion
Security:	Public
Mood:	gloomy

I THOUGHT I was going to my friend's house today for some quality fun but my family had other plans. We went to a picnic with my cousins instead who were home from college. 2 graduated, 1 is in college, 1's in high school, and 2 are just babies. A friend of mine was suppose to go with us, but couldn't go. We ate, played tennis, b-ball... not much. My cousins and I don't really talk much even though we spend a lot of time together. Another guy cousin had to ride with us 'cos there was no more room in his car. He's a couple years older than me. ((When I saw him go swimming... I felt really insecure 'cos he used to be so chubby and now he's got a 6-pack. I feel so fat.... ;_;)) He's really smart too. While we were driving, the parents were talking about the future of course. It's all they ever talk about. Makes me sick. My dad always compares me to him too. I was quiet most of the time 'cept when my cousin asked me a few questions about my high school. I always feel left out... even in my family.... especially when my cousins are around. I love my family and all.. really I do, but I kinda hate family reunions.

Then later we all went to my other cousin's house 'cos it was his 22nd b-day. (Happy B-day Ro!) Was really quite boring. The cousins that went to the beach with me stayed inside with me while the b-day boy's friends were partying outside. So I was surrounded by college kids. I saw Ro's sis's bunny. It's ugly, man. Seriously. Even my older cousins think so. It's the size of a dog... She said that she could sell its fur... I said maybe it'd look better if they shaved it. She said it doesn't. I had a taste of beer. (I think it was Sky Blue.) It tasted so disgusting. I don't understand how people can drink even half a bottle. Ro's sis understands me at least. She doesn't drink either. And she said that was considered the "light" stuff. I also asked her if I could borrow her incubus dvds. That was nice of her. I usually talk to her a lot. 'cept when the other cousins are there. Then I'm left out again. Ro's older bro got new tattoos. Didn't go to well with the Flip. aunties and uncles. On one arm it's a dragon.. I thought that was pretty cool.... I'd like it... on a shirt. The other.. I don't even know. It's a design of some sort. Just got home half an hour ago. So tired...

The only upside of this day: finished Catcher in the Rye, re-reading one of my favorites (The Savage Damsel and the Dwarf), and got Incubus dvds.

Oh.. just remembered. My orientation is coming up soon. Oohhh boy...

Date:	2003-08-15 21:22
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	annoyed
Music:	Missy Elliot - "Work It"

Haven't heard this song in a while... Anyways, I'm lookin' for wallscrolls for my room.. Just searching on the net... and I came across this Rurouni Kenshin one that I REALLY, REALLY want now. But I doubt the parentals will let me buy it.... -_-;