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| 08:33am 04/08/2004 | |||
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sorry i havent written, its summer im soo busy! but yeh i got back from halifaxx and yeh livin it;) i quit smokingg.. |
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| 04:21pm 08/06/2004 | ||||
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okay| Pissed | |||
| 06:43pm 26/05/2004 | |||
| Hey. sorry ihavent written ive been so busy, right now i feel im going to break... im so pissed off i want to kill my dad in his sleep i hate him so much.. | |||
| Read 1 - Post | |||
| il be waving my hand, watching you drown, watching you scream | ||||
| 08:05pm 16/04/2004 | ||||
ind_response@hotmail.com says: hey\ alayna- il be waving my hand, watching you drown, hearing you scream says: what the fuck do you want $?Ca11uM?$Wow my fuckin berring popeD $ says: holy shit eaz off $?Ca11uM?$Wow my fuckin berring popeD $ says: fuck looks like ur neck puked up sumtin jeez he trys to be all cool and he doesnt even make sense himself, hes so stupid, thats the second time i ever stook up to him........ next time ill tell him to get the hell out of my life.. alice stook up for me look : My buddy Mervyn!! =======>> says: i juss told callum off alayna- I'll be waving my hand, Watching you drown, Watching you scream.. says: really alayna- I'll be waving my hand, Watching you drown, Watching you scream.. says: whatd u say My buddy Mervyn!! =======>> says: i said.. WTF!! why are you so mean to akayna My buddy Mervyn!! =======>> says: he's like wtf i said hey and then she's like wtf do you want My buddy Mervyn!! =======>> says: and i'm like your so mean to hel ALL the fucking time My buddy Mervyn!! =======>> says: and he's like all the time eh My buddy Mervyn!! =======>> says: and i'm like yeah ALL the time My buddy Mervyn!! =======>> says: and then he's like whatver My buddy Mervyn!! =======>> says: the i said shut up ugly My buddy Mervyn!! =======>> says: then blocked him alayna- I'll be waving my hand, Watching you drown, Watching you scream.. says: lol My buddy Mervyn!! =======>> says: bahahahah alayna- I'll be waving my hand, Watching you drown, Watching you scream.. says: thanks My buddy Mervyn!! =======>> says: it wasn't that much of a tell off tho ------------- sammy likes me... and guess what joey said.. "someone said you were really good looking but have a bad personality.. " and i told sam and hes like How do you expect, I will know what to do? When all I know, is what you tell me to says: They don't know squat. How do you expect, I will know what to do? When all I know, is what you tell me to says: I'd say you have an awesome personality with a close link to reality and emotional strength. You are sometimes confused or feel helpless but are in all just plain cool. You're good looking to. ..... wow .. ... susan almost kicked my ass for some guy liking me but im not going in that........ n yeah I CANT BELEIVE I LIKED CALLUM, I MADE A WHOLE NOTEBOOK FOR HIM, EVERY LINE HAD HIS NAME LIKE 10 TIMES... god and poems.. and everything... well i m goin to go byebye |
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thirsty| sorry | |||
| 05:17pm 01/04/2004 | |||
| im really sorry i havent werittin computer was busted... today was awful its april fools day, teacher called me mean, yeah matt like loves me and stuff i dunno ttyl | |||
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| my weird dream | ||||
| 06:21pm 28/02/2004 | ||||
Well theres this guy named Sam I really like, but Alice is on my back cause she thinhks hes like 45 or something, I never met him in person yet but i guess we like eatchotehr n stuff anyways ... I had a dream me and alice met him at the airport with him and his friend, his ffriend liked alice and sam .. vice versa.. we went all over town , i was the happiest of my life... i didnt think anything would ruin it.... my next dream i was going to meet this guy named Steve with my friend Cassandr,a i had to pick what to wear, in my dream i had long really nice hair and i had ablack hat on, a mini blck skirt thing and a black top high boots and theni called him and he sad he was busy... n im like. okkkk... and i forget what else happend.. ---------------------------------------- this is what sam said on msn today that ill keep wiwth mee : ebel rebel bitch bitch party party sex sex and dont forget the violence says: the only songs that have ever almos made me cry are "call out" by thousand foot krutch and "alone i break" by korn |
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annoyed| Alice wanted me to post something | |||
| 10:37pm 27/02/2004 | |||
| Sorry if I did this wrong Alice, lol, but howdiii!!!!!!! I miss Sam lik crazy=p ttyl bitch, oh yeah sorr couldnt make cookies, really I am, i don't know whats wrong with me, i might hafta go to thee doctors, ttyl babbbbbe | |||
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| Me and Matts Emails- | |||
| 08:18pm 27/02/2004 | |||
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From : Mike Sent : February 25, 2004 5:52:42 AM To : alayna Subject : RE: i know i am...im sorry. ya no point in appologizin. but i needed to think. and i guess u wanna know the answer to ur question. i want u. i know im a jerk....i know im a pussy....i know i dont deserve it.....but i cant help it. and now look wut i got myself into. i wont b able to b on until like friday and i wanna tell u so much its not even funny. those words hurt so much "i dislike u". i mean....it may seem like nothin to u.....but this isnt the only good thing i through away. i do it to every fuckin good thing i ever had. i cant help how i am. i try.....i try so hard. u wanna know how pathetic i am? theres somethin i wanna ask u so bad....and the question is so absurd that i almost laughed at myself. theres a billion reasons why not to.....but i dunno. nvm...its way way out of the way. it hurts so much. knowin that want i wanted all the fuckin time was right here. i dont blame u. not one bit. but i remember......u.....for the first time actually like myself. it wuz a strange feelin....but wonderful. now i just cant.....forget it. i wouldnt blame u if u just delete this messege before u read it. im just gonna go. but plz......just.....i dunno. if theres neway in the world u can somehow forgive me even one bit......fuck it im askin for the impossible ---------------------------------------- my email: okay what the fuck do you want from me, you dont even know what you want in the first place, i cant make you "non confused, and happy" you gotta fuckin take it from your heart, dont worry about me just tell me what the fuck you want, before you go spazzing on people focus on what you want okay... its good advice for a lifetime so rememeber it. Focus on not being such a jerk, and