Wednesday, February 25th, 2004
|
|
10:13 pm - you know, today has been _______________.....
|
i think im going to get a new hobby. sometimes i think im the only one that listens to myself and for good reason. i havent updated this thing in so long because im too lazy. not much has changed. i still hate darren, in fact i hate him even more now. i think he sucks the big one but you know, thats simply my opinion. i need to like run or something. for president perhaps? im never voting for that biggot bush. sorry dad. i just simply have different (right?) beliefs! and yes happiness is not having fear but i just dont know right now. i. just. dont. know. right. now. i really dont think i should avoid this paper anymore. cos when im done im gonna go to my car and toke a bit....nah...maybe not. my toe is bleeding. oops. oh, everyone, why must you suck so much? ill be back...
current mood:  aggravated
current music: none...
|
|
(comment on this)
|
|
Friday, August 29th, 2003
|
|
8:49 am - moving day...
|
love this band. thanks travis wherever you are. hope all is well for me in sacramento. dont know if ill be able to update there depending on the availabliity of internet. if anyones out there listening ill be back in time. oh and fuck you darren.
current mood:  blah
current music: all mine.....-.-.pOORt-iS-HeaD
|
|
(2 comments | comment on this)
|
|
Tuesday, August 26th, 2003
|
|
9:10 pm - apartments are scary
|
|
grr....i hate moving. this will be the second time this year. so much has been making my life the most stressful place on earth and i hate it...well mostly its me been making my life stressful so whatever. I HATE SOFAS! they are so goddamn complicated! moving in 3 days. so scary. looking for futons is not a fun process. let me tell you! they are so very expensive and if they arent expensive, ikea doesnt have them! how was i supposed to know they only seem to vend futons out of sweden....go figure. furnishing furnishing. i cant get the stupid internet to send things or receive things at a good rate. could i be any more stressed? could anyone be???
|
|
(comment on this)
|
|
Sunday, August 24th, 2003
|
|
9:37 pm - oh whee
|
|
im back and im going to college in about a week. exciting. polly is here. whats new? um.....darren is gay. sometimes. its ok cos hes never going to read this so im safe writing this here. um....ill update more later tonight....bye
|
|
(comment on this)
|
|
Sunday, July 13th, 2003
|
|
11:08 pm - ...i dont want to feel this way forever...
|
|
yet i always do....and never ever think to stop, and think about stopping, just stop without thinking, and think im stopping......and i never start again. so so so sorry. i miss you.......wish i could have come to see you. wish i could see you right now.
|
|
(comment on this)
|
|
Friday, July 11th, 2003
|
|
11:38 pm - computers are gay....
|
.....and so are my parents.....i dont want to bother with this whole college thing. i went to two malls to-day and hung out with deran.....at hilltop. i played with pricing guns and then went to carls jr. yum.......(double double?)i wont be able to see darren until like....wednesday, hope he doesnt mind. but i cant tell him this because he wont answer his phone. matt skiba writes well. i wish i had a grasp of music so i could write well too. bwhat-ever. my hip hurts. i got the sex lecture again to-day. sometimes i think my parents were never kids themselves. i hate sex but at the same time cant live without it (weird....i did it for almost 17 years....i dont know what happened. i guess you only know the pain of absence when you finally know what youve been missing) im going out to sac to-morrow to take my elm test and right now im watching mexican tv instead of getting a good nights rest. hmph! someone should choke me when i forget to take my meds. i get all bleh! i think i deserve being choked sometimes. my mom saw the marks....(mosquito bites?) on my neck and now wants to meet the human vaccum cleaner that put them there, then came the safe, safer, safest sex talk. why cant i just hide these things and avoid such confrontations?????? eejit. i think yennabird had too much sugar to-day. insanity to the max. hmm......i should hang with her more but not piss her off that much. i dont think she likes that (just a thought....) but methinks i should do the sleep thing just for a bit so i dont "fail" my placement test to-morrow.....nighty to whoever cares
current mood:  horny
current music: um..............
|
|
(7 comments | comment on this)
|
|
Sunday, July 6th, 2003
|
|
1:14 pm
|
cos i like you i like you i like you i like you i like you i like you........
current mood:  ecstatic
current music: deftones............needles and pins
|
|
(1 comment | comment on this)
|
|
Thursday, July 3rd, 2003
|
|
11:22 pm - ARE YOU THE VOICE IN MY HEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
|
''''.'''.''.'.''.'''.''''.................load your gun
blow your head........................
