| blah | |||
| 09:38pm 22/12/2003 | |||
|
blah.. i dont' want to update...because that means i'd acutually have to care...I think... blah... periods suck Tonya |
|||
| okay...updation.. | |||
| 11:07pm 17/12/2003 | |||
|
um..I pretty much am using my http://www.ujournal.org/users/humanskin because blurty fucks up alot,,,...but every once and a while i shall use this one:) I LOVE YOU ALL!! Tonya |
|||
| (Fuck Me) |
|||
| hahaha | |||
| 08:28am 09/12/2003 | |||
|
life is a joke isn't it? I need vodka...and I river to sit by and dream... oh well..... I'm an outtie... I love Greg Tonya |
|||
| deafeated | |||
| 11:16pm 07/12/2003 | |||
|
United we stood, but we fell apart some of didn't have our hands over our hearts I stood looking at your smiling face you stood looking at ways I could be replaced and It didn't take long, and it wasn't very hard, till you found someone else, and I bet you don't feel that shard, the one sticking in my back, you know the one you held so long? how could you tell me, i'm the one whose wrong.. and i'll tell you i'm not mad at you, and I'll kiss your ass and i'll act like it doesn't bother me, and i'll let it pass, but when your sleeping at night, and thinking of who you really love, could you remember for me, the promise we made above, the one where we'd be friends for life, together forever and always, or did you drink that thought away, lost in your jack daniels, and your marijuana feilds, sorry I can't come out and play anymore, even if I could see you thru all the smoke, I have wounds to mend, and lives to fix, no time for my own, no joke it's not like it used to be, and i can't solve everything by "pretend" someone breaks down, then it's my job to "mend" then i'm forgotton, until there is tragedy again, i'm like that old teddy bear, that sat on your floor, staring at you, begging to play more, but your outside,getting high, and I can hear you laugh, but that laugh isn't mine, when you tell me a joke, that laugh is yours, while you strangle with smoke, and I can't help but hope, that you cough up everything you've ever made me choke on, and I can't see clearly from the oh so innocent white lies you spoke of, and I don't think I'd ever want to go back, because that means after I failed, I'd relive this horror in black, and white.monotonous frenzy, to you your having fun, do you ever miss, the simple bliss, of playing in the rain, I liked watching you, for hours or two, you were like an angel with nothing to lose, and everything to gain, and now I see your faded eyes, and your raspy voice, and I wonder where did you go, why did you make a choice, to ruin yourself, your somebody else, your not that friend I had once before, United we stand, but we fall apart, you were the one, with your had on your heart, and your fingers crossed at your back.. I can't help but think about Tara all the time now... and how much I miss her,...I wonder if this pain will ever go away... once again, insomnia has kicked my ass and i'm sitting in front of this life-support machine, watching the letters as a type...I don't think anyone understands maybe Ashleigh, but she's asleep...where I should be...but that comes rare and unwanted these days...maybe tommorrow...for now, I'll just sit and wait on another shooting star.... I'm an outtie I love Greg... Tonya |
|||
| (Fuck Me) |
|||
| haha...insomnia is taking over | |||
| 01:04am 07/12/2003 | |||
|
well it's 2:00 am do you know where your mind is???... mine is obviosley wandering so much I can't sleep... tonight was good..except when I got bitchy with Brandy...actually I don't think I got "bitchy"...but...I was hurt, I felt left out, and I told her how I felt, and in response, I got that I needed to Grow uP? okay...I thought I was grown more past my years then most of my peers...oh well...I'm really sorry for alot of the stuff I said, I just, I wish I had a friend..someone who wanted to hang out with me? like a best friend...I HAD one up until she decided pot and boys made for better entertainment...yes, I know anyone who actually reads this shit knows i'm speaking of Tara...and she'll make the same exscuses everyone else will " I was busy, I'd already made Friends, I haven't seen carla in a long time"...and it's all bullshit...bullshit bullshit bullshit... She sees Carla every fucking weekend,...she's got a new boyfriend EVER FUCKING WEEKEND...I've cried so SO much over her it's not even funny...the things she's doing to her body...letting other people do to her... Why am I so unpopular...you'd think since your out of school it wouldn't matter right? wrong...I don' t have anyone that says, "hey, you and your husband wanna hang out?" but why should I know, if I never had before... I guess i'm just accepting the fact that Greg is ALL i have...he even has more friends then me...THAT DON"T LIKE ME...I just don't get it....I wouldn't try so hard if people actually accepted me, and then people tell me not to try so hard, and it's just one continuous circle... I was really happy when Curtis came out...I didn't even have to ask "do you wanna come over?"