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Friday, November 18th, 2005
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11:11 pm - Break a leg...
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Oh boy..
With the show, work, class and my personal reading I've had about three seconds of free time every day. And each of that free time I procrastinate.
But it's almost over, at the end of this weekend I get to finish the show.
The show has cost me a lot, and only 1/2 of it is getting reimbursed since much of my costs come from Taxis. I can't get home in time to get a wink of sleep on the bus so I opt to take cabs -- resulting in a good $14 a day of transportation costs. Add to this that I take a cab like 3 times a week.
But that's beside the point...
The show started off with a piff. I mean we SUCKED the first night.
Second night, BANG! We were on fire.
Third night, WHUMP! (I said it was a "plop" at first but Rose corrected me and said it was definetly a 'whump'). Jon, our big fat queer character, fell and broke his ankle, foot and parts of his leg, and made a whump noise.
"Stop. Stop the fucking show!" And our Sunday show came to a halt. My family was in that night, but I never care what they think -- besides they'll be back on Saturday.
It's been a rough show. I mean there's been tension amongst the cast, the most tension I've ever seen in a cast that I've ever been in.
Luckily alot of it came from Jon. (By the way eeeeeeeeveeeryoooneee's been making fun of him. Me, Rose and Greg lead the vangaurd.)
I guess to focus it all I should run down the cast.
Me: I don't know who I could not get along with. I do tend to be hard on Jon and that might make him feel uncomfortable. I also cling to Rose, which might annoy her. But more on that later.
Rose: Rose seemed to cause Jon problems by being nasty to him about his line flubbing -- the creton deserved it though. Other than that she gets along with everyone.
Danielle: Bitch in charge! I kid. Danielle is a senior member and therefore has gotten into Jon's -- the newbie -- hair a lot. She also seems to draw negative attention from Lucas who thinks she hates him.
Lucas: Tall, model kid who I find annoying. Sometimes he irks the hell out of me. But I hate a lot of people for no reason.
Mike: Senior member, also in charge but defers to Danielle alot. Gets along with everyone.
Brigid: Junior with much seniority. Ruffled Lucas, Greg and Jon alot. She comes off as an elitist to them.
Meg: Everyone loves Meg. Mike especially...
Aileen: Everyone loves Aileen as well.
Greg: Greg annoyed Jon way back by getting drunk and peeing all over his stuff (tee hee). Also some of the cast gets very upset at how he flucuates between hysterical and downright boring. Though right now he's in everyone's good graces.
Jon: I hate him for being stupid and annoying Rose. Rose hates him for being stupid. Lucas thinks he's insecure. Danielle thinks he's lazy and stupid. Brigid hates his unprofessionalism. The rest of the cast is indifferent but loves to poke fun.
The rehersals have rough. There have been arguments and division but we made it through. It seems we're a much closer cast than the last show I was in. I mean, all of us, we've become a dysfunctional family.
For the first time in Manhattan College I really do feel like a 'fuckhead'. (The term given to MC Players). I've told and been told "dead baby jokes" (another MC Player trademark) and have hung out outside of the play with some cast members. We're all going to have dinner on Sunday -- that'll be much fun!
Which brings me to my next point...
Rose. Rose makes me very happy and I'm so confused as to what to feel right now. I don't know if it's something or if I'm just letting myself get carried away.
I saw Karen, and with Rose around it was like Karen didn't exist, she was nothing to me. Which is great, though slightly psychologically unhealthy -- though I've never been on for psychological hygiene.
Rose and I share similar interests -- but not. I love graphic novels... it's a guilty pleasure of mine. Especially DC comics and Batman. Rose loves graphic novels ... it's a OVERT pleasure of hers. Especially Marvel Comics and Wolverine.
I'm a dog person -- she's a cat person.
Bronx. Texas.
Barnes and Noble. Strand Books.
See where this is going? We make each other laugh. And Lucas accused us of liking each other.
I'm such a loser at this that I know she won't like me. At least I feel that way. Part of me sees some of the signs there, but nothing that would prompt me to do anything since it might just be friendliness.
I just want more. And I want for once for me to get what I freaking want.
I don't care about love right now. I don't care about support. I just want to have someone there that I can lie down with and talk to at night. That I can know will be there.
