Future posts will be in
claudiusmaximus
movem.l's Journal | |
|
|
15 entries
This journal has moved
Future posts will be in - Comment
Word of the day
Functoriality. - Comment
Important things that have happened over the past few days
Friday I got up in time for my lecture on Numerical Solutions To Differential Equations, I was quite up, so writing seven pages of notes wasn't a problem, in fact when the lecture finished I was wanting more. I got increasingly hyper and said a few silly things that freaked a few people out, including Ellen, but luckily I didn't leap straight into action - that would have been very bad, just mentioning it was bad enough. It's all cleared up now though, no permanent damage done. Saturday mum came up for lunch, we went to the vegetarian cafe, where there was live music playing too. A nice meal, then we came back home for a cup of tea and talked for what seemed like hours, about how we were both stubborn as children, about how you don't need to be in contact with old friends all the time because it just clicks when you are together and are completely at ease like old times, about my plans to go visit Ellen for a couple of months in the summer, about her trip to Miami (a nightmare). I can't remember a more relaxed and enjoyable conversation with her since who knows when, before my teens at least, probably since the age of 5. Then she insisted on helping with some washing up, so we did that, the mood had kind of evaporated and she went back to London after that, but it was a very pleasant afternoon. Sunday morning was the Midnight Voicejail special, I was drifting in and out of sleep though, and missed a lot of it. What I heard was really really good. I stayed in bed until the evening, then worked on the OOP practical report - got exercise 3 documented, I will try to document exercise 4 tonight. After that it was the Superbowl, 4 hours of entertainment. The first American football game I've watched in its entirity, I'm beginning to understand it. Rooting for Tampa Bay, as Ellen's fantasy league team had three of their players, and it felt good when they won 48-21, especially as Oakland were the favourites it seemed. Then the post match analysis with Ellen, decided to go to bed about 05:30. When I woke up at 09:30 for my NSDE lecture at 10:00 today I was just too tired to function, stayed in bed until 20:00. Just in time for dinner, I should really cook one of these days. So two up days, Friday and Saturday, followed by two down/do nothing days, Sunday and Monday. I'm still not up to full strength, I can't handle lots of activity every day. I have decided - this journal will be moved to
Midnight Voicejail
The special is on right now on KFJC, really good so far (I missed the first hour though). - Comment
Viruses and spyware
Doing a clean sweep of everything, found out how to get rid of an access to MSN (which I hate so very much) at infopackets.com. I haven't checked Google's privacy policy lately though, maybe I should. I emailed admin@advertising.com and admin@cj.comto see if there is any way of opting out from their tracking cookies, having found no information on their website. I opted out of a number of advertising cookies after finding links by searching for nameofadvertiser opt out cookie. Oh well. Downloaded a teaser trailer for The Matrix 2, I'll rave about it after I've seen it I'm sure. - Comment
Websites and accounts
ClaudiusMaximus - the four album websites are linked from there, The ClaudiusMaximus page is not complete, looks pretty damn ugly, but it works. I'll fix it up some time next week. ClaudiusMaximus is my new name I've decided, seeing as it's what my London peeps have been calling me for years, I'll update my Blurty profile and links next week too. Maybe I'll change my Blurty account name too, but I don't particularly want to inconvenience my friends that way. Depends what my whim is, maybe I'll switch when I reach another posting milestone. I think ClaudiusMaximus reflects my jovial cheerful nature much more than movem.l, but movem.l reflects my interest in computers and programming. Opinions please - should I change my Blurty account to claudiusmaximus or stick with moveml?
Enough of the circumspection about interesting numbers
Every time I made an ICQ account I get messaged by Emily, who has nothing interesting to say: [2003.01.24 23:37:33] 176192133: Hello from Emily :-) Gets on my tits. Just finishing off the movem.l and ClaudiusMaximus websites, I'll post links when I'm done. It's past my bedtime, gotta be up early to talk to Ellen, this time difference is a drag.
Another interesting number
176177303. Interesting. Do you think if I keep posting these interesting numbers something will happen? A prize for anyone who guesses what the numbers are, and why they are interesting.
