Matt's Blurty
 
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Below are the 13 most recent journal entries recorded in Matt's Blurty:

    Saturday, April 12th, 2008
    1:15 am
    Wasted Years...
    It really breaks my heart when you promise me you'll be right back...and then you never come back.

    I guess I should just get over it...accept the fact that i'm not the most important thing in your life right now. Perhaps I should just let go of everything and stop caring...maybe then you can feel less guilty.

    Maybe I should just go back to bed.
    Saturday, March 22nd, 2008
    5:47 am
    You learn something new everyday...
    My birthday was actually really good. Probably one of the best ever.

    I know I say this now, and my post from the other day said different, but I was pretty upset then. I learned something though...
    No matter what happens, I think Megan and I will always be together...I spoke out of anger the other day and I think I went over the line. I did that whole, "i'm packing my shit and leaving" bit...because I was angry at her.
    I promised I wouldn't do that again, just like I promised I wouldn't fight another man again, or how I promised I wouldn't drink alcohol anymore...

    What I was really trying to promise myself was that I wouldn't be HUMAN...and i've been asking too much from Megan lately...I know she tries really hard to deal with her emotions, but I keep forgetting she's only human. She's been calling the hotlines lately, looking for answers on how to deal with shit. I don't know what exactly they talk about, I suppose it's between them, but it kinda leaves me in the dark...and I feel bad...but, I suppose this is a part of her effort to make our relationship better...by working on what she needs to get done for herself as well...

    I've learned that i'm just at fault for our rough patches as she is...and I need to stop turning everything around on her...I just hold in my anger...and assume i'm the better man for doing so...when, in fact, i'm just as bad for being angry in the first place. I suppose the only thing worse than being human, is being a man. Sorry, Megan...

    Marriage is a war in which both parties don't win...they both learn...I wouldn't trade our bad times for a million good times with anybody else. No matter how angry I am, I always say i'm sorry...and if I threaten to leave, i'm always right there 10 minutes later saying I was wrong...I know that doesn't make it right, but I hope she knows that I never truly intend on breaking apart from her...I really don't think I could live without her...

    So, the learning continues...I need to work on alot. I'm thinking about picking up the Psychology book again...going over old class notes...and just try to regain the high ground...Summer is right around the corner and I want this year to be even better than last year for us...we've been having alot of fun...and I don't want that to stop.

    She's sleeping now, but i'm on guard for ghosties...they're opening doors tonight...and I want to make sure if one wakes her up, i'll be right there to hold her tight and shield her from the paranormal...I always have been her protector...even if it means nobody protects me...i'm her fists and her shield...and i'll fight to the end for that girl...

    I remember 3 years ago thinking I knew what love was, HA! I was so stupid...This fighting, these hard times, the bed hogging, the never having any money, the crying, the sad and depressing, and the quiet drives...that's love...that's pure, unadulterated...love. I thank God everyday for bringing us together...my heart.

    Anyways, this is a long one...hope it wasn't too boring. I just wanted to take some time out of this spring night to admit to the world, once and for all, that I was wrong. Yes, wrong...and I want to make it up...

    Megan, I love you so much.
    Wednesday, March 19th, 2008
    5:08 pm
    Craptastic (noun);
    Today for instance.
    People are fucking selfish anymore.

    I'm so sick of it.

    I just want out of everything.


    Fuck it.
    Being 25 blows.
    Monday, February 18th, 2008
    8:13 pm
    3KY6 > KDVN
    3KY6 (Battletown, KY) > KDVN (Davenport, IA)

    Aircraft Flown: Cessna Skylane RGII

    289nm flown at 5000ft, IFR, with visibility 10-30mi. with minor to major overcast at times.
    Winds were severe [289-300/28-30mag]
    Landed on RWY 33 instead of 15 due to winds aloft. Straight in approach.
    Total flight time: 1 hour, 49 minutes
    FUL: 52%
    Flew with Michael Davis(TWF 707). Once in the air, had major problems again
    with GPS navigation equipment.

    (Next flight i'm going to request some addons for my GPS receiver in order to
    safely navigate with strong winds and cold temps. My bulky Cessna must not be
    getting accurate enough readings traveling 160kts.

    All in all, it was a beautiful dusk flight. The clouds were black underneath and silver on top
    with the sun just on the horizon. I kept looking out of my window to see stars shining bright.
    Michael had some problems keeping up in his C182S as it was not modified like my Carenado
    version. It was fun, though.

    Never did any Australia hops. Probably tonight, though.)
    Sunday, February 17th, 2008
    10:12 pm
    YMRB > YBHM
    YMRB (Moranbah, Australia) > YBHM (Hamilton Island, Australia)

    Aircraft Flown: Cessna Skylane RGII [182 by Carenado]

    114nm flown at 5000ft IFR [VFR from TO>1500ft.] Weather conditions at 10mi visibility due to light fog. Altimeter setting was 30.09.
    Winds aloft were 226/019Mag at heading 017/018 through 2000/4000ft.
    Payload was pilot/minor cargo at 340lbs.
    FUL was at 82%.


    (The mountains were beautiful. Scenery couldn't have been better. Landing was as perfect as could be.
    Had a bit of trouble with the GPS, but that could have been improper calibration on my part.
    Better luck with that one next time.
    Well, it's been over 15k miles and still more to go.
    My wife and I are going to sleep tonight, otherwise it would be another hop or two before rest.
    Oh well, there's always tomorrow.
    Next stop...Bowen, Australia [YBWN])
    10:10 pm
    Flight...
    I'm going to start using my account for an online record of my flying time spent with the Round the World tour. So far i've completed 84 "hops". I figure this would be an easier way of keeping track of valuable memories spent in the skies with mates...

