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I can't believe how much I miss my girlfriend. She's been gone now 4 days and I can't get her off of my mind. How is it that I have fallen so in love with someone I have known for such a short amount of time? It may be naive, but I think that it is the mark of true love, or if not true love at least real love. In most cases I don't think love starts out as a feeling that slowly and eventually grows into love. I think that love hits you like a ton of bricks, out of nowhere, with no way to stop it. At least that's my experience with it. I can honestly say I've only been in love with another girl one other time in my life. I think that I learned a lot from that relationship, but that it also gave me some insecurities [baggage] that I'm not proud of. I think most deep relationships will do that to you. When your in love with someone, all your emotional defenses are down, your vounerable and it's easy for someone you love to hurt you so bad that the scars never fade away, it happens all the time. I would say that is my number one fear in my current relationship. I have fallen so in love with this girl that it would be all too easy for her to send me into that downward spiral again. It scares me because I love being in love. There is nothing quite like the feeling you get when you truely love someone and they truely love you back. It's a feeling people would kill for, just to experience it again even for a day. I have loved and lost though, and it hurts, really, really bad. In the midst of the pain love almost doesn't seem worth it. The highest of highs that love can give, can easily turn into the lowest of lows. And it's been my [limited] experience that the more you love someone, the harder you will crash if the love is lost. Hence why I am so nervous about my current situaton. I'm not an idiot though, and I know that trying to keep a saftey net under the relationship will do nothing but damage it. I need to get over the fear of the end and plan as if there were none. I think I do a pretty good job of this already, but it is still a fear the comes into play fairly often. Especially when she's away. The fact of the matter is these are things that go through everyones head when they first fall in love. When time is not on your side, it's easy to get scared. As time passes, you begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel. The light that means there is hope for the relationship, that she's not going to leave you and that you both feel the same way. I guess it all boils down to knowing what the other person really thinks. None of this would be a problem, if I knew exactly what was going through her head. Which now helps me realize that it's a trust issue. She's told me countelss times how she feels about me. She tells me multiple times a day how much she loves me. I just need to get over my fears and believe her. *God I sound like a girl! *not that that's a bad thing |
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optimistic.