...........................can you feel me honey youre not dead
yet you see..............................
..........................and yet you feel
until now you werent real........real.....R>E>A>L>...''''.'''.''.'.''.'''.''''
|
|
(comment on this)
|
|
|
10:27 pm - i must be dying
|
bleh. feels like my heads detached from my body....from my mind....from my feet, lifting my body off the cold cold cold floor. and the temperature squiggles as the mercury level bumps higher, slinks lower, mellows out and i'm wondering "where am i and who are you?" the floor is oh so hot as i wipe my sweaty hands on your face and you just......(sigh).....melt away. incinerated......smile for me? i miss your kiss....you face on mine and your sweet liquor breath, noses bumping so awkwardly like we don't know what were doing exactly. someone pulled the floor out from under my toes, and slipping slipping into you.....im wearing your crown, your smell, your body, your everything and anything you want to give to me. i miss your face, your incoherent whispers.....and i dont know if it will work out, happy me, joyous me? sadly me....wants drunken you so badly...spinning tipsy and apologetic.....am i your number one? this is why i wont let it happen......but i really do miss your kiss......miss your breath so sweet so tainted so on mine so..........so just give me a ring....sometime when you think of me falling off a building. but you better hurry because my wrists are starting to itch and a switchblade is the only remedy
current mood:  weird
current music: -.-.-.-.-soul to squeeze-.-.-.-.-.RhCp(as usual)
|
|
(1 comment | comment on this)
|
|
Monday, June 23rd, 2003
|
|
11:09 pm - something so wrong
|
i know shes not trying to do this but its hurting everyone so badly. and i want this all to end but it never seems to. i just want to rock away, swing away at the lamps and fly...fly so high i wont know breath anymore because it hurts us all so bad. it makes us all so numb to everything and makes us want to whine and cry stew, forcing chunks through our eyelids.....making us cry even more. forcing more chunks, making us cry even more........and it all just.....never seems to end.
i'm so sorry lauren. don't cry. don't you ever cry
current mood:  crushed
current music: pat benatar - heartbreaker
|
|
(3 comments | comment on this)
|
|
Sunday, June 8th, 2003
|
|
10:46 pm
|
i am sooooo neat! its only been aboot 15 minutes since i updated but im so cool cos i actually figgered this crap out! this is way too much to remember so im kinda cheating and im using an editor and then copying it into the blurty box! bad llama!
current mood: blah
current music: the clanking of the metal objects bouncing around in my head
|
|
(comment on this)
|
|
|
9:56 pm - its been a while
|
i put on some music just for the occasion. i'm going to see x-men deux to-morrow with max cos he hasnt seen it and i havent seen it so were going to see it. im looking quite forward to going to college and maybe going out with deran (derrin? derran? deran? iuno how to spell that...plus im a newly born grad....i dont need to think right now) yesterday noe told me he used to have a crush on me and i laughed. people dont have crushes on me i told him.... alex has cheated on 3 of his girlfriends so i dont feel at all too bad for fucking him. i almost kissed anthony the other day but janie might have murdered me but its quite alright because i dont ever have to see that fat cow ever again and that makes me smile. college is getting closer and that kind of scares me a bit. i can finally hang out with jennabirdcashmoneymillionaire since i didnt fail my classes and i dont have to suffer through summerschool hell....and that also makes me smile. i forgot (for the 3rd day in a row) to take my meds and i dont feel too good but icky wasnt a choice of moods so i picked sick. i gave the cat a bath and i dont think she enjoyed it. i tried dyeing laurens hair last night but i didnt get to finish so its blonde, pink and poiple. im glad people are actually reading this....and id really like to know whos been posting those sweet comments on my thingy thing cos i would like to read some of their life.....so yeah. i think its better for me that i write. (just to let you all know my music changed again....its pixies = gigantic but its over now. i think im going to listen to RAPUTINA......doright........now thats over.....now its rhcp soul to squeeze) ok i got a new kitten to let you all know. i dont care if you dont care. my mom wants to name him ernie but i already named him seymour. jenna wants his name to be squee....i think hes got a bit of an identity crisis......fun. oh well he already thinks hes a chick cos no one seems to remember hes a boy. (maybe thats what happened to me???) hah. so im not feeling too well but i think its cos of all the peroxide fumes from dyeing hair. i dyed so much hair i feel professional!!! max's looks good. laurens...well.....lets just use the term interesting! (sorry lauren!) well well get it done one day. we will! i love to write. i think im gonna take my meds soon so i dont die or something. i love this song. its been so long
current mood:  sick
current music: InTeRpOl - ...a time to be so small...