see how other people feel for a change. Change your mind so you know what your saying before you talk, I don't want you to say I love you to me anymore before you fucking change yourself. I need someone There for me 100% and your not ok. i dont mean coming online at good times but i mean you cant just fucking go off when your the one i need most, you cant run away from your problems your whole life. WHOLE LIFE. "Theres things in this world you cant stop, but its no reason to shut out the world" Did you also know that theres about 80 guys that like me and 20 love me , 20 actually love me, and you were the closest out of all of them, you know how bad that is of letting you walk all over me. You love another chick and I can't beleive I didnt care, and I just wanted you, I didnt care how many people you loved, but I realized it's impossible to fucking make you see how much it was hurting me, how much you didnt care. I told my life to you, I told things that hurt me most, I told you I wont keep it in anymore, and you told me you love Steph. Right after you told me you loved me, its just fucking hurts ok Matt. Otherwise I don't know what your saying to me, everything must be a lie. Im sick of your lies because you dont know what you want or need. Matt.. ---------------------------------------- |
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| i hate you dad, | |||
| 05:26pm 24/02/2004 | |||
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i came in and my dad wanted a hug, and im like screw off i dot like you, and i went and he pulled my hood and he was choking me and he was like i dont care i just want a hug and i was screaming for my mom and she didnt care and he held me for like 10 minutes and let me go then i went in the kitcen and he went on his knees and startied beging to be my friend and i said "you said it yourself, you dont want to be my frien, just my dad, thats what you are , and i hate uyou" and hes like but i liekd being friends and hes like please plase and i took the knife an treatened him to shut up and he was like i dont care if u stab me i jus want to be friends, and im like too fregan bad! i dont want to be yours. and hes like PLEASE we were friends for 3 days and i loved it and i did one wrong thing and ur mad and im like IT WASNT ONE SMALL THING YOU FAG and i walked out and then he followed me aroun the house until i went on the computer and then he started bribing me again and i said you cant bribe me into being ur frgean friend screww the hell off!.. -------------- then my friend is trying to kil herself because her ex bf went outta town, and i told her if you do ill start smoking and she says u win... and she was in the hospital too and when i came online shes like mymom is gunna kill me (cause shes abused) bye guys write later my dads coming up to bribe me again.. |
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| happy girl | |||
| 02:33pm 23/02/2004 | |||
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this song is 100% me.. i gues! here goes: I used to live in a darkened room Had a face of stone And a heart of gloom Lost my hope, I was so far gone Cryin' all my tears With the curtains drawn I didn't know until my soul broke free I've got these angels watching over me CHORUS Oh watch me go I'm a happy girl Everybody knows That the sweetest thing that you'll ever see In the whole wide world Is a happy girl I used to hide in a party crowd Bottled up inside Feeling so left out Standing in a corner wearing concrete shoes With my frozen smile And my lighted fuse Now every time I start to feel like that I roll my heart out like a welcome mat REPEAT CHORUS Laugh when I feel like it Cry when i feel like it That's just how my life is That's how it goes Oh watch me go I'm a happy girl And I've come to know That the world won't change Just 'cause I complain Let the axis twirl I'm a happy girl REPEAT CHORUS Oh, yeah Oh, yeah I'm a happy girl ---------------------------------------- great song:) |
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| why it's great to be a guy | |||
| 12:17pm 23/02/2004 | |||
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1. Your last name stays put. 2. The garage is all yours. 3. Wedding plans take care of themselves. 4. Chocolate is just another snack. 5. You can be president. 6. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. 7. Car mechanics tell you the truth. 8. You don't give a rats hindquarters whether or not someone notices your new haircut. 9. The world is your urinal. 10. You never have to drive to another gas station because "this one is just too icky." 11. Same work, more pay. 12. Wrinkles add character. 13. Wedding Dress, $5,000; Tux Rental, $100. 14. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. 15. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. 16. One mood, ALL the time. 17. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. 18. You know stuff about tanks. 19. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. 20. You can open all your own jars. 21. You can leave the motel bed unmade. 22. You can kill your own food. 23. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. 24. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend. 25. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. 26. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat. 27. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. 28. You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking: "He must be mad at me." 29. You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift. 30. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends. 31. You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors. 32. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. 33. You almost never have strap problems in public. 34. You don't mind wrinkles in your clothes. 35. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. 36. You don't have to shave below your neck. 37. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons. 38. You can do your nails with a pocket knife. 39. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. 40. Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives on December 24th, in 30 minutes. 41. You can pack for a trip in less than a half hour. 42. Your hair is dry after taking a shower by the time you're dressed. 43. Facial hair is a good thing. 44. You can go to the bathroom without a support group 45. None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry. 46. You can write your name in the snow. 47. You can take your shirt off on a hot day. 48. You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing. 49. Gray hair adds character. 50. With 400 million sperm per go, you could double the earth's population in 15 tries, in theory. 51. If you retain water, it's in a canteen. 