| New Years Resolutions are always late when you deal with procrastinators like me |
[12 Jan 2005|04:44am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 crazy |
] |
I told R that my resolution was to write more in my journal this year. I mean 365 days a year right and all I can't manage to post any entries to my other journals such as this blurty journal. I used to write way more in my journals and keep up with my all my on line friends and I still had a regular life when I lived in Michigan. Seems like since I moved that there is not enough time in the day to do everything. I have to same amount of time I did in Michigan but somehow it seems to go too fast with nothing ever accomplished or even fun happening.
I started different shift at work again. I am now working 8:30 pm to 5:00 am and it seems to be a cool schedule because you get a lot of avail in the middle of the night. The only bad part is when they switch me from wireless tech support to regular portable tech support. I know how to do it but wireless networking is more fun, kind of easier, and more rewarding. What is better than hearing someone say "OMG you fixed me issue in 10 mins and I have been at this for 3 days" :-P Pats my big head hehe
New Years was uneventful I wanted to call R at midnight and wish him a Happy New Years but he had plans for New Years. Darn him for having a life. I was supposed to go with Jonathon (this boy from work) and his boyfriend but they ended up going to Huntsville the day before and then headed to Birmingham on that day. He was going to give me a ride but because of his travel plans he couldn't and I didn't want to drive my moms car because she has one headlight out (didn't want to get pulled over by the police that I knew were going to be out). Granted it was my fault for the headlight being knocked out I hit this huge dog. I cried afterwards because I was like "that's someones pet" - it was the middle of the night and I had just turned off the high beams because another car was coming in the opposite lane, turned the high beams back on and there it was right in front of me. I tried to slam on the brakes but it was too late. I didn't know what damage had happened until I came into work the next day and looked at it. I knocked out the headlight and now the horn nor the security alarm works. Well long story short (too late) I ended up staying home on New Years, messaged R at midnight his time and then fell asleep at 11:30 my time and didn't wake up until 1:30 so I missed the count down :(
My mom has been visiting since the beginning of November. She was supposed to have left on Christmas day but when she found out how much snow was hitting Michigan she decided to stay an extra month so she is going to be here until the first week of Frebuary. My sister also came to visit for 2 weeks last month. It was nice to see my two little nieces even though I didn't get to spend too much time with them. The first week they were here I was working tons of overtime to pay for a cool gift for my sweetie ;) and the second week I got really sick with the flu. It sucked so much because they were in my room and when I wanted to go to bed I had to sleep with my mom which sucks in the first but being sick made it worse. They left like 3 days after Christmas to go back to Missouri. They are supposed to be moving their trailer down here in like four months. Kim's husband Rich is still in the Navy and is stationed in Florida right now. We have some good size property and I guess there was once a trailor on our property because there are some hookups for such in the front yard. It will be good because she will be able to watch the dogs and I will have more of a life but it will be bad because R won't get to visit :( Supposedly this is the year that my dad is also going to retire and then he is selling the house in Michigan and everyone is moving down here. This is the point in the post where I say I have to start making a plan to save some money to move because being this close to my family will drive me insane :-P hehe
Speaking of dogs I now have one less :( There was Smokie (german shepard/lab mix), Rusty (laso apso mix) and Andy (purebred bichon frise). Friday when I woke up my mom was gone, I called R and talked with him for a few minutes. When I came out of my room she was in the Kitchen and she smiled at me and then started crying saying "I didn't know it would hurt this much" "Rusty is no longer with us". I hugged her and at first I didn't crt but then I starting thinking about when he was a puppy and the waterworks just started flowing. He was about 15-16 this year and it was the right thing to do, I just sort of wished I could have said goodbye before she had taken him in. I had let him out that morning when I came home from work and if I knew then what I know now I would have petted him so much more. But maybe it's just as well she didn't tell me because I most likely would have tried to talk her out of it. He had breathing problems, weezed, couldn't see hardly, and he shook like he was going to fall apart so yeah it was better.