Sleeping is so pleasant
Wednesday night I didn't get to sleep until after 07:00, which of course meant I slept right through my two alarms and two lectures and woke up around 14:00. I rushed off out to my OOP practical signoff session, got my practicals signed off, all is well there - I just have to do the report by next Friday, which is achieveable. After that went to the common room to read the paper, Rob and Gav were there and we went to the pub. Me and Gav then ate dinner in college, I had a ciggie down the bar with all the crew and then came back home. Since then I've been doing more music websites, got three albums uploaded:
It's all encoded with Ogg Vorbis, which Winamp can play fine (Windows Media Player has problems). Download them now, in the order listed (the newer stuff is the best). I will upload movem.l soon, and then create a page linking to all my work. Soon my dominion would be complete (insert suitably evil laugh here). - Comment
Tuesday and Wednesday
As an aside before I talk about that drama, I just accidentally discovered that if you press Ctrl-T in the Blurty client it inserts some HTML list tags. Strange. Anyway, Tuesday a lot happened. I went to my 10:00 Game Semantics lecture, which was quite interesting, I think I like this course. Unfortunately the room was absolutely packed, I and two others had to sit on the floor. Then posted the IB50 and the other letter saying the benefits people could contact my college, and collected my student loan cheque from college and payed my college bills (£0.90, I must have overpaid last term or something). Bought a sandwich for later, then went to the bank to collect my credit card. They gave me the card, I signed it, and went over to the little table by the paying in machine, put all my stuff down and wrote out the paying in slip and all that. Turned round put the envelope in the machine, turned back and my credit card was gone. Someone stole my credit card within 5 mins of me getting it, before I had even left the bank. What is the world coming to? They must be pretty dumb thieves because obviously I was going to cancel the card immediately, which I did, and in any case I have insurance against use of the card in the period between it being stolen and the time the theft is reported. Anyway this pissed me off no end. The drama made me late for my 12:00 Object Oriented Programming lecture, which was again quite interesting. Last term was "how do I program OO programs?", this term seems to be "how do I design OO systems?", lots of diagrams seems to be the answer. After the lecture I walked back to college with JP for lunch in the pouring rain (it was raining all day, I was wet and warm in the lectures), then came home, and spend the rest of the day creating little music websites and chatting to Ellen. A busy day, it was the first time in town since term started, all the people kind of freaked me out a bit. I got a bit paranoid, especially after the theft, thinking every little noise was laughter directed at me, thinking everybody was staring at me. No actual hallucinations, just perceptual distortion, but still very uncomfortable. Wednesday I just collapsed and spent the whole day in bed, feeling low and insecure. That meant I couldn't sleep Wednesday night, so now my sleep schedule is all out of goose.
Oh the drama of today
I'm too tired to write about it today, suffice to say a horrendous situation that you can only laugh at. Good night, and apologies for the hyowj entry before this, I should have cut it I guess but then it wouldn't have been displayed properly. Oh well. - Comment
IB50 (07/02) Incapacity For Work Questionnaire
IB50 (07/02)Incapacity for work questionnaireYour conditionPlease tell us about your illness or disability.If you have had a heart attack or a stroke, please tell us the approximate dates. We will ask you how your illness or disability affects you in doing day-to-day things in the rest of this form. Summer 2000 - problems sleeping, then started hearing voices, becoming depressed and paranoid and delusional. January 2001 - diagnosed with psychosisand started on medication. September 2001 - loss of motivation and depression, started on more medication. October 2001 - returned to university. May 2002 - treatment for depression discontinued. October 2002 - loss of motivation and depression reccuring, also with some psychotic symptoms, medication increased. Please tell us about any tablets, medication or special treatment you need, including any side effects you have.Special treatment could be things like radiotherapy or chemotherapy. Antipsychotic risperidone 6mg/day, antidepressant venlafaxine 225mg/day. Some of the side effects I have include tremor in my hands, dizziness at times, blurred vision at times (usually with the dizziness), agitation at times. A community psychiatric nurse visits me regularly. Are you pregnant?No Other benefitsAre you getting Disability Living Allowance?No Hospital treatmentAre you having hospital treatment?Yes Do you attend as a day patient or out patient?Yes What medical treatment do you attend hospital for?I see a psychiatrist. Have you been in hospital as an in-patient in the last 3 months?No Do you expect to be admitted to hospital as an in-patient in the next 3 months?No Sitting in a chairWe need to know if you have any difficulties sitting comfortably in a chair. By "sitting comfortably" we mean without having to move from the chair because the degree of discomfort makes it impossible to continue sitting. By "chair" we mean an upright chair with a back, but no arms. Please tick the first statement that applies to you. Tick one box only.