52. You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny. 53. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So, notice anything different?" 54. Bathroom lines are 80% shorter. 55. You don't care if the toilet seat is left up. 56. One acronym that doesn't pertain - PMS. 57. You don't have to wear makeup. 58. You can think about girls all the time and it's alright. 59. You can lean down to pick something up without having to worry about your shirt hanging open. 60. You don't get pregnant. 61. You don't take hours and hours to get ready. 62. You don't secretly resent friends who are more attractive. 63. You don't care if you look like crap when your picture is taken. 64. Homer Simpson makes perfect sense. 65. You don't have to worry about breaking a nail. 66. Complaints about something being to heavy are kept to yourself. 67. Your eyes can remain open when you step on the scale. 68. You can take pride in breaking wind. 69. A shower only takes a few minutes and the drain doesn't get clogged with hair. 70. No stretch marks. 71. Beauty and the Beast (average guys can get hot girls). 72. You don't go around asking your buddies whether the pants you're wearing make your butt look big. 73. You get praise for doing things around the house once in a while. 74. A hair cut costs less than $20 75. Three shirts and two pairs of pants are enough clothes for a month |
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| BARBIE AND KEN BROKE UP- What is the world coming too | |||
| 12:13pm 23/02/2004 | |||
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NEW YORK - Just like J.Lo and Ben, the romance is over for Barbie and Ken. After 43 years as one of the world?s prettiest pairs, the perfect plastic couple is breaking up. The couple?s ?business manager,? Russell Arons, vice president of marketing at Mattel, said that Barbie and Ken ?feel it?s time to spend some quality time ? apart.? ?Like other celebrity couples, their Hollywood romance has come to an end,? said Arons, who quickly added that the duo ?will remain friends.? Arons denied that there was any truth to rumors that the breakup was linked to the Cali (as in California) Girl Barbie, arriving in stores now. To better reflect her single status, Cali Barbie will wear board shorts and a bikini top, metal hoop earrings, and have a deeper tan. This new style already has attracted a new admirer, Blaine the Australian boogie boarder. oy Barbie ? the most popular fashion doll in the world, according to toy maker Mattel ? met Ken on the set of a TV commercial in 1961, and they have been inseparable ever since. Arons hinted Wednesday that the separation may be partially due to Ken?s reluctance to getting married. All those bridal Barbie dolls in toy chests around the globe are really just examples of Barbie?s wishful thinking, he explained. Another possible factor is Barbie?s career. The doll who was ?born? Barbie Millicent Roberts in 1959 has been everything from a rock star to military medic, and she?s currently marketed in more than 150 countries. According to Mattel, every second, three Barbie dolls are sold somewhere in the world. So where does that leave Ken? Said Arons: ?He will head for other waves.? ? 2004 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/4250262/ I still don't understand! WHY did they "break" up?! |
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| random stuff i need to put incase i lose it | |||
| 12:06pm 23/02/2004 | |||
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-WaitingForYouToBeHereForMe...WaitingFor You made me almost perfect then left me empty. ______________________________________ ^+*?^?*+ --?:[???????????:[?---+*?^?*+^ -???and down onto you darkness shall fall, and burn thou shall. LetTheMetalSaveYou...??? !?!?????_-:(?l????(w)-_?????!?!=- . -=?**?=- . -oo??oo- I'm not a crystal clear image of perfection My faults are the only things shown to your deceiving eyes. I wish I could receive more than rejection But you wouldn't love me no matter how hard I tried. Please take my hand and save me from this infection The decomposing thoughts of happiness are a bliss in my mind You were the savior of the weak And now I am one with the melancholy throbs of hearts that cry thoughout the wo rld. I hate humanity from what i've seen - Watch as it destroys me - Don't worry i'll be fine just let me slit me wirst 1 last time - I don't care like i used to - Make the paine go away - Everything about breaking hearts.. i leatned from you - I don't want to wait in vain, For you to love me - Are you afarid of being alone, cuz i am . I'm lost without you - Don't try to fix me i'm not broken - tidal waves they rip right thru me, tears from my eyes warm, cold, and sad. pick me up now.. i need you so bad - I break into two over you - This truth drives me into maddness - Are you ready to be liberated? - Pardon me for screaming, your only breaking my heart. Sometimes the place I'm at is at a loss for words If I think of something worthy, I know that it's already YOURS Through the times I've faded and you've outlined me again You've just patiently waited to bring me back and then.... You looked into my life and NEVER STOPPED And you're thinking all my thoughts are so simple... BUT SO BEAUTIFUL And you recite my words right back to me Before I even speak. You let me know... I am understood. You told me that you want to die I said I've been there myself more than a few times And I go back every once in a while You called me lucky, you.. called me lucky I'm having trouble breathing.. Rest in me and I'll comfort you I have lived and I died for you Abide in me and I vow to you I will never forsake you Devil's Good Girl slayer - exile cryptic wintermoon when daylight dies get the union underground - revolution man - x?- WhyThefregDoYouBetrayMeGod -?x< Should I bite my tounge 'till blood soaks my shirt? It's been a bad day, another bad day and all I want to do is look at you and know I'm okay. From where I'm sittin' these shoes ain't fittin' and I'm walking backwards, looking down, don't see the sky I see the ground. Above, below, you look and so you wonder, where the time has gone of looking up, tomorrows on the way. Above, below, you look and so you say, when I wake up in the mornin' is it gonna be another lonely day? BitingMyLip,LetMeCutMyselfOneLastTime And I lie awake and I try to say Anything I know just to ease your pain But you hide away where no one can see And it's only you that can set you free Now the time has come again So you reach deep down within To find the strength that you have buried there As you turn to walk away you can still hear him say You'll never make it in this world alone you betray me like i dont even care.one of these days ill fuckin kill myself to show you my pain,to make u understand decieved in the darkness, mother do u like these bands-slipknot,korn,kittie,ultraspank,il these wounds wont seem to heal, this pain is just to real, theres just to much that time can not erase, when u cried id wipe away all ur tears, when u scream id fight away all ur fears, and i held ur hand thru all of these years, and you still ae my immaginary, i tried sohard to tell myself that your gone, but your still with me Track Listing: 1. Paint The Silence - South 2. Just A Ride - Jem 3. Honey And The Moon - Joseph Arthur 4. The Way We Get By - Spoon 5. Move On - Jet 6. How Good It Can Be - The 88 7. Caught Be The River - Doves 8. Rain City - Turin Brakes 9. We Used To Be Friends - The Dandy Warhols 10. Dice - Finley Quaye & William Orbit 11. Orange Sky - Alexi Murdoch 12. California - Phantom Planet ??0o~-(_?R?xy?