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Monday, January 6th, 2003
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5:17 pm - hey
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12:47 pm - werd
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today started off shitty.. woke up at 9.. got a lecture from my mom.. then i did a few hours of geometry.. then i talked to my mom.. then i worked on spanish.. which is kinda where i am now. im feeling really crappy but better than yesterday. im not allowed to ride.. or do anything... but i dont even care. i dont feel like doing anything. i dont want to ride. i dont wana see anyone. i just wana sit in my room all day. and think. i dont think ill be doing much until i catch up on my school. thats pretty much my choice.. although my mom wont let me do anything anyways. i dont even feel like talkin on IM. im shutting off the ringer on my fone. i dont wana talk to anyone. i kno everyones probably going to read this. i dont care though. they wont be able to talk to me about it anyways. i had a really weird dream last nite. cassi and dj and chris were in it lol. ive been reading that book cassi gave me, cut, and the girl has to go to this thing for girls who have problems. so in my dream me and cassi were like, in a classroom with a bunch of kids that were freaks. its pretty degrading when u think your image is a problem. i dont even care anymore tho i really dont its not important. no one is important to me rite now.. not even jewel. im going to sturgis tonite. my mom wants me to dress normal. im debating whether or not i should. i dont wana go to sturgis, but if my parents wont let me get homeschooled next year then id rather go to sturgis then the high school. she wants me to shadow at sturgis, too. i reeeeeally dont wana do that. im afraid to.. im so afraid of going back to school with people now. i like being isolated.. even if i get lonely.. i can deal with it. i cant deal with kids anymore. i know i make it sound like everyones against me, but thats how i always feel. even cassi isnt like that. cassi makes new friends whether she realizes it or not. its not even that i want to be like her. i dont need other friends. but i wish it didnt affect me so much. even if i shadowed at sturgis and the person i shadowed was really nice and talked to me, id feel so uncomfortable. i hate that. i hate being talked to. at least by ppl i dont know. id like it better if i followed someone around all day that barely said a word, and i was ignored the whole time. not shunned, just ignored. oh well. its not guna happen. i dont want to shadow. and thats the end of that. peace out dawgs.. i have school to do.
]-young and hopeless-[
-Its a new day, but it all feels old. Its a good life.. thats what im told. But everything it all just feels the same.. and my high school it felt more to me like a jail cell, a penitentiary. My time spent there it only made me see that i dont ever wana be like you, i dont wana do the things you do, im never guna hear the words u say cause i dont ever wana, i dont ever wana be you.. dont wana be just like u. what im sayin is this is the anthem throw all your hands up. you.. dont wana be you. go to college, a university. get a real job, thats wat they said to me. but i could never live the way they want. im guna get by, and just do my time, out of step while they all get in line. im just a minor threat so pay no mind. do u really wana be like them? do u really wana be another trend? do u wana be part of the crowd? cuz i dont ever wana, i dont ever wana be you...-
current mood:  okay
current music: good charlotte.. the anthem
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| Sunday, January 5th, 2003
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11:14 pm - gah
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wow. talked to a lot of ppl today about the things that upset me the most. *sigh* depressing day. i promise ill go to bed soon and do school tomorrow. all of it. maybe even an extra hour. im going to work my ass off. i really really am. i want to do well.. and i want to prove to myself i can do it. jewel and everyone else will have to wait. i HAVE to do this. i dont have a choice. peace home dawgs.
]-young and hopeless-[
AbIsAslilGrl1689: u can never turn back time..no matter how much u regret wat uve done or not done so jus take time as a virtue and at least try to make it better!
thnks annabelle :) :'(
MiSTeR CuSaCk: you are what u present yourself to be
i'm not afraid of standing still.
i'm just afraid of being bored.
i'm not afraid of speaking my mind.
i'm just afraid of being ignored.
i'm not afraid of feeling and I'm not afraid of trying...
i'm just afraid of losing and i am afraid of dying.
without you yes i do and i hope that you do too.
without you yes i do...
i'm not afraid of being sick.
i'm more afraid of being well.
i'm not afraid... put the gun in my hand...
i'm just afraid it will hurt like, hurt like hell.
i'm not afraid of screaming and i'm not afraid crying
i'm just afraid of forgetting and i am afraid of dying.
without you, yes i do and i hope that you do too
without you, yes i do...
fear of...
i'm not afraid of looking ugly.
i couldn't care what they say.
i'm not afraid of happy endings...
i'm just afraid my life won't work that way.
i'm not afraid of forgivness... i'll absolve you everything.
i'm not afraid of lying but i am afraid o f dying.
without you, yes i do and i hope that you do too.
without you, yes i do.
without you, all i do is sit and think about you.
without you, yes i...
