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Can hardly take it [09 Nov 2003|01:17pm] [ mood | depressed ] Hey! I'm crawling back again. I really hate it up here in the north. I mean, I took a break from raking the leaves. I came into the living room and crashed on the coutch. Then, I started to cry. Then I ran up stairs and wrote and entry in my diary for diaryland. I hate me. Ok. I don't. I love me so much, that it sickens me to look into the mirror. I feel like I'm going to throw up. I only have this diary so I can talk about crap and no body will care if I offend them. Because it is all about them. If I am depressed and say "No one cares" they come back and say "I care! How could you say that I don't care?" I'm a mental case. I am friggin hyper when I am around people. I can't be alone. I stare at walls and bare my lips until the tears come down. Everyone down south has moved on and made new friends. I thought I did. I guess I just want to die, but am too afraid to go through with it. I'm too smart to do it. If I do comit suiside, then I took the easy way out. If I don't then I live a wasted life. I know people care, but the have a funny way of showing it. But then again. I'm selfish. Just because I'm not mentioned in someone's diary, I automaticly think that I have failed as a friend and I'm not cared for. Or, just because the phones arn't ringing off the hook, I feel like I'm not good enough for my friends. And then I think of the times that they do care. And then I cry even harder because I thought that they didn't and that I diserve to die becasue I am so ignorant. All my friends are smart. Like...they are in all honors. I...am in honors, but I feel as though they know more. Like they mock me because they are better than me or they think of ways how to make me feel depressed so I can just shoot myself and rid them of me. I feel like I have failed everyone. I cry too much. I cry about nothing. I'm too judgemental. I want to die. No...I want to live. I want to live a life where I am aware 24-7 that people are thinking about me and wishing that I was there. I want to live a life where I'm not so self-consumed. I wish I could see how the world would be effected by the absence of me. Would people not be able to go on with life. Would the school be in tears? Would my freinds still laugh? I would they laugh in victory? Would they think: Thank God! Now I don't have to worry about her unstable conditions or her pestering for a sleep over? I'm so weak. I swear, if anyone I know reads this diary, I won't have anymore friends...like I even have any now. Or do I? I don't have someone I can call and care the world for them and they care the universe back. I don't have anyone but God who knows how I feel. I want to talk to Him, but I feel ashamed. I have a head ache. I don't want to do my Spanish homework. I want to sleep. I want my grandparents to come over. I don't need them...but It would make living easier. I'm hungry. I feel sick. I don't want to go to school tomorrow. I have to do my journal. I ...I...have to go rake the leaves again. Or...once my tears dry up. post comment

Ashlee [09 Nov 2003|11:27am] Brrrrrr! I am soooo freezing! *toes curl* Ok, here is the deal. I made a pact with God not to right any depressing entries in my diaryland diary, so you are one again my coping methood. I never really gave up on you...just...took a long vacation. Yes...that's it. Alright. Here goes. I'm not quite sure if this is depressing or not, but I think that some of it's content will be...eh...er...offensive? Yeah. Only to Sam and Shannon. I mean...they are best friends. I won't hold that against them...but...I swear...I miss Ashlee soo much! I remember us going into secritive sleep-overs and visitations and wondering out into the woods and only Lucky new about them. I love Jessica, but I remember trying to hid from her my visitation down to NC so I could JUST spend time with Ashlee. I know that it's wrong, and I know how Sam and Shannon must feel. Jessica was strong. She stood up to me and told me that she was hurting because I told her that she was my best friend, yet truly held the "best friend privlage" to Ashlee. I hope nobody reads this that I know. I can really offend people with this diary, but still. I crawled into my corner after I read Shannon's entry and just...cried. I miss Ashlee more than anyone can grasp. I mean, I have avoided my "real" screen names because I can't talk to her without crying. I mean...my BEST friend is hundreds of miles away. She was my best friend since we were three years old. Doing the math right...we have been friends for...11 years. That is incredible. NO ONE can say that. I mean, technicles, I don't know about her. Like...ok. I got a 57% on her friend quiz, but I had all the right answers, I just figured she had changed. You know the whole Frigit Picksi thing? We made that up together! That is one big inside joke. We have had 8 years of memories...and...the stop there. Why? Because we don't live across the street from each other any more. I remember when I went down there for easter break. I waited at their bus stop (Ashley, Nathon, and Ashlee...and once MY bus stop.). I hid behind a bush when the bus driver came, for fear that she may think I really didn't move and just quit school illegally. Haha. And then before she came home, I sat infront of my old house...and cried. I wanted to so badly, to break inside and to see the changed house that once held our memories. We got into so many fights about the stupidest things too. Pinky's friend was a big one. I remember Jessica hated Ashlee, and I secretly pretended to hate her. I eventually told her that Ashlee was my friend. I couldn't do it. *sigh* I wish I could stay here forever with the memories of my best friend...but I have to go do homework. *sigh* post comment