But that's not going to happen. No. Not for me.
current mood:  depressed
current music: "Creep" by Radiohead
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| Monday, November 7th, 2005
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2:38 am
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That may be all I need
In darkness she is all I see
Come and rest your bones with me
Driving slow on Sunday morning
And I never want to leave
current mood:  enthralled
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| Saturday, October 29th, 2005
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10:06 pm
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I have to write a poem in SPANISH. Crap. My writing is becoming more and more difficult.
This looks like a job for ... several shots of whiskey!
I wish.
Looks like I'll just have to resort to good old fashioned creativity.
But I adhere to the Palahniuk rule: "Art never comes from happiness."
Which sucks because I don't want to write a horrifying dark thing that'll scare Jen... who I'm hoping will enjoy this next work. I hope. I hope. I hope for so many things, and know none of it will happen, because in the end nothing happens just because you want it. Randomness rules all. What happens isn't preset nor destined.
Shit just happens.
Maybe this poem'll "just happen".
Maybe.
current mood:  aggravated
current music: "Blackbird" by the Beatles
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| Tuesday, October 25th, 2005
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6:10 pm - All Work and Some Plays... two to be exact, though one is a film.
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So my part in the Halloween show was a bust. Amanda sort of screwed me over by being ill. We couldn't pull our act together in time and ended up being bumped.
But things keep coming; Angely, a Spanish major, mentioned a Spanish Coffee house and Jen is involved and has been keeping me informed. From the look of it might not happen but if it does I wrote a piece for the event concerning dreaming and reality.
Production is still slow on my little student film for Raul's class, though I got them to give me their schedules and I'm going to try to block the script and brainstorm my production possibilities.
My personal writing is going 'ok' I showed a classmate snippets of my new story (possibly novella, considering the scope that this project is getting) and she enjoyed it. I got what I wanted, a strong emotion empathy and physical reaction to the text -- which is what I always aim for.
Though I feel my style and substance is lacking in lieu of cathartic reactions. I’m reading a lot less due to time restraints but intend to speed back up following my buying of the complete works of both William Shakespeare and Edgar Allen Poe (in very nice leather bound editions, complete with essays and introductions!).
Oh, I have discovered the Beatles, they rock my world now.
Fr. Jim was very, very mad we took his frappuccinos, however I was unapologetic, only Trish was, but she was as mad as I was at his anger. Fr. Jim is not poor, no matter how much he tries to say he is, “Mr. Is Going to India and Pays for his Nephew to go on Vacation to Exotic Locales with Unlimited Funds”. Ah, if only there was a Marxist revolution here – and they get rid of all the priests.
Manhattan Magazine has recruited me and I drew them a neat flyer in the style of a stick figure doodle with the caption “Artistic? Submit to Manhattan Magazine!”
Full plate for me, even discounting the Halloween Cabaret, I have to finalize my entry into the Spanish Coffee house, rehearse Murders, direct my film, work, do work study, be a lab assistant and do whatever Manhattan Magazine asks of me.
I’m a glutton for punishment.
A whiskey would be very nice now.
I wish I had one.
:-(
current mood:  busy
current music: "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds" by the Beatles
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| Friday, October 14th, 2005
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12:43 am - I'm a Creep..
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Halloween Cabaret is coming up. Me and Amanda had a rehersal followed by a subsequent duck hunt. Much fun, we quacked the ducks we found at random people and she threw a pepsi at someone. She's also been to a psychic who says she's full of cancerous evil. Random people rule. I want to know what I'm full of, I hope it's like crap or cream filling or something ridiculous.
Before that I've been rehersing, studying and doing papers. Not much time for reading, and Jen's immaculate book club (adjective mine) has been suspended pending "far too much fucking work". Interestingly enough Trish has become the new Jen in spanish class, becoming my "spanish buddy". We stole Fr Jim's precious frappuccinos and left a ransom note.
I can't wait to see him fire us!
I got my own facebook group about work as well.
I quit my morning job, and my boss said "No". And that was the end of that.
I failed my Philosophy midterm but I don't care. I've become much more apathetic and snarky. I tend to shut my mouth because every word out of my mouth is either negative or an insult, but due to Trish's influence (because she'll insult anyone and anything) I've been extra mean to everyone. I even told my boss to "shutup" to which he said that my behavior was "outrageous" I wanted to tell him to go fuck himself but that've been too much.
Why, oh why do I not sleep? I can't sleep, I think of Karen, though more recently I've been inundated with attempts to fill that void, mainly with Jen. But that's not happening.
