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[17 Oct 2004|11:37am] Well fuck this! I just wrote a huge e-mail to Chris full of really important shite and the fucking browser shut down JUST AS I FINISHED! Isn't this my day? Isn't this my week? Or month? Or life? Well fuck it, if I'm not meant to find relief I'll take it upon myself to do so. Anyone got a lead pipe? 5 comments|post comment

[everyone I know goes away in the end] [17 Oct 2004|10:48am] [ mood | crushed ] [ music | Climbing Up The Walls - Radiohead ] Yesterday I found out why curiosity killed the cat: It commited suicide after it discovered the truth. When all your worst fears and paranoias are as good as proven one feels as though there is nothing more to do. So I sit, tight lipped and limp. I won't pull away - but I won't reach out. I won't speak and I won't react though how I want to... I'll just look at you and let the unwanted tears fall onto your hand. More than anything, I want to tell you everything that's on my mind. But I can't and I never will. I'm afraid. [How can one not believe in love and claim to love another?] You can help - but I'll never ask it of you. It would seem I am smarter than I gave myself credit for. The suspicions I had were seemingly spot on. I'd love for you to prove me wrong. [Please prove me wrong.] 1 comment|post comment

Credit to Emily - I love this photo! [04 Oct 2004|09:38pm] 2 comments|post comment

It echoes in my brain [I didn't mean it] [02 Oct 2004|11:58pm] [ mood | crappy ] [ music | Slackerbitch - Placebo ] ( come on in and look... you know you want to ) 1 comment|post comment

[01 Oct 2004|11:47pm] [ mood | crushed ] [ music | A Perfect Circle - Thirteenth Step ] I want to feel like shit. I want to cry. I'm in love with pain, and you. 1 comment|post comment

when all of your wishes are granted, many of your dreams will be destroyed [27 Sep 2004|11:33pm] [ mood | contemplative ] [ music | The Downward Spiral - Nine Inch Nails ] Tonight I crave photography. Enjoy: ( it won't give up, it wants me dead; goddamn this noise inside my head ) 5 comments|post comment

Oh what a lark! [17 Sep 2004|10:01pm] [ mood | meh ] [ music | Unit - Regurgitator ] Heya check this out: Some anonymous person has been leaving some rather amusing posts on my Blurty that I'd love to share with you all. It's good for a giggle. (Anonymous) 2004-09-04 13:30 (link) you must be a whore..b/c that picture is one a whore would pick out. (Reply to this) (Thread) Re: myempireofdirt 2004-09-05 05:25 (link) Interesting theory. ...Shallow minded turd... (Reply to this) (Parent) (Thread) (Anonymous) 2004-09-06 09:31 (link) hahaha turd??? Hmm okay you just go be whorish...why even have a blurty!? Everyone probably knows where you are all the time anyways... (Reply to this) (Thread) Re: myempireofdirt 2004-09-17 07:51 (link) Either I missed something or that really doesn't make any sense. And why should a whore not be entitled to a Blurty? Do note that by no means am I calling myself a whore, I merely don't see why such a person would not have equal right. Ah well, clearly I'm wrong, and now that I've been put down so fervently by one with such a grasp on my personal way of life, I shall proceed to cry myself to sleep. ...turd. - - - - - Rather comical, no? Let's hope there are more posts to recieve and more fun to be had! Come on anonymous girl/guy/accuser-of-non-existent-whoredom... I want more annoying and irrelevt posts from you! They impact on my life so much, and I take it to the very core of my heart. Don't leave me hanging this way!! Oh I must know what you have to say about me, you complete and utter stranger you. I'M BEGGING YOU! OH PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE DON'T STOP POSTING COMMENTS! OH PLEASE!!! Can't you see I need your opinion? You wouldn't deprive me of it would you? DO you really want to see me cry until finally you hurt me so badly have no option but to end this existence... for without your opinion of me my life is worthless. Don't you see? DON'T YOU SEE? Now I just hope you can detect sarcasm or I will be in a pickle now, won't I? 2 comments|post comment