[11 Oct 2003|11:14pm] I to get this shrit for my friend for christmas. This link is just here because I can't put it in diaryland. I miss you diary post comment

Back again [27 Sep 2003|07:05pm] Ok...I was really depressed today, and I revealed what was bothering me. "Then I come home to find out Frigit's depressed again. Because she doesn't have a best friend. I can understand why that would be upsetting to someone. I'm not going to lie to her, or me, or especially Sam...Sam is my best friend. I've been lucky. First it was Caitlin, then Andrea, and now...Sam. It always will be Sam. You know what I realized in the car today that freaked me out, in a good way? I was held back in pre-school because of my shyness....and she SKIPPED a grade. If not for that, I'd be a tenth grader now, and she'd be in 8th grade. I mean, that is too much of a coincidence for me. It was fate. We were meant to find each other, for more than the obvious reasons *meaningful eye contact at sissy* But Frigit, just 'cause Sam's my sister doesn't mean I CARE about you less. I love you to death, #1/2 actress. :-D I'm here for you if you need" me. I'm sorry, but that didn't help my spirits much. Having her brag about her best friends...no. I mean, I don't mistrust the fact that she doesn't care, but honestly...I'm suisidal and she brags about how perfect her best friend is. I know I shouldn't be saying this, but no one reads this diary. I can say what I want with out feeling all ashamed if someone reads it. And if perhaps someone does read this, then they will be in for a surprise. I feel worse than I did before. I don't want to say that in my diaryland diary because I don't want to come off as depressed and junk. My friends mean the world to me and I don't think expressing my thoughts is more important. This is why I have this diary. Thanks diary...for always being there. And because no one reads this, I will say what I want. This is my escape from presure. Right here: What irks me is the whole Elven sissy thing. "Just becasue Sam's my sister" No. Just no. That isn't kosher with my beliefs. If she is your best friend you care for her more. End of story. If Shannon cared for me as much then she wouldn't have a best friend. You care for your best friend above all others. I'm sorry, but that is just the way life works, so saying that "just because sam is my sister" doesn't make my spirits rise. Technically, she isn't your sister...she is your friend, and to call her a sister, means you care for her more. I pray to God that no one finds this diary. I will lose alot of friends if I do. Well I'm going to go back to my depressed life. Maybe I can find some thing other than friends to heal me. Obviously, Shannon is the only one who cares. I don't here anyone else crying over me. I am such a begger for atention. It's pathetic. post comment

Sorry [01 Aug 2003|02:54pm] I haven't updated in awhile. I used to be addicted to this thing, but now, I have signed up with a diaryland journal. I have like over 50 entries on it, and this one, well, it just doesn't have the same spark as it used too. I can't write secrets and true feeling on a diary online where anyone can access it. So, on diaryland, I didn't. I'm not sure if this is a good-bye, but I just wanted to say that if you don't see another entry, the reason could be that I have forgoten. I'm afraid it has to be this way. I am sorry. post comment