Tommorow Evie is coming over to make salmon and hang out, that might be fun. Otherwise I feel like a real loser. Third year in college, no ambition, no real income, no feeling of self-worth and a whole bunch of other petty things.
The only times I feel happy are around Amanda, Trish and Jen. Or any combination of the three. Ari as well, that one is funny. Though my stupid commuter ass doesn't get to hang out with any of them as much as I'd like.
Oh and at work we finally got the A/C as Bruntz put it "Just in time for the Holidays". Ha! That made my day. Though my week was made by the Pepsi throwing.
The rain's been endless. But I love rain. The planet is being washed people, calm down. A little water never hurt anyone.
Now, TV, that kills. Which is why I'm proud to say I've been TV free for like a month. Ha! Take that modern media, 1 less drone. My books are enough. Though it's too bad I don't get to discuss them with Jen. She's the only Literary savvy person I know whose opinion I actually value. (Not to offend the MC English majors, but she's just so cool.)
I get the urge to touch her sometimes. I want to do that once. I doubt I ever will. She's just so smart and clever... but I'm not... I'm a creep... I'm a weirdo...
current mood: lonely
current music: "Creep" by Radiohead
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| Thursday, September 22nd, 2005
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5:06 pm - So...
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So I didn't do it. I chickened out and deserve to be pegged with golf balls all day. I only made a comment about her crucifix and asked whether it was related to her reading "The Historian". Weak pathetic joke at best. She's reviewing my script and says she really enjoys it and that brings a spot of joy to my heart.
Karen messaged me saying she wants to know the show dates or else she'll beat me up.
Trish almost did beat me up.
Amanda wants to audition for the Cabaret with me.
Evie is no where in sight.
Jess said "loudered".
Tati is missing and presumed busy.
Mike says I owe him a beer.
To make myself feel better I made another $40 purchase at Barnes and Noble.com, yay go me.
At least now Walt Whitman and Sue Monk Kidd will keep me company.
Yeah, that sounds exhilerating.
current mood: disappointed
current music: Reading "The Manifesto of the Communist Party"
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| Wednesday, September 21st, 2005
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5:41 pm
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If I don't do what I want to do tommorow then I'm a waste of space.
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| Saturday, September 17th, 2005
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9:04 pm
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Bookworms are so freaking hot... especially ones with such good taste as the one I know...
current mood:  flirty
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| Monday, September 12th, 2005
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8:44 pm - "The Musical Comedy Murders of 1940"
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Well I was wrong again, I owe myself 10 bucks.
I didn't get the O'Reilly part, nor the Comedian (Eddie) part. Instead I'm Kelly, the black undercover cop.
I get to play a black guy, that's new.
The cast is an inspired choice of veteran "players" from our school. The lead is Eddie, played by the awkward sounding and funny "Eugene", the lead's love interest is a chorus girl named Nikki, played by Danielle, who I remember from the last show as one of the girls in the golf skit. Then there's Ken the director, a freshman with a good grasp on the character. There's Bernice the drunk played by Brigid, one of our only real character actors. There's Marjorie the over the top producer played by another freshman with a flair for comedy. There's O'Reilly the irish actor played by a freshman with a brogue that as Irish as paddy's cow. There's Helsa the German French maid played by Aileen whose appearance/ voice mismatch is hysterical in this role. There's Elsa the eccentric hostess, played by Ari who another of our very talented veterans and sometimes steals the show.
Though no one can steal the show like the guy who plays Roger the gay musical director. Roger is a big guy and he plays gay so big it makes everyone in the room feel like thier in the East Village on Halloween about 10 years ago.
The show is hysterical and I am glad to be part of it... I better rush off, rehersal time!
current mood: accomplished
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| Sunday, September 11th, 2005
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2:11 pm
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Call backs today.... my prediction, I'll land the role of the Comedian but not the O'Reilly part I wanted. I bet myself 10 bucks that'll happen.
current mood:  hopeful
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| Tuesday, September 6th, 2005
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7:39 pm - Insomnia, you know the drill.
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I stared at the ceiling all last night. At around 3 I realized I wasn't going to sleep. I made some hot chocolate and wrote a little. After that I ran. It was a good run. I almost threw up, and that's good, very good. I spent the rest of the morning watching a movie for the lab I teach and having some breakfast.