So now we have 2 dogs and 4 cats. Originally I had like 1 cat but then somehow word got around and these kittens started showing up. Well my neighbor gave me two of them because they showed up on her doorstep and she couldn't take care of them and I said I would take care of them until I found them a new home so I guess they will be here for awhile since I am not looking :-P Then the newest one showed up the day I came back from picking my mom up at the airport. We heard a kitten crying and at first thought it was Pandora but then found this little bitty thing with a flea collar around it's neck. Took it into the house and took of the flea collar off, he is just the cutest thing and of course Pandora hates him - hisses at him constantly.
So here is the Kitty Roll Call:
Pandora (Black & White Manx with no tail just a piece of fluff back there)
Jesse (Cream & Tan Siamese mix with blue eyes)
Armand (Grey Striped also Manx but with a half an inch stubby tail - beautiful green eyes)
Twister (Grey/Black Striped long tail) (my sister named him because of the swirly markings or else I would have named him after an Anne Rice character :-P)
Pandora, Jesse, & Armand seem to be around the same age which I think is about 8 months and Twister I think is 2-3 months. Well anyway enough talk of animals, this post is too long as it is and I need to save some things to write about tomorrow ;)
Big huggs to all my friends who have kept me on their friend list and I promise to try to post more and to try to keep up with everyone. Now with this new schedule maybe I can start reading my friends list at night
|
(Peer Into the Corner of My Dark Life)
|
|
[31 Oct 2003|01:17am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sleepy |
] |
Basically I skipped work yesterday for no good reason. In my mind I had the idea that I would stay home and take care of all those household duties I have been neglecting. Well I didn't do anything but make icons and basically sat around like I do every weekend when I am off. I am such a procrastinator. I know things have to done and yet I find a reason to not do them :-P
The last time I saw Daniel was a week ago today. Everything just clicked and it was really good but then there is always the let down the next day because I want there to be more. If I am going to keep seeing him I think I am going to have to accept that we are going to be no more than as my best friend calls it "fuck buddies". Even though I really like him and we have fun when we are together it bothers me that we don't talk until we do get together. Emails consist of nothing more than "hi how you doing" blah blah. See the thing of it is I would like to ask him but then I don't want to be the girl who says "where is this relationship going?", "can you define what we are doing and what it means to you?" uggghh I just don't know how to handle this. I have no experience in this arena because of my past. This would officially be the first boy that I have seen on a romantic regular basis even though I am as old as I am. Growing up in the strict religion I did. I am kinda just thinking that maybe I should just cool it and not see him for awhile.
As for my last entry I appreciate all the people that posted a reply. There are times that remind me that she is not there but I am feeling a little better about it. She was a great pet for so long and I have accepted that it was just time for her to go.
On a good note I have learned how to make transparency icons which has inspired me to get creative with them again. Mostly customizing them with Elvis Costello lyrics right now :) I have been listening to This Years Model for the past two weeks as I have been driving to and from work and I keep thinking that line would make a great icon :-P hehe
I am trying to make some banners and things for my communities and I have been reading my Photoshop book because I have it in my mind how I want them to look but I don't know how to do it.
Mom is no longer in Missouri with my sister but back in Michigan. She is not going to be home for about 2 more weeks or so. When she does get back I have to start giving her money for all the phonebills I ran up. It's usually $40 but since she has been gone it's like $110. bleh I get bored and start calling my friends which all happen to be sooo very far from me. Not good.
oh yeah yesterday I dropped a full can of soda on my big toe. Yeah so now it's black and blue underneath my toenail, my cuticle is blacking red, and I think I cracked the toenail right above the cuticle. It hurts sooooooooooo bad. I know that my toenail is going to fall off. For some reason this is the leg that bad things happen too :-P I broke this leg twice, I horse got scared and backed up on me and stepped on this foot once, so yeah ....