Last day of school [11 Jun 2003|10:42am] Me and Travis are in Computers playing that addicting helicopter game!!! I GOT 607!! GO ME! GO ME!!! Travis got 882! LOSER LOSER! (he told me to write that) My grandparents are coming up today so me and Travis are going to clean...YAY! hmmm....ummmm...OH!!! Anthony (Neneldo) gave me a benie baby cat in this box thing today. It was so sweet. We also talked on-line this morning. He told me about the "truth or dare" game the troubled posie had. They asked him this: 'would you marry her?' 'Are you deeply in love with her', 'and if you chose dare, would you kiss her?' he said yes too all 3! I was shocked when he told me his answer to the 3rd one! AWWWWW! *heart flutters* The bad news is that I'm not sure I could marry him? Its too much to think about at 14 years old. but you know what is annyoing: I hate when people say "love hurts" or "love stink" because it isn't love that does such things. Love is one of the greatest gifts form God! Hate is the thing that prys us apart! Get with the picture people! Sorry I haven't been on in like FOREVER but I have been so busy and junk. Jessicas gift for me came on monday. It was such a great gift! especialy the card that said we will always be friends through out the distances. wow! I have to call her tonight. I miss her sooooo much. Oh yeah, and i feel bad, i got into a fight (well, semi-fight thing) with Neneldo because I chose pippin over him. Not that I would, but I can like ficticious characters if i want. I mean I am not married to the guy or anything. It does make me wonder what will end our relationship and who will end it. I mean, I wonder if he will move away or maybe i will move away, or what if i die, or he dies or what if one of us meets another person that is more of what we wanted??? whatever, I can't be obbsessed with this topic. so i will move on to another one. I wonder who acutually reads these entrys. I would post this for all to see, but I some (okay all) of it is me freaking out when I know too little. I have a filty mind and it crudles me with depresed feelings that wont let me break from the rein of captivity. oh well. so to whoever is reading this now, I propose this: don't take offence of these entrys, they are me at my worst, and me at my one-dementional thinking mode. I pray. hmmm...it's 11:11 and we get out at 11:49...i think. I guess that leaves more time to dedicate to this jounal! *big proud smile* but I want to check out some of the jewel stuff online. I think I stink...erg. Can't wait to get home but I am going to miss my friends soooooooooooooooooooo much. we have to get together over the summer. I think I am going to throw a ringer party! that would be nifty. For what its worth, I want to hang out with shannon sam and stacy more than humanly possible because they have become like my best friends. this year started out soooo bad, but now, it has become one of the best so far! Oh! i am getting some great jewel info at pieces of uk and i'm addicted to the site now. ooooo. okay we are leaveing in like 5 minutes so i am going to log off now, i may be back some time over them summer when i can't get to sleep. post comment

My internal battle on good and evil [27 Mar 2003|03:23pm] [ mood | depressed ] It's like this feeling I can't seem to hide from. Demons scater in side my body and scratch on the inside of my skin, and they torment me to beliving them as the howl in my ear like a one line telephone. I need help. What do you do when nobody care for you. Me, I'm an emothional wreck so I cry unstopably until I crack and go mideval. It scares me to think of who I will become if I can't convince the demons to play in the sunlight. I fear they will conquer my mental feelings and drive me to do something drastic. The tears burn my eyes and they leave scars on my soul. OH how they BURN! I cannot seem to stop them. It's almost like spaying a mist of water on a bombfire. Water is SUPPOSED to stop fire, But the fire will always burn unless you put A BUNCH of water on it. I feel that good is SUPPOSED to win, But it isn't. It is losing by a long shot and I have no means of returning back into my predestined character. It use my tears as a means of escaping so that they never return unless I pardon forgiveness to whom I'm mad at! Why can't the demons let me be! I need to rid of them! Cring dosn't do anything, Just make it worse. I wish for the people in which hate me wallow in thier self pitey of having a disgrace upon my retched heart. I scream to the sky calling "HELP WITH FORGIVENESS" but I guess my time will come as soon as it is ready for me. I can only begin to hope that when my time comes, I'll be ready for it and I will still have friends behind me all the way. Tis a long dark journey to get to my disired spirit. The river of love runs cold down my hoarse throat and heals the wounds of the innocent. It calls my name for far distances and I try to use the compass of my own personal Knowledge and Faith to lead me in the right direction. I fear that if I haven't learned enough, Then my discisions will be faulty and I will be mislead my the demonds. They feed of of my hate, and they haven't eaten in days. I wish to starve them but they are too cunning for me. "Who needs her? she never talks to you or says 'hi' to you in the halls! why waste your energy on someone who wont waste the same energy on you?" is what they wisper in my self concious ear. The beg for revenge and I refuse to give in. But when you are tired, Weak is what you are and sleep is what you need. The demonds offer me straight up sleep, and the goodness offer me eternal peace and rest, but the time will come later. So I tell the demonds that I feel the goodness has a better bargin. But my vow to them never lasts. I give in to the demonds for rest, and YES they do give me rest, but they NEVER give me peace. Over and over again I must go through the tourcher of evil and I can't seem to wonder why I just don't get it. Good is there inside my soul, but it seems the demons exterminated it, and the good is tring with all their might to get back in. Why won't the demons have mercy? Have they no Pity? Have they no Heart. Alas, no! they are pure evil and evil is what I will become if I don't act Now! NOW is the time to act! NOW is the time to invite the good back in, or smuggle them in if need be. The demons don't own me, Why let them puss me around?? post comment

