K Diamond's Journal

10:55AM - xoX Big Change Xox

Wut's Really good! Well yesterday I went to the salon to color my hair and stuff. I felt like a big clown but everybody else seems like it, and haven't gave me that fake "Oh your hair's nice." so I feel a lot better than before. I guess it just has to grow on me. Oh yea Happy New Years. I started writing you on New Years but I was talking to madd people and the computer of course was against me so I never got a chance to redo it. So Blurt I'm Sorry for 2004. Shit has been aight yesterday I went to a basketball game it was aight I was bored after a while. I was wishing that I spent my money on a movie or something, but whateva we was just chillin with everybody. I kinda wished that I lived in Roselle at time cause with people like Tasha and Clay I would neva be bored. I would have something to do. Where I'm living now people tell me I got so many opportunities, but I guess I'm not seizing them cause I don't really feel like anything. Oh yea this is my first weekend backed to myself. Kei's party was actually nice. She looked real pretty. We "her court" of couse didn't but we did our thing and so it was cool. I made sure I made up for all the losses by dancing my ass off at the party. Oh yeah Kwanique my partner is the same Kwanique that Rachael used to talk about so it was pretty funny that he knew Regine and shit. I got everyones number but really they were cool and all, but will we really have anything to talk about? V-day is coming up and I'm suppose to be chillin' with my baby. I'm kinda scared cause I'm gonna be around his family it's a saturday not to mention I just colored my hair maybe his mom won't feel it. Wuteva! I plan on gettin him a pair of spongebob boxers, a belt w/his name or somethin, and a card then callin it quit. I'm cold, hungry, and stuff I'll holla at you lata.!

Current mood: happy

Current music: ::Sorry 2004 - Reuben::

12:51PM - HHHHHEEELLLLPPPP!!!!!

Hey! I need somone to call 911 right now cause I think in about anotha 5 min. I'm gone! I can't take it no more I done had an overdose of Nae and Ty and I can't take anymore. It's too much trying to handle that along with Midol I'm gettin overwhelmed. I'm so tired and I want to get shit done! I feel like a useless being. Theres so many things that I need to get done and I'm just hear watching time fly. I mean I'm gettin aggravating seeing the only progression going on in other people's lives. I mean I'm thrill happy yaddah yaddah but I mean I want some happiness for myself too. I feel so alone, but how do you tell that to people who swear your life is madd sweet. Don't get me wrong I love my baby and he's always making sure I'm aight but I dunno I feel so incomplete in other areas of my life. Today is Christmas Eve and yet I'm still not feeling this Christmas vibe. Hopefully by tonight I could get the wholesome feeling when I go to church. I swear it's because "they" changed Midnight Mass that thats why I'm not into Christmas this year. Wuteva Me and Mom Dukes are suppose to go to church, go to T.G.I.Friday, and drive around and look at decorations. Cheesy but I think thats what we need right about now. I think it's kinda funny how everyone is lost in X-mas. People are so stuck on what they want, who's going to give it to them, and if they get something bad what they're going to do. I mean come on when people start practicing fake smiles and thank you and think about how fast they could return or exchange theres a big problem. This year I really just want to Help I want to feel like I'm making a difference like going to Nursing Home, and the food bank felt good. One Lady at the nursing home pulled me to the side just to tell me How nice it was for us (Dance Club) to take time and sing and dance to people we don't even know. I dunno Christmas just ain't the same anymore especially with the phoniness involved in families and greed and envy taking over everyone's mind. I just want to skip to the next holiday. I mean I'm all down for New Years and I'm ready to party and get temporarily relief from the horrors of reality. Well I'm out my friend.

P.S. It's pretty funny how I can't really talk to people anymore. Rhay Rhay who is the only other person who I confide in after D, Genie, and Shivon has been dealing with his own stuff so I mean your pretty much it. By the way last nite he called me around midnite w/Alric and he was actin real weird talkin like I need to look after you, and how I played him, and he kept callin' me HIS Kinta. It's was crazy anyway my fav cousin has called to rescue me.