All that night I daydreamed of her. Whenever I closed my eyes I saw her and the thought of her not being there ripped me to shreds.
I just wish that I could be a part of her life somehow. In any small way. Sometimes the unbearable pain of living makes me wish I just stopped breathing. Sitting now without sleep I feel barely lucid and depressed.
I always wanted to just want to know what it's like to call her "baby", to kiss her, to hug her and to listen to the quiet melody of her breathing as she drifts asleep.
It feels like I'll stay wanting, needing her.
Anyway. After not sleeping I spent today caught between the real world and black outs. I saw Tati at some point with her mom, they were walking in Riverdale, doing god knows what, Tati seemed evasive about what they were doing, meaning it was private.
And I thought we were real good friends... well, everyone has a right to thier secrets.
Auditions Tommorow and Saturday. Let's see how these go. If I get in, I know exactly who I'm informing to see me. I hope she can, I always act better when she's there. I do the show only for her.
current mood:  tired
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| Saturday, September 3rd, 2005
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4:12 pm
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For The Slightly More Intelligent Survey Whore | Created by byzantine and taken 596 times on Bzoink | | .Basics (As irritating as they may be). | | The name you wish you had? | Max Power | | Your inner age? | 3 | | The place you wish to be at? | Famous | | Your ideal family? | The Griffins | | Your ideal career? | Sitcom Actor/Writer | | The cult you belong to? (In other words, religion) | Officially Catholic, totally Athiest | | (Don't take the 'cult' thing too harshly) | | Your weight minus all that belly flab? | I don't know, like 180 | | Your -natural- hair color? | Black | | .Back to the Past. | | Your childhood aspirations? | Doctor | | Your favorite teacher? | Rodney! | | Domestic enviroment? | Parents happily married, ghetto ass apartment, made it to middle class existence later on | | First kiss? | Joa | | Most memorable pet? | Shadow | | Most memorable year? | 2000.... y2k | | Happy child vs. depressed child? | Depressed child | | First taste of alcohol? | 7... | | First time behind bars? (if any at all) | Never behind bars | | Place of birth? | Lincoln Hospital in the Bronx | | .Your Opinions On... . | | Abortion | Hey, why not. | | George Bush | Doofus. | | Left wing politicians | Where do I sign up? | | War | It's cool in movies... nowhere else. | | Reality TV | Jesus H Fucking Christ... | | MTV | "Music" Television.... | | School uniforms | I hated those... | | Catholics | *groan* | | Lawyers in general | ........... | | The PETA | :-) | | Salad dressing | French, everything else can go to hell | | High school chemistry | I beat the system and never took it. | | Racism | "Everyone's a little bit rascist, look around and you will see no one's really color blind, maybe it's a fact we all must faaaaace" -Avenue Q | | The bible | A dry read, I reccomend the Da Vinci Code. | | sPeLiNg LyK dIs | tOtaLLy sUCks | | Harry Potter | Not into fantasy or sci-fi... | | Philosophy | I'm on the fence... | | Suicidal teens | SPLAT | | Obesity | Oh well | | Donation | Do it. | | The pope | He means well.. | | Vegetarians | I wish I was one.. | | .Versus. | | Meat vs Veggies | Veggies | | Liberal vs Conservative | Liberal | | Time vs Money | Time | | Wisdom vs Love | Wisdom | | Cats vs Dogs | DOGS | | Computer vs Television | Computer | | Le Tigre vs Death Cab :D | que? | | Physical illness vs Mental illness | Mental Illness | | Outdoors vs Indoors | Outdoors | | Fantasy vs Reality | Reality | | .Random. | | What color are your socks? | Black | | Do you love me? | No. | | Can you paint the sky purple? | I think we're gonna need a bigger brush. | Create a Survey | Search Surveys | Go to Bzoink |
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2:12 pm - 1st Week Back
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I have to say I had high hopes for the new semester.
After tweeking my schedule, oh about... 60 times, I had hoped for the best possible layout for school/work.
My days are exhausting and I'm starving most of the time... but it's all still fun.
With the exception of freaking Philosophy class... at least this first class sucked I'll reserve my rating for next weeks class. I guess it's annoying because it's a night class, and a three hour one at that.
All my other classes are cool.
Literary Criticism, interesting and profound at times.
Spanish Masterworks I, the third class I've taken with Prof. Rodney and also with Gringa, my favorite study partner.