_)-~o0?--..-An angel came down she spoke to me, she read my mind and set me free, gotta seize the day )) Inflames:: Trigger 2)) Cradle Of Filth:: Her Ghost In the Fog 3)) Opeth:: Black Rose Immortal 4)) Slipknot:: Iowa 5)) Opeth:: Harvest 6)) Opeth:: Sereniity Painted Death 7)) Opeth:: Forest of October 8)) Cradle Of Filth:: Dusk and her Embrace 9)) Cradle Of Filth:: Hurt and Virtue 10)) Chimaira:: Dead Inside 11)) Soulfly:: Seek 'n Strike 12)) Inflames:: Cloud Connected 13)) Tool:: Ticks and Leeches 14)) Tool:: Sober 15)) Nine Inch Nails:: Dead Souls 16)) Bile:: Fucking Cunt 17)) Cradle Of Filth:: No Time To Cry 18)) Ozzy:: Iron Man 19)) Dimmu Borgir:: Burn In Hell 20)) Gwar:: Anti-Anti-Christ [and down onto you darkness shall fall, and burn thou shall. Let the metal save you] : . In Flames - Cloud Connected . : . In Flames - Trigger . : . Sonata Arctica - Sing in Silence . : . Sonata Arctia - Power of One . : . Arch Enemy - Dead Eyes See No Future . : . Lacuna Coil - Senzafine . : . Lacrimosa - Phantom of the Opera . : . Killing Heidi - Real People (Sad) . : . Metallica - One . : . Sonata Arctica - Wolf and Raven . : . Metallica - Master of Puppets . : . Beyond the Embrace - Bastard Screams . : . Beyond the Embrace - Mourning in Magenta . : . Beyond the Embrace - ...Of Every Strain . : . The Gathering - Shot to Pieces . : . AC/DC - Thunderstruck . : . AC/DC - Back in Black . : . Iron Madien - Brave New World . : . Iced Earth - Phantom Opera Ghost . : . Iced Earth - Dante's Inferno Sentenced - Neverlasting 2. Sentenced - Dead Moon Rising 3. Dark Tranquillity - Dobermann 4. Dark Tranquillity - Monochrome 5. Devildriver - I Could Care Less 6. Devildriver - Die (and Die Now) 7. Nevermore - Enemies Of Reality 8. Withered Earth - Calculated To Create Terror 9. Watch Them Die - Torn Pages 10. Mercury Tide - Why 11. Entombed - Ensemble Of The Restless 12. Dies Irae - The Truth 13. Cryptopsy - Cold Hate, Warm Blood 14. Chincilla - War Machine 15. Brainstorm - Doorway To Survive 16. Bloodbath - Ways To The Grave 17. As I Lay Dying - 94 Hours 18. Nightrage - The Tremor 19. All That Remains - From These Wounds 20. Aborted - Meticulous Invagination 1. Brainstorm - Blind Suffering 2. Brainstorm - Door To Survive 3. Brainstorm - Shadowland 4. Chimaira - Passout Of Existence 5. Chimaira - Army Of Me 6. Chimaira - Fascination Street 7. Crooked - Shift 8. Crooked - Mistake 9. Dream Evil - The Prophecy 10. Korn - Right Now 11. Dark Tranquillity - My Friend Of Misery 12. Cannibal Corpse - Fucked With A Knife 13. Cannibal Corpse - Pounded Into Dust 14. Cannibal Corpse - A Skull Full Of Maggots 15. Diabolical Masquerade - 1st Movement 16. Diabolical Masquerade - 17th Movement 17. Monostrosity - Dust To Dust 18. Catastrophic - Pain Factor 19. Vadar - Lord Of Desert 20. Cattle Decapitation - The Regurgitation Of Corpses 21. Children Of Bodom - Needled 24/7 Bloody Roses Kissing My Tears Away because of the love showed and the believed lies all i wanted was to be loved but you didn't show me love you never gave a fuck about me never gave a fuck about anyone you'll leave them for the next bitch that will fuck you Just like you left me with a Blood Stained Heart COREY - my mind still functions, but my bodys in pieces...somehow I live says: u mean soo much to me alayna, i miss u when im not talking to u, and when i do talk to you im always happy ur really nice to me, u care bout me, i care about u lots and i always wish i could make you happy when ur sad, im sorry about all the stuff i might have said that u didnt like, and i wuld be really sad if i had to live without u ^+*?^?*+ --?????????????---+*?^?*+^ ?=?? ??????::.i.insane.clown.posse.:: says: aww corey your watching my heart being so close to your bleeding thoughts open wounds still breathing, your my everything.. download: --brand new OK i believe you but my tommy gun dont Last Train Home" - Lostprophets cauterize - shooting stars kiss my fist. taste the floor. tired of your games. FUCK OFF GOODBYE And I just want to hold you, so that I can be whole myself. And I just want you to hold me, so this fall won't skin my knees. The door is open and it's cold, and I need you here with me. I need some air to breathe so I can keep calling out your name. Too Confused, Lost Myself. And I hope one day you'll walk right in and I will warm your hands and I'd say I love you. Everyday awake feels like a mistake, I'm walking up stairs and getting nowhere. And the time it ticks away from this stupid game we play but I'd never want to stand on the sidelines dont apologize i hope you choke and die Seventy times Seven Hating You, Cant look at you. Im going to breakdown, Have the kiss of the razorblade another time. You watch me, You just glare? Im sad, Im lonely, Im fucked up You don't care, but you can stare Im broken, and you know you cant fix it. You don't mind when I scream, you don't mind when im torn I climb the walls, trying to leave this place For fucking sake, you can walk away Im crying so hard in my heart, I just want out, But you just eye me, and look I can see it in your eyes, you look so happy You hate me, but you just stare? I know you had an affair But I don't fucking care I don't FUCKING Care Im like a stick to you To broken to care, and you cant bother to repair. Now your sitting in that fucking chair Remember when I sat on your lap, Remember when I asked for help. Standing by, All the way. Here to help you through your day. Holding you up, When you are weak, Helping you find what it is you seek. Catching your tears, When you cry. Pulling you through when the tide is high. Absorbing your voice When you talk. Standing by when you learn to walk. Just being there, Through thick and thin, All just to say, you are my friend. -Sammy Tatar- Bruised and broken, Tattered and torn, Shattered and stripped, Lonely and lost, Hopeless and hated You took everything away from me http://www.elovemagic.com/Dreams.html http://web.ask.com/redir?bpg=http%3a%2f%2fweb.ask.com%2fweb%3fq%3dFree%2bMagic%2bSpells%26o%3d0%26page%3d1&q=Free+Magic+Spells&u=http%3a%2f%2ftm.wc.ask.com%2fr%3ft%3dan%26s%3da%26uid%3d218425e8e18425e8e%26sid%3d318425e8e18425e8e%26qid%3d705C84C67C8FF743ABAEABCA999C18AF%26io%3d2%26sv%3dza5cb0db6%26o%3d0%26ask%3dFree%2bMagic%2bSpells%26uip%3d18425e8e%26en%3dte%26eo%3d-100%26pt%3dFree%2bMagic%2bSpells%26ac%3d19%26qs%3d6%26pg%3d1%26ep%3d1%26te_par%3d102%26te_id%3d%26u%3dhttp%3a%2f%2fwhitemagic.com.au%2ffairymagic%2ffreemagicspells.html&s=a&bu=http%3a%2f%2fwhitemagic.com.au%2ffairymagic%2ffreemagicspells.html&qte=0&o=0 ^+*?