[Most Recent Entries]
Below are the 18 most recent journal entries recorded in
|Saturday, July 26th, 2003|
The longest friggin quiz..................
1) Name: NA
2) backwards: ....
3) Does your name mean anything?: truthful one
4) Were you named after anyone?: a lawyer and a ballerina
5) Nickname(s): lee
6) Screenname(s): NA
7) Date of birth: MAY 8th
8) Place of birth: Manhatten NY
9) Current location: Long Island NY
10) Height: 6'0
11) Are you proud of your height?: Definitely
12) Shoe size: 9 1/2
13) Hair color: Light brown/ blonde streaks
14) Eye color: Hazel
15) Righty, lefty, or ambidextrous?: Righty but i play pool lefty
16) Any sisters: Not that i know of...but im adopted so maybe
17) Any brothers: see above
18) Any pets:s Dog : Nicky
19) A pager: no
20) A personal phone number: yeah
21) A leather jacket with studs on it?: no
22) A pool or hot tub: nope
23) Driving: yeah
24) Room: yeah
25) School: not at the moment....some college
26) Relationship with your parent(s): father is dead, mother is a cunt...sorry.....
27) Do you believe in yourself?: um, yeah i should think so
28) Believe in love at first sight?: negative.....lust at first sight definitely or maybe INTRIGUE at first sight
29) Consider yourself a good listener: Very much so
30) Get along with your parents: NO
31) Save your e-mail or conversations: Never
32) Like to talk on the phone: Yes
33) Like to drive: Definitely....hate being a passenger
34) Get motion sickness: never
35) Eat chicken fingers with a fork: no way
36) Dream in color: yup......mostly sepia tones though
37) Type with your fingers on home row: I can't stand to type like that
38) Sleep with a stuffed animal: no thank you...
39) Right next to you: fax machine
40) In your room: hmmm im moving so i will use my honey's room since im there every night anyway....bed, tv, dresser, clothes on floor, candles, bondage tape and toys baby! oh yeah, beer caps
41) On your mouse pad: Mortgage rates
42) Your dream car: Monte Carlo SS
43) Your dream date: my man
44) Your dream honeymoon spot: vegas
45) Your bedtime: whenever i pass out
46) What are you reading: She by Robert Johnson
47) Under your bed: stuff
48) The single most important quote: The most important things in life arent things.
49) Your bad time of the day: Mornings...i fucking hate them
50) Your worst fear(s): heights, buoys (i know...its wierd)
51) The date?: July 26th
52) The weirdest food or drink that you like?: French fries dipped in blue cheese
53) The hardest thing about growing up?: It never ends
54) fav day: Friday
55)fav day EVER: Halloween
58) Month: October. I feel very sexual that month...plus i love jeans and sweaters and boots....ahhhh
59) Song[s]: Black No. 1 by Type O Negative, anything by NIN, Poe, November Rain by GNR, anything really....i am a music whore
61) Movie: American Beauty, Seven, Bram Stokers Dracula, Dumb and Dumber, American History X
62) Actor: Ed Norton
63) Food: Taco Bell
64) Band: hard to pick one....i love SOAD
65) Sport: To play: Volleyball To watch: Hockey
66) Class: Criminal Justice
67) Teacher: um, im 28 i dont have a fave teacher
68) Drink: merlot, Sam Adams, Ketel one and tonic
69) Veggie: green beans.....fresh and crunchy
70) TV Show[s]: Will & Grace, King of Queens, The Real World
71) Radio Station: 92.3 KRock
72) Animal: hmmm... i love all animals
73) Flower: sunflowers, wildflowers
74) Do you have a bf/gf?: bf
75) Do you have a crush?: ahhhh im always crushing
76) How long have you liked him/her?: ...
77) Why do you like this person?: depends
78) If you're not single...describe: long story....getting divorced....have a sorta BF
79) Last thing you heard: aol radio
80) Last thing you said: Ok ill talk to you later....
81) Who is the last person you saw?: my nail girl
82) Who is the last person you kissed?: BF
83) Who is the last person you hugged? BF
84) Who is the last person you fought with?: husband....soon to be ex
85) Who is the last person you were on the phone with?: Anne at work
86) What is the last TV show you saw?: Oh god....an old repeat of Beverly hills 90210...cheesy!