jack off jill-fear of dying
need you
dream you
find you
taste you
fuck you
use you
scar you
break you
lose me
hate me
smash me
erase me
nine inch nails-eraser
xsuicidekitten69: i love u hitler :-)
X killingjacob X: i luv u too my lil nazi
hahahhahaha yeah :) lol
current mood:  indescribable
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6:58 pm - hey
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i started to write and then i deleted everything. i dont feel like it. work blows. i saw justin. the produce guy was flirting with me again. i was on regular. i saw kathy woodbury. she yelled at me for riding my horse at dusk on 28. i fucked up a lot of orders. i saw jessie lacasse. i saw my neighbors that i hate. soo much on my mind..
cassi was bugging me to tell her whuts wrong. heres some of what i told her.. i didnt wana write everything cuz some of its about ppl that read this.
xsuicidekitten69: well. first of all. dj and annabelle. even tho its better now it really bothered me a lot.. and ill never forget the things they said. they both reminded me about sarah and our horses. and it made me cry. because i kno how they feel. and i dont kno how to fix it. k then theres this dan thing. even tho this is kinda little too.. him trying to change me doesnt help anything. im torn in a lot of ways. u kno i dont care about what ppl think. usually. but for some reason when we talked b4 he made so much sense.. and i like, have this trust in him. its weird. and i dont want to change so he'll like me like me.. i want to change so he'll like me. so we can be friends. he makes so much sense and when he talks to me about things i feel better. but i need the attention i get from dressing weird. i love the looks and the new friends. i dont want that to change. and i dont get attention any other way. dan has a great personality. i dont. or at least im not outgoing like him. he makes friends quick. i dont. i dont think he realizes the position im in. i would be normal for him if i could, but i cant. it would make me soo depressed. ok so then on top of that, ive been thinking about horses. and how fucked up my riding is getting. i havent taken lessons in over a year. yah im still riding.. but whos guna want me now? i bet every barn has seen me on 28. kathy woodbury said something to me today. and ive been thinking about why im even training jewel. wheres that guna get me? im not even training her right. i dont have anyone to tell me what to do, what im doing wrong, and no one to tell me im doing good. im guessing, and sort of learning as i go. its so frustrating at times. im not even around horse people that understand what im doing, let alone horse people at all. crystal and chris dont even kno wat "on the bit" or "collection" is. o ya my fone bill was over 100$ again by the way. im also worried about school. this is my biggest problem. this is why i cant sleep. its why ive been acting weird. i know i have the power to do it. but when it comes down to it i get distracted. the WALL could distract me. my imagination runs away with me. seriously. i can sit in one spot for hours now, doing nothing but staring at a wall. im afraid of not finishing. ill have to stay back. $1500 lost. back to the high school. centenary college? no. horse college? no. community college? yes. good job? no. horse farm? no. horse? maybe. fiddle?.. no. :'( i dont know. i want to do well but i want to have a life. i realize i dont have time to fuck around, but theres 2 ways to look at that. i dont have time to mess up my school.. but i dont have time to be a kid. im trying to do both and im only going half way with each....
xsuicidekitten69: ya kno when ur stomach aches.. like when ur upset.. of b4 u cry?
xsuicidekitten69: i have that all the time now.
xsuicidekitten69: i dk why.
Sumple GC Plan41: ive been feeling like that lately too
Sumple GC Plan41: and its school.
Sumple GC Plan41: nothing else
Sumple GC Plan41: its school
Sumple GC Plan41: cuz thats all i try to work for anymore
ugh i hate this. i really really hate this. i want to go die. im so upset. and no one can help me... :'(
]-young and hopeless-[
current mood:  scared
current music: the day that i die
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1:16 pm - werd
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hey kiddos.. i gotta make this quick cuz i gotta go to work at 2.. umm i rode pony this morning w crystal.. we met corey at mm middle.. we rode in the track field.. i had her snaffle on and i wasnt wearing spurs so i was flipping out.. jewel was bein a bitch.. lazy mutherfuker. wouldnt back up. or stop. yeah.. i MADE her get on the bit tho.. and she did so that was good. mmhm so we were ridin and i was rly paranoid cuz i was afraid sum1 was guna yell at us.. so a car pulls in and we go on the back trails lol. and me and crystal started arguing.. and fighting.. it was really funny.. shes the only person ill give in to.. kinda.. bc if i fight back she'll cry lol. but it fuckin hurts when she kicks!!!!! lol so i kinda like run away lmfao. i pulled her off the horse like 6 times haha. yep then corey called his daddy n he left.. and me n crystal trotted pony back to the barn.. i made her get on the bit again.. jesus she gets strong in that bit.. she kept pullin me forward. ew then i got pissed.. when we were on 28 some asshole old guy honked at us... like a BAD honk.. like get off the fuckin road.. and i SCREAMED shut the fuck up asshole!!!! to him.. then the next car that passed there was a lil kid and his dad.. and his dad made a face at me and threw his hands up like wtf do u think ur doing? and i was like AHHH I WISH SOMEONE WOULD FUCKING PULL OVER RITE NOW AND SAY THAT TO MY FUCKING FACE! WHAT THE HELL DO U THINK IM DOIN?! IM RIDIN MY GOD DAMN HORSE LEAVE ME THE FUUCK ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yesh i was extremely pissed. then i calmed down and when we got back to the barn i untacked her and cleaned her stall.. my hands hurt soo bad from the cold but i cleaned out the whole barn for her... and fed her.. and brushed her.. put her blankets on.. wiped down the saddle n bit.. yeah. and i had my music blaring lol. yup then i got picked up n stuf and now im eating ice cream. :) thats it for now. peace out homies
]-stephanie-[
current mood:  tired
current music: good charlotte
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12:27 am - werd
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Paranoid
Paranoid personality disorder is characterized by a distrust of others and a constant suspicion that people around you have sinister motives. People with this disorder tend to have excessive trust in their own knowledge and abilities and usually avoid close relationships with others. They search for hidden meanings in everything and read hostile intentions into the actions of others. They are quick to challenge the loyalties of friends and loved ones and often appear cold and distant to others. They usually shift blame to others and tend to carry long grudges.