Daddy is in Delaware [20 Mar 2003|10:16pm] [ mood | groggy ] My dad left for Delaware this morning and Called tonight. He thinks that we may be able to go to the beach on the weekends if he sceduals his meetings on fridays! YAY! But on CNN news, Sadam is belivied to be dead. That sort have came with a shock. Someone so evil is never belived to just die so easily. The military had a scare today twice and had to suit up with gas masks. I'm worried but I have to cut this entry short. We sand anything yuo can do in chorus today, got to hear my partners talk about their sisters PMSing and they were both boys! Reviewd in spanish and Nick wanted to work with Javier. There may still be hope. I got to say the numbers to day in science and we talked about the war in S.S. (which is rare) and watched the news. Heard Lastande sing for the first time, researched Jesus, Did a practice PSSA and typed in typing! Whoop! Andi came over...we studied, played guitar, burned a CD and sang FISH HEADS!! so I had fun. Even though I still feel Liz donsn't care, I think I can survive with Andi as a Friend!!! post comment

Sadam didn't disarm [19 Mar 2003|10:50pm] [ mood | uncomfortable ] We're at war currently and I feel no different. Though I must say I feel a bit empty inside. It seems a bit fuzzy and I am praying hard for the troops that will be sent over. I really hope they all make it home alive and healthy in mind, body and spirit. Me and Andi collected the boxes today and droped them off at miss Moore's room. She said she may be able to use them. As for Anna, Katie, and Travis...they never sang the national Anthem. I heard the Special Olympics were a drag, But i REALLY wished I could have helped. I guess I did ace both my quizes. Sorry Lord, I didn't read the bible today but I promise I will read DOUBLE tomarrw. I'm doing a report on your son Jesus Christ. It was by a save too. Ryan picked the same and he decided to give in*whew*. soo. I finishe my Journal today and I hope miss Boyer likes it. I hope I didn't go too off task. Bus evacuation was today and I Made the MAXI CLUB in science today! YAY! hope fully all those bps will pad my average.OH! and we also learned about the vikings today in History, and I found out that their culture is closely linked to that of rune scape. he he he. But oh gosh...my braces are killing me and i hardly ate amything today. Though I did manage to polish of the last 3/5 of the apple pie! Ugh...my stomach hurts. Arwen said that she may have 4 people in her HOBBIT GROUP and if she does....ERRRRRR!!! We had an argument at lunch about the kill animals not kill animals tanget so I feel guilty still. We saw Page audition for captain and BOY was she outstanding! she has my vote! TWO BATONS!! That's a keeper. oh and must we forget, Eddie's tutor came to visit today, I didn't meet him, but my dad said that they're going to try him. Finnaly I have one final thing to add, I died in the wilderness on rune scape...AHHH! Scropieans! post comment

The Old Lizzy [18 Mar 2003|10:06pm] [ mood | blank ] I like the old Lizzy. The peace Macker who had alot in common with me. For the past few weeks, I tought she had changed: I;m glad there isn't a new Lizzy. Yes. Today I invited everyone over again today. Sara, Chelsi, Lizzy, Travis, and of corse me. I hung Pink and Purple cray paper from my celing and turned my Lava Lamp on, It was a PARTY!! I got travis a new screen name and it is: CheesyTriscuit88. Ha! It's funny. Sara and Liz got one today too, But I cant quite remember what they are. My caat bit trevor but then again he bites every one. Chelsi and sara wound up on the floor wrestling for a sock. who really knows these days? Lizzy was excited for me when I told her the good news! Yay! I'm sooo glad I got to tell her in person. It is so much more rewarding! I got my Braces tightened today(I got Purple and whit for the colors.) and they hurt like heck! I took a tylonal so HOPEFULLY that will make it feel better. I really think I aced Both my Quizes to day, math and spanish. Everyone left at 8:00 and My mom and I walked travis home. That remindes me, today, trevor was locked out of the house and came looking for travis and he was no where to be found. so we were about to go searching on our roller blades when Sara and Chelsi come riding on their bikes with travis. We had to Pick travis up from Coral but I was moved around in Coral today and i HOPE I wsn't singing the sapprano section. Andi and I went counting pennies again so that was fun I guess. I found out that we are singing two pieces I sang in 4th and 6th grade in chorus: wade in the water and Pie Jesu. I like those songs though. travis is singing the star spangled baneer tomarrow for the special Olympics along with Katie Turek and Anna Feild. I wish them luck! So I guess all the "bad" things lizzy was doing was maybe just a figment of my imagination. Whick reminds me, what was the deal today? Travis answered the phone when LLizzy called with: " domino's! Can i take your order, try our gold crust for $9.99? Yeah it was funny but I still consider Liz my friend. I don't get people today. post comment