Grammar, second class with Prof. Collins and I get to write about my "passion", good concept.
Spanish through film, fourth class with the ever random Prof. Raul and the class is full of Spanish class regulars.
Evie invited me to the commuter BBQ but I was at work.
Mike got us ID'd at a bar that I was frequently. Subsequently I can't go back, way to go Mike, always ruining my drinking places.
Karen, no word. Out of sight, out of mind, .... yeah right.
Work, alright, Sam's gone. Work at school, awesome, candy and randomness.
I still haven't seen anything up for the Players or for the other clubs me and Evie decided to try out. Oh well, let's see what happens...
current mood: hopeful
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| Saturday, August 27th, 2005
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11:48 pm - Glow in the dark mini golf and more absurdities...
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Since last time I've been working a lot. Trying to keep myself busy and active before I hit classes, especially in my social life. I'm itching to get to drinking. I haven't been drunk drunk since that time with Jess over at the pina colada place.
I did the whole Spanish lab assistant thing. Gringa was there, we talked about books for some time. Though she didn't seem into me at all... I'm not surprised.
Rodney, my professor welcomed me. Meanwhile another professor Raul went, "OK, who's idea was it to let Juan in here?!" Though he was kidding. We went through everything and essentially I'll be teaching a class and showing movies. That sounds awesome. Raul then conscripted me to join his Spanish class and I did. At work I screwed up big time and feel it's about time I just leave. I'm not too happy there anymore, never have been. Besides the hours would be horrific during classes.
Friday rolled around and me, Jess, Tati and Joey went to New Roc City to see "The 40 Year Old Virgin" but didn't get to the right showing. I'm glad... I'm not into these uber-sexual comedies... I don't see how fucking a pie is comedic gold. ... Now... a discussion on whether a 5 ounce bird can carry a 1 pound coconut... brilliant.
On the way we stopped by Julio's house. He's still Julio. Not much to say there, cept I was being extra random due to my bottling up earlier in the day during my work debacle. Jess says I must've been a dog in a past life, since well I act like a happy puppy all the time.
We ended up playing miniature golf, which also glowed in the dark. That was much fun, though my power swing doesn't work well in miniature golf, just ask Jess and Tati's ankles/legs, which got hit often. We didn't keep track of who won. I think it was Joey. I would rank it going, Joey winning, Jess second, Tati third and me last. We then had milk shakes and coffee and talked a lot. On the way back Joey sped. Tati got home fine.
And moving right along to that one... that nose job... I hated it. I think it's so obviously fake. It's not even funny. But what're you gonna do? Not like everything can come out perfect.
Tati won't tell me what I said to piss her off.
Evie called out of the blue and said she's not mad at me anymore and we're going to hang out tommorow. Yet I really don't care. I am SO sick of her and her crap.
Karen and her friends were going to have an outing tonight. On my way to it she called and said it was canceled.
If she doesn't want to see me anymore, I wish she'd just say so.
That's rough to say. She's a good person. And I still feel so strongly for her. But... she is something else.
Schools coming up. And I'm sick of being so alone all the time. I never exactly set out to pair up with anyone. I usually latch on like this... to someone like Karen, completely unattainable. No forget that for now. If I can't have what I want I might as well get what I can.
This is my resignation, no more of this emotional crap. I want the sheer physical side of love. I'm sick of being Mr. Nice guy and getting stepped on, forgotten and passed over. I just want someone to be around and with. I don't need love or support or any of that.
I never did need it.
current mood: frustrated
current music: "If you like pina coladas.. and getting caught in the rain..
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| Saturday, August 20th, 2005
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10:54 pm - Schools Comin'
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Well this coming Thursday it's ....
LAB ASSISTANT TRAINING!!!
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.........
Isn't that awesome? I get paid to help teach Spanish. Which energizes me because I now know that schools going to come around soon and that means....
Fun classes, class mates, clubs, jobs, and drinking.
And apparantly... "Gringa" is working that lab thing too and she's cool to hang around with.
I can't wait to write stories in the library... star in the stage productions... cruise the halls .... ah, the awesomeness of school.
Karen had plans tonight, cancelled them. Reassured me there'll be stuff to do next weekend. I didn't care, hearing her made me happy.
current mood: happy
current music: "You're Gone" by Something Corporate
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| Tuesday, August 16th, 2005
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9:28 pm
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Why does getting up every morning always feel like a mistake?
current music: "All You Wanted" by Michelle Branch
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| Saturday, August 13th, 2005
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10:44 pm - If you like Pina Coladas...