apt [14 Sep 2004|09:10pm] [ mood | just kill me, please ] I know I've posted this before, but it never seemed so relevant. -Hurt- I hope you know this is my FAVORITE nine inch nails song. Many people have left your life.. and it seems that every time you are hurt even more. Sometimes you consider killing everyone that's ever hurt you, but deep down you know that you care too much to do that. You are always there waiting for them to come back into your life, and would give them everything you have if they did.. but you know you're just going to disappoint them. What Nine Inch Nails song are you? brought to you by Quizilla post comment

m a x w e l l [14 Sep 2004|06:52pm] Heya, I went on a photo rampage this afternoon with the doll I made [her name is Maxwell, yes, HER name] and took some for my final piece. I'm just going to post them up, some are repeatative but hey, photos are fun to look at and such :p Let me know your favourites if you have any! ( maxwell demon ) Well that's that. 6 comments|post comment

What a marvellous thing... [13 Sep 2004|11:27pm] [ mood | crushed ] [ music | The End - The Doors ] What a marvellous thing it is to cry. A tear released from a salt stung eye. Sick and in need. My pain supply. What a marvellous thing it is to cry. What a marvellous thing it is to die. An escape from the way life is lived as a lie. Away from this place. Away I will fly. What a marvellous thing it is to die. ( I love you ) I want to put more photos up but my photobucket thingie is being a turd burgler. I guess I'm off then. Apologies for my state of mind as of late. This paranoia is taking over my life. Tis unfun. 4 comments|post comment

I'm more than just a little curious, how you're planning to go about making your amends to the dead [07 Sep 2004|09:57pm] [ mood | contemplative ] [ music | The Noose - A Perfect Circle ] Today was... - Psych SAC... not so brilliant - Philosophy work, not happening - Finished the base of my doll in art - Had to go the the doctor and sat in silence - Was attacked by a creep on the tram on my way home - Cried - Waited for dad at RMIT for over an hour - Stared down from the top of the carpark into the city streets - That fall would be fatal [it's good to know] - Came home, took in the bins and became overly frustrated by the junk in my sideway - I miss Tim. I need him now ( your halo slipping down ) 6 comments|post comment

Paranoid, The Butchers Son [05 Sep 2004|07:50pm] so alone he is, so lacking looking over his shoulder the second that they part he would give anything to hold her a jealous poison haunts him uncertain is his life will she ever love him? he asks his flesh with the blade of a knife cut it into quarters then cut them in half and once the blood's gelatinous watch it drop and laugh she never really wanted you you're nothing to her kind he listens to the jealous ghost that growns within his mind he takes his anger walking striding through the night he twitches and he cringes teeth and lips clenched tight without her he is nothing she is all that's left he pictures them inside his head and their attempted theft he implodes when she looks at them he aches for days on end it's them, they are the ones to blame the ones he calls his friends the pictures blow up in his mind this must come to a halt he hates them, loathes them, wants them dead into the street he bolts he sees them sitting in a group his pupils deep and wide from his bag, removes a gun and holds it by his side he makes no hesitation to walk towards the pack and now in preparation he cocks the trigger back a bloodbath of insanity he circles round the group injured, blown and bleeding he stares before he shoots and now the time is near to rest the mallice on the shelf he walks into the centre and turns the gun towards himself on the path she lies alone and stares up at the black the only thing she ever loved is never coming back 4 comments|post comment