87) What are you wearing?: grey linen capris, black baby t, black sandals....looking cute i must say
88) What are you doing?: um, hello.....doing this
89) Who are you talking to?: YOU
90) What song are you listening to?: Social Distortion....Ball and Chain
91) Where are you?: the office
92) How are you feeling?: ok...
93) What are you going to do after this?: go to r's house and clean it...wait for him to come home
94) Where are you going to go?: see above
95) How old will you be when you graduate?: i graduated forever ago....this must be geared towards the "younger" folk....hehe
96) What do you want to be?: I am what i want to be....real estate agent
97)What is one of your dreams?: Have no regrets
98) Where will you be in 25 years?: Sitting on a beach.....margarita in hand, R. next to me being happy.
Have You Ever...
99) Smoked?: all the time
100) Wanted to die?: yeeeees
101) Do you write in cursive or print?: print big bubbly messy print
102) What piercings do you have?: 2 in each ear, one in upper ear, belly, left nipple
103) Do you drive?: yeah
104) Do you have glasses or braces?:glasses but i only wear them with certain outfits...i know thats wierd
105) Are you happy your done?: YEAH
Oooo I want to go home!! Im thinking candles, merlot, and my baby. I suddenly feel like Im gonna burst! Must be Marianne wearing off on me.....(yeah i read your DO ME post on DBR....hehe)
Im reading this book recommended by a lovely goddess of a woman I know...."She" by Robert Johnson....its really simple and short but Im really enjoying it. Its all about the psychology of being a woman. Very informative. Highly reccomend it.
Back to my book and coffee.... Current Mood: hornyCurrent Music: Patti Rothberg: Inside
|Real Friends VS. "Fake" Friends
So my husband feels that its ridiculous that I make friends with and confide in people on line. Thinks that this website I belong to is a "cult" and thats why I left him. He says its impossible to be friends with people I talk to online when I think its totally normal. I mean really though, whats the difference if I meet a friend out at a bar or in school or some shit versus talking to someone and getting to know them online? I mean why, cause you havent seen me in person you cant be a friend? I dont get that. I have formed friendships with people that I have spoken to for over a year now, we talk on the phone, on line, etc. and some of them i consider very good friends. Is that so strange? Its so frustrating to me that people fnd that wierd. To me, it doesnt make a difference: if we have common interests, like what the other has to say, listen and advise and bullshit about crap, then you are a friend....if you are a real person and not a fake backstabbing mofo, then why shouldnt you include that person in your life as a friend? Grr....whatever.
So im here at the office today, all alone. Bored. Hungry and hot. No one is gonna come in today. Its so nice out, shit Id be at the beach if i wasnt so dedicated to my job (insert cheesy smile here) yeah ok.
R. went to Baltimore for the day, coming home tonight and hopefully we will spend the night out, get some drinks, whoo hoooo! I actually want to rent Mad Love for some reason. With Drew Barrymore...I always liked that movie and the other day I had like a little anxiety attack and I felt freaked out. So i was trying to explain to him the scene when they are in the restaurant and she gets all wierd....and he never saw it so I want to get it. We rented Swim Fan the other night.. Yum Erika Christianson.....shes pretty cute! ;)
So I guess thats all folks.....seyonara....ciao....au revoir....peace out cubscout.....im out like trout....