Current mood: cranky

Current music: ::No Letting Go - Wayne Wonder::

4:14PM - Emotional Rollercoaster

You wouldn't believe the two weeks I have gone through. Well da Jamacian punk's birthday came up and I went to my bestest friend in the whole world, My Mother, to see if she could help me out with gettin' the present. I decided that I wanted to just get the gamecube he wanted and knocked two birds down with one stone which would be Christmas and his birthday. I mean I thought shit was cool Mom Dukes finally knew from me that me and Tony were together and I went over there with her knowledge of it I thought that shit was finally good. Well Tony like I thought was completely surprised and overwhelmed by the present and I felt good about what I did. When I got home from chilling with him and Ralph for his birthday my mom was acting kinda funny but I thought nothing of it. Well I ended up gettin' off the phone early with Tony just for the simple fact that she was wylin' so I was pretty much done. I was coolin' in my room in dark listenin' to some slow jams on 105 I mean I was pretty much set to go to sleep so I knew in a min I would've been out. Finally when I drifted off I heard my door open and I woke up but I was plannin on going back to sleep, but My vistor had other plans. My mother decided that she needed to talk to me about Tony and told me that she thinks 100 dollars is too much and what kind of person is he for takin' it yaddah yaddah yaddah and I was pretty much pissed the fuck off by then so I was like I'll talk to you tomorrow! She wasn't satisfied but she bounced. Now I couldn't fall asleep and I was cranky and aggravated so I was pretty much hurt. The next day I just stuck to my usual silent treatment and she was making shit seem like we were cool. She got the car back so we went to go see my grandmother and I couldn't exactly refuse because I haven't see my grandma in madd long so I packed up and went along we were still chillin I mean not much words in exchange. After we leave D's house after I had made her stop thats when she decided she wanted to talk. I couldn't even believe she was bringing the situation up again I mean what is done is done I can't take the gift back and I'm satisfied with my actions I knew of the consequences. She went on a rampage how Tony shouldn't have taken it, I can't let him keep it, what is he doing for me that is worth 100 dollars, and how I knew Regine and Shivon and even HER for so long and I never ever bought any of them a present worth 100 dollars. I mean when I tell you I was hurt you have to believe me never in a million years would have I ever thought to hear those words from my mother. She would be the last person I ever expect to have a problem with what I give her. I was done listening her and so that was a done deal. We spent a good minute not talking so now on Mon night my sista calls me and ask me if I know why my motha has to talk to her so badly and I was like nah. Then Tuesday afternoon I found a message on my answer machine from my sista tellin me she was gonna kick my ass and she'll talk to me lata. That night she came through but that was the same night as festival of lights and she told me how my motha told her that I asked her ( my motha) for a 100 dollars to buy regine and shivon's present and I took it and spent it all on "SOME BOY" I was like what bullshit! I was so mad that my mother would make up such a big lie. Not to mention she was neva talkin to my sista like that and then all of sudden there best friends I was like wuteva. My sista told me not to worry about it but I really wanted to just give my mother the money and be done with. That night when I had got in the car my motha was back to being nice to me I guess she saw I was real mad. Now we're pretty much cool she ain't bring up the situation again. I had numerous of offers to give me the money from D and Tony but I don't want either of them to give me the money especially not Tony cause then I'll feel like he's paying for something thats suppose to be for him. It's wuteva i still plan on payin her though as soon as I get out of debt with the world. Now we're movin and that adds on to the stress and so just need a big vacation it 's crazy. Tony makes me sad cause he seems like this is gonna change everything and I'm just hoping my mother opens up and he could come over and we could have movie nights and stuff. Well Let me get off I'm on my vacation but yet find myself babysitting I'll talk to you later.

Current mood: calm

Current music: :: Me, Myself, and I - Beyoncé ::