More InformationWhen I get agitated I am very easily distracted, I will forget that I am supposed to be sitting in a chair and do whatever else comes to mind, it is very uncomfortable to try and fight those thoughts. When I get paranoid thoughts I don't feel safe in the same place and have to keep moving. I need someone I trust with me to help me calm down and make me feel safe, then I can sit with a bit more comfort. Getting up from a chairWe need to know if you have any difficulties getting up from a chair. By "getting up" we mean getting up by yourself without the help of another person. By "chair" we mean an upright chair with a back, but no arms. Please tick the first statement that applies to you. Tick one box only.
More InformationSometimes I am very uncomfortable but still cannot move. Sometimes I cannot get up even though I am uncomfortable, the medication makes me dizzy and afraid I will fall each time I get up. Sometimes I have paranoid thoughts which make me afraid to move. When I feel very poorly I have no motivation to get up from where I am sitting or to do anything else. I need someone to help me, someone to talk to me so I am not so afraid and someone to encourage me and help me to become motivated. Bending or kneelingWe need to know if you have any difficulties bending or kneeling. We mean bending or kneeling from a standing position not from sitting. By "bending or kneeling" we mean you can do the activity either by bending or by kneeling or by a combination of both. Please tick the first statement that applies to you. Tick one box only.
More InformationSometimes I cannot bend and kneel, the medication makes me dizzy and afraid I will fall each time I get up. When my tremor is bad I have trouble picking up small things like a piece of paper. Sometimes I have paranoid thoughts which make me afraid to move. When I feel very poorly I have no motivation to do anything. I need someone to help me, someone to talk to me so I am not so afraid and someone to encourage me and help me to become motivated. StandingWe need to know if you have any difficulties standing. By "standing" we mean standing by yourself without the help of another person or without holding onto something, or standing using your walking stick, if you normally use one. Please tick the first statement that applies to you. Tick one box only.
More InformationWhen I get agitated I am very easily distracted, I will forget that I am supposed to be standing and do whatever else comes to mind, it is very uncomfortable to try and fight those thoughts. When I get paranoid thoughts I don't feel safe in the same place and have to keep moving. Sometimes when I am standing I am afraid I will fall as the medication makes me dizzy. I need someone I trust with me to help me calm down and make me feel safe, then I can stand with a bit more comfort. WalkingWe need to know if you have any difficulties walking. By "walking" we mean walking on level ground, using any aid you normally use. Please tick the first statement that applies to you. Tick one box only.
More InformationSometimes I have difficulties walking in a straight line. When I feel dizzy I need to walk slowly or stop and hold onto something. Sometimes I get paranoid thoughts which make me afraid to go outside, or afraid to move at all. When I get agitated my attention span is very short which makes walking or doing anything else for a long time difficult. When I feel very poorly I have no motivation to do anything. I need someone to help me, someone to talk to me so I am not so afraid and someone to encourage me and help me to become motivated. Walking up and down stairsWe need to know if you have any difficulties walking up and down stairs. Walking up and down means both tasks can be managed. Please tick the first statement that applies to you. Tick one box only.
More InformationWhen I feel dizzy I need to walk slowly or stop and hold onto something. Sometimes I get paranoid thoughts which make me afraid to move. When I feel very poorly I have no motivation to do anything. I need someone to help me, someone to talk to me so I am not so afraid and someone to encourage me and help me to become motivated. Using your handsWe need to know if you have any difficulties using your hands. When we say "either hand" we mean you cannot do these things with your right hand or your left hand. Tell us if you are right handed or left handed.Right handed Please tick the first statement that applies to you. Tick one box only.
