| 12:07pm 15/05/2004 | ||||
Oh yea the American Dream And I am going to some indie metal concert with Brandon and Glenn Yes Yes today may prove to be good.... |
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hungry| 02:48pm 12/05/2004 | |||
| Whaty the hell I updated yesterday and now the entry is gone what the fuck | |||
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| Why is everything so confusing after trust is broken? | ||||
| 10:27pm 11/05/2004 | ||||
I told him I didn't want a relationship. Why don't guys listen to me when I say that. It's like even if I wear a sign on my head that says FUCK OFF they still come. Don't people understand, not just boys pretending to care just gets so tiring, you eventually let them in, and then what they leave, they hurt you because you find out it was all just a lie. Then what your sad eventually numb then you sign up to do it all over again. What can I say it's a bitch stuffs a bitch. It was wrong for me to ever sign up to play his game... or anyones for that matter. I miss grandma still. I think about her everyday... At first it was really hard thinking about where she was what she saw me doing. Did she see me sitting in Kyle's room drinking, having sex, did she see me lying and pretending to have a good time at everything I do. I started to think maybe if she saw me she only saw the good stuff. I like that thought. It is more comforting for me at least even if it's not true. I think I am just going to pretend it is the truth. When I was walking down the street today I thought about her and how she would hate to miss summer, I guess she's technically not missing it shes 6 feet deep in the fucking ground so I guess she is a part of it. On a happier note I am getting a new puppy next week, going to prom, and then going to the Used concert. I always seem to focus on the negative however... |
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confused| 09:49pm 13/04/2004 | |||
| When someone dies why do we always give our condolences? We say death is better over all they go to a better place so why is everyone apologizing. I hate fucking condolences... | |||
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| 07:56pm 11/01/2004 | |||
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I have not updated this thing forever. Christmas holidays went really well! I got everything I wanted. New years was jokes I went out with my boyfriend Kyle and we went to his friend's Matt and then we went to some party. I was extremly messed up that night. This weekend was fun. Friday night I went to Kyle's and we drank at Hickey house. Saturday I saw Underworld and I just got back from KYle's house. We watched Out of Time it was a good movie. I put up a stupid fight...Thats about all I have to say |
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| 10:17pm 18/12/2003 | ||||
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| Snow fall | ||||
| 04:20pm 18/12/2003 | ||||
Last night Kyle ended up coming over. We had fun I showed him around my house and what not. Then we went to the coffee shop while my parents sat in church. That was fun. He is so funny. We laugh a lot when were together (maybe cuz I am such a spazz). It snowed so much yesterday. We just sat in the cofee shop laughing and watching the snow fall. I am suppoed to go see Matt tomorrow. I am excited to see him but at the same time kinda nervous. I really really hate hospitals. They scare me a lot and I have never been on the psych ward. Actually I take that back when I tried to kill myself they took me up there to talk to these crisis people. Anyways, I hope he is doing better soon. When we talked today he sounded kind of down at first than he seemed to cheer up. I am going to take a bus, actually I am going to end up taking fucking 4 or 5 of them. Crazy!!!! I have to take 2 to go to oshawa and 1 or 2 to get to the hospital. I am going to straighten my hair tonight. It get's real boring straightening it. I wish it was just naturally straight. I don't have much to babble on about right now... |
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energetic| Mend there broken wings and learn to fly | ||||
| 04:03pm 17/12/2003 | ||||
Friday: I went out with Aleisha and her boyfriend to the gym. We stayed there for awhile and met up with a bunch of people for coffee. Saturday: I went out and met Kyle at the mall. This went well. We had a great time, even when I was dragging him around the mall. We even got to hold one of the sheltie puppies. Then we went back to his house drank a bit, talked, went to see his friends, and played with his brand new kitten. Sunday: Majority of the day I spent conversing on the phone and MSN. Monday: After school Matt came over. We had a lot of fun and watched shows and chatted. However, after he left I guess during the night he tried to commit suicide. I really felt horrible. Like he could have called, or told me when he was over he was sort of depressed. I can't help but think maybe I did something to instigate it. I really hope he will be okay because I