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So me and Jess go out for drinks, and wackiness ensues!
For starters we were at the 40/42 bus stop and took that to the 4 train where I realized we were going to the wrong side of the city... but salvaged it by transfering to the W. We made it to Big Black Pussycat to find it was ID'ing and went to plan B: An Irish pub where I had gotten three shots earlier in the day.
But before that we got caught in the rain and eventually had pina coladas, which to me is humorous.
At Starbucks we had coffee and she was begging to go and drink, and I conceded.
At the bar we had a seat and she introduced me to the wide world of mixed drinks.
First up, "Sex on the Beach". Jess enjoyed it, I thought it was good too.
Second, "Amaratto Sour". Jess said "It tastes different each time." And I say it was crap.
Third, (My Turn) "Tequila Sunrise" Jess couldn't finish hers so I had to. I liked it. She didnt.
Fourth, Pina Coladas, and for a second the famous "If you like pina coladas.." line was sung.
Fifth, Martinis, two dry, literally straight vodka. I had to have both.
Sixth, Rum and Cokes, I dont even know if I drank these...
We were approached by some dude in a sash. And Jess mentioned something that reminded me of Karen and had to stop me from crying. She also mentioned that beforehand she did like me, way back when. But that didn't matter to me much. All that did matter to me was well... Karen. Otherwise uneventful.
Jess took me home and she used my bathroom. I remember fumbling for keys and plopping in bed. I woke up at 7:30 and went back to sleep and woke up at 12. At 6 today I fell asleep again. My life's getting to be a boring ass existence. I miss Karen. I dreamt she was with me. Well... whatever...
Jess also said one day I'd meet a terrific girl. Like I told her already, I already did.
current mood:  cynical
current music: "Somewhere Out There" by Our Lady Peace
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| Tuesday, August 9th, 2005
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9:10 pm - Wurk
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I hate my job, so I decided to go back to school shopping...
In the supply closet!
Muahahaha.
That was fun. Great way to blow off steam without blowing up at my boss. I did a great job today too, don't see the place for all the criticism I get. I didn't eat at City Island with Evie, instead she had to leave and hasn't called me since. I'd be worried but I'm sure she's mad at me for some insignificant, unreasonable and frivolous reason. Do I care anymore? No. Either way I'm going out drinking with Jess and there's a slim chance Karen will be there. She said she wanted to try something this week.
I miss her. :-(
The Tati homecoming countdown is down to 11 days. I won't let myself admit that I miss her.
That also means the back to school countdown is 21 days. Which I miss also.
I read The Lovely Bones (Alice Sebold's moving drama of a murdered 14 year old who watches her family grieve from heaven.), Deception Point (Dan Brown's thriller involving, NASA, the greatest scientific discovery of the century and a massive government conspiracy), Drown (Tati gave me this collection of honest, gritty and revealing stories by a young latino writer. At times funny, at times heartbreaking always cynical and always true to life.), African Passions (Another of Tati's books, a collection of intertwined stories about young latina women with different but similar lives. Hysterical and real.), Love in the Time of Cholera (Gabriel Garcia Marquez's story of a young passionate couple broken apart by reason and maturity. Florentino and Fermina were madly in love but Fermina married a well bred, rich doctor. Florentino is devasted but he's a romantic, as he rises in business he whiles away the years in 622 affairs but stays in love with Fermina. Finally her husband dies and he attends the funeral. Over 50 years after he first declared his love for Fermina, he will do so again. Full of love and culture, this is love at its pinnacle, it's bold, swift and beautiful.) and some other books.
Best so far, Love in the Time of Cholera, Gabriel Garcia Marquez is a genius. I swear that is the best love story ever, EVER. And I'm not a big "love story" fan.
This is my summer. Reading. Drinking. Working. The three um, R's... I guess... OK I'm done with this.
current mood:  complacent
current music: "Anyway you want it" by Journey
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| Sunday, August 7th, 2005
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12:14 am - Homsar's the Man
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Everyone, bow to Homsar.
You are Homsar.
You're a space cadet. You are a surrealist moment.
You a say totally random things, do unexpected
acts, and the world around you submits to your
kookiness. You'll do well as an eccentric
millionaire.