Shazam! Boredom strikes again. [02 Sep 2004|08:32pm] [ mood | cold ] [ music | None -_- ] The \\ Last Cigarette: Ellen's party - but I don't smoke, I think it's disgusting, but Keri had a cigarette holder and it was for pure novelty value. Last Alcoholic Drink: This afternoon.... I had a quick few gulps of goon on an empty stomach; bad idea. Last Car Ride: Going between Tim's old and new homes in his mums car full of household items. Last Kiss: This afternoon - Tim [aaw] Last Good Cry: Last GOOD cry? I can't remember... but my last pathetic not-so-much-crying-as-tears-falling-down-your-expressionless-face cry was on the walk home from Keri's on Monday. Last Library Book: Some architecture book I needed to design the backdrop for the school play... Last book bought: Titus Groan - Mervyn Peake. My old copy was falling apart. Last Book Read: No Great Mischief. School text... had to read it... Last Movie Seen in Theatres: I, Robot. That was for school too. Last Movie Rented: I don't rent movies... I bought a DVD the otehr day though: Family Guy, season two. Oooh yeah! Last Cuss Word Uttered: Fuck. Last Beverage Drank: Apple cider. Last Food Consumed: Pasta. Last Crush: Last "crush" would be Mullet... I don't count my boyfriend as a "crush"... cause, yeah, crushes are the kind that don't mean a whole lot and never seem to get anywhere. How sad. Last Phone Call: Tim. Last TV Show Watched: The Simpsons. Last Time Showered: This morning. Last Shoes Worn: My 14 up Docs with the lazy zips on the side of course! Last CD Played: Hail To The Thief - Radiohead Last Item Bought: Nail polish, I jumped at the chance, good black nail polish is scarce and hard to find. Last Download: New weebl and bob episode. Last Annoyance: I'm always annoyed. Hehehe... No seriously, probably a few select friends today who felt that bitching about their other friends for no reason was necessary... Last Disappointment: So many... I was disappointed today when I came so close to seeing Nicole... I'm a very curious person... Last Soda Drank: Coke. Last Thing Written: "An Emptiness Piece for the Lonely Mind" Last Key Used: Front door key... Last Words Spoken: "...winning" Last Sleep: Last night. Last Ice Cream Eaten: Ew. Icecream. Last Chair Sat In: This one... computer/cat chair. Last Webpage Visited: nin.com CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS! 6 comments|post comment

she's not dead... [01 Sep 2004|09:34pm] [ mood | meh ] [ music | none, damn brother... ] Smello. I haven't had the internet for weeks due to a dodgy connection, a shit server who doesn't inform us of connection changes, and lazy family memebers [including myself of course]. But tis finally back. 'Rah. Don't think there's any news... Last weekend I helped my dearest Tim and his beloved smother move house. He couldn't believe I was actually willing to help but for whatever reason it kinda meant something to me and I wanted to. So yeah, Saturday we moved most of the stuff, then I stayed at their new place Saturday night. After arranging his furnature and starting on the posters it was already beginning to replicate his old room. Sunday we went to this arts week thingie and wrote and drew and such. Hmm, I heart him ever so. Nyeas. Since, I've been to school, hated people/things... the usual. Today Tim and Mucus came over and we watched family guy and wandered aimlessly. Good times. ISN'T THAT FASCINATING!! Oh yes, I've also been writing a shit load lately cause of emoness [i'm not emo, I mean that in the non-musical and purely literal sense] and lack of internet and lack of father to kick me off the computer or tell me to go to bed. He such a fucking turd. Meh. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah... 3 comments|post comment

Violet Town - "The Town of Flowers" [...I wonder what kind?] [18 Aug 2004|11:43am] [ mood | indifferent ] [ music | Treefingers - Radiohead ] Ze Weekend etc: f r i d a y : Tim, Marcus Keri and I went to "Bats" - the Willi High production on Friday night and met up with many people on the way and once we got there. All dressed to a horror theme... which was kinda cool. Anita won first prize for her costume: a bloodstained wedding dress. 'Twas lovely. Tim dressed as a priest, equipped with a dummy toddler to rape at will, to make it more authentic. He got a runner up prize. The rest of us just looked gross and dead and it was ever so amusing. Anni came down from Wodonga too... which leads to... s a t u r d a y : Keri, Marcus and I went into the city in the freezing cold, the pouring rain and the raging wind. :D We wanderered into Arthur Daley's [eew!] and Retro Star and I bought a new NIN badge [oooOOOoooh] Nyeas. Anyway, we met up with Anni at Flinders Street. Saturday night Anni and I found our way to The Retrest hotel in Sydney Road to see her cousin for her birthday. We stayed for a while then went to my house via 7/11 so we could get slurpees. Odd to get slurpees in freezing cold weather at 10:30pm in the city... but why the hell not! Keri and Anni stayed over and we sat around chatting to my brother [???] and watching Ninja Scroll before falling asleep. s u n d a y : Sunday was screwed. I felt like "the poop" as Weebl and Bob would say, and I made the random decision to catch Anni's Wodonga train with her and get of at Violet Town to visit my parents. I felt pretty shit and sick Sunday night so I did some writing then sat on the rug in front of the fire talking to Tim on my mobile until the batteries died. ( transport, motorways and tramlines ) m o n d a y : Woke up to a pretty damn good view out of the open window in the room I slept in. They have a really nice garden up there... I wish we could house-sit there more often when I am actually allowed to go up without getting in shite for missing school. Meh, anyway, I took a tun of photomagraphs and I don't know what possessed me to, but I ran to the top of the hill on Barry and Roberta's property. It's freaking huge. Once I got to the top I looked down into the two forests, three damns and plains [equipped with 50 absent-minded sheep] I'd just run through and thought "Shit. Now I have to get back." I tore my leg on some barbed wire when I ran back... I saw it coming but when you run downhill it takes a fair effort to stop in time so I jumped it but got caught on the way. Eek. Anyway, here's photos. Enjoy some Aussie country-ness. ( sunshine in Violet Town ) So there we have it. I've had to spend the time since in the company of only dad and Michael at home [both of which, if you don't already know, I hate] because mum's still house sitting. But dad's been not too bad. Probably because he's at work and the rest of the time I've been hiding in my room. Plus I'm the only one other than mum who can cook so they have to be relatively nice to me or they'll starve. Mwahaha. I'm listening to Treefingers. This song makes me crave cold stone, cold water, bare feet and moss and grey, blue and more grey... You can interpret that your own way. I should head back to school soon. I have to dampen my paper to it unrolls and I can paint on it. I really, really hope I don't fuck up my final piece. Eh, why am I worried. I'm only going to be a tafe bum anyway. I could go for running up the hill at Violet Town right about now. Ack, what's gotten into me. I must keep reminding myself, exercise is evil... evil... But it's so fun when you're in whoop whoop damnit! Meh, see ya. 5 comments|post comment