^?*+ --????l???????---+*?^?*+^WaitingForYouTo Good St. Thomas, do me right And bring my love to me this night That I do look him in the face And in my arms may him embrace Write Down Write your love wish on a sage leaf and put it under your pillow for three nights. If you dream of your love wish, then it will come true. AScreamOrACry,TheTruthOrALie,ImNotSureTh These are the feelings that I feel, are classed as an uncontrolled emotional fit. Your Friends Will Stand Around, While They Dump You In The Ground. I grew up wishing on a star? Ive hid the tears , that I have cried, so noone knows, im dying in side- This Reality Is really just one FUCKED UP DREAM For what is to die but to stand naked in the wind and melt into the sun? And what is it to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered? Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing, And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb. And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance. From: The Prophet By: Kahlil Gibran http://blurty.com/users/quotes http://blurty.com/users/quotes here are the quotes .. I hate the way you're always rightt I hate it w h e n y o u l i e I hate iitt when you make me laugh Even worse ' wen u make me cry I hate iiit that you'reee not aroundd and the f a c t that y o u didn't call but mostly I hate the way I dont hate u not even close . . not even a little biit n o t e v e n a n y a t a L L wAy aWaY i think im breaking out. im gonna leave u now theres nothin 4 me here iitts all the same and even tho i k n o w' that evrything might go .. go downhill from here ' iiim not afraid way away away from hereE i'll be' wayy away awayy so u can see` how it feels 2 be alone and not believe how it feels 2 b alone & not beliievee anything // yellowcard it's the hardest thing i'll ever have tto do .. to turn aroundd and walk away pretending i don'tt love you SCrAtcH i've been sitting hereEe for hours . burned an image of u in my mind . finding comfortt in the words u say . but iits not the samee i kno ur worth the wait . and i cant explain wat im going thru iinsiide . but I would turn away the world . just to have u here wiith m e t o n i g h t / / A l l i s t e r in a room full of people you're alwayS the first one i look for Stockholm Syndrome this iis the fiirst thing ii remember .. now its the last thing left on my mind . afraid of the dark do yu hear me whiisper . an empty heartt replaced with paranoiiaAa where do we go life's temporary . after we're gone like new years resolutiions whyy is this hard do u recognize me . i kno im wrong but i cant help beliievingG im so lost . im b a r e l y here . i wish iii could e x p l a i n myselff' . but words escape me . iits too late . to s a v e me you're too late . ur too late' // blink 182 sometimes i wish i could fast forward tiiime .. just to see iiif in t h e e n d i t s a l l w o r t h' i t What It Is To Burn today's on fiireE . the sky is bleeding above me and i am blistered . ii walk these lines of blasphemy every day . and still . liike a badd star . im falling faster down to him [her] he's [she's] the only one who knows . wat iitt iiis to burn . i feel d i s e a s e d . iis there no sympathy .. from the sun . thy sky's still fiire but i am safe in here . from the w o r l d outside . so tell meE whats the priiice to pay f o r g l o r y ' / / f i n c h its amaziiing how someone can break ur heartt but stiill u insist on loving them with everyy siinglee broken biiit Numb im tired of being hu u want me 2 be feelin so faiithless lost under the surface . dont kno what ur expecting of me ' . put under the pressureEe of walkingGg in ur shoes caught in the undertoneee justt caught iin the undertone . every step that i takeE iiis another mistakeEe to yu . i`ve become so numbBb i cant feel u there . i've becomee so t i r e d so much more a w a r e . iiim becoming this all I want to do . is be more like me and be less liike you // Linkin Park maybe im not over hiim but then again .. maybe iii d o n t want to be ? Anthem Of Our Dying Day the stars will cry the blackest tears tonight . andD this is the momenttt that i liiive forr . i can smell the ocean air . here i am pouring my heartt onto these rooftops` . just a ghost to the world. thats exactly exactly wat i need . from upP here the city liiightts burn . like a thousand miles of fire . and im here to sing tthis anthem of our dying day . for a second i wish the tideE will swallow every inch of the ciity as you gasp for aiiir tonightt . i'd scream this song right in ur face if yu were here . cuz then iii wontt m i s s a b e a t cause i never'` . . never have b e f o r e / / s t o r y o f t h e y e a r its too lateee now _ i've fallen for you ' theres |[ nothing ]| yu can do except -?catCh ? me u kno wen u cant fall asleep at niitte ? well maybe it`s bcuz ur in some1 else `s dreams Only One broken this fragile thing now & i cant ii cant pick up the pieces & ii've thrown my words all around but iii cant iii cant give u a reason . i feel so broken up & i give up . i just want to tell yu so u kno here i go . scream my lungs out & try 2 get 2 u , u r my only one ii let go theres just no1 that gets me liike u do . u r my only .. m y o n l y o n e // yellowcard i cAn sEe foRevEr ' iiiiN yOuRrr eYezZ i always wonder wat crosses ur mind a s y o u r e y e s m e e t m iii n e Buried Myself Alive u almostt always pick the best tiiime / to drop the worst lines / u almost mde me cry again this time another false alarm red flashing lights / well tthis time im not going to watch myself die / ii thinkk ii made iit a game to play your game and let myself cry / buried myself on the inside / so i could shut u out 4 a long tiiime. the used-buried myself alive if u keep tryin` so hard to be everything ur not u'll miss everytthing yu wereE m e a n t to be The Science Of Selling Yourself i`ve come to my senses . that i've become senseless i could give yu lessons, how to ruiin your friendships every last conviction iii've smoked them all away. i've drank my frustrations down the draiin out of the way so i sit & wait & wonder . does any1 else feel like me some1 so tiredd of their routines. & disappearing self esteem . im so far gone that deep down inside i thiink it`s fine by me . i`m my own worst enemy . i could be an expert on `codependency . i could wriite the bestt book on underage