...it suprised me...and I had a hellafun time!!!... I think it just may be my deppression kicking in...I've been off my medicine for quite a while...I mean...I'm "stable"...but it's forced sometimes I think... I know I won't relapse into cutting or anything..i'm pretty certain of that...but I wish I had a ciggarette...that's for sure... I guess...the next few months, i'll just spend at home and the gym...i'm pretty dedicated to making myself look better right now...and not for anyone but myself this time...I guess I could really care-less who likes the way I look, other then Greg,...If I were single, i'd be all about impressing, but now I just want to be fit and healthy... Swimming is a big thing with me, I really enjoy that...so that's probably what i'll do at the gym alot... I think one other person I took for granted...was Jacob H. he ALWAYS wanted to hang out with us....I just didnt' like the fact that he always brought pot to our house....i'm not into pot anymore...it's soooooo stupid...I mean...c'mon... yeah...don't ask...I LIKED getting stoned...but I don't think I miss it... oh well...that's enuff heart-felt emotion for everyone at the moment... someone is probably going to comment and tell me to grow up... but for that statement...i'm GROWING UP as fast as I can for 16...I know noone forced me to Marry...and I understand that it was my decision, and with it brought responsibillities...but honestly, in my own opinion, I think were a BIT more responsible then most young married couples...I think i'm allowed to still have fun until I have childeren...ya know? nothing says Greg and I can't get drunk, or go see a movie, or play some pool with some friends?...because we have no reason that we HAVE to stay at home... oh well...I guess you'll never understand unless your in my head... outtie Tonya |
|||
| (Fuck Me) |
|||
| TONIGHT ROCKED` | |||
| 09:21pm 05/12/2003 | |||
|
man...I got to see Curtis tonight which was fan-spankin-awesome! He's such a great friend, little on the scary side, but awesome,...we drove around for a while, then went to extreme arts, I don't think Brandy wants me over anymore...oh well...that's what I get for introducing everyone to everyone...excluded...no big... I like to sleep anyway...and that's what I shall do...times are falling hard right now...tis' a test...yes... CURTIS YOUR SO COMING WITH US FOR THE TATTS!!! bwa hahaha... anyway.. i'm an outtie*** I LOVE GREG Tonya |
|||
| (2 Orgasmss | Fuck Me) |
|||
| damn my net/?/ | |||
| 10:24am 05/12/2003 | |||
|
damn blasted..I thought it didn't recieve my update, so I re-wrote it and accidentley sent it twice...and now I have 3 of the same things...sort of... haha...i'ma ditz... GOOD NEWS!!!!!!! Brandy's out of the hospital:):):):) she' was all like "ride the moped to the aparment" and i'm all like "screw that it's cold" haha:) yaya! I'm an outtie Tonya |
|||
| (Fuck Me) |
|||
| GOD I HATE MY INTERNET | |||
| 09:43pm 04/12/2003 | |||
|
aNyway:) I had a calender list BIG EVENTS Brandy is still in the hospital :( This weekend : I Think Tara is staying the night and Greg has volunteered to work overtime this weekend...oh well i'll deal Next week: nothing much Next weekend: FUEL CONCERT!!! The week after that : Relatives...Christmas...guh... then NEW YEARS *hiccup* January: The 4th is Greggy's 21st BDAY:) The end of January, we go to get our matching tats:):) Febuary: V-day:? March: the 20th MY 17th BIRTHDAY!! yay go me april??? May: the 16th My sister's 14th B-day and thus marking the death of my best friend matthew braun :( hmm... June?? July 4th Party on Spring River:) Biatches!!!!!!! Comment if ya wanna join?! (call now why wait!!!!!!) and July 10th is my home girlz 17th b-day YAY JULIE WINS!!!!!! August 9th Married for 1 yr!!! Octo? November 22 Greg and I will be together for 2 yrs:):):) :):) and the year pretty much just goes on from there:::):) makes it all seem so sudden that way huh? anyway i'm an outtie! I LOVE GREG Tonya |
|||
| (2 Orgasmss | Fuck Me) |
|||
| Another one bites the dust... | |||
