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iceman // bobby

[ website | friends with shadows on my wall ]
[ userinfo | blurty userinfo ]
[ calendar | blurty calendar ]

... [27 Aug 2003|03:45pm]
[ mood | depressed ]
[ music | tori amos - silent all these years ]

Why? Why, why, why?
Why did I have to be a mutant?
Why did I ever meet him?
Why do these things always happen to me?
Why does everyone have to fight?
Why can't someone else's life be fucked up?

God. Just, God.
I want to die. But I can't. There are too many things that only I can do...

Private )

i can't put this day back

comes with the territory [24 Aug 2003|01:21pm]
[ mood | depressed ]
[ music | incubus - pardon me ]

i've changed.
i hate it.
i never asked for this. any of this. i just... i want to be normal.

but since this is what i am... i should make the best of it. right?

i talked with john. we're not getting anywhere.
we're on opposite sides of the war... and i don't want to start anything if it's just going to hurt me. i don't want to play that game anymore. he doesn't understand, or he doesn't care to think about the future. he only sees now. i don't have precog, but... if this keeps up, what's going to happen is obvious. i'm the only one who can take him.

i'm the only one who can kill him.


changing subject now.
soundtrack of my life.

01. incubus - pardon me
02. goo goo dolls - black balloons
03. bright eyes - no lies, just love
04. matchbox 20 - unwell
05. green day - good riddance (time of your life)
06. the eels - wrong about bobby
07. michelle branch - everywhere
08. bôa - duvet
09. better than ezra - briefly
10. dido - hunter
11. tori amos - icicle
12. evanescence - my immortal
13. linkin park - breaking the habit

isn't that nice?

i should look into those antidepressants. maybe they'd help.

i can't put this day back

*demand!* [19 Aug 2003|06:35am]
[ mood | bored ]

i demand that john someone come and rescue me from medlab hell.
i'm bored. and crazy. i should be in a circus. meet the amazing schizophrenic boy! he slices, he dices, he makes sno-cones and ice cream! ...i'msoboredpleasesomeonetalktome.

the professor put some sort of block in my mind. i can't hear anyone's thoughts except my own. he says he'll take it off slowly so i learn to... not go crazy? this is a good thing. and he's going to help me learn to focus. or something. i'm still crazy though.

kitty is here, we're "roommates" kinda sorta. more like medlab neighbors. can't you just feel the camaraderie? yay! um. she sort-of lost her memory. i helped a little, i guess. that was a weird experience. i don't think i'll do it again.

someone come talk to me! kidnap me! make me watch bad movies! anything!

private to john )

[8] like a good book, i can't put this day back

medlab, public [18 Aug 2003|12:17am]
[ mood | crazy ]

Bobby hasn't slept in three days. He stares at nothing, blinking, and he won't talk, not the way they want him to, not the theraputic way. He won't even look at them unless they touch him, and he can't stand to be touched. He doesn't sleep, won't eat, and he's just wasting away there. The physical wounds have healed, but the mental scars linger, and every glance--every touch--from anyone sends him into a blind panic. "No," he begs, shaking and pushing away from them. "Please, no, no."

And every glance, every touch, sends him spiraling deeper and deeper inside of himself. Every glance, every touch, brings back the memory, and that hurts more than anything they did to his body. The body will heal; the mind will not. He's drifting, separating, hearing voices...

They want to hurt the body.

No, they want to help it...
They want to hurt the body, they want to touch the body again.
They want to touch you. You don't want them to touch you, do you?
You can be safe here.
Can I?
How do I know that?
They can't find you if you can't find yourself.
They'll look. They're my friends.
You'll be safe with me.
...Who are you?
I am you.
Oh. That's all right, then.
Is it? Can you feel safe inside your own skin?
...I don't know.
I don't know.
I just don't know.

[5] like a good book, i can't put this day back

*slightly ooc* [15 Aug 2003|10:36pm]
[ mood | weird ]

Your Dirty Mind by MySecretGarden
Enter your nickname
Freak? Or kinky?
Sources tell us you...Are a virgin. Pfft. Go away.
Guess how many know?40
Your biggest fantasy is...To make a porno. With goats.
Your biggest secret is...You're tri-sexual...*nudge*
Created with quill18's MemeGen!

[1] like a good book, i can't put this day back

more oocness. [11 Aug 2003|03:06am]
[ mood | alone ]

OOC babble )

[4] like a good book, i can't put this day back

moosings (private, POK) [09 Aug 2003|01:09am]
[ mood | blank ]

OOC vulgarity )

I died 73 times today. And even knowing that I should hate them, him, I can't. I can't feel anything. Everyone else has taken permanent residence in my mind and I'm the one standing out in the cold. I hate it, I hate everything except them. I can't even hate him even though I know he's evil and we're enemies and he's stubborn and beautiful... I hate myself for not being able to hate anything, I hate myself for not existing anymore.

I'm so tired of being here. I'm tired, more tired than the time I got lost on a snowboarding trip and nearly froze to death. You don't just drift off to sleep in hypothermia like people think. Your extremities--fingers, toes, nose--become brittle and fall off. Your skin turns blue then black and your muscles begin to die. The blood in your body and especially your brain crystallizes and you slip into complete insanity during your last waking moments.

In one day I've been burned to death, frozen to death, electrocuted and crushed and had my neck broken and my ribs collapsed and my heart stopped and my brain turned to powder inside my head. I remember things that never happened to me, and I can't even be sure of who I am anymore.

And still he's always so warm.
...And I get so cold.

i can't put this day back

memento mori [31 Jul 2003|12:07pm]
[ mood | blank ]

I don't think I exist.