xoxoxoxo Current Mood: boredCurrent Music: Nuttin
|Friday, July 25th, 2003|
Slept like a friggin baby last night! Ahh I so needed that. R. was exhausted too so we went right out. I picked my mother up from the airport and bought her to the house (i cant say my house anymore.....i dotn live there) I guess its husbands house now.....whatever. It was just wierd I went in for a few minutes talked to him and then left. Very awkward. I never in a million years expected to be in this situation. I always said that once i was married i would never get divorced no matter what, that I would work through anything. But you know what? Ive actually come to realize that im not a failure...Im doing whats neccessary to improve my life for me. He keeps saying that Im giving up on us. But I feel that Im finally not giving up on myself. If that makes any sense. Ive just always been the girl that has had someone and im so tired of it. I want to do things for myself. Plus I feel like Ive never been able to really be me. Like i never even knew me. Now it seems that R. knows me better than anyone and is exactly into what im into. iT just feeels perfect. I dont know i just want everyone to shut the fuck up and realize that this is my fucking life and im going to do whatever it is that makes me happy. FUCK ALL YALL ! lol.....ahhh whatever. i got a lovely new pimple on my chin...motherfuckers. AI hate stress. At least I finally got sleep. Tonight R. has his boys and we are going to dinner. I love being with them. So cute. Ok. I guess i must shower and get my ass in gear. HAve 4 houses to show at 12 so i gotta get my game face on....hehe Current Mood: refreshedCurrent Music: absolute silence
|Thursday, July 24th, 2003|
I think I am having a nervous breakdown. Im just so overstressed. I think its hitting me: Im getting divorced, Im going to have to pay my own bills, pay rent, live on my own. My mother is coming up from Florida tonight to "make things better"....yeah ok mom, cause you can FORCE me back home and make my marriage work. Bitch. I have never gotten along with her and shes so phoney "oh my daughter and i are best friends", she tells people this. Meanwhile, whenever i am in her precense I feel like im gonna hurl. I need a vacation. Current Mood: anxiousCurrent Music: Liz Phair-Polyester Bride
|Holy hangover batman.
I am SHOT today....too much merlot....argh. Woke up with tank top on and nothing else. Hehe.....Last thing I remember was talking to my friend Jes about threesomes. (?) Strange night. Scared I told R. fucked up shit. He says everything is cool though and that I was just being funny. Its unreal how I dont remember shit soemtimes when i drink. Ok, must make more coffee. First cup was useless. Ugh. Current Mood: exhaustedCurrent Music: Travis- Why does it always rain on me?
|Wednesday, July 23rd, 2003|
Saw 28 days later last night...if I never hear the word "Hellloooo" again it will be too soon. That word was the first fucking 3 pages of the script, I swear. It was an ok plot....but I think it went in the wrong direction....I dont know, Im very picky when it comes to movies...Im ALWAYS disappointed. Im just so hard to please dammit!! hehe....Im pretty tired as usual....too much merlot last night maybe. Im such a lushie!!! Canthelp it ..love me some good wine.....so i need to come up with $ 1300.00 like NOW! Maybe I should start my own website....."donate to my new life" fund....yeah...that might work. If 1300 people sent me a dollar it would! Hell yeah....and my friends could send me TWO dollars whooo hooooo......ok, need water now....im drying up like a damn prune. Current Mood: goodCurrent Music: Simple Minds-Dont you forget about me.
|Tuesday, July 22nd, 2003|
|Could it be???!!! Is this HAPPINESS?
Met with Karen last night about the house, 3 bedroom, nice kitchen, living room, washer dryer, etc. Its so nice in the little co-op area.....love it. We got along so well too. Same interests, same sense of humour. Her dog (8 month old rottie) was a little crazy and jumps and slobbers but shes a cutie so whatever. Shes going to call me today and see when im going to move in. I never had a roommate before so Im really excited. And the house is so nice! Its gonna be good for me I think. Im thinking August 1st....or maybe the 15th. I need to get the money situation worked out. I need some cash upfront.....security and all that. Hopefully I getthis loan from the credit union. Oh my god....Michael Jackson "PYT" just came on.....holy crack me up..... "tlc......tender loving care....and Illllllll take you theeeere". Good lord.....holy oldness. Going to see 28 days later with mike tonight, should be cool. i havent hung out with him in a while so itll be good considering hes the only friend i have that is supportive of me getting seperated from the husband. So i guess today i will do some paperwork, clean R's apartment (friggin mess!) do some laundry, hang out. See where the day takes me baby! Im so hyper and happy its frightening me....... Current Mood: happyCurrent Music: The Chain-Fleetwood Mac
|Monday, July 21st, 2003|