Schizoid
People with schizoid personality disorder avoid relationships and do not show much emotion. They genuinely prefer to be alone and do not secretly wish for popularity. They tend to seek jobs that require little social contact. Their social skills are often weak and they do not show a need for attention or acceptance. They are perceived as humorless and distant and often are termed "loners."
Schizotypal
Many believe that schizotypal personality disorder represents mild schizophrenia. The disorder is characterized by odd forms of thinking and perceiving, and individuals with this disorder often seek isolation from others. They sometimes believe to have extra sensory ability or that unrelated events relate to them in some important way. They generally engage in eccentric behavior and have difficulty concentrating for long periods of time. Their speech is often over elaborate and difficult to follow.
Antisocial
A common misconception is that antisocial personality disorder refers to people who have poor social skills. The opposite is often the case. Instead, antisocial personality disorder is characterized by a lack of conscience. People with this disorder are prone to criminal behavior, believing that their victims are weak and deserving of being taken advantage of. They tend to lie and steal. Often, they are careless with money and take action without thinking about consequences. They are often agressive and are much more concerned with their own needs than the needs of others.
Borderline
Borderline personality disorder is characterized by mood instability and poor self-image. People with this disorder are prone to constant mood swings and bouts of anger. Often, they will take their anger out on themselves, causing themselves injury. Suicidal threats and actions are not uncommon. They think in very black and white terms and often form intense, conflict-ridden relationships. They are quick to anger when their expectations are not met.
Histrionic
People with histrionic personality disorder are constant attention seekers. They need to be the center of attention all the time, often interrupting others in order to dominate the conversation. They use grandiose language to discribe everyday events and seek constant praise. They may dress provacatively or exaggerate illnesses in order to gain attention. They also tend to exaggerate friendships and relationships, believing that everyone loves them. They are often manipulative.
Narcissistic
Narcissistic personality disorder is characterized by self-centeredness. Like histrionic disorder, people with this disorder seek attention and praise. They exaggerate their achievements, expecting others to recongize them as being superior. They tend to be choosy about picking friends, since they believe that not just anyone is worthy of being their friend. They tend to make good first impressions, yet have difficulty maintaining long-lasting relationships. They are generally uninterested in the feelings of others and may take advantage of them.
Avoidant
Avoidant personality disorder is characterized by extreme social anxiety. People with this disorder often feel inadequate, avoid social situations, and seek out jobs with little contact with others. They are fearful of being rejected and worry about embarassing themselves in front of others. They exaggerate the potential difficulties of new situations to rationalize avoiding them. Often, they will create fantasy worlds to substitute for the real one. Unlike schizoid personality disorder, avoidant people yearn for social relations yet feel they are unable to obtain them. They are frequently depressed and have low self-confidence.
Dependent
Dependent personality disorder is characterized by a need to be taken care of. People with this disorder tend to cling to people and fear losing them. They may become suicidal when a break-up is imminent. They tend to let others make important decisions for them and often jump from relationship to relationship. They often remain in abusive relationships. They are overly sensitive to disapproval. They often feel helpless and depressed.
Obsessive-Compulsive
Obsessive-Compulsive personality disorder is similar to obsessive-compulsive anxiety disorder. People with this disorder are overly focused on orderliness and perfection. Their need to do everything "right" often interferes with their productivity. They tend to get caught up in the details and miss the bigger picture. They set unreasonably high standards for themselves and others, and tend to be very critical of others when they do not live up to these high standards. They avoid working in teams, believing others to be too careless or incompetent. They avoid making decisions because they fear making mistakes and are rarely generous with their time or money. They often have difficulty expressing emotion.