Which Homestar Character Are You
brought to you by Quizilla
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| Friday, August 5th, 2005
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6:51 pm - I'm Human Again
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So the show was a bust. I mean it was "Vivos" an Ecuadorian sketch comedy that tried too hard I think.
But that's just me.
Afterwards Evie led me to her cousin's husband's father's birthday. (At least I think that was the connection.) Where I promptly exited having seen her step father.
Not after sipping a Corona though.
I found Mike, Marcos and Chris and got a shot of 151 at Marcos' house. By now Mike had one, and ONLY ONE and was drunk off his ass. I of course was in total control, because well, I'm a veteran drunk. Me and him went to drink downtown and I got drunk but not wasted drunk. At 6 I got home. Mom saw me, I don't care.
Sunday Evie called and apologized and gave me more of that bull crap about how I make things difficult for her, I wish she'd see just how self-centered and stupid she can be.
But that's a negative point in my week.
Here's the next!
WORK SUCKS. Today it was better than usual but my boss was trying to pawn off all his mistakes on me.
Meanwhile all I do is well, my job, and I think I do it well. And the other interns and some managers reassured me of that.
But work pays me, so I put up with it, to an extent, I kind of blew up like twice in two days, can't be good. Oh well.
But to the matter at hand.
What?
Night Out.
Where?
"Cafe Wha?"
When?
Wednesday Night (Yes, I did have work the next day)
Who?
Karen, her friends and myself.
Why?
Karen, of course.
I got there at 8, which is when she said to be there, and she wasn't there, ha. She got there like an hour later, and I had gone to McDonalds to use the bathroom back when it was empty, and came back and it was full. I called Jessica for moral guidance and to alleviate how nervous I was to see her. Then I saw her cross the street in her white shirt and long white pants wearing clear/ white high heels.
It was like something out of my dreams.
She took me downstairs and we met up with her friends, who I never met before (well the ones I met came in later on) and introduced us all and I sat next to her.
Her boyfriend was conspiciously missing, and I learned why later, and am glad. That's a bad thing to say, but it's true, though I wish I could've been as interesting to her as the other guys around. We schemed to get beer by letting the oldest one of us order a pitcher. I drank four beers that night, I was well behaved, Karen had maybe two. But two pitchers was drank through six of us.
The music was awesome, the live cover band did all sorts of great music from old school rock, to new stuff, to reggae, even a freaking gospel like soul thing. Though my favorite part was jumping up and down on the "dance floor" with Karen as we sang "Are You Gonna be My Girl?" by Jet, and we were both doing the "singers sharing a microphone" thing for that song.
She's so fun.
Her friend and I sort of hit it off, I guess I could've gotten her number if I tried, but to tell the truth I didn't care about Karen's blonde, model-ish singer/songwriter friend. All I cared about was Karen.
She went out to leave her friends messages when she came back and told us Ray Romano was at the club, and he was! She had to like attack me to stop me from pointing and yelling. Either way, it was fun.
As we left we went to McDonalds so her friends would eat and eventually we rode the D train together and talked about plastic surgery (since you know, Tati), High School, Dogs and how unfair life was to people. And Albert Einstein for no real reason.
By the time we hit her stop I went out and she walked barefoot because her feet hurt.
"Us women can be so stupid and vain" she said.
I was thinking the opposite, she proved so often how smart and modest she was.
I took her home and took a cab. I felt like born again. I missed her the second she left. But all those negative feelings only hit me when she's not around. When she is around I feel like a puppy that's found his way home. I'm content just to know she's around, I don't think I care that she'd never be with me, ya know.
And her dog's birthday is tommorow but that's a bust.
I wonder where she is right now.
I stop and think about how much I love breathing and listening to my heart beat. I feel alive again. I remember her face, her eyes, the curves of her nose and the way she laughs. I regret never telling her I feel but feel I'd just drag her world down by doing so.
It's a horrific tragedy that the whole world doesn't realize that among it's huddled and tired masses is a true spectacle, a miracle of beauty that embodies music, love and fun in a twenty year old Bronxite. I don't know how people don't stop to marvel at her on the street, to laugh with her, why it doesn't rain only when she's sad or why the sun doesn't shine only when she's happy.
She is the center of my universe, and I am not ashamed of that.
current mood: peaceful
current music: "She Will Be Loved" by Maroon 5
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