4:14PM - Emotional Rollercoaster

You wouldn't believe the two weeks I have gone through. Well da Jamacian punk's birthday came up and I went to my bestest friend in the whole world, My Mother, to see if she could help me out with gettin' the present. I decided that I wanted to just get the gamecube he wanted and knocked two birds down with one stone which would be Christmas and his birthday. I mean I thought shit was cool Mom Dukes finally knew from me that me and Tony were together and I went over there with her knowledge of it I thought that shit was finally good. Well Tony like I thought was completely surprised and overwhelmed by the present and I felt good about what I did. When I got home from chilling with him and Ralph for his birthday my mom was acting kinda funny but I thought nothing of it. Well I ended up gettin' off the phone early with Tony just for the simple fact that she was wylin' so I was pretty much done. I was coolin' in my room in dark listenin' to some slow jams on 105 I mean I was pretty much set to go to sleep so I knew in a min I would've been out. Finally when I drifted off I heard my door open and I woke up but I was plannin on going back to sleep, but My vistor had other plans. My mother decided that she needed to talk to me about Tony and told me that she thinks 100 dollars is too much and what kind of person is he for takin' it yaddah yaddah yaddah and I was pretty much pissed the fuck off by then so I was like I'll talk to you tomorrow! She wasn't satisfied but she bounced. Now I couldn't fall asleep and I was cranky and aggravated so I was pretty much hurt. The next day I just stuck to my usual silent treatment and she was making shit seem like we were cool. She got the car back so we went to go see my grandmother and I couldn't exactly refuse because I haven't see my grandma in madd long so I packed up and went along we were still chillin I mean not much words in exchange. After we leave D's house after I had made her stop thats when she decided she wanted to talk. I couldn't even believe she was bringing the situation up again I mean what is done is done I can't take the gift back and I'm satisfied with my actions I knew of the consequences. She went on a rampage how Tony shouldn't have taken it, I can't let him keep it, what is he doing for me that is worth 100 dollars, and how I knew Regine and Shivon and even HER for so long and I never ever bought any of them a present worth 100 dollars. I mean when I tell you I was hurt you have to believe me never in a million years would have I ever thought to hear those words from my mother. She would be the last person I ever expect to have a problem with what I give her. I was done listening her and so that was a done deal. We spent a good minute not talking so now on Mon night my sista calls me and ask me if I know why my motha has to talk to her so badly and I was like nah. Then Tuesday afternoon I found a message on my answer machine from my sista tellin me she was gonna kick my ass and she'll talk to me lata. That night she came through but that was the same night as festival of lights and she told me how my motha told her that I asked her ( my motha) for a 100 dollars to buy regine and shivon's present and I took it and spent it all on "SOME BOY" I was like what bullshit! I was so mad that my mother would make up such a big lie. Not to mention she was neva talkin to my sista like that and then all of sudden there best friends I was like wuteva. My sista told me not to worry about it but I really wanted to just give my mother the money and be done with. That night when I had got in the car my motha was back to being nice to me I guess she saw I was real mad. Now we're pretty much cool she ain't bring up the situation again. I had numerous of offers to give me the money from D and Tony but I don't want either of them to give me the money especially not Tony cause then I'll feel like he's paying for something thats suppose to be for him. It's wuteva i still plan on payin her though as soon as I get out of debt with the world. Now we're movin and that adds on to the stress and so just need a big vacation it 's crazy. Tony makes me sad cause he seems like this is gonna change everything and I'm just hoping my mother opens up and he could come over and we could have movie nights and stuff. Well Let me get off I'm on my vacation but yet find myself babysitting I'll talk to you later.

Current mood: calm

Current music: :: Me, Myself, and I - Beyoncé ::