X killingjacob X: ouch
X killingjacob X: i just wen to get up n my foot got caught on teh chair
X killingjacob X: n i feel face first to teh ground
xsuicidekitten69: LOL
hahah mikes dumb lets all point and laugh at mike!
current mood:  bored
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| Saturday, January 4th, 2003
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11:38 pm - blah
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ummmmm yah. not too much goin on. mikes bein a dickhead and makin me stay online. and hes telling me to finish the nazi thing on my arm. lol its welted right now but i didnt cut it yet.. i dont want to cuz i did it kinda high n i dont want the parentals seein it. i already did the anarchy sign.. its kinda sexy but i gotta finish it. wow i feel dizzy now. im mad tired. i wana go ridin tomorrow morning cuz i dont have to work until 2.. which is a good break for me. ahh my wrist hurts.. damn cancer lol. i talked to dj and annabelle A LOT the past few days.. i also helped them a whole fuckin shitload.. im really happy things are better now. if they didnt get better tonite i seriously would have stayed up and cried all nite. i feel sooo bad. but yah im not guna get into it.. otherwise i will stay up and cry all nite. yah... thats about it.. i really need to start on my vp.. hmm here are sum of my ideas cassi--- title pg- a change of pace tbl of contents, sub pgs= history and origins, conformation, racing, riding, and jewel. thats like 2 pgs over wat we need, and that will definately take more than 5 minutes. we can wear our riding clothes. uhhh kno ne1 that drives? a harness and/or driving bit would be nice. hehe that would b schweet if we could bring jewel haha. i kan bring my saddle and an english bridle... but we can hav a lot of pictures. lemme kno wat u think.
peace out niggaz
]-skippy-[
current mood: okay
current music: incubus
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6:57 pm - uuuhh
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i feel sick. not like throw up sick.. like im so depressed im going to cry sick. i dont know why. today wasnt that bad.. i guess.. this morning i wanted to go to the barn.. didnt happen.. mom had a hair appointment she didnt tell me about.. so shit on my fuckin morning.. i cant do anything.. oh well.. i talked to jsin and corey. corey called me around 9.. so i guess that was okay. we talked for a while. then i had to get ready for work.. then i went to work.. corey and kmart said theyd come visit me.. and a few other ppl mentioned coming in.. but i didnt see anyone. corey said he came but his mom told him not to bother me. heh.. thanks.. i was really lonely. i hate being on express, and i hate when no ones around me cuz i hav no one to talk to. or listen to.. since i dont talk much anyways. unless its dan. well.. i was on register one. express. the next open register was like, 10. so yea.. by myself.. it got busy but only for a little while.. then i was by myself again. when i first got in i saw carley.. and she started saying something about her talking to dan.. and he said he would like me if i didnt dress weird or something like that.. she didnt get to finish cuz lori came by. oh well. i was pretty close to the doors, so i was really really cold. when i went on my break i sat in the corner of the break room.. and no one else was up there. i stared out the window like, the whole time. then when i came back i was reaally really cold.. i was shivering. ugh some kid kept looking at me.. and then when he went on his break he came thru my line, and hes like u should smile more... look happy. and i was like whats there to be happy about. and he just smiled at me and walked away. then later when he was leaving he told me to smile.. i rolled my eyes and turned away. soo many ppl that came thru my line were like.. jeez its really cold right here! u must be freezing! and i was like yah.. ive been standing here since 12. one couple was talkin about it.. and the guys like ohh shes young and healthy she can take it. and the ladys like noo its too cold! poor thing! i was like ugh jesus. and then some guy from produce came thru my line haha he was like wat the hell! its sooo cold rite here!! and i was like yah! no kidding! lol then it got mad slow.. and i cleaned my register like a million times.. just cuz i had nothing better to do. i saw kevin.. kevin that used to be at my old barn.. he owns a horse named easy.. i used to go riding with him when i had fiddle.. so we started talking.. and we talked about janice and blue, and easy, and jewel, and i told him about fiddle.. and we got talkin about her.. kevin almost bought her cuz he LOVED her personality.. but stupid cathy hill told him not to.. but she told him she was lame. so that PROVES larry knew she was sick. so when he left i got really sad cuz i was thinkin about it a lot. ugh oh well. yeah.. then when i got picked up my dad had to get sum stuf.. so we were talkin and my fuckin fone bill is like $100. and my paycheck was like 49.. it WAS 120 but i dk.. stuf got taken out for hell knows wat. so i have to give my mom my paycheck and 50$ i dont have. long story.. some of the bill was from when i went to florida.. and the other stuf i went over my minutes *rolls eyes* ppl call me way too much.. and if i dont pick up they keep calling back until i do. so stop fuckin callin me unless its important or its the weekend!! grr...... yah.. i saw dan before we left.. it was his last day at stop n shop.. :'( i feel really bad. i dont talk to like, anyone else lol. yeah then when i got in the car cassi called.. invited me to go to a hockey game with her and corey.. my dad said id have to ask my mom.. and of course she wouldnt let me go. i never get to go to those kind of things... i have to beg to go to the movies, and i have to tell them like, a week in advance. and im not allowed at the mall. thank god for my fuckin horse. i would never see anyone. :'( yeah and now i still feel like shit and i dont know why. i didnt eat dinner. i came right upstairs and sat for a while. okay.. well im going to go.. do something.. maybe ill start my vp. or maybe ill carve more things into my arm. :-/ bye
]-stephanie-[
current mood:  sad
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| Friday, January 3rd, 2003
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8:33 pm - werd
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hey.. today wasnt so great.. then it was great.. i had a huge lecture and stuf.. then i cried until they let me go to the movies. me cassi crystal lisa dj chris and corey all went to see two weeks notice. it was okay. i didnt really watch the movie. lisa and crystal sat infront of the rest of us.. they stole a shitload of candy which was pretty funny.. then they spilled it all over the floor lmao. they flipped off a bunch of people too which was funny. and they kept attacking people. yes ive taught them well. :) then after the movie we walked all over the mall and we saw the other dj and jason, and then we met up w jsin, and then corey and dj and chris had to leave :( and i was sad. and then we went to mcdonalds and got free food.. and then i had ta go. o ya and i got dropped off and picked up in my SEXY NEW CAR AND I LOVE IT TO DEATH!!!!!!! :) hmmm thats about it.. when we were walkin in the mall some kid was pushin a wheelchair and he swerved around me, so i turn around and yell faggot. and some gurl was givin us weird looks so i was like thats right keep starin FUCK U! and hmm there was a group of hippies and they smelled bad.. but cassi thought one of em was hot lol. yes and thats it. if i think of anything else ill b sure to write back. peace out homies.