tragedy . i`ve been spendiiing myy timeEe at the local liquor store . let the meanings slipp away . lost my faith in another day. self deprecatiiion seems okay . i never thought id make it anyway - LTJ dont think for a moment that i wouldnt die for u. foreverr and a day i'll be standing r i g h t b e s i d e' youuuu im tired. of falling for guys and getting hurt . for once i wanna fall ' . and n o t g e t h u r t Rough Draft im breathing in ur skin tonight . quiet iis my loudest cryyy wouldnt wanna wake the eyes that make me melt inside and if its healthiiier to leave u be . may a sickness come and set me free . kill me while i still believe that u weree w e r e m e a n t f o r m e' / / Y e l l o w c a r d beiiing away from u is slowly driving me i n s a n e *' iii was b o r n to love you and ii`ll neverr be f r e e u'll always be a part of me The Hero Dies In This One sometimes this song feels like a d r e a m . iim waiiiting for someone just to wake meEe upPp wake me up . from this life -- as i siitt heree all alone . i wonderr how im supposed to carryyy on when you'ree gonee . ii'll never be the same without u . i love u more than you will ever kno so maybee now you fiiinally know . sometimes we're helpless and alone . but youu can'tt let iiit keep u weighted down u must go on. the ataris u've hurt me more than words can say . but the sad part is ii dont `ever want u to go away the worst feeling in the world . is loving someone who doesn`t love u back . ur heart aches everyy time youu see hiiim . knowing that no matter how deep youu look into his eyes . trying to reach hiiis h e a r t . . . y o u n e v e r w i l l The Young And The Hopeless and if I make it through today` . will tomorrow be the same . am I just running in place .. and iiif i stumbleE and ii fall . should ii get up and carry on .. or will it all just be the sameE .. cuz iii`m young and im hopeless im lost and i know this . im going nowhere fast thats what they say . im troublesome i`ve fallen .. its meE against this world and i dont care . ii dont care . GC wantiiiing to be someone ur not . is a waste of the person yu already areEe Dinner At The Money Table i've got a day and a reason'why I should not believe in anything . anymore. wats this for ? my time well spent i've got all these memories that i cannot believe iin' cuz i dont kno where ii've been all these years . all thesee years . and do u know this reason . iiii hope that u can see it cuz I will not give up . and we all know wat u've done again . ii can see right through you . ur making ur way over again . . agaiin / / Early November the momentt' u feel like giving up . justt rememberrr why u held on for so long once again . your eyes make it hard to say goodbye i cant get mad at u for hurting me over and over again .. bcuz over and over again . iii l e t youuu Always i've been here before a few times . and iim quiite aware we're dying . and ur hands they shake wiiith goodbyes and i'll take u back if u'd have me . so here i am im ttrying so here i am are u ready . and i'll miss ur laugh yur smiile i'll admit im wrong if u'd tell me . im so sick of fights i hate them . lets start this agaiiin for real / / Blink 182 sometimes .. wen u liike someone that much . u cant really put it into words how yu feel . u justt kiinda look at them . and' well u just kno Welcome To The New South welcome home outcasts bcuz ii kno how u have feltt over the years the truth is thatt looking at meEe is liike lookingg in the mirror . and iii know how iitt feels to be the bestt part of a running jokee . to all of yurr friends and to be on the edgeee of ur bed' . wiiiith your head buried in ur hands wishing that everything would end yea ii know how iitt feels to be the lonliestt . welcome back outcasts bcuz ii told myself thattt iitt would beEe alright . probably about a million times overrr everyyy minuteee of all of my life . i kno how iitt feels to be so confused that yurr so far outt of control . so u sit and wait for a sign . that the coming dayys will be alrighttt and youuu drink so u can forget another niight // LTJ to love someone is one thing but tto be loved by the one u loveEe is e v e r y t h i n g Dive Right In here i go . i'll dive right in . break right thru the waves straighttt to the ocean floor . and although my hands areEe shaking . i lie perfectly still . cuz im determiined to let myself sink down . and i know im buried too far down . to feel the warmth of the sun again . ii could waveEe my arms and swim away . but never reach the shore . but for now ii will layy . facee fiirstt in the sand . with the wreckageE from ships that lost theiir way . and ii kno im buried too far down . to feel the warmth of the sun agaiiin / / story of the year .. i n t h e l a s t 3 o y e a r s ` .. t e e n a g e ' s u i c i d e h a s increased 3oo% in North America theres a part of me that wishes . that all of my dreams will come true + the other part of me' that prays one dayy iii ` l l j u s t g e t o v e r y o u u everytime ii look into yourrr eyes iiiim helplessly aware that the someone i've been searching for . is siimplyyy r i g h t' . . . t h e r e e e sometimes the only thing u find yourself wishing for . .. iiis for someone to be wishing forr yu Until The Day I Die as years go by i race the clock with you . but iiif u died right now . u know that i'd die too i'd dieEe too . u remind me of the times when i k n e w who i was . still the second handD will catch us like it always does . we make the same mistakes i take the fall for u . ii hope u need this now . cuz i kno i still do . until the day I die . i'lll spill my heart for u . for yu . until the day i die . 'll spill my heartt for youuuuu ` / / story of the year my hopes and dreams' are gone they faded away like a n` o l d l o v e s o n g i dont wish to be everythiingGg to e v e r y o n e but i would like to be something to someone so impossible aS it may seem . u've got to climb for e v e r y dreamMm dont worryy about falling iiin love .. bcuz in fairyyy taless they u s u a l l y dontt findd eachother until the last page u cant experience true happiness without experiencing truee` pain theres just one thing i need to know . should iii hold on t i g h t e r or just let' go ? even after all the pain u put me thru . ii still can`t get enoughHh of youuu i cant breathe wheN my heartts broken in two . theres no beat w i t h o u t' y o u u there comes a point in ur life where u realize who reallyy matters . who n e v e r did andDd who a l w a y S will people like y o u are the r e a s o n' why people like me hate themselves dont gaze into his eyes u'll never get out aliiveE i've been waitiiing all my lifeE for someone just like u . and i know u've been waiting too for someone to lovee youuu everynight i dream of u . i just wiish thattt maybe that dream w o u l d ` c