More InformationWhen my tremor is bad I have trouble manipulating small things. When I get agitated I have a short attention span and when tying a bow in string would forget which stages I had completed. Sometimes I get paranoid thoughts which make me afraid to do things. When I feel very poorly I have no motivation to do anything. I need someone to help me, someone to talk to me so I am not so afraid and someone to encourage me and help me to become motivated. Reaching with your armsWhen we say "either arm" we mean you cannot do these things with your right arm or your left arm. Please tick the first statement that applies to you. Tick one box only.
More InformationWhen I get agitated I have a short attention span and when reaching for something would forget what I was reaching for. Sometimes I get paranoid thoughts which make me afraid to do things. When I feel very poorly I have no motivation to do anything. I need someone to help me, someone to talk to me so I am not so afraid and someone to encourage me and help me to become motivated. Lifting and carryingWe need to know if you have any difficulties lifting or carrying things. When we say "either hand" we mean you cannot do these things with your right hand or your left hand. By "lifting" we mean to pick up an object from a height that doesn not involve bending or reaching. For example, lifting something from a desk. By carrying we mean to move the object to a different position involving the upper part of your body only. Please tick the first statement that applies to you. Tick one box only.
More InformationWhen I get agitated I have a short attention span and when carrying something would forget where I was carrying it to. Sometimes I get paranoid thoughts which make me afraid to do things. When I feel very poorly I have no motivation to do anything. I need someone to help me, someone to talk to me so I am not so afraid and someone to encourage me and help me to become motivated. SeeingWe need to know if you have any difficulties seeing things in normal light. By "normal light" we mean daylight if you are outdoors or bright electric light if you are indoors. Do you normally wear spectacles or contact lenses?Yes If you normally wear spectacles or contact lenses, tell us about seeing when you are wearing them. Please tick the first statement that applies to you. Tick one box only.
More InformationSometimes I get paranoid thoughts which make me afraid to look around. Sometimes my vision is blurred, usually when I am dizzy as a side effect of the medication. Sometimes I have great difficulty recognising friends, they appear as strangers to me, and sometimes I recognise strangers as friends. SpeakingWe need to know if you have any difficulty speaking to people or making yourself understood by them, because of any speech impediment, illness or disability you have. This does not include problems with language or accent. Please tick the first statement that applies to you. Tick one box only.
More InformationMy family, friends and strangers will often ask me to repeat things as they have not understood. Sometimes I get paranoid thoughts which make me afraid to say anything, or make me say incomprehensible things. Sometimes when I am agitated I talk really fast jumping between subjects not making much sense. HearingWe need to know if you have any difficulties hearing sounds. Do you normally wear a hearing aid or some similar device?No If you normally wear a hearing aid or some similar device, tell us about seeing when you are wearing it. Please tick the first statement that applies to you. Tick one box only.
More InformationSometimes I hear sounds or voices which are not there, or I fail to hear sounds and voices which are there. I find it difficult to understand someone talking on a busy street, as I will hear things in the background and have paranoid thoughts about them that make me feel very uncomfortable. I sometimes have paranoid thoughts that make me think people are using a secret code. Fits or something like thisWe need to know if you have any fits or something like this while you are awake. This includes epilectic seizures or a similar loss or change of consciousness. It does not include
Please tick the first statement that applies to you. Tick one box only.
More InformationSometimes I become agitated and easily distracted, unable to complete the simplest tasks but feeling confident about my abilities. Sometimes I have paranoid thoughts and delusions that I believe are real, which makes me very afraid. When my sense of reality is distorted in this way I sometimes act very irrationally. Coping with toilet needsWe need to know if you have any difficulties controlling your bowels or bladder - other than bedwetting (enuresis) By this we mean you lose control of your bowels or bladder before you can get to a toilet. Do not include conditions that may cause constipation, upset stomach or a need to use the toilet often. Controlling your bowels. Please tick the first statement that applies to you. Tick one box only.
Controlling your bladder. Please tick the first statement that applies to you. Tick one box only.