| 09:27pm 04/12/2003 | |||
|
yeah.. Brandy is still in the hospital new agenda Friday we pick up Tara I think Saturday, Greg wants to work overtime to make some extra money we take Tara home Sunday Church Monday-Friday Gym,...nothing really Greg/overtime Friday night FUEL CONCERT Saturday Greg has to work Sunday Church Monday-Sunday Relatives...fun fun..christmas...*guh* New years Vodka anyone??? SWEEt January Jan. 4th is Greg's 21 B-day ( I like tha way u do it right thurr right thurr) End of January Greg and I get our matching Tats that we had designed at extreme arts...love tha place:):):) Febuary uh...valentines day? March March 20th MY 17 B-DAY...(since I got married to Greg my b-day's don't really seem that important, I pretty much married myself into legallity anyway) My baby is so str8 3dge it's scary:) haha urm... May 16 is my sisters 14 b-day thus also marking 2yrs being the death of my best friend Matthew Braun:( June...nothing JULY 4TH PARTY ON THE RIVER:) ON MY PARENTS LOT AT SPRING RIVER...leave comment if ya wanna join ;) (sign up now!!! why wait!!! hahaha) yeah July 10 is my homie dog's 17 b-day JULIE YEAH GO JULIE SHE WINS!!! haha...and yeah the year pretty much just bottoms out after that:):):) haha yeah i'm bored...I went to the gym and the parade...the parade was cool it;'s been better o well, I LOVE GREG i'm an outtie Tonya |
|||
| (Fuck Me) |
|||
| Another one bites the dust... | |||
| 09:27pm 04/12/2003 | |||
|
yeah.. Brandy is still in the hospital new agenda Friday we pick up Tara I think Saturday, Greg wants to work overtime to make some extra money we take Tara home Sunday Church Monday-Friday Gym,...nothing really Greg/overtime Friday night FUEL CONCERT Saturday Greg has to work Sunday Church Monday-Sunday Relatives...fun fun..christmas...*guh* New years Vodka anyone??? SWEEt January Jan. 4th is Greg's 21 B-day ( I like tha way u do it right thurr right thurr) End of January Greg and I get our matching Tats that we had designed at extreme arts...love tha place:):):) Febuary uh...valentines day? March March 20th MY 17 B-DAY...(since I got married to Greg my b-day's don't really seem that important, I pretty much married myself into legallity anyway) My baby is so str8 3dge it's scary:) haha urm... May 16 is my sisters 14 b-day thus also marking 2yrs being the death of my best friend Matthew Braun:( June...nothing JULY 4TH PARTY ON THE RIVER:) ON MY PARENTS LOT AT SPRING RIVER...leave comment if ya wanna join ;) (sign up now!!! why wait!!! hahaha) yeah July 10 is my homie dog's 17 b-day JULIE YEAH GO JULIE SHE WINS!!! haha...and yeah the year pretty much just bottoms out after that:):):) haha yeah i'm bored...I went to the gym and the parade...the parade was cool it;'s been better o well, I LOVE GREG i'm an outtie Tonya |
|||
| (Fuck Me) |
|||
| sorry ash i had to post this:) | |||
| 03:34pm 03/12/2003 | |||
|
I had to post your comment because it made me very very happy:):):) :p I love you to pieces then i'll glue you back together and love you more!!! (Anonymous) 2003-12-03 17:32 (link) "how can they run from you? i owe you. how did it get to be so easy?" this entry made me smile. you and i will always be together. thats a promise. i know i've been a shitty friend here lately. you're here and i don't even come see you. i know, tonya, i should be shot for being that way. i just always get so caught up in other things. i overlook those who really do mean the world to me. like you. i remember when i came to see you in gosnell and we sat up talking, making wedding invites, hoping that snake wouldnt eat my poor little spoot mouse, playing with the kitties, eating all greg's cereal. :D hah. i always feel really at home when i'm with you. you make me feel alive, really. okay this comment is long enough. i'm sure by now you know that i love you, but i'll go ahead and tell you one more time just cause i wanna. ILOVEYOU. <3 ash. |
|||
| (Fuck Me) |
|||
| wow...the stupidity | |||
| 03:16pm 03/12/2003 | |||
|