]-skippy-[
xsuicidekitten69: o by the way
xsuicidekitten69: isnt my car soooooooooooooo sexy??
AFIre17Inside: it sure is!
xsuicidekitten69: :-)
current mood:  loved
current music: incubus
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8:29 am - o ya
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i forgot to write this in.. sarah gave me a card and i wanted to write in here wat she wrote to me.. i started crying when i read it.. ive had a lot of problems with her the past year and now its all coming together..
Skippy-
I luv u and i got u 2 cards because im retarded and i just did okay? lol so we've had a lot of good times and this past 1/2 year without u and cassi has been hard but i am so so hapy we're back together before christmas and the 8 days of jew lol. steph just think.. one day not that many years from now we're guna be having our christmasses together on our farm! its not that far away anymore! and its all coming together! Im getting tika.. ur rents are looking for land.. pretty soon steph college will be coming up and we'll be moving out of our houses.. starting our stable! christmas will mean going out to the barn to give our ponies christmas carrots and going out for a christmas ride.. u, me, and cassi. (while our 3 sexxy man beasts wait at home patiently making our christmas dinner and buying us more gifts!) ;-) steph this whole time while i was depressed i remembered u telling me to think back on what we were working so hard for. and it has really pulled me through! there were times that if it wasnt for you i really wouldnt be okay right now! thank you so much steph! uve really saved my life and pushed me in the right direction. u and cassi and tika mean the world to me! thank u so much! im so glad on a christmas like this i have friends like u! i love u skippy!
*~*$AR*~*
U GUYS.. IM GUNA CRY.. AGAIN! that really means a lot to me coming from her.. ive always tried to cheer her up and give her advice and keep her head up but i never thought it worked.. she just wasnt in the position to think positively.. now that she has tika everything is fine and shes back to the way she was when me and cassi first met her. i know me and cassi always said we missed sarah cuz she wasnt the same.. well now that tikas here and tikas HERS shes really back to normal. i wish me and cassi could say the same thing.. but i dont think we're ready for them yet. there are still going to be problems.. i mean.. sarah isnt known for staying out of trouble.. and her parents overreact.. and wheres tika guna go when sarah goes to college? but thats still way ahead.. we have to figure out how we're guna get fiddle n snoopy.. im worried about snoopy with his sickness thing.. and fiddle.. heh theres no way i can get her back.. lifelong lease.. that means she CANT be sold.. plus shes got lymes.. ill NEVER be able to ride her again ever.. not that thats even important to me. just to have her.. but yeah im not gna get into that.. im upset already.. and i need to do geometry. so much for being at the barn by 9. ugh.