I just found out that Annie Rice's Blood Canticle is out and I want a copy really bad. I don't even know if I have any bookstores located anywhere near me that would have it. If I was in Michigan I could buy it at Media Play for like 30% off :-P
strike that the closest bookstore is 40 miles away - now I have to call them and see if they have it and how much it is.
|
(3 Looks | Peer Into the Corner of My Dark Life)
|
|
[13 Oct 2003|02:26pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 moody |
] |
I haven't really been posting very much. I have made a few post in LJ but not in my other journals so here it goes. I met this boy named Daniel who I like very much even though I think that he may just turn out to be a trick. We don't talk until we actually get together and I guess that kinda of bothers me. When we are together I feel so comfortable around him and for some strange reason I feel safe. I don't feel self concious about my weight and we do things I have never done with anyone. But afterwards I think too much about it and I wonder if this will just turn out to be a physical thing. He is very cute with his red curly hair and I want it to be more. I don't know though I am jaded and feel that even though he tells me the things I want to hear that nothing will truly come of this.
I am still very much alone right now. My mother is currently in Missouri with my sister. I am an aunt again *smiles* as my sister just had a little baby girl. Her name is Emma which is a very cute name. My mother will be staying for two more weeks with my sister and then she will be going back to Michigan to get things taken care of there. So I will be by myself for the next month and a half. There are days when it really gets to me and I start thinking about how much I miss my friends back in Michigan. I called R (my best friend) on Thursday night and cried because I do miss him. I don't know how much longer I can last here. I have a good job but nothing compares to being able to see your friends. I told Daniel about this on Saturday and he made a face at me like "hello you have a friend right here". I would like to think of him as a friend but really I don't think he is the type of boy I can just call and spill my life too. I am a girl full of doubts right now.
|
(2 Looks | Peer Into the Corner of My Dark Life)
|
|
[31 Jul 2003|07:41pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 exanimate |
] |
I have been working now I guess for over a month and half I think. Seems like all I do is work now, I think I am getting frazzled. I have been down the last couple of days and I think it is because I am very homesick. Last Sunday driving to work I started crying and thinking why the hell am I striving so hard to obtain so little. I don't have any friends here that I can truly hang out with and all I am doing is traveling back and forth to a job that honestly sucks ass. This much stress is not worth $7 an hour. And honestly it's not even dealing with people on the phone I can do that all day and thats ok, it's the fact that everything is timed down to a tee. Your breaks and lunches are timed from the time you hit the button on the computer and the phone and then I coordinate a stop watch so that I can get back on time. Then you have to make sure that if your on the phone for over 20 mins that you call them back. I don't know I guess I am just bitching and should be happy to even have a job. So I worked last Sunday and I called off Monday because honestly I just need another day that I could call my own. I was looking forward to a two day weekend and then they came around and asked if I wanted to work on Sunday. They are very sneaky when they do this because they ask you when you are on the phone and trying to deal with a customer. It's like your in the middle of something and just go yeah yeah sure sure. Then I get off the phone and say what did I just agree to hehe. Oh well I guess I am working this Sunday again. It will help though with the money situation.
My brother-in-law though has a friend who is selling a car for $1000 and I told him I was interested. So they are giving me a month to get the money together. It's a stick shift but I think I can learn how to drive a stick this late in my life :-P hehe My mom left for Michigan last Friday I think it was. She will be gone for about 3 weeks. Maybe that's another reason why I have been down, I come home and no one is here. I guess I didn't realize how much I need human contact in my life even if it is my mother hehe. I have been thinking about who is going to be there in the end when everything is said and done. I sent an email to R voicing some of my feelings and he wrote this in reply "Enough of this foolishness, we are who and what we are, things come upon us with a roughness, we see these and conquor these. They are nothing but specters of the mind. Give them no thought." These and a few other words made me feel a lot better.