12:25PM - Missing Blurty

I'm so sorry! I feel like the biggest traitor in the world! You see AOL 9.0 came out with this diary thing and it seemed so easy and stuff but realistically I like you a whole lot better. I haven't written in the longest of time and you need an update. Well Tony's birthday is coming up and I wanted to get him a really good present and I was saving up I had 40 of it and then poof someone comes and takes it... so now I'm back at point one, and worst of all he doesn't even want the game I was planning on giving him anyway. I know I'll feel like the biggest asshole in the world if I don't get him anything just for the simple fact I'm his girl and everyone else seems like they pretty much treat it like another day! I want him to feel really really special. I don't know I have till thurs to come up with 50 dollars and change.
Guess what!!!!! My mother has gone mad she wanted me to pack up and move to the murder spot. She had to be out her god damn mind. She tooks us to see the place and everything and I couldn't take it. I don't think anybody realizes how hard its gonna be for me now. I mean not only cause Tony is in the picture but I mean the 94 is right there and so is the 31. When I stay after school all I have to do is walk around the corner. And now she just bought a studio apartment in SO. Studio apartments are nice for college but I want my own space right about now. I love my mother and shes my best friend but COME ON!!!! Then my beloved sister called the other day cause shes been helping out and she comes up with this place in ROSELLE!!!!!!!!!!!! I wanted to murder her. I don't want to be a whole mile away from Tony. My mother claims I'll be driving like tomorrow but I know shes good for procastination and so I don't wanna take chances.
Umm. . . I went to that retreat with my school. It was okay I mean the food was horrible some people were annoying but it was alright. I finally got to walk that labyrinth thing and that was cool cause I got a chance to think real hard. It felt good especially the comfort that was offered to everyone when they were done. I wouldn't hesitate to do it again the retreat on the other hand was one I rather wait to agree too.
I talked to Shivon yesterday my sister. I love her soooo much. She listens to everything and she soo smart etc... I really hope she and mr. man have a good future cause they seem like they would balance each other out. I feel so disconnected from my friends, that was one of those things I really hope wouldn't occur. I don't really like talking about Tony to them just for the simple fact I know not everyone is thrilled and cares to hear. Come to think about it the only person who honestly listen to me and offer advices whenever is the same person who seems so scared of the thought of ME and Tony which is my mother. I don't know lately I feel so alone like theres no one really there to listen. Tony listens but somethings I still can't talk about it like how selfconcious my keloids make me. He hasn't even once bought them up and usually that would be good cause it shows it doesn't bother him but I feel like he should acknowledge my flaws! I'm just weird.
I called my god mother on Thanksgiving and boy oh boy does that family irritates me. I mean they have disconnected me so much and love to blame everything on me. She had the nerves to say I haven't heard from you in so long and if I did I would've taken you to Pennsylvania with me for thanksgiving. I told her that maybe if she picked up the phone and called me then that would've been possible. I mean shit who told them the world revolves around them! I meant to call my dad for real on his birthday but how ironic that my mother couldn't find her phonebook maybe it was a sign.
Kei's thing is almost here so I will be free from slavery. I kinda had fun like I'm gonna miss Paul, and Omar. They made me laugh all the time, and I love dancing so it was like dance classes for free. Speaking of dance I'm doing this festival of lights shit at my school. I wish I was enrolled currently at a dance school everyone there makes me feel so useless including Regine. I mean I could do the steps and stuff but look at the kicks and the jumps. I want to dance, and how am I suppose to go to college and be one of those dancers if I haven't danced in the longest of time. Wuteva that's how my life goes
How have you been! Christmas is coming up! I'm so excited. My sister is tryin to have christmas at her house meaning time for me and my baby to spend the day together hopefully. I got an outfit and everything. It's a black sweater that goes off my shoulder and a plaid pleated short skirt that is black and burgundy and a lil white in it. Only if I had a burgundy santa hat and black stilleto ankle boots it would tip off everything.Wuteva I just need to hurry up and get out of school, but then again the sooner I get to christmas the more I need money to get tony another present. HE OWES ME for my birthday cause this is just too stressing! Neway I'm gettin off I'll talk to you as soon as possible.

Current mood: cheerful

Current music: :: Offically Missing You - Tamia ::

4:14PM - Me vs. The World

Crazy Simplistic Day! I had big plans and hope today and little by little it fell all apart. I was suppose to finally go get my piercing and yet again it came to a crumbling halt. I thought we were goin local but nah it's all the way in Ny. I plan on going on Sat. which is a whole lot better cause its after my doctors appointment. Its funny how one minute people are cheering you on and then the next they just slowly rip you apart! With people like that how do you determine whos your true friend and whos not? But dats how life works! My day was good when I woke up and it just all went down hill from there. I called the Jamacain Jerk and come to find out someone left a message on his phone saying my ex boyfriend/best friend's name on his answer machine and the girl had some guy talkin in the background, and the girl was soundin like me and everything. I was so madd cause I mean I told him I ain't call him plus I had no times to be playin on his phone. I mean come on tricks are for kids. Why would i do something like that to disrespect him? Wuteva he used to hoe around and I guess they wanna play on his phone now. But really for him to come at me like I ain't got a life of my own was too ridiculous. I just hung up the phone. I hope stupid shit like dis ain't the cause of our break up. You know with every up comes a down. NEWAY on a good note I went to the Haitian Movie thing and it was actually aight they has posters and soundtracks and everything. They could've brung up the acting skillz since it was the first real movie, but I mean they did what they had to do. I even talked to one of the main actress in the bathroom and she madd cool. Mom Dukes of course supported them all out got the cd and everything along with autographs. I don't even know why I'm on this thing. I have to go slave over some debate homework thing. I just needed someone to hear me out and stuff. Mysterious 1 dips back into her hole.

Current mood: annoyed

Current music: ::Who Can I Run To - Xscape ::

11:37PM - Why Me?