iconage [16 Aug 2004|09:17pm] Check out my Trent-being-his-sexual-dirty-self icon. You know you love it. You know it's turning you on. You know you want to make sweet, sweet love to him even if he is 39 years old... 5 comments|post comment

bands I wish to acknowledge and thank, some MUCH more than others obviously, btu here ya go... [07 Aug 2004|02:05am] [ mood | distressed ] [ music | Black Milk - Massive Attack ] Nine Inch Nails, Placebo, Radiohead, Marilyn Manson, The Cure, Joy Division, Deftones, George Harrison, The Smiths, Massive Attack, Air, KoRn, Jeff Buckley, Gorillaz, Smashing Pumpkins, Pink Floyd, Foo Fighters, Led Zeppelin, Butch Walker, Aphex Twin, David Bowie, The Beatles, Tool, Coldplay, Beastie Boys, Jefferson Airplane, Something For Kate, Metallica [Master Of Puppets], Silverchair, Jonny Greenwood, Cat Power, Grand Silent System, Jimi Hendrix, Sandpit, Art Of Fighting, Elbow, AC/DC, Regurgitator, Blur, Portishead, One Inch Punch... ...and so many more, I'm tired now, I'll try to update this list whenever I remember more so that when people ask me what bands I like I can atually tell them. Bubye. 3 comments|post comment