Speaking of R things between us are good. I still miss him lots and he is doing very well. He is going to school at Wayne State. I am soooooo very excited and happy for him. He is on his way to obtain his Bachelors Degree and then he will be a successful therapist and give me lots of free service LOL He sent me a care package with lots of goodies. He sent the Erasure Other Tour Concert Mix (woohoo), 3 cd's full of MP3's (his music kicks royal ass), and some porn (well of course I requested this stuff hehe esp. the House of Morecock - Joe Phillips what can I say mmm). Also sent some extra programs and stuff which was tres cool. I am still trying to work my way through all the goodies he sent, and it makes things more bareable to have a link back to friends and home :)
Things are buzzing with all the stuff I have to work through. As some of you may or may not know I have my own icon journal which keeps things hectic fullfilling all the request that come through. I have stopped posting icons temporarily in the icon communities because I am just trying to keep up with the request that the journal generates. I aslo have to catch up with post in all 14 of my communities :) And I just got Adobe GoLive 5 for creating the website for Flamedames. So yeah busy busy. Well I will try to catch up with everyone here for the next couple of days when I get home from work and all the other stuff can kinda wait for the weekend what I have left of it :). Huggs to everyone
|
(6 Looks | Peer Into the Corner of My Dark Life)
|
|
[10 Jun 2003|06:43am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 excited |
] |
Well a quick update before I start getting ready for work. Yesteday was pretty cool, the training was a little stressful but the people seem nice. We have a test today which I am trying to study for right now before I head out. I was sooo tired yesterday and went to bed like 45 minutes after I got home and slept until 5:30 this morning. So I am just now writing out the questions we are supposed to memorize :-P Even though the pay is not good they have great benefits, with health insurance, paid and earned time off, overtime, and a 401K plan. So that is kinda sweet.
I have about 50 emails I have to work through tonight and some icon request that need attending too ;) Everyone totally loved the boy touching icon I posted in my icon journal mydarklife. I didn't think it would go over that well hehe Well I am to study and get ready for work. Today is picture day too for our i.d. badges, I am very excited about working again.
|
(10 Looks | Peer Into the Corner of My Dark Life)
|
|
[09 Jun 2003|02:16am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
nostalgic |
] |
This week has been a pretty great week. My dad left for home on Tuesday and the next day I found out that I got the job I interviewed for. It's from 8:30 - 5:30, Mon - Fri, for the first 3 weeks of training and then my schedule will depend on when they need me. The place is open 7 days a week from 6:30 am until 10:30 p.m. I will be doing tech support for Service Zone which does tech support for Dell computers. It's only $7 but it's a job and it's a good opportunity to learn more about computers. My mom is not happy about loosing her car so that I can do this job but she said she will give me month and see how it goes. If I save at least a $1000 I can get my own car and that's really all I care about. Once I have my own car I can get a better job that pays more or there is even the possibility of heading back to Michigan if it's a good enough car of course. But what can you get for $1000 :-P. Honestly I would love to work in Pensacola, FL which is about an hour an half away, I wouldn't mind working two jobs if I had my own car. There are sooo many financial problems that I need to fix. Won't really go into but those of you who know me well enough know how much my credit sucks and how much I need to straighten some things out. I am hoping that this is a start in the right direction.
On a totally frivolous note we went shopping on Wednesday and I bought 3 tongue rings for $10. Which for those of you with tongue rings know is totally cheap. Of course I didn't use the barbell because I knew it probably wasn't stainless steel. I just sterilized the balls and switched them out with the steel ones I was wearing. The ones I am wearing now are purple and white striped *smiles* and I also got some cobalt blue ones, and yellow sparkly ones with an orange line running down the center :).
Yesterday my mother and I decided to go to Pensacola and just have a mother/daughter shopping day. We ate out at this buffet place called Barnhills. It wasn't bad, it's just like Old Country Buffet in Michigan, except maybe the food was a little bit better.
