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[04 Aug 2007|03:34am] |
i'm going through this crazy emotional roller coaster right now. losing people that meant a lot, being mad at people, all that fun stuff. and i decided to finally do one of these after forever of procrastinating. these are in no particular order. and i know i tend to ramble when i do stuff like this, so bare with me.
ONE.
my one true best friend, my heart, and my life. i miss you soo much. i wish you'd come around more than you have been lately because some girl really isn't worth our friendship in the end. and i wish we could've stayed as close as we used to be. you knew me better than i knew myself. i know it's really hard to put up with me and my CRAZY mood swings and my hectic life all the time but you were known for it. and the best part about it was that you could be as mean as you wanted, and you could just straight tell me when i was being a bitch, or anything. and even if we'd get in a huge fight, the next day we'd be okay and there was so much comfort in knowing that no matter what, we'd still be best friends. but now, i'm not so sure about it. it kind of sucks, but i'm sure we'll still talk every once in a while. you probably won't ever read this, and you probably won't even know this is about you. but in case you ever do i just want you to know that you've changed me in soo many ways it's ridiculous. i love you with all my heart and i could never in a million years forget about you. i'm glad i have someone like you in my life.
TWO.
you. oh god, you. to even think of you makes me want to slap you in the face, really hard. when i met you, i thought we were absolutely PERFECT for each other. your life was a little out of control, and well, mine wasn't quite out of control yet.. but i had you and that's all that mattered to me. all i ever wanted to do was sit there and just talk to you, see how your day was and to see if you were thinking of me. i was never worried about trusting you, or closing off my heart to you and that's where i fucked up. i didn't know it until you were gone, but i loved you. i used to sit there and think of how things would end up down the road. never in a million years would i have guessed this, though. never would i have guessed that you would break my heart into a million little pieces and completely split out of my life for good. not that you'll ever read this either, but it's what i don't know that kills me. all the confusion and all the questions i still have to this day kill me. 2 years later, and i'm still thinking of you.
THREE.
congradulations, DICK. you've completely destroyed the very little, if any, trust that i had left in my heart. summer 2007 marks the spot perfectly since there's no real begining or ending to us. i was just hoping i was wrong about you. and i just wanted everyone else around me, and my mother to be wrong about you too. i wanted to prove something to them, that you were WORTH everything i was giving up. you made me happy. it was ridiculous how giggly and giddy i was after i just talked to you, saw you, or got a text from you. i was just the silly 16yr old girl, blinded by her own heart, running around with a guy that was way too older for her, but i mean. you live and you learn. and i deffinitely learned.
FOUR.
welll, where to start? you're my bFF, period. i have no doubts in my mind that we won't stay best friends for a long time. i don't think we've even got into an actual fight yet, which is completely ridiculous. because i fight with everyone, which you deffinitely know. our adventures, even though they're on that killer hold back right now, are AMAZING. we forgot to continue our counting, ps. i don't even think we did anything too crazy, just walked around and smoked for no apparent reason. if you're the only friend i've got, i'll still be set. know why? cos we're AMAZINGGG. don't ever say you hate swimming, because that's why we're where we're at today, best friends. :]
FiVE.
what's reaaally good witchu? i've known you since 9th grade, but i'm SO glad we got close this past year. history with the brownie and all those CRAZY times we'd freak out on him or just not even acknowledge him to talk. without you at work, i'd probly die. we're cut ups to the FULLEST, and it's nothing short of amazing. i know i can come to you for anything and you got my back just in case a psycho 25yr old wants fuck up their lives a little more, 87 kids later. haha. :] ps, don't forget about our boy old man turners, booo!!
SiX.
i JUST met you in like, may. thanks to mattyp. but it's been a fun time. no one can party quite like us. all those crazy summer nights in the tent and at my house with the streaking and throwing up in the middle of my street! the nights where the bowls out numbered the people, and the insane amounts of money we put in for our good times, just for fun. we straight shit on bitches, to be honest. i'm glad i met you and hopefully we stay friends for a long time, cos it's word.
SEVEN.
you live RIGHT up the street, and why we didn't start hanging out earlier in the year beats the hell out of me. but you're cool as fuck. a little tweek, sometimes. but you're quite known for it now. it's actually pretty funny to watch. you're always there if i need to vent about your stupid brother (which i need to update you on everything) or if i just wanna chill and throw back a couple beers or something. when you get back it'll be just like old times. like the begining of summer when there was no drama, no nothing but straight getting fucked up. it'll be perfect, promise!
EiGHT.
this is for you, your crazy family, and our crazy group of friends. my die hard girls, period. anytime i need something, i know i can call any of you and you got me. period. no questions asked. i've known you crazy girls since i was 11/12 years old, we've got a good 6 or 7 years on everybody. what of it? we had our softball days, our band days, our beat ass lunch days (when you came!), and those crazy nights that NEVER ended, even when you'd have to wake up at 7 for work. it's so nice to still have you guys in my life after so long. haven't even fought with any of you bitches yet! i couldn't ever ask for a better second family. we just gotta chill more than we have been.
NiNE.
i would've never guessed that of all people i'd chill with on the regular would be you. i don't know WHY we never chilled before this year because you live ridiculously close, within walking distance. you're my boy, and we've had some CRAZZZZY times. the hole? our 4.20? THE COPS?! WHAT'S GOOD WITH THEM? we don't even have to do anything crazy to have fun. sitting at your kitchen table with an empty 2liter bottle is fine by me, because we knooowwwww what that means, and we knowwwww we're CUT up and laugh ridiculously hard whenever one of us says anything.
TEN.
we met in band, summer 2004, because of crazy kurt. i was weird, and always, always, always called you my best friend for like, no reason? haha. we were always cool, and would talk every once in a while. till digiphoto this year and that day when you, keifer, and zb all spontaneously stole my stuff and made me skip school the rest of the day to chill at the hole. and after that, i'd just show up outta nowhere. anytime i need someone to smoke with, i know exactly who to call. and by the way, i AM still God.
ELEVEN.
even though i haven't been quite the 'best friend material' lately, i know that you're going through a lot right now, as am i. the offer's always there to call and just talk about things. because i'm sure i feel the almost exact way seeing as i've recently been fucked over just as bad. i really hope you're not holding grudges and that you don't forget that we've always come out of fights and silly misunderstanding's.
TWELVE.
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apathetic
sick
aggravated
sad
blah