hmm... wonder who coulda put that last comment in there? couldn't have been someone who knows anything about me, or even cares for that matter, because then I think they'd know that i've been searching for a job, going to the gym and only hanging out with friends when my husband is WITH ME? wow...that was a really stupid attempt...and i'm going to leave names out if this,...just know some of us are going to heaven...and some of us aren't... some of us can't let "bigones" be "bigones" or spell for that matter:) have a nice day:):):) Outtie oh wait... other news... I think Brandy is in the hospital again:( that makes me really sad.. and if everything goes right, me brandy and Juls are going to little rock saturday Greg me, julie and probably josh maybe, are going to blythville to see the lights on the delta thingy and the 12th Brandy me Greg and Ben are going to see FUEL...muddafuckas!!!! we have really good seats too!!! getting loaded dates : the 12th after/or before the concert...not sure, NEW YEARS FO SHO hehe I LOVE GREG, JULIE, BRANDY ASHLEIGH...and the elves...:) Ashleigh I promise were doing something soon... if not i'll do some weird out of body and come over there and make out with you:):):) hehe makeout=fun Outta Tonya |
|||
| (Fuck Me) |
|||
| OMG!!!!!!!! | |||
| 11:12am 02/12/2003 | |||
|
Okay okay okay I DO BELIEVE IN HEAVEN AND HELL, AND I"M CONFIDENT MY PLACE IS WITH HEAVEN... I just said in all thoughts of science " if there weren't" then yes I wonder what would happen but that' not being the case because I DO BELEIVE haha I got more comments out of that entry :p o well, i'm going to Brandys Bye BIATCHES outtie Tonya |
|||
| lif3 aft3r d3ath... | |||
| 10:02pm 30/11/2003 | |||
|
Heaven... I say that with confidence.. but in the case of No heaven nor hell.. then yes I wonder... but... those thoughts don't need to be made public... :) Tipsy Tonya |
|||
| (3 Orgasmss | Fuck Me) |
|||
| I hate SBC yahoo | |||
| 03:01am 30/11/2003 | |||
|
I had wrote a fairly large journal entry...and lost it because my internet sux I've been shady lately...not wanting to be around anyone.. I've got too many memories around christmas, and worst of all, I won't get to see my little sister this christmas,...I think i still hate my parents for moving to arizona...this cold deppresses me, it makes me sick, not with the flu, but with diseased emotion towards friends...or friends who aren't friends...people who stopped being there for me.. with the exception of Greg, I am truly alone...in all reality... I'm always thinking of something, and not quite sure what it is...whatever it is, it's deppressing me... I want to leave...to get out and do something...but yet again, I have noone to do anything with... I was hanging out with Brandy..yes...but I think in all honesty I annoy her...or since she met julie, they have more in common then Brandy and I I think...I felt very much out of place...I just wish I had a friend that was like "my one friend Tonya, we did this last weekend" or "I'd rather stay at Tonya's this weekend" someone that thought of me... I really don't think there's anyone like that besides Greg.. I wonder if anyone still ready my journal...noone ever comments...noone ever says anything about me in there journal...noone ever calls me...I had more friends when I was hanging out with the "wrong" people and being called a skank..now i've grown up, matured, equipped myself...and become lonely...kind of ironic if you ask me...but you don't...because i'm not important.. I need to find my faith... the way it looks right now...all my friends are going to hell....I know I should be telling them to wonders of God...but..I'm just wasting saliva and my voice...everyone is too wrapped up in pot, and sex, and jumping for boy to boy...this discription fits what's left to call all of my "friends"...that is sad...not one of them have a sense of God or church, religion...and what's even worse? 6 months ago they did...am I the only one left that's non-hypocritical... you guys when your stoned out do you ever think of where you might go after death? do you even care??? of course not... may your punishments come down hard,and antagonizing... you get what you give... out.. Tonya |
|||
| my life, is a soap opera | |||
| 12:16am 26/11/2003 | |||
|
today..I went to see Brandy,...she went into ICU last night, but she's stabalized today... Gawd I miss her... She's been like my closest friend,...My Husband, Ashleigh,Brandy,my little sister, and my grandfather,....I live for these people, these are the people that make me happy, this is what i' mthankful for. Yes indeedy. Ashleigh and caleb broke up, and it broke my heart to hear it... I just hope nothing ever bad happens to those five people...they're my life... playy tragic: i have to go for now playy tragic: love you playy tragic: goodnight playy tragic: :-) playy tragic: we'll always be friends. playy tragic: promise. Ashleigh makes me smile...i feel elite, ecstatic..special when she talks to me... She's my short favorite:):):) I love life, life is a game, we lose some but we win all the same take it now take it fast you