know what it is like to be sucidal and feeling like you have nothing to live for. I do not know what I would do if anyone of my friends killed themselves. It would be horrible. I am supposed to go see him on Saturday. There I will attempt to cheer him up. So this is the last before christmas holidays. I can not wait. I am going snowboarding all the time this winter. I am going to have so much damn homework though. I guess that is what I get for slacking off this week. I mean what can one expect though. It is almost christmas...sheesh. I am supposed to see Jeff this weekend. On Friday I talked to him about stuff. I said I always wanted what I couldnt have and him being wishy washy with me like as in I want to see you but I can't made it ten times worse because I want what I can't have. Then I asked him if he wanted me in his life. After a long pause he said "Yes Skye I still care about you and want you in my life and I am sorry about a lot of things." I will not call him though at all this week. He has text messaged me and I do it back but no more phone calls. I will start to look like an obsessive ex and I am not all I want is him in my life right now as a friend. Ok I am going to go do some homework hahaha before Kyle comes over. My mom is in a bitch mood today. |
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chipper| 05:58pm 12/12/2003 | ||||
Jakob is a dick. I have to tell you this rather amusing story. Just to vent. So we were together he obviously wanted me told me he wanted me he took me out everything. The whole 9 yards. I guess I trusted him way to easily, because this always happens. He had an ex, he said he disliked and was obsessive (he obviosly lied about that) and how he really was. He ignored me for a week... all I really wanted was an explanation. I mean he initiated everything pretty much. I finally got it today. Wants nothing to do with me because hes back with his ex. Nice eh? lol... Thanks, so I finally get my explanation today, his girlfriend was there so he confirmed her story. I think it is pathatic how woamn will stand by their man even when its apparant there fucking liars. Maybe they don't even know they lie. That is an even scarier thought. He initiated everying, he obviously wanted something to do with me whether it was legitimate or not...probably not. Then shit went down with jeff... I hate people so much. So people can change. Sometimes it is slow, sometimes it is fast sometimes it is for the best sometimes its for the worse. Unfortunately it is usually for the worse. So how does a change that drastic happen? I wish I knew the answer... Jeunesse said some mean shit about me, when I was talking to Jakobs' gf she said that. It is probably the truth. Last time I talked to Jeunesse it was not too good. I still don't think she has the right to do that. Especially since she hasn't really even talked to me in the past couple months. I want to know what she said. I will find out. My curiousity always causes my demise... So that is my random bitching for the week... I wish I was a little girl again and could do everything different. |
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numb| Drowning in a shot glass | ||||
| 04:41pm 06/12/2003 | ||||
Jakob.... to bad everyone leaves in the end. I feel like getting rather drunk, but I am feeling quite lethergic right now |
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groggy| Adios | ||||
| 08:21am 24/11/2003 | ||||
So yea Saturday Tim and I went bowling with Aleisha and some others. Brittany was there aww she is so cute. We took her on the go karts and cut Tim off and he ran into another car. Skool time... |
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cheerful| I live my life in milliseconds. | ||||
| 01:08pm 22/11/2003 | ||||
I am in love with the Used. Just their voices and the lyrics are amazing. I would download more of there songs but Kazza is being a peice of shit like usual. I don't even know why it isn't working. I think I am going to give Gordie a blank c.d and have him burn me a C.D with a bunch of their songs. So this week was boring. The first half of the week (including the weekend) I had so much homework. It was fucking crazy. I was getting no sleep at all. Then the homework load lightened up and I had none. I swear can't teachers just talk to each other and learn how to assign major projects, tests, and seminars so they don't all fall into the same time period. School drives me absolutely fucking crazy and I still have 8 years to go. However, I am now planning to go to UBC so that should be so much better. I will be right on the coast too so I can surf every single fucking day of my life. I love to surf. I miss the ocean that's all I have been talking about lately. It's my escape so whatever. Oh and I also like to talk about snowboarding a lot. So Tammie rather pissed me off last night. I call her after school. I had planned on doing stuff with her, and I called her and she agree with the exception her loser friends had to come. Whatever. I don't really care that much anymore, I