Then we went to the mall and I got my ears pierced - yay! I now have 12 holes in my head not counting the tongue ring :-P. I have 4 sets running up from the bottom and two sets on the top. I also bought three pairs of earrings. Sterling silver hoops with a cobalt blue balls, sterling silver hoops with fuchsia balls, and a pair of sterling silver earrings that have 4 stars staggered in a row. Sooo cute. So it goes blue hoop, stars, fuchsia hoop, new pierced silver balls, then on the right ear a silver barbell in the upper corner with a silver hoop above it and then on the left ear two silver small silver hoops with silver balls in the middle of both. It's times like this when I wish I had a damn digital camera. hehe But now my ears are red and hurting :-P I think I am done piercing my ears.... for awhile at least. It was a lot of fun being out of the house and just doing something. Mom bought some clothes and things.
Talked to the boi last night and that always makes me happy. He knows no matter what happens in his life I am behind him 100%. Now I am trying to go through all my icon request and fulfill most of them before I start my job tomorrow. I like the new icon I am using now because I remember first seeing this quote on the door of my boy's bedroom the first time I hung out at his house :)
|
(2 Looks | Peer Into the Corner of My Dark Life)
|
| tried to post this last night but blurty was down |
[01 Jun 2003|07:45pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 okay |
] |
Had my interview Friday morning at 10:30 and I think it went pretty well. I was a few minutes late but lucky for me the person I was interviewing with was in a meeting with someone else so I had to wait for her anyway. The job is for tech support for computers, and I noticed earlier when I did my testing that they do tech support for Dell computers. It's not very much pay though only $7. She told me that they are probably going to be starting training classes in a couple of weeks and they will call me and ask if I still want to do it. It's 40 miles away and only $7.00 but it's a job. I will probably go into town Tuesday and try out different banks to see if they are hiring. For a small town they have like 10 banks so I will see what that brings. I would go Monday but my dad is still here and they will probably be doing something. Right now the parental units are out fishing together. My sister, brother-in-law, and niece left yesterday right after I did. I gave them all big huggs before I left, I am going to miss the little kid. Maybe my aversion to children is weakening :-P hehe. Could be that eternal clock ticking too ;).
Today I slept in and in my own bed. I haven't really done much today except for the fact that I do have this time alone and mr. blue is in the next room *winks* I have been a very naughty girl.... damn I need someone. Last night I saw this really hot movie called Splendor. It's about this girl who has a dry spell but then she falls in love with two guys at the same time. And she convinces both of them to move in with her. It was so hot when she got them drunk and got them to kiss ;). The one actor Matt Keeslar was soooo hot with his blond spiky hair. He is also the same guy that played the boyfriend to the lady Professor in Rose Red. My mom got up to go to the rest room and said that maybe I should turn it :-P but this was before the boi/boi kiss. If she saw that she would have definitely flipped her little nugget mind.
Now that everyone is gone I am going to start my diet back up again :-P, it's hard to stick to it when everyone else is bringing all the junk food in. And since I hooked up my VCR next door I can start exercising over there. Lots of room with no one around :).
Well I am off to start trying to catch up with all my friends journals, I know I have been neglecting everyone for far too long. But I still loves ya.
|
(2 Looks | Peer Into the Corner of My Dark Life)
|
| Soon enough your gonna think of me and how I used to be |
[07 May 2003|03:21am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
exanimate |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
matchbox 20 - unwell |
] |
I have been doing a lot of thinking lately. I guess the reason that I have been freaking out lately is because I don't feel my life is where it's supposed to be. I am drifting further away from the plans that I always have had for myself. I always had this idea of where it was I was going and now it seems I am going nowhere.