Monday Monday...la laaaa la la la la. I am so beat today. I did absolutely nothing last night so i cant explain my tiredness. Watched sex in the city, ate fondue...had one beer. So why the hell am i so shot? I absoutely dont want to be here today....its all crappy out and rainy. who the hell is gonna come out to look for houses? NO ONE! I should have just stayed in bed. I think Im gonna start my Atkins again. ....ive been gaing weight. My tummmy has this pooch i cant stand. Its the only thing that bothers me. Everything else ican deal with but the belly is ICK! It doesnt help that i ate egg and cheese on a roll again this am....its so good though i dont think i can ever give it up. Meeting with Karen tonight about apt...hope it works out. SHe has a 8 month old rottie....how cute is that. I never lived with any one before (except my husband) Should be cool. The bar up the road is looking for bartenders...thurs nights....thinking im going to try it out.....its been 5 years since i last tended bar, but im hoping its like riding a bicycle....you never forget. hehe....well see. Current Mood: sleepyCurrent Music: Cars on Main Rd. driving by
|Sunday, July 20th, 2003|
Saw the AWESOMEST fireworks last night. Went out on the bay in R's friends boat....we were right under them so it was incredible. Looked like they were coming right at you....very trippy. It was a beautiful night too....very calm but no moon so it was kinda sppoky. Love it. Current Mood: contentCurrent Music: tv noise
|Saturday, July 19th, 2003|
Finally....shit goes my way! Current Mood: optimisticCurrent Music: Evanescence...Going Under
|Thursday, July 17th, 2003|
I need money so friggin bad, I am broke ass poor and need some green NOW!!!!! Im looking at an apt. tonight ....can you imagine "oh yes its lovely....ill take it.....but i am poor so i might not pay you for like the first 6 months...ok???" God, can i be more pathetic lately. It would be so easy to go home right now, back to the cute little house, perfect husband, dog, no money problems. Why do i make my life more stressful? I bring it all on myself. What a dick I am sometimes i swear.... Current Mood: stressedCurrent Music: well, im humming liz phair....
|Wednesday, July 16th, 2003|
is a fetish soemthing always wanted? or something you THInk you want? or am i just drinking too much merlot again? ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
The wierdest thing that I am afraid of is buoys. I cant explain why...or HOW i can be afraid of them but I am. They wig me out. Only the red and green robot looking ones. Not the ball or crayon looking ones. I must be a freak. Is anyone else afraid of something completely strange? Maybe I was like, tied to a buoy in my former life or some shit. Wacky brain o'mine. I cant even believe how tired I am today. Plus not one good thing happened today...well except for my yummy egg n cheese....but in this whoooole day isnt it so sad that that was my highlight? Damn i better have a fucking awesome night thats for sure. maybe some sexual activity wheeeee and wine. Or wine and sexual activity....whatever..... Current Mood: numbCurrent Music: hum of the ac...
Dude, chicken salad rocks my world!
Egg n cheese
Please! That was the BEST fucking sandwich EVER! I inhaled it....now I got my coffee and Im sitting in my office all alone, writing in my journal. Yee ha...a lovely way to start the day. Im so tired. I drank a whole bottle of merlot and its kicking my ass today! I must be losing my touch. Watched American Beauty for like the 18th time last night. I swear, that movie is just the shiz. Kevin Spacey is a GOD. Ok, but why does Thora Birch have EXTREMELY uneven boobs? I know we all have one bigger than the other, but good gravy, they look WRONG! Sorry Thora, had to say it. Anyway...I need to get money and quick. Maybe I will prostitute myself on the corner. I mean, I would only do it 2 nights a week. Still would have time to knit. Errr....seriously though, if I dont get some cash AND SOON I will be living in my friggin car. I need an apt, some money, and some friends that arent traitors. Thats all I want for xmas. Balls! My foot has fallen asleep now.....bitches.
|Tuesday, July 15th, 2003|
So here is where it all begins....Yup....husband has been reading actual journal so here I am.....hopefully he wont find this too and invade my privacy (again) Fuckerz...I decided to get divorced....almost 2 years of marriage and I just cant adapt for shit. Im so not meant to be married I think. Why do people find that hard to accept? Everyone wants to hear that Ive found someone else, my husband was abusive, etc. etc. NOOOO! He was fine. Very sweet actually. Perfect husband. ANd no.....there is no one else....JUST ME! Yes, I am leaving him for a very important woman....myself. My family has shut me out....my friends also. I feel so alone, yet I feel more strong than Ive ever felt. Ahhhhhh......so nice to find this place. Writing, on my 2nd glass of merlot and chinese food is due any minute. Does life get better?? hehe.....um, yeah.....so thats my life to date as of NOW....god, just let me make it through!