haven't seen her in 5 months I just wanted something to do and to talk a bit with her. She then calls Sarah, and was supposed to call me back. I call her back and she is like "Oh I have to go pick up Sarah and I don't know what were doing but we are probably just going to someones house now, sorry" Thanks! I am so sick of retarded people. No wonder I hate people, except for the select few. I think I am totally erasing her from my life. I am deleting her of msn, deleting her number from my cell phone and then just not calling. I am nothing to her anymore and I don't want to be anymore. OH plus Jesse was supposed to call me last night and do shit with me but yeah he didn't ever call back. Nice guy, he likes me, pff yea fucking right. I was under the impression when people supposedly care they give u a call and they don't lie to you. I guess I was wrong, wrong wrong. So fuck these people. I really need to get rid of some people. I think Fatima is coming down from Markham tonight. I am going to Aleish'a to see her. Or else I am seeing Gordie. Who knows though. Okay kids thats it. |
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| My heart beats in breakdowns | ||||
| 09:55pm 14/11/2003 | ||||
I just finished watching Extreme Ops. What a crazy movie! It makes me so excited for snowboarding season. I understand why I live. Those times where everything is just so fucking GOOD the up moments. Even though they don't last too long, the adrenaline rush is what keeps me going. I have it I am an adrenaline junkie. Take me to Sibera and put me with a board on some huge ass mountain, put me out in the middle of an ocean with a board and waves 20 ft high I will do it! I want to go snowboarding right now. Just watching that movie made me fucking hyper as hell. I have been alright. Tomorrow Gordie is supposed to come over to my house. I really hope he does and he realizes it is important to me. A relationship isn't just a one way road and he has to come see me as well. Plus I have his boxers from when he came swimming with retard Justin. I am planning on burning Justin's boxers and swim suit one day. Maybe I will give them to the homeless instead, except there are not a lot of homeless people in Whitby. Then Jeff and I are supposed to chill. Yes, we have been meaning to do this since September. I am highly doubting it will happen. If Gordie isn't here in the evening maybe I will just take some shitty bus out to Pickering and show up on his front door step. I wonder if that would go over well? Probably not, he puts me off, like I don't even matter, why would he want to see me? Why should I want to see him? Who the fuck knows its a challenge. I like being challenged, but not by him. I have a slew of homework this weekend. I can't believe I just used that word. What else, hmmm. Oh yea, Korn is releasing a CD. I am hoping it will match up to their Follow the Leader CD but since then they seem to not be able to match that increadible fucking CD. What is up with that. Artists lead up to this amazing cd with a bunch of small but good ones. Then they finally come to that one CD. It's like a climax or something. Then it's over... What do you do when it's over. You have had this amazing thing happen and than it just goes away. If anyone has that answer they can be courteos and post it. Maybe your like my boyriend and he likes to have his cigerette so he can come down from that high. Or maybe your like my old best friend who when she gets something great holds the hell onto it and neglects everything else. What do I do? Why am I sitting at home on a Friday night at 11 asking these questions? |
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| The circus is falling down on its knees... | |||
| 04:26pm 13/11/2003 | |||
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I thought besides updating this thing with a crappy quiz I would also update as well. Things have been sort of busy. Last night I had NLS. I finally got some of my things checked off, including ressacitation. I was teaching Gordie how to do CPR, even though he was a bit high. I wanted to try and breath into his mouth because I have been always curious on how to do it. It felt weird, but then he blew it back in my face... School went well this week. I am starting to get tired o the routine, especially since I have such a shitty sleep pattern. However, this week in psychology we were learning about cults. They are messed up! I am doing research into the Branch Davidians. However, the Raelians are holding a convention in Quebec next Summer. I want to go, not because I want to join, but because I am interested in how they lure people in. I know it could be potentially dangerous, but you only live once. They dress up like they are the KKK...can you say crazy? Tomorrow I am going shopping with Cathy. That is all I have to say. |
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| My "irrational" Number | ||||||||||
| 04:22pm 13/11/2003 | ||||||||||
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content| ~Getting Away~ | ||||