Change of Heart for starters [17 Mar 2003|10:17pm] [ mood | cheerful ] Okay. Travis, Andi, and Chelsi left about an hour ago. It's nice to know you have some support. I feel bad for Andi because she lost her beaner and I think it was a special gift from her sister. *tear tear*. Am I being used to just get a quick CD. I mean, Chelsi only came because she got to make a CD she could have bought. But I guess I had fun. I'm so happy I have a caring Father! He made us Shamrock shakes for st. patties day! This morning I searched all over for my old Navy green and blue shirt to wear(ha! that was a riot!). My mother is also a sweet one as well. She ordered pizzas for every one, I of coarse ate a turkey sub, and we had a blast! Ryan's hair was bleached today in attemps to make it green, WHOOPS! Chelsi even remembered our "annaversey" and gave me a card with all the fun memories on it. I thought that was sweet! I was supposed to stay after school with Andi but there's a falculty meeting and what not. I guess Pennies for Paiernts can wait one more day. We judged the firt captain in colorguard to day! So excited! One more month of summer! I was In vited to Lastandes B day patry to day. You know...she isn't half bad! I'm glad every one was exited for me to day! It's really great! Lizzy. I don't know what the deal is, Andi and Chelsi said she isn't, But i feel she is mad at me. Or at least annoyed with me still. She appologized for not calling me back(she got home late last night) but didn't even smile when I wished her a st. patty's day!! And this after noon, she moved her book-bag in so I couln'd sit with her. I felt insulted. My dad said that I should tell her tommarow that I was accepted to the charter school because it may arrise confict if she hears it though the grape vine even if she dosn't come over. I agree, but so want to let her linger like she has made me. well, I have a spanish teat tommarow and Noah has just got on his ark and I feel that I am breaking the law by staying up past 10 anyways. I hope things work out between me and Liz. I really do. post comment

Suiside Case [16 Mar 2003|04:48pm] [ mood | rejected ] Ever since Lizzy and Chelsi (for lack of better words) dumped me, I have been tring to hide the fact that i am Highly suisidal. I keep reviewing the way I could kill myself in front of my so called friends, but they just to me seem so brutal. I'm sorry to have you guys read about how life sucks(when really I feel It's a Blessing) and get you all depressed. It's a fat chance anyone is even reading this now. I have learned that you MUST seize the moment because you may not get another chance. I strongly belive that I could die as soon as I'm done wrighting this. And if I do, what kind of mark would I have left on the world? Who would people remember me as? A suiside case? That is exactly what I want to avoid. I want to be recognized as Jovial Frigit Picksi. A commical girl that always had the right idea. Writing is just a way to get out all the bad feelings in my soul and to forget about it. The Depressed Frigit you see here is not the REAL Frigit but only a mear layer of they many that compose her. I have stong belief in the Father Almighty and I hope to never lose my faith. If I don't get the evil out some way, it will build up inside untill it drives me Mad. I want to save myself some sanity by geting them out in writing instead of getting them out infront of my friends. Even though I speak trash about them now, I truley care about them and Hope the feel the same. All i can leave you with now is a simple good-bye for the evening. But there is no deffinate answer that I Won't be back on. Just a ta ta for now and a see you next time I log in! post comment

The Arwen/ Lastande Project [16 Mar 2003|04:25pm] [ mood | grumpy ] It's nothing more than a little pet peeve, but when I see it happening, I feel extreamly uneasy. Okay, as you may know, Their names are not ARWEN and LASTANDE, they are their elven names. Now I hope I don't offend them in ANYWAY but the whole elf thing gets to me. Like on friday, They both told us a joke about Arwen's sister and how she CAN NOT speek elfish. Yeah, it was funny and all, but they were under the impression that we wouldn't get the joke because we weren't elves. And I REALLY don't want to offend either one of them...but the whole "elf" thing is getting to me. How do they know they have an elfish touge and we don't. It's just little thing like that. And how they both keep a notebook just blows me out of my straw. WE used to have a notebook. I know, again this is probably jelousey, but i can't help it. I have none of my friends in my classes this year. No one to write notes to. No one to talk about the rare occurences in class with. No one to do anything with. Many people love this year, But as far as I'm concerned, it's one of the worst years ever. between Homework and tests, I have no time to do anything anymore. What I need is a friend to call me over the weekend, even if I have too much to do, and ask me how I have been. That's all I'm asking for. A simple sign to let me know that I have friends. Then again, I try to configure, Why I don't do the same. I can't help it. If I'm in crunch with someone, I need to confront that person of the "wart" will be in my skin forever. Me and Arwen are pretty close, but when it come to hanging out...were just out there. There is nothing else more to talk about. I sent her an e-mail about my making it in to the charter school but God only knows if she read it. Maybe if she weren't so tied up with her LOTR stuff, we'd be closer. Then again, If I wasn't always wallowing is self pity and juvinile deprestion, I could have maybe contacted her to ask her "what's up?" post comment