    So...without further mention...
    Thursday, January 24th, 2008
    11:16 pm
    Mixed Messages...
    Can't seem to do anything right anymore.
    Nothing interests you...
    I can't even talk to you without being yelled at...

    I try to sleep just to avoid the drama.
    I play FS so I can have some friends who share an interest with me
    ...and you give me shit for it.

    You always say you're messing around...but,
    it's really mean...even for a joke.

    I wish you knew how much I used to care...
    and how much I used to love...

    You might have done things differently.

    I'm going to leave soon...and you'll probably just get all quiet and stop talking.
    Because you wont have anything to say...
    You never have anything to say, unless i'm doing something wrong...or something bothers you.

    Whatever.
    Thursday, January 17th, 2008
    3:33 pm
    School...
    Well, I started a new semester of college yesterday. It was quite extraordinary...

    Megan and I got there 2 hours early, thanks to a scheduling mixup by yours truly. Sorry, love. After sitting in the cafeteria for a while, we headed to our first class, Meteorology. The classroom had desks in it (rare) as opposed to the usual tables. As a man of larger caliber, I was squeezing myself in...making for a most uncomfortable class period. The classroom did happen to have one table and chair. I think i'll shoot for that one tomorrow. Anyways, our instructor let us out early with it being the first day and all, so it was pretty cool. We went to our next class, Psychology, with high hopes.

    It was everything we thought it would be, and more! The room had very comfortable seating, the students seemed rather serious to be there, and our instructor was hilarious! Upon going over the syllabus, she mentioned the importance of turning in our work. In response to people who never do their work, she replied, "Do it shitty! I don't care! Just turn in your homework!" and went on to talk about how certain people "piss" her off. Finally, an instructor with a laid-back approach. I've always liked those the best.

    All in all, it was a fun day...I love college. I'm just worried about my financial aid suspension, I hope they accept my appeal...It would break my heart if I could no longer attend. Seriously.
    Saturday, January 12th, 2008
    12:30 am
    Far too long...
    Got paid today...and really wanted to go out with my wife tonight. We haven't really been out in what seems like forever...and with classes coming up, work, and in-laws constantly bitching, I figured why not?

    I wanted to go to Red Lobster, she wanted Hardee's (Carl's Jr. on the west coast)...how romantic? Well, that whole idea got scratched when I suggested chinese...so we went to Bettendorf for some late night cuisine. It was awful...the food was overcooked, the waitress was crappy, and worst of all, I got something lodged in my broken wisdom tooth, which cause an indescribable amount of pain. We left it at that...during the drive home, all you could hear was the radio, and me gasping for air through my nostrils...

    ...It's tough getting into a dentist when you don't have insurance.

    That tooth needs to come out, bad. It's still hurting, just not as much...thanks to 2500mg Tylenol.

    All in all though, I had a fun time with my wife...I showed her a good time, which is worth every ounce of pain.
    Thursday, January 10th, 2008
    2:30 pm
    Trying to study...
    I always try to get a head start on classes, for instance, the new semester starts on the 16...and I have a meterology class that involves alot of physics and memorization work...I've noticed from past class experiences that the majority of the students have already started studying their textbooks, for a neat little headstart into the curriculum. Well, let that be a lesson to me...from then on, I started reading the chapters at least a week in advance. I want that edge too, ya know? It makes it much easier to learn when lectures are merely mind refreshers. Tests become easier too.

    Anyways, so i've been trying to help my wife out with her schooling, too...

    I told her a few days ago that we should probably start studying ahead of time...to make it easier on her. She isn't very confident about her performance in school, this being her first semester of college, so...why not start working on things before the pressure builds up? Why put off things until the last minute?

    ...Oblivion. xbox360...that's why.

    She's been all irritated lately...and needs some time to herself...which is cool and all, I don't mind...but when i'm trying to study it becomes really difficult with slashing swords and magic spells being cast everywhere...don't get me wrong, it's a cool game, but if you're not going to study with me, at least let ME study on my own.

    ...well, now i'm in the bedroom, reading by myself. I guess i'm going to end up doing this shit alone? Who knows anymore.

    That's it for now...this blurty thing is kinda fun. It really helps get alot of stress off of my chest. I hope it doesn't sound like i'm complaining about my wife. I love her to death, and she could never do wrong by me. I just want her to do good, that's all.

    Later gang. Thanks for reading!

    Current Mood: sleepy
    12:06 pm
    Update:
    So yeah...school is really bothering me. I'm starting to get nervous, ya know? This isn't something we just piss away like highschool, no, this is for real. Pre-med sounds so cool...but looking at the course layout...chemistry, anatomy, physics...it all looks so intimidating...

    I wasn't really nervous at first, but now it's starting to hit me...with class less than a week away.

    I don't know how to make the jitters go away, honestly...I want to ask someone...but I don't know anybody in that major who could actually give a credible opinion...

    This blog is becoming really sloppy...I'm used to blogger...dunno why I switched...anyways, I can't let anyone in this house know it's bothering me...otherwise they'll crumble too (i'm supposed to be the strong one, I guess)...
    I just don't want to let anybody down.

    Seriously.
    6:02 am
    Ugh...
    I need more friends. I just realized that and figured I would write it down so someday I can read about how big of a lameass I was...and will be.
    4:34 am
    New one...
    I don't much care for the pink, but it will do for now. I hear snoring in my ear...happy right now. Not so much tired...more excited for the next semester of school coming up. More later...peace.
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