| 04:40pm 05/11/2003 | ||||
Wow I have already had to deal with two idiots. One of considerable mention is Dale. MY msn name had something to do with giving your heart away and it's a lyric from a Korn song. Dale being Dale interrpreted it the wrong way and then proceeds to call call me an asshole. Right, I am the asshole, according to Dale anyone who doesn't agree with him or go along with him is an asshole. Great! Just because I don't go out with someone they get all snotty and totally change their atitude. All I can say is thank god I started seeing Gordie instead of him! When someone is upset or hurt I seriously think their true colours come out, and lets say Dale's aren't that nice. Well that is my rant of the day. Today I went to the bank and exchanged Canadian money for American money. I gave them 80 bucks and got 60 American dollars. I was pleasently surprised. I didn't think I would get more than 45, but thank God our money is rising, actually I think the states is just falling. What can I say, I get to go on more vacations because of it. So that is all I have to say. Thank God I am getting out of this shit hole for a few days. Peace |
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annoyed| 04:18pm 04/11/2003 | ||||
I had an okay day today. I got 84 on this photosynthesis quiz we had. I hate photosynthesis so fucking much! Like I honestly don't care how plants produce glucose, isn't it enough to know that they just do it? No, I had to learn the complete chrmical process. It was delightful. However, in one week we will be learning about the nervous system and such so that will be okay. I had a debate club meeting after school. Next week we are going to debate capital punishment. I chose to be against it because I do not believe in an eye for an eye. Well I really don't have anything too interesting to say... |
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| ~Rain! | ||||
| 09:55pm 03/11/2003 | ||||
I don't know what I am thinking right now. I would just really love to go outside in my pyjamas and jump in puddles with someone, like I was 5 years old again...minus the umbrealla because I can see real beauty and purity in that. |
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good| Yawn... | ||||
| 09:08pm 01/11/2003 | ||||
I am so glad I do not have to work anymore! I finally got to sleep in...1:30 today. Ater that I got up cleaned my room and went to see Gordie. Well he managed to piss me off today. I wanted to go get pizza and he didn't want to go. I cam e back and his dad said he had left and gone to Kyle. I was so pissed of. I wanted to kick someone. So I ended up walking from his house to my house which on top of the walking I did earlier today was a long fucking walk. I call him later this evening and he says he went looking for me. I don't know that made it a bit better but I am styill not too impressed. He could have called me on my cell phone and he would have figured out where I was. See this is my problem with falling for people or making a bunch of new close friends they let you down. I was pretty pissed off and my mood didn't improve when Jesse informed me he couldn't come over because he was running out of gas and not to badger him. Well fuck he has promised to come see me so many times now I have lost count and somehow it never happens. So excuse me for badgering. However, I am currently in a somewhat okay state of mind. I have no idea why or how but I have calmed down. Who knows what I will be like in an hour? I think I am gointg to change my live journal around. |
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cranky| Happy Halloween | ||||
| 10:51pm 31/10/2003 | ||||
The last week, or whatever, has been good. I have been so busy this week with school and so forth. So school is okay. I took the day off yesterday because school is stressing me out. Calculus is such a bitch. I am going to have to work my ass off to just get a 60! Can you believe that? Neither can I. I am definately going to re-do it in summer school. Biology is going well though. I am finally seeing the light in that course. Yesterday I spent the day learning about the ever so amazing process of photosynthesis. I understand it though. I have a quiz on it on Monday so this weekend I shall study study study... I wanna write about Gordie but that will take awhile and I only have a few more minutes before Boston Public comes on. Things are going well. I saw him this week and I am seeing him tomorrow. He feels so right. When I say right I mean he just fits with me and we just have a good time together doing nothing. Like on Wednesday we were wrestling and shit for like 10 minutes. He is such jokes. I am slowly falling for this guy. I know I shouldn't but I mean I don't want to stop it. I know I should stop falling for him because I go through this all the time but I really want to just get lost in our relationship and hopefully someday our love. Ok I am going... |
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exhausted|
myparadise |
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