More InformationSometimes I hallucinate the sensation of emptying my bladder, which is very uncomfortable, especially if I am in company. This happens even when my bladder is empty. I have once actually emptied my bladder thinking it was a hallucination. Information about anxiety, depression and other mental health problemsHave you been treated for anxiety, depression or mental illness? Or do you think you have a mental health problem?Yes If yes, how often do you receive treatment? Please give dates.I see my psychiatrist at intervals between two weeks and four weeks. My community psychiatric nurse visits weekly. When was your last appointment?9 / 1 / 2003 More informationUse the space below to tell us about any problems you have with your nerves or any other mental health condition and the type of treatment you receive. Include things like problems you have with normal day-to-day activities because of your mental health condition and problems you have dealing with other people. I had a breakdown in Summer 2000, I had problems sleeping, then started hearing voices, becoming depressed and paranoid and delusional. I was diagnosed with psychosis and started on medication. I have been under a psychiatrist since then and have been visited weekly by my community psychiatric nurse. I have particularly low motivation and mood. I cannot bring myself to do anything, spending the whole day in bed even though I know I should be doing things. I am afraid I could hurt myself by accident. I cannot do any day-to-day activities more complex than attending to my toilet needs or eating if there is food to hand. Some days like those I do not even eat. I am totally isolated. If someone tries to talk to me I become distressed and try to avoid them or ignore them, even though talking to someone I trust helps me feel better. I get agitated and I cannot concentrate. My academic work suffers and I often cannot attend lectures or do my work. I cannot do simple day-to-day activities such as cooking a basic meal for myself or going to a shop to buy food. I feel very vulnerable. I talk quickly and don't make much sense, which other people find worrying. Sometimes I have an exaggerated view of my abilities, at other times I am afraid I will hurt myself accidentally if I try and do something like cooking. I need someone I trust to help me calm down and help me with what I am doing. I get tremors in my hands. Sometimes I lose all sense of where I am. I am often dizzy, my balance is poor, and I see and hear things in a distorted way. I get paranoid thoughts and hear voices, and I become afraid, especially when I can hear other people's thoughts about me or my thoughts are being broadcast to those around me. Some things take on special symbolic significance and I feel afraid or compelled to do them. I isolate myself from other people, avoiding as much contact as possible, sometimes locking myself in my room. When I do interact with people they may not understand me, and I get distressed and agitated. The things I say may implicitly reference things that only exist in my mind. I need someone I trust to talk to to help me calm down and help me feel safe. Other informationPlease use this space to tell us anything else you think we should know about how your illness or disability affects your normal daily living. I have dizzy spells as a side-effect of the medication. This makes physical tasks difficult, as I am afraid I will become dizzy and hurt myself. You may be asked to attend a medical examination by a doctor. Please use the space below to tell us about any special needs you would have if you were asked to attend an examination. I need someone with me that I trust to help me feel safe.
Practicals and IB50
I finished the OOP practicals on Sunday. Yippee. It's actually a useful little program too, a mini version of UNIX find. I finished the IB50 too, phoned Marti this afternoon and she suggested a few alterations, this evening I copied it all onto the form, and also wrote the DSS a letter confirming I'm still studying and allowing them to contact my college. I worked out my timetable, lots of 10am lectures but I have Wednesdays free. Tomorrow I collect my credit card, hopefully I can extend the credit limit to £600 which should be enough for the flights to Oregon to see Ellen in the summer. I'll post the IB50 tomorrow, need to fiddle about with my journal styles so it will display properly, should only take 10 mins. Then y'all can see exactly how messed up my health is when I'm feeling particularly unwell. Right now I'm feeling happy, motivated, and my concentration seems to be improving too. Looking forward to this term, if the plan is approved I'll have very little pressure, and can concentrate on studying at my own pace. Good night. - Comment
Practicals
Finished exercise 4 yesterday, seemed straightforward. Now to do the last part, exercise 5. This seems more complex, less help is given and it involves writing a recursive descent parser. Should be fun. - Comment
People looking at houses
Make that count 5. - Comment
|