For the past 9 years I have had a steady job day to day job. I had a friend base. But now I don't have a job, I don't have the friends I used to have, and I am back to living at home. I guess ever since I have left the state of Michigan I have been freaking out over this and have put a lot of pressure on R to be the go to person. The person I expected to be there everyday to cheer me up and to get me out of my funk. But honestly that wasn't fair at all to R. I realize that now and recent events have jerked me into realization that I have to be the one to do these things for myself. For honestly no matter how much your best friend tries to talk to you and tell you what you need to hear or what they think you need to hear your not going to until you decide to do it for yourself. It was hard at first but it has made me take a serious look at my life and realize that I need to be there for myself and become that stable person that I have been in the past.
As to taking control of my life I am going into town on Thursday dressed to the Nines and I am going to Employment office and if I can't find anything there I may just start going door to door damn it. Like I said yesterday I started the J.N.C. Diet and I ate nothing but fruit yesterday and it was hard believe you me because my stomach was rumbling but I made it and I didn't cheat once. Today I ate nothing but vegetable and although today was easier with vegetables I did cheat slightly tonight and had protein bar but it was one of those healthy ones and it was only 110 calories. My dad went on this diet and he lost 130 pounds within 5 months and that's what I want to do. It's supposed to be a diet that heart patients or people who are going to have an operation go on to loose a lot of weight fast to that they can have operations without complications or whatever. Here is the diet:
( Jackson Northwest Clinic Diet )
So tomorrow I can eat fruit and vegetables :). Actually it's not as hard as I though it was going to be. I mean it's different than what I am used to but I tell myself what if you were on a desert island you would be happy to eat all these different kinds of foods. hehe corny but hell it gets me through.
|
(Peer Into the Corner of My Dark Life)
|
|
[24 Apr 2003|03:11am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 amused |
] |
I think I jumped the gun a bit there. My emotions have always had a tendency to lead me head first into trouble. hehe. You are supposed to deal with people in accordance to the knowledge that you have of them. And I guess I haven't been doing that too much lately. So to my boi who I know is going through a hard time right now I'm sorry for heaping my emotional mess on you when I didn't realize you had your own to deal with. If you ever need me you know I'm here.
Let's see not too much going on here except for the fact that I tried to shave my 75 pound lab/german shepherd mix yesterday. She now looks like she has the mange lol I really feel bad for her because I just wanted to make it so she wouldn't be that hot for the summer. And now it seems the other dogs are laughing at her. hehehe My mom also took the other two dogs to the groomer yesterday she didn't want to take the big dog since it would have cost $50 for her alone. Well anyways the stupid groomer shaved my little Bichon Frise's tail completely down and left most of him long. Now he looks like he has a little rat tail and he keeps stopping and sitting down because he is terribly aware of how fucked up his tail is hehehe. My poor puppies.
A couple of funny things have happened. The neighbor lady tried to fix me up with her nephew. First she tells me that he is married, but he is getting divorced. It's not his fault his wife threw him out - great so she wants me to get with someone that was thrown out by another woman. :-P I told her I couldn't date outside of my religion hehe. She was like well you could just get together and talk and maybe go to a movie. Ummmm that's considered dating. Sorry thanks for thinking of me. Yeah ummmm ...
Also today I came online for a short time to find some girl trying to throw me some shade (click if you want). It was very comical. Girl I have learned from the best (thank you R) don't even try to throw shade at someone who knows shady.
And sorry to my online friends for not being on very much lately. I am feeling a little bit better and I will try to catch up with you guys. Thanks to Russ for being online when I come on late and need someone to shoot the shit with and thanks also to Leila. Huggs
P.S. This bitch needs to get back on track and get a job for that is why she came here. She needs to get a car and go back to Michigan where her friends are. So cross your fingers that I find one soon.
|
(3 Looks | Peer Into the Corner of My Dark Life)
|
| First Post |
[13 Apr 2003|11:20am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 curious |
] |
It's not like I don't have 2 journals and five communites on live journal I had to start a blurty. hehe It looks pretty cool over here and I am going to check out communities. Thanks to  kykyzdiary for leading me over here ;)
|
(1 Look | Peer Into the Corner of My Dark Life)
|
tired
awake