o m e t r u e im just a dreamer . ii dream my life away iim just a dreamerrR who d r e a m s of b e t t e r ` d a y s i used to believe in love . but once ur heart's been torrn up and thrown all around . u justt d o n t s e e m t o c a r e' a n y m o r e was my life a mistake or was i the mistake ? when i look into ur eyes . myy whole world . iiit justt feels so right but to me its no surpriiise cuz ur the best thing in my life suicide is just one person escapiiingG the world wiiithout even getting backk at the people that made her kill herself i already found my prince charming but i kno in the end of my faiiiry tale hes never gonna end up as miineE tell my heart to stop beatiing tell my miiind to stop thinking throw a stone iiin the ocean and tell it to s t o p sinkiing tell the sky not to be so blue iit is like telling me . not to be i n l o v e ` w i t h y o u i've loved youu from the beginniiing and i'll love u all the way to the end excuse meE .. but i thiiiink u forgot to giive me` back my heart after u so kindly r i p p e d `' i t o u t Shadows blacken your face So I can't taste Your lips disgrace Paint me black and blue today So my skin displays my pain Eat the cake That cakes my face The mask that makes Us stake our place Make me blind to your deceit Take my hand and walk with me Lead me to a shallow hole Asphyxiation; leave me cold Bury me alive Unconcious state So I'll never know your love's a fake alk 3 you told me that you want to die i said i've been there myself more than a few times and i go back every once in a while you called me lucky, you.. you called me lucky you said tonight is a wonderful night to die i asked you how you could tell you told me to look at the sky look at all those stars look at how goddamn ugly the stars are it's one or another between a rope and a bottle i can tell you're having trouble breathing cause you'll never be okay you'll never be okay [always feel this way] cause things they never work out right [the wrong way, the lonely way] you'll always be in pain you told me that the daylight burned you and that the sunrise was enough to kill you i said maybe you're a vampire you said it's quite possible i feel truly dead inside cause you'll never be okay you'll never be okay [you'll always be in pain] You'll always feel this way cause things they never work out right [the wrong way the lonely way] you'll always be in pain don't forget to let your life rot you inside out don't forget to let your life rot you inside out don't forget to let your life rot you inside out |
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| life | ||||
| 05:37pm 22/02/2004 | ||||
-my dad -ran away -corey -drugs and alcohol -gettin high -finds bday -friend in court .... |
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depressed| happy | ||||
| 10:42pm 19/02/2004 | ||||
first the whole school pissed me RIGHT THE FUCK OFF- screaming annoying little kids saying "your mom" n putting gluesticks in hair and then went hoe did some homework mom brought me to Mr sub! and i told her i am depressed and i have so many problems and they arnt like "He stole my pencil" or "he broke my heart" its suicide, sex,drugs, abusement. anyways i ate my salad and subs and went home, i guess my mom told my dad i was sad because he came up with his guitar and started siging me a song he wrote when i was little" alayna rae changes every day --- theres been a change in her walk -- " yeah u get the picture- and then i ignored him more and hes like "dont like that ? how bout i rap?? " and you get that picture too. and he started singing a lullaby he wrote when iwas little. a lullaby he said he would only use when I was sad when im older, he never sang it to me before and he wrote it when i was little... and then he saw somethingi was doing on the comp with my pics and hes says " your absoulutly gorgous, i mean look at you.. god alayna " and im like offt whatever and closed it. and then heslkie i dont know why you hate me and im like you dont even know me and hes like i think i know someone itake to minneapolis and tim hortons yesterday and im like you dont even know my life. and hes like i know what happend last year was bad and im like ITS NOT EVEN ANYTHING TO DO WITH SCHOOL (fuck) and then he went and i stayed on the comp waiting for matt, who didnt come on adn then american idol came on... so i ALWAYS watch it with my dad, 3 girls were good and theni asked him if we could go for a ride to marina park after american and hes lik e OK and we went soon after and....we drvove around for a bit.... and we went out for a little view of the beautiful frozen -covered-p-with-snow lake and i saw 2 Foxes. my dad always spots animals and i asw thmf or the first time in my life. (by my own eyes, like ive seen them in real and stuff ) but it had a den and babies.... and i just smiled. i dont know why.. .and my dads like.. omg alayna... thats a omen. a omen from god i swear toyou , no foxes livce out in the sity (none do) and i just wasl ike :| and then i raced my dog and stufff and then the lake was so beautiful ( i want to take matt there.... one day.. when he loves me ) i couldnt stop thinking about him........ and then we drove around then i saw the fox right at the side, he was up at my head kinda like on a snowbank and he looked right in y eyes, he had tha kindest eyes and they were kindof black and my dad said he didnt have rabies, and i almost cried.... it looked like one of my friends that died last year.......or jsut a good omen... after 5 MINUTES it went.... and my dads like keep that in your mind forever.. and hopefully i will.. i hope i will... and we got home and he hugged me on the sidewalk before the door and whispered in my ear "Life is beautiful, so are you" "I love you" and i just kinda cried and then i touched the door handle and MATT got me on my cell.... i couldnt gbelieve it everything worked out... and i t could have been fate matt i swear.. . but now i gotta go... ttyl... |
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happy| Feb 8, feb 9, feb 10, feb 11 | |||
| 06:07pm 15/02/2004 | |||