]-skippy-[
current mood:  thoughtful
current music: nofx
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8:00 am - hey
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its almost 8.. i got up at quarter to 7 to do geometry.. i took out my binder and thats about it. i didnt touch it. *sigh* i hate school. but i have to do this otherwise i cant go ride jewel today. i think im taking crystal for a ride.. and we might go to coreys. well i know im going to coreys but i dno if shes coming with me lol. then when we get back chris is taking us to main street hopefully.. he could have taken us yesterday but mr manchuk had chris's truck.. o well. then tonite im going to the movies.... i dont remember wat we're seeing.. cassi picked out the movie.. a few ppl are going with us.. uhh hopefully. we ALWAYS invite like 6 people to go and me and cassi are always the only ones that show up. lol i feel so unloved.. :( thats okay. i dont really care. anyways...... yah today should b cool. oooo i hope my parents drive me to the movies.. in our sexy new car.. i LOVE it! my dad is selling the truck.. or junking the truck and selling the plow.. the truck is a piece of shit.. stupid 84 (i think) dodge ram prospector.. the only thing i like about it is its black. lol. my dad wants to get rid of the camaro too! i was like NOOO U CANT!!! ill only let him if he buys a mustang :) but he'll never buy a ford lol. but anyways....................... ummmm last nite was cool.. we had lilys bday party lmao... me and cassi have to start our VP (visual presentation, *puke*) which is a competition we are FORCED to be in lol.. basically we make posters and prepare a 5 minute presentation minimum to explain our topic.. it can be about anything.. 2 years ago i did it on siberian huskies and last year i did it on epilepsy. u get judged and if u get a high enough score u go to states.. where u compete against kids from all over mass.. to get judged again. and if u do well again then u go somewhere else.. but i forget cuz ive never done that well lol. 2 years ago when i did huskies, i brought wolfie in.. but sarah was doing hers on goats and she brought petry.. so during my presentation wolf was SPAZZING OUT cuz of the fucking goat, and he like pulled me over.. he was jumping and running in circles and howling.. ya i didnt make it to states lol. then last year i did it on epilepsy cuz wolfie has epilepsy.. i didnt have him for my presentation lol so i did well and went to states.. yeah but thats mad hard to compete in u gotta have a great presentation. and i dont kno a lot about epilepsy offhand.. like u should pick a topic that u can talk about right from ur head. so this year cassi and i have decided to do a presentation together on standardbreds. lol i know EVERYTHING about them.. and god knows i can talk about them for hours. not that i like them or anything. i still think theyre a shitty breed. but i love my jewelz :) lol. and shes the bestest pony in the world. yeah so ill keep u updated on how we're doing on that.. the first vp competition is Feb 28th. god i hate vps. ill probably use my journal to keep notes.. so cassi can get to them too. hmm thats a good idea. ill write later.. i gotta start on that shyt anyways. peace out.
]-skippy-[
current mood:  frustrated
current music: mindless self indulgence
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| Thursday, January 2nd, 2003
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5:42 pm - hey
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today was FUCKING COLD!!!!!! i woke up and my parents left.. when they came back they had a new car. i didnt even know they wanted a new car. lol we gotta mitsubishi montero sport and its soooooooooooooo fuuuuuuucking seeeexy!!!!!!!! i love it!!! i wana drive it! its silver and its sooo hot! lol that was the highlight of my day. now we have 4 cars. the mitsubishi is a 2003 model.. brand fucking new.. its really hot lmao. yah.. i rode pony english today.. we went to mmmiddle and met jsin there.. i was late lol but its all good.. i was maaaad cold.. i stole ponys quarter sheet from her lol. she waz shiverin b4 we left! poor pony. she only had a fly sheet on and one blanket. why did she have her fly sheet on? i dont know lol. oh well. now shes warm.. clean stall w 2 bags of shavings.. and she has her 3 blankets on. tomorrow i think im going to take crystal for a ride.. then go to coreys.. then to main street.. then to the movies. tonite im goin 2 4h.. ill write about it later. well.. im off to go.. do things. peace out.
]-skippy-[
current mood:  relaxed
current music: ..spongebob.. lol
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11:41 am - hmmm
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i think im seriously going to pierce my lip. my parents are guna freak out but.. o well. lol i had a craaazy dream last nite.. but actually id rather not share. hehehe mhm umm i dont think i wrote in this yesterday.. cassi slept over for new years.. and me and crystal stayed up until 5 and drew a smiley face on cassis head when she was sleeping.. we got it all on tape. lol hmmm whut else happend.. my mom yelled at me and crystal for being up so late.. and me and cassi had to stay home yesterday and move... i threw a fit and i was crying and arguing and whatnot.. oh well lmao. we couldnt go to coreys and i was really pissed.. n i think he was sad too :( jsins home.. hopefully i can go see him today. umm i went to cassis house for about an hour n a half last nite.. nuttin special.. i talked to corey on the fone for a while and then i fell asleep.. then cassi woke me up n her grandfather drove me home.. then i talked to jsin on the fone for a while and i got online and talked to cassi... ummmm yah thats about it.. then i went to sleep. mhmm today im just waitin for my parents to come home.. then im guna go to the barn.. and ill probably ride pony to coreys until jsin calls and then ill meet jsin somewhere. tonite i have 4h.. i gotta go cuz im bringing food... lilys bday was a few days ago so i figure ill bring a cake 4 her bday... thats whut most ppl do. mhm.. i also have to go cuz cassi left tons of stuf at my house and the barn.. so i have to get it. yep.. well.. thats about it.. im off to get ready to go to the barn. peace out
]-stephanie-[
yo-yos eat silly hippos?? :( *confused*
current mood: happy
current music: good charlotte.
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| Wednesday, January 1st, 2003
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2:42 am - happy new year..