Descartes said "Cogito, ergo sum." I think, therefore I am. Ergo, by thinking, one can conclude that they exist. Your thoughts are your proof that you exist. But... I can't tell which thoughts are mine and which are other people's. I can't prove that I "think", and therefore I can't prove that I exist. One could argue that by thinking about whether I exist I must exist, but there's no proof that these thoughts--what I'm saying--is my own.

(Descartes also said that a perfect being must exist because without existance it is not perfect. Is that so? We exist, and we aren't perfect, so how can we prove that perfection is existance? What defines "perfection," anyway?)

i can't put this day back

good times (public) [15 Jul 2003|05:01pm]
[ mood | embarrassed ]

sara is your sex: dude!! check it out
bobby is your bettersex: ???
sara is your sex:
bobby is your bettersex: uh
bobby is your bettersex: this isnt like
bobby is your bettersex: mormon sex toys is it
sara is your sex: LMFAO
sara is your sex: just click it stupid
bobby is your bettersex: should i put robert or bobby?
sara is your sex: PICK ONE
bobby is your bettersex: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11
sara is your sex: what what
bobby is your bettersex: My Mormon name is Bobbette Demirae!
What's yours?
sara is your sex: ! LMFAOOOOOOO!!!!!
bobby is your bettersex: WTF, EVEN THE INTERNET SAYS IM GAY
sara is your sex: YOU TOTALLY ARE.......... BOBBETTE! ;D
bobby is your bettersex: I THINK I HAD FEMALE SELECTED
sara is your sex: WAIT WHY DID YOU HAVE FEMALE SELCEJtlejwa;gjaw
bobby is your bettersex: BOYDELLE DRAKER
bobby is your bettersex: IT'S BOYDELLE DRAKER DAMN YOU
sara is your sex: omg omg
sara is your sex: quoted
sara is your sex: this is so quoted

Oh man, I need a new screen name. LMFAO

[2] like a good book, i can't put this day back

on AIM (sara = npc) (private) [11 Jul 2003|02:45pm]
[ mood | scared ]
[ music | savagegarden - Truly Madly Deeply ]

Read more... )

OOC... )

[1] like a good book, i can't put this day back

your pain makes you beautiful [06 Jul 2003|08:28pm]
[ mood | confused ]

Have you ever had, you know, feelings for a friend of yours? I mean, in the not-friendly way? What are you supposed to do? Half of me is saying, you know you want it, and the other half is saying, no, what if they don't like you back? And both sides are telling me not to say anything, because what if they don't feel the same way? That's definitely the best way I can think of to ruin a friendship, which I don't want happening. I mean, as long as we can stay friends, I'll be happy. Just being with them is enough, for now at least. But I'm so confused, I don't know what to do. I know I really don't deserve them, I don't deserve to be so happy. But I'm human, so I want things I shouldn't have. I'm human, so I'm selfish. I don't want to hurt them by saying anything, and then making them feel like they have to like me back. It's happened before and it was an entire year of misery for the both of us.

Someone help...

i can't put this day back

crying doesn't help if your tears freeze (PUBLIC) [05 Jul 2003|08:55pm]
[ mood | thoughtful ]

John is amazingly fun to be with.

That may sound really creepy and stalkerish, but I don't know. I never really had many friends back home. I mean, yeah, I had friends, but not friends friends, you know? Not people I could talk to and trust. I was popular, and I hated it because everyone wanted to use me to get popular too. I learned the hard way that most people who smile at you are hiding a big rusty knife behind their back.

So it's a breath of fresh air to be able to hang out with him, and just say what's on my mind. I don't have to watch what I say because no matter what bad things I say he says something worse. LOL

I'm glad the Professor let me get a job. I was feeling so useless lying around all summer. Admittedly, I'm probably going to feel more useless at "Burger King", but at least it's something, right? And maybe if I save up enough money I can get a car, or something. And I can call it... The Ice-Mobile! Ba dun PSH.

What was I talking about again? Oh yeah, John. So how did I get to Burger King? LOL

So I guess I'm just happy to be here, where everyone's a little weird. Everyone has such different pasts and personalities, and strangely we all seem to get along. (Mostly.) Kids are in and out of here so fast I don't even have time to learn most of their names, but some of us have made this our permanent home--Kitty, Jubes, John, me...

Sometimes, though, I feel really alone. Like nobody can really understand me. I mean, it seems like everyone's had such horrible pasts, and they don't have anyone who loves them. I feel so guilty because I know that I have a family who loves me, but... I feel caught in the middle. Ever since that night, when we went to my parent's house, and they found out about me... They haven't called. They haven't written, they won't answer my letters. It's like I don't even exist anymore. Sometimes, it hurts so much that I'd do anything to erase the pain.

They say "it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all"... But people are so different, I guess we'll never know.

I should stop writing. It's just making me depressed.


i can't put this day back

crimson regret and betrayal (OOC) [05 Jul 2003|05:45pm]
[ mood | sad ]
[ music | but would bobby say "sowwy"? ]

ooc pyro i sowwy pq;; i completely forgot i was going up to anaheim today for an anime convention. gjskgja;a. we shall finish bobby/pyro's fight later, yes yes? (but all is not lost, for there were NIGHTCRAWLER BOBBLE HEADS!! *squees and hugs it*)

[1] like a good book, i can't put this day back

test pattern [03 Jul 2003|12:17pm]
[ mood | blah ]
[ music | the cure ]

This is just a test.



[2] like a good book, i can't put this day back

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