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These are journal entrys i write thru my day. ________________________________________ FEB 8 I hate my life, but thats okay right? I dont know how many times i say it a day My parents think everything is fine Im so fake Everyone hates me and I dont get it I cant be myself and i stay out of everyones way. I change myself to be who people like but they somehow hate me even more. It jsut hurts. Hurts so much you couldnt understand. everybody has a story thought right, everyone had something devistationg happen to them.why do i hurt 10x worse. i can never be perfect fo my family or friends.. i do one thing wrong in this family and its world war 3 If i didnt have some of my friends i still have now, I dont know where ill be but i think ill throw my life away. Yeah yeah am i that stupid? but its the truth. I cant beleive people even backstabd or gosspip aout you in the first place.. do they want attention? or do they feel useful. why is it thaat only low/kinda popularr ish people gossip ? how do you think they got popular? by gossiping by the ones that are opposite i guesss People have killed themselves over gossip and its sick. I wish i could just thow all my thought on paper but i cant but ill try through these days Good night ________________________________________ FEB 9 Ahh... Im doing well... Im in Geography right now. Went to Ashleys for lunch had a couple puffs and we talked about witchcraft .... -- -- - (theres more stuff in my journal but i dont wanna mention cauwe i dont hink i should tell anyone :S ) -------Im back on my bed and i did homework all night, as always, I had a huge headachee and im so tried its only 1030 but yeah ttyl ________________________________________ FEB 10 My day was kinda gay.My dad kept me here in the morning . I slept most of it . Last night i am deone of those things Ashley made ((( this info was in the entry i didnt wanna type about or w/e so ill skipp )))) Anyways I got in late after lunch and I went to art. I finished that wax thing But im like "Hey dayna, remmeber new years? " shes like yeah that was great" - blah dont feeell likign writing next - I got an extension on my bio . Im really sad and i dont know exactly why My dads yelling at me right now.. .My mom yelled at me like 6000 times ni the last hour Well i think im gunna go Good night Alayna rae ________________________________________ FEB 11 Hey its alayna again duh I wrote and addition 2 poems "I hate you " and " hoe" it was at 12 30 am last ngiht when i did. right now im in the classroom the shannon everyone else is in the gym . I hate _ _ _ _ _ so much. I met the new girl she seems cool she came from st james,. Shannon just left and im alone. I have to work on my biographynow bye. Hey again Just finished French we watched some Finding Nemo and now im outside waiting for my dad. Im freezing my ass off - my hands are numb- anson sarah and the hippies just left my company. Hey im in my room 115 am - tonight was cool- i went shopping for 4 hours and got one pair of pants ahhaah then i watched the OC!!! It was great, guy almost killed himself . the girl iss the prettiest girl ive ever seen cept alexis bledel and amy lee .. geo tomorrow ive beens tuddying since 1030- corey called me. He want sto hit on shannon then dayna then me whenever i want a bf .. I made a deal with him but im gunna go Alayna ps i left my msn on ________________________________________ Feb 12 Hey im using britanys pen. she kinda ditched me and sat with Jessica but thats cool. Im bored im in langueage and got noghting to do well i do but dont know how to do kit OH I KNOW I gotta study geo Later -- ________________________________________ Well those are my thoughts on the last coupld weeks, ttyl |
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| Poems | ||||
| 04:41pm 15/02/2004 | ||||
I hate you, I hate everything you do, I hate your stares and moves, I hate you oldie grooves, I hate your laugh, I hate your smile, Just because you broke me, And I can't get repaired again, I hate your hobo brown jacket, I hate your old blue jeans, I hate when your on your cell with business, I hate when you don't care, I hate when you dont listen, Because you got better stuff to do, I hate when you scream at me, Just because I would breakdown and cry over something else, I hate the fact that you know nothing, About me, About your fucked up 12 year old daughter, You dont care that im depressed, You just think Im crazy I hate that too I hate when you sing At the top of your lungs I hate when you thinik Your better than everyone else I hate your hits and I hate your lies I hate your realationship with my brother, Im actually jealous. I hate when you take me to Tim Hortons, just to see me smile, or even talk I even hate your fucking silences Or the way you drink your coffee I hate when you look in my eyes with your blue cold eyes.. Im so guilty of hating you- But the list goes on.. But I Do Love You. I just wish.. You would care.. ...Dad ________________________________________ HOE Beat up, Verbal abuse Felt up You blow your fuse Stuck up little hoe fill your cup with morning joes Stupid girl Take your time with the smoke Makeing my stomach whirl Your broke, fake and make money from fuck Don't have a life Like you want one You do every drug and jus say "puff" and your scared to run. You think you have nothing. cant you call your fucking parents your going to get killed, theres no relaxing Just escape your crazy dements ~because tonight be your last shift. |
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accomplished| Hello | |||
| 10:14pm 12/02/2004 | |||
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I've been writing in my notebook for awhile, trying to keep my thoughts all down butthey move so fast, ill write it in here once i have time, i missed this morning due to sleeping in and had a headache, came in late and went to art, inished the wax thing and people said hi to me stayed in recess to catch up and then the etachers were versing the girls in basket ball..after recess when we went down the teacher told me to stay and catch up and Anson, a guy in my class, was catching up in his homework book and yeah i guess we had a conversation, anwyays... jessica called me "so nice" and.... amanda said shell hold me tight haha so funny. . alice hates me .. haha.. and igott go do homework, ttyl. ~luv always, alayna PS Sams my valentine, ... |
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| shitty | ||||
| 07:13pm 06/02/2004 | ||||
my dad might be hooking me up with nickelbacka nd 3 days grace tickets even more im more into heavy shit but thats ok.. right,. and i might go to seaworld this summerr and winnipeg march break, i dont know how i am cause im fucking poor, and i dont know why people say there jealous of me cause im fucking nothing at all! i hate myself, ........... fuck yeah.. cya |
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| I love you matt.. | ||||
| 08:13pm 23/12/2003 | ||||
you rock maa worldd ;) .. but seriously. your there for me always always there.... even though you love steph. you gota know... im always here for you too... you knoww... even if i dont wanna relationship if i lived by you id go out with you hel yaa...... you nkoww?? but... im soo confused right now someone like you can make me a whole lot better.... i jus thought of that i like you matt... i like you alot I LOVE YOU MATT... |
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munkyalwayz |
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