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gotta make this quick, its mad late and im gettin up at 645 lol. ok lets see.. today... barn.. me n cassi went to coreys n chilled which was mad fun... pony was hot.. lol theres this one tree in his backyard that she eats.. i dont know why. i think im guna eat it tomorrow and see what tree tastes like. or ill make cassi do it. hehe cassis sleeping now. 2nd nite in a row shes over here.. im not sick of her yet which is good. lol if i get sick of her ill just kick her ass again. but anyways we ate slim jims and twinkies and.. yah it was all good we watched our video from sarahs.. and then we were kinda late comin back but it was all gravy. jsins coming back tomorrow im really happy i miss him a lot :) hopefully we can all go to coreys tomorrow.. dj chris jsin kmart and me and cassi and pony.. lol that would be really awesome if everyone was there and we didnt have to run around marstons mills and centerville meeting everyone. i have a feeling kmart wont go, and jsin wont be able to go to coreys.. i bet he'll b able to meet me sumwhere else and we'll go meet him but then we'll be late coming home again. i cant be late tho ill get in a lot of trouble. today.. or yesterday i guess.. was lilys bday lol happy bday :) lily is my dog by the way.. shes aka spike. and wolfie is killer. lol theyre hot. :) mhm anyways.. shawn and rob have been bugging me to update this.. otherwise i would be sleeping. im mad hungry, but im not goin to go eat anythin cuz sarah said im fat lol. so now im trying not to eat a lot. hehe yah anyways............... i guess ill just write tomorrow cuz i have nuttin else to say. im mad tired. o ya i dk if i wrote anything about this.. but my room is a disaster cuz we're moving everything around.. okay listen to this. me and my sister basically had 2 rooms to ourselves, our bedroom and our playroom kinda, w the tv and computer. well we're taking everything in our bedroom, plus the tv and computer, and putting it all into one room which is smaller than either of the other 2 rooms. so its mad cramped and i really hate it. :'( im very sad and i dont want to move. when we get our heating thing fixed i might move into the basement. we might put the computer and tv in the basement now instead of in my room so we have more space. im thinking about it.. it might be better cuz i can talk on the fone down there and play music and no one will hear me.. but then when i go to bed ill have to go all the way upstairs. but i figure i can sleep down there and show my parents that i dont need heat right away.. and maybe i can move there. id love that.. its a really sexy room lol. i wouldnt b able to sneak out or anything but i dont care. its too sketchy no matter how i sneak out. my dad hears everything. lol yah anyways i really g2g. i hav a long day tomorrow. peace out.... happy new year...
]-stephanie-[
current mood: exhausted
current music: good charlotte
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| Monday, December 30th, 2002
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11:25 pm - werd
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today was sooooooooooo awesome.. me and cassandra went to sarahs house.. and it was fun.. we rode tika pika and she was a spaz... we met shawn hes cool... we made a video and its really hot lol.. ya i didnt see pony today :'( and ummmmmmmmmmmmm yah cassis living at my house for the next 2 nights so thats mad sexy lol peace out y0 ill w/b l8r
-SKIPPY THE SUPER SEXY PAINT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i love jsin :)
current mood: aggravated
current music: gc
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| Sunday, December 29th, 2002
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11:52 pm - wow
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hehe i just tried piercing my lip.. i knew i wouldnt do it but i have this numbing stuf n i put it on my lip.. and it accidentally got on my tongue n stuf so im like, drooling.. and yah i did it from the inside so ya cant see nuttin.. n yah it bled a lot n i couldnt feel it.. and then the stuf started to wear off and i could feel it a lot and i stopped lol the end :)
current mood: bored
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6:59 pm - bored.
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today was long. i got up at 9 something.. ate breakfast.. talked to sarah and mike on the fone.. got ready to move... went to work.. work was so0o0o0o0o0o0o0o long it SUCKED!! i was a cashier at first and then i had to fucking bag.. ugh. i bagged for caitlin tho that was cool. shes mad nice. haha she was so hyper today cuz she was excited about the patriots game, and she was like THEYRE GUNA WIN! and EVERYONE was like nooo theyre guna lose! so she kept asking ppl wat the score was.. and at the end of her shift she found out they won and she flipped out and started skipping around.. i was like CAITLIN YOU GET WAAAAAY TOO INTO THIS! lol. then she left n i was bagging for kaitlyn. haha some foreign guy tried to use a giftcard.. he said someone gave it to him for a present but it wasnt activated, which means it was stolen lol. speaking of stealing, this guy accidentally left something in his cart and he didnt pay for it, so he came back to pay, it was the littlest thing and he was like "i dont steal. ive never stolen in my life, or done anything illegal. its not worth it" and he said it like.. i dont know.. weird.. it made me feel reeeeeeally guilty lol. how much shit have i stolen? jeez.. and the illegal drugs and whatnot.. and tolting on highways is sooo rebellious of me.. rite cassi? lmfao. yah.. wat else happend.. umm a jewish family bought a lot of yogurt which was odd.. there was a little nigger kid and he swiped some candy haha.. i saw a really sexy punk w a mohawk.. i dk him tho.. OH YAH DJ CAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! he came twice.. he came early when i was cashiering and then later when i was bagging.. chris and ken were w him the second time.. chris was all wet.. no not like that u sick fuck.. he fell in a puddle. i called them losers lol. umm i think thats it... o ya it was very sad without dan by the way.. i d remember if i wrote this but he quit... im extremely sad.. im going to go kill myself.. what am i going to do without dan? lol peace.