|
|
(1 comment | comment on this)
|
|
Friday, May 23rd, 2003
|
|
5:57 pm - lookey! im in MSI now you bitches....
|
|
|
|
5:55 pm - HAH!!! I KNEW IT!
|
|
|
Wednesday, May 21st, 2003
|
|
9:52 pm - grr...
|
ashley, as she has been recently, pissed me off once again to-day. she and daniel are inseperable, tied together at the hip and i have no place in her life as of last week. ryan let me borrow mein kampf....which i am looking forward to reading. he said its not very well written but its ideas are interesting. he said if hitler had been a scholar it would have been a greater work but altogether, its very unorganized.ive been listening to the pixies all day and i am very tired and hot right now. i think i might write and then maybe hit the sack because im beat. i hope i dont fail my precal test on friday, because graduation depends on it. wish me luck....
|
|
(1 comment | comment on this)
|
|
Sunday, May 18th, 2003
|
|
9:12 pm
|
|
|
|
9:10 pm
|
i think i'm getting sick. bleh. i went to the movies again to-day with katie but we didnt actually go see a movie, we went to mcdonalds and ate and then watched supertroopers at her house. so yes....i started to paint my birth control box to-day and jenna said it would be funny if i put an exploded cherry on it so i did.....cute. im not done with it. ryan's mad at her because she "ditched" him to hang out with nick yesterday. i think theyre all wrong. i dont really care about any of it cos im sick of being lonely and jenna isnt so HA!
|
|
(comment on this)
|
|
Saturday, May 17th, 2003
|
|
11:12 pm - im tired
|
so my day was pretty jam-packed with action/adventure to the extreme. i went with lauren to see down with love and we went swimming in this hellhole known as hom and we went to katies and watched her get high as fuck. but you know, it was pretty fun even though im temporarily banned from smoking. whatever. ashleys still retarded over daniel but whatever.ive been listening to why dont you do right over and over (the jessica rabbit version) pretending to be a '50s lounge singer. too bad i wasnt alive in the '50s. everything seemed so much more simple then. but whatever. i have an assload of homework to do to-morrow.....shit. just two or so more weeks to go.......hold on!!
current mood:  restless
current music: .apocolyptica. - (-...-one-...-)
|
|
(comment on this)
|
|
Friday, May 16th, 2003
|
|
10:22 pm - ok lets try yet AGAIN!!!
|
|
|
|
10:04 pm - doo dee doo.....
|
so yes.....its about 10.o clock pm and i am not that tired since i slept until about 12.o clock pm au'jourd hui. i got back from france about a week and a half....no 2 weeks ago and im still tired as all hell. im still pretty mad at ashley but i wont let her know that....because i am mean i guess. i really like updating this thing because it makes me feel like someone, somewhere could possibly be interested in hearing about my bland as water life but thats what all writers want to think. but i dont really know if anyone really cares to hear the details and i really want to think that someone somewhere cares.....sometime. and i really want a boyfriend.....im getting kind of lonely and i think about sex way too much and i dont actually HAVE sex enough. but most teenagers will say the same thing so i think im pretty much the average teenager. and i need to stop smoking because everyone seems to hate it but i mean, leav me alone, rat bastards.....let me have my habit, as debilitating as it is....its mine goddammit!
current mood:  mellow
current music: depeche.mode = (.just cant get enough.)
|
|
(comment on this)
|
|