delerium [07 Aug 2004|01:17am] [ mood | contemplative ] [ music | Peeping Tom - Placebo ] Industrial rock! Just like Marilyn Manson, you know what you have to say and you just say it! I like you very much...just be careful you don't scare me away... What genre of rock are you? brought to you by Quizilla Quizzalicious. Ah, I'm so glad I discovered the beauty of playlists on WMP, it's fan-fucking-tastic ^_^ I got all my favourite songs off all my cds and just have it on shuffle and ah... tis great. Well it will be til either A) mike comes home and kciks me off or B) dad gets up and tells me to turn it down. *can't wait to move out* This evening I had the options of staying home and being a hermit, going to the city gathering, or going to a Push Start gig in Moonee Ponds and seeing Tim dance in a dress for Guild Of Destruction. I decided to go with the third option, but by the time Ollie and I rocked up, Guild Of Destruction had already been on. M'aaaw.... Oh well, twas still enjoyable as I was insanely hyper for some reason. Oh yuck, the cat farted, I'm putting her outside... Hmmm, where was I... Oh yeah. Abnormal hyperness... Me and Ollie had a Tekken style fight which was hillarious and kept some of the older members of the Freeza committee amused for a while. Had enough people telling Tim and I to get a room... thing is I wouldn't have minded doing so but it wasn't an option. Silly people. 'Twas all in good fun though, so it's ok. I can't stop yawning and I want to sing, sing damnit. I've decided if Lauren wants me to sing at graduation or something, I might sing Dream Brother by Jeff Buckley... but then again I don't know, I'd have to find someone who could play it on guitar, I'm not sure whether Shanksy would be able to play Jeff Buckley yet but he's pretty damn good... Hmmm, we'll see. But yeah, generally I've actually been a little chipper tonight as opposed to recently when my overly chipper mood has been so painfully false... "You and me Meant to be Immutable Impossible It's destiny Pure lunacy Incalculable Insufferable But for the last time You're everything that I want and ask for You're all that I'd dreamed Who wouldn't be the one you love Who wouldn't stand inside your love Protected and the lover of A pure soul and beautiful you Don't understand Don't feel me now I will breathe For the both of us Travel the world Traverse the skies Your home is here Within my heart And for the first time I feel as though I am reborn In my mind Recast as child and mystic sage Who wouldn't be the one you love Who wouldn't stand inside your love And for the first time I'm telling you how much I need and bleed for Your every move and waking sound In my time I'll wrap my wire around your heart and your mind You're mine forever now Who wouldn't be the one you love and live for Who wouldn't stand inside your love and die for Who wouldn't be the one you love" Mmm, Smashing Pumkins... I'm loving this playlist, tis bringing back old songs and old memories and hmmm... Such a pretty song... *yawn* -_- zZ z Z Z zz z Z zz z zZ z I should probably go, ta ta for now. - Beth 2 comments|post comment

b l o r g [21 Jul 2004|08:59pm] [ mood | nauseated ] [ music | Black Market Music - Placebo ] Hmmm, Black-Eyed, I love this song... Mkay, an update on... stuff. At the moment I'm feeling so goddamn sick I'm b e g g i n g you Death, take me now! OH OH OH!!! *NEWS FLASH!!!* NEW PLACEBO SINGLE BEING RELEASED OCTOBER 4TH!!! The new best of album, "One More Time With Feeling" also being released, and the release of an actual new album will occur EARLY 2005! Gasp... Well now that that's out of my system I can exhale... Oh bollocks, damn my stomach, damn my whole digestive system! Tis nothing but trouble. Think about it: Life without a digestive system. How good would that be!? I mean, no world hunger, no obesety, no needing to take a wiz right in the middle of a concert... and best of all, NO FEELING SICK! Sounds great to me. What do you reckon? Aw man, I have to take a wiz right now, see what an inconvenience this is??? Sigh... one day Beth... one day... Well, I'm off, off to persue greater things. *shifty eyes* ok, ok, so I really have nothing better to do, other than homework, but we all know how much I care about that... Nonetheless, I shall depart. Ta ta kiddies. 10 comments|post comment

meep meep [19 Jul 2004|07:49pm] [ mood | frustrated ] [ music | Holy Wood - Marilyn Manson ] Here's a non-sucky survey!! [gasps!] Replace my answers with yours :D:D:D 1. What are you listening to?: Holy Wood - Marilyn Manson 2. How are you feeling, physically?: Kinda sick [but that's nothing new] and I need to take a wiz... 3. What's the last lyric you heard?: "Nothing's gonna change the world." 4. How many pairs of shoes do you own?: four 5. How many of those do you actually wear?: one 6. Who was the last person you bit?: Tim 7. Sum up your thoughts towards homework in one word: no 8. What's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to you?: "You're the best mistake anyone's ever made. I wish I could make mistakes like you." 10. Have you ever kissed an inanimate object?: Probably. 11. Have you ever kissed a mop?: No. 12. Has a mop ever kissed you?: No. 13. Have you ever done the Bushman's Blow?: No! Ew. 14. When did you last purchase a cd?: A couple of weeks ago. I had a JB voucher from my birthday and I got The Magical Mystery Tour and the Velvet Goldmine soundtrack. 15. If you could have anything right now, what would it be?: A telelportation device. Stay tuned folkles for more dodgy questions in the near future... Hmmm, yesh, well. I'm off, in rather a sulky mood. Time to look for my purdy red scissors anyway. Toodle-oo. 3 comments|post comment

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