-skippy
CheerUpEmoKid145: we were talkin about u bein really hot
CheerUpEmoKid145: ken
CheerUpEmoKid145: it was funny
xsuicidekitten69: WHAT
xsuicidekitten69: lol
CheerUpEmoKid145: me n chris were like shes extremely hot
CheerUpEmoKid145: and then we were like shes hotter with her hair down!
CheerUpEmoKid145: and i was like i shouldnt be havin these thoughts shes my friend and i have a gf
xsuicidekitten69: lmfao
*shakes head*
TOMORROW IM GOING TO SARAHS AND I GET TO SEE TIKA!!! and shawn lol
current mood: sore
current music: good charlotte. theyre hott i wana bang them
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| Saturday, December 28th, 2002
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7:16 pm - hey
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i got home from work a lil while ago.. i was a cashier all day and we were pretty busy so it went by fast. hehe some lady made a comment about how my black nailpolish isnt very festive.. and i felt like saying.. do i look like im fucking festive?! fuck the holidays! but i didnt.. i forced a laugh.. stupid ppl. i remember a while ago some guy was talkin to me about how gothic i am. it was quite amusing actually. i dont dress weird at work anymore.. except my nailpolish.. and bracelets.. and some pink in my hair lol.. but i try not to. i dont even wear my chucks. yah ill prove to dan i can be normal! lol. i dont even care.. i just hate when little kids are like whoa look that gurl has purple hair! and then everyone in my line looks at me. i really dont care.. but its annoying as hell. usually i like those remarks.. especially cuz i like being a smartass.. but i try to be nice at work lol. i do like it there. most of the time. but yah im workin tomorrow 12-6.. OH YAH I REMEMBER WAT I WAZ GUNA SAY! I SAW AN AVALANCHE! it was in the parking lot and it parked where i had a perfect view of it.. it was soooo sexy.. lmao. :) yah that was the highlight of my day. nuthin else really happend. i bought a cd. n stuf. andddd yaaaaaah i have a sexy camaro. the end.
-skippy
*BeLiEvE iN tHe ImPoSsIbLe, HoLd TiGhT tO tHe InCrEdIbLe*
current mood: amused
current music: good charlotte
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10:43 am - blah.
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i woke up this morning to joels techno mix lol.. yah i set my alarm for 7.. i got up got dressed n daddy drove me to the barn.. (after getting a lecture from both him AND my mom about how im not going to be able to go anywhere because i have to catch up on school and i have to help move the rooms around) yah so i tacked pony up english.. i put her schooling fleece on and her white wraps.. n i used fiddles bridle and my snaffle bit cuz thats wat sarah told me to ride in. i took her to the field to school her a little.. the ground was frozen so i kept it at a walk/trot. she wasnt giving to the bit AT ALL and it was pissing me off.. she stuck her nose out and pulled me forward.. so i was unbalanced.. and then she was unbalanced.. and she was leaning.. so yah it was a mess... i crossed my stirrups and worked at a sitting trot.. that helped me deepen my seat so i could fight with her a little better.. finally i got her to give.. she wasnt tucked in but she was bending.. damn that was mad hard tho.. my back muscles are killing me.. and my arm muscles from fighting her when she pulled.. and my legs cuz she wouldnt move forward lol.. i had my headphones and i was listening to techno and i got her to trot slow to the beat lol it was pretty cool. then sarah called.. tikas coming in a few hours.. we talked for a while.. then i worked jewel a little more.. i cantered on the long sides and brought her to a trot in the corners.. only to the left tho. then we headed back to the barn.. i cantered her down the path and she felt really steady. i need a different bit. my western one is too harsh and my snaffle is too soft. maybe ill order one next week when i get my paycheck.. a nice bit would be like 40$. ya then i untacked her n stuf n chris drove me home. his truck is mad loud.. even louder than it was b4.. cuz his muffler fell off hahaha. i hate his truck even tho its a chevy. ill like it when he gets it painted black with blue flames. then it will be half sexy. lol. yeeeeeeaaaaahhh well........ its like almost 11 so i g2g get ready for work.. i gotta be in at 12. peace easy......
-skippy
current mood: sad
current music: linkin park.
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12:19 am - i forgot...
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ya i forgot to mention i stole coreys tie and i was wearing it and some asshole said something about me looking like avril lavigne n me n cassi got pissed lol. the end. :)
i love jsin :)
current mood:  accomplished
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