Yea it's been a hot minute since we've talked... Sorry! Well Me and My Boo have been spendin' time as much as possible. You know I had to break out the James Bond in me and go chill with him every time opportunity popped up. His 6'4" Jamacain build is all dat I need in my life right bout now "wink". Sike Nah mean he madd cool we connect on a vibe like no other. I thought that it would be a jump off and its more than that. We've been together for a month now and 6 days. Oh yea I forgot to tell you at Nae's party he showed up after all dat bitchin and chilled the whole day with me, but you know their had to be an a drunk asshole to put us on blast. Of course my family couldn't just let me hold it down with my Baby in da corner. Someone had to ask if dat was my boyfriend, and I ain't got no shame and my game and I was like yup. We really coolin'! I wanna step it up and let mom dukes no that I'm takin control (LoL @ me take control). I wanna be able to do what my sista used to do when she used to go out and let my mom know that she was with her man. I mean my mom and I are cool and everything, but I realized she cool but when it comes back to me she get kinda different and "funny". I wanna work dis shit out, cause I wanna see my Jamacain punk a whole lot more.
School is aight. Same ol' bs! I thought that sense it was Jun. year and all shit would be different, but I still can't stand the halls of RC. I do hope that we tear ish up at the prom tho. I went to one of them "chill parties" the other day of one of my associates. I had a few shots but I mean there was no one to really bugg out. Jazz was high as a mutha fucka. Tasha was being a "goon"(sound familar). Genie wasn't beat for comin home a new person. I mean I wanna get crunked at a real shindig with my boo. I'm not down with the whole high thing, but give me a bottle of Alizé and believe dis Haitian will wyld out!
Dance Club is really wuts poppin dis year. We finally started a year and accomplished shit. First meeting we actually danced!!!!!! I mean if you came to one of dem meetings last year you would understand. It was about that time for ish to jumpoff. So far we did "Crazy in Love" and "Milkshake" they both hot, and we goin to Six Flags to perform at the end of this month along with the ethnic fair.
Oh yea I neva told you bout dat chick's nonsense. I finally saw my partna and what not he aight. He ain't no one special along w/da otha niggas up in dat mutha. I'm telling you right now if I die early that ish will be what puts me to my death. It's a waste of time!! I mean da diamond needs a steady cash flow and ain't about sittin a box of a studio practicing all day long. I mean come on, but I guess I can't back down now. I'm counting down the days, and after this week we down to 11.
As you can see Blurt I'm coolin' livin' it up as always. Sat me and da gurls chillin if Genie come back in time, and Sun I'm goin to a Haitian Movie Premiere (I did say Haitian look at my people moving up). Well It's on it way to midnight bout to go chill in da cut hopefully I could speak to da bumbleclott (LMAO) before I go to sleep!
1 Luv da Mysterious 1 "Close your Eyes and Wonder"

Current mood: irritated

Current music: :: Sensuel - Black Parents ::

5:52PM - It's Ova!

Unfortunately my summer had to come to an end. It's been crazy tho. I've been to Boston, Montreal, Virginia, Baltimore, New York of course. I had my Sweet 16 party. I met my future Baby. Teared it up at the West Indian Day Parade. I mean what more could I had asked for this summer. It's been awhile since I last written, but you know how that goes. Since the last time this Jamaican Punk has been occuping all my time sike dat is my baby. We've been spending all our time on the phone talking up a storm. Tomorrow it not only my 1st day of imprisonment in School but we're chilling after my first day. Crazy Right! Yup tomorrow it's on and poppin' I plan on "Fighting" his 6' 3" behind, and I will show no mercy for him. I mean you know not to mess with a Haitian rite? Well see he loves acting up and so You kno I gotta put him in his place let him know how K run shit!!! Lol I know yall laughin at me, but ain't nothing wrong with being confident! Man tomorrow is the first day of school and it doesn't even feel like it. I'm officially a Junior of Corny Ass RC! This year is gonna be too crazy we got prom and all. Just like Jazz said time to cutt off the phony nonsense and keep it real. I mean everyone knows that life ain't sweet, so no point of BSin' like it is. Another year of that school sucking my mother's bank account dry I told her to send me to a good public school.... wait .... a good public school?... rite there is none! That would be the reason why I'm doing my 3rd year there. Well I'm hoping that my baby will make my day all good. We already planned on just chillin' and watchin a movie, some "gang in new york shit", but I'm not havin' that I'll probably bring a movie to watch or something. I hope we throw the whole shy shit to the side and just keep it real, but I wanna keep it as innocent as possible. Save the rest for the future I mean where the fuck is time going? Neway it's 6pm and My motha still ain't come home from work so Masta gotta go put her foot down and find out where she's at! HOLLA!!!!!!!!

Current mood: happy

Current music: ::JS- Ice Cream (Remix)::

11:53AM - OoO Boredom OoO

Current mood: bored

Current music: ::Thalia Ft.Fat Joe. I want you::