Me and my "wart" [16 Mar 2003|04:02pm] [ mood | gloomy ] Currently, I'm an emothinal wreck. I can't stand the thought of the phone any longer. I want to call Arwen and what she's up to, but something is holding me back. The feeling is like a wart on the tip of a finger. You hate it but you do nothing about it. You should put some Dr. Shcolls on it, but you can't find the time or you feel to lazy to do it. And as you stare at that wart you start to think of how much you really do hate it. But alas, you still do nothing about it. Now this wart is not Arwen. It's the feeling I have which is pestering me. I love Arwen. She is my best friend up here and I often wonder why more people can't be like her. I used to have a freckle of jelousey in my blood, but she whiped me into shape after I snaped at her, and I thank her for that. Recaling that day is no problem. I put an away message up and was hoping for her to see it. well, she did and it contained tons of things I was angry about. You see, The whole "jelousey" thing started when Miss Boyer said that Arwen was the best writer ever. Well, I have always been the one who was complemented for my writing and felt outraged that the spotlight was snatched from me within a few seconds. I was crushed and THAT is another wart that began to develop beneath my skin. Now geting back to the away message. You see, Stacy who is a friend of mine was planing to go on a diet. Arwen and Lastande bet her $10 she couldn't do it. It never occured to me that they were joking. So, being the dingbat that I am, go on Stacy's side and stick up for her. Well, when we get over the whole thing, Arwen confronts me and tells me that I am a bad friend if I thought she was acturally going to bet on something that could be fatal to a friend. Well, that just took the bacon because I could not belive she said that about me and so on the story goes. post comment

It's very disturbing to find that your friends arn't always what they play themselves out to be. [16 Mar 2003|03:04pm] [ mood | crushed ] I feel it is very disturbing to find that maybe some of your friends arn't always what they play themselves out to be. I just moved here 3 years ago and the friends I met here just seem to be so two-faced and unconsiderate. I originaly live in NC ,but when I moved up here it felt like I was in another country as far as personalities go. Between people talking behind other peoples back and friends calling friends B*tchs, I mean...would you be confused too? That's the thought I couldn't stop thinking of today. I hardly talk to Lizzy and Chelsi any more because they arn't in any of my classes. If that's the case, shouldn't they jump at the chance when I invite them over? Yesterday I was accepted to a High school of performing Arts. Now, everyone who knows me KNOWs that it is my dream to preform for a living. The depressing thing about it is...I never told them. I have my plans set on telling them in person but not on the but (we ride the same bus, but lizzy has nothing to do with me. We rarely talk on the bus, so now I'm getting a tickel of a hint that she thinks I'm either a looser, or she feels I turned into a selfish, bratty snob! The least she could do is say "hi" to me in the halls but she tries to hide from me more than anything. I feel sooooo exited about this school, but how can I enjoy it when I'm stressing over how i'm going to break the news to them. I mean, what will their first reaction be?: "WoW! I'm so excited for you! I knew you were going to be an actress!" or the infamous "WHAT! Why arn't you going to Easton! No! We will miss you!" But the errie thing is: Which one do I want them to say and if I want them to say it, Will they say it in the right way? for instane: The "yay" one could happen in two ways. THey could be happy I'm leaving or they could be truely happy for me. Then again, the "nay" one could be done in three ways. They could feel inimportant and feel I'm tring to get rid of them, They could think that I'm too good for them and don't want to be seen at a slummy school district, OR they could truley miss me. I can't wait to start this new school, but I terriffied of lossing the friends I tried so hard to hold on to. But the more I think about it, the more I feel that hey don't care about me anyways so who need them! I don't think I'm a bad person. Sure I'm not perfect, But shouln't REAL friends look beyond that and accept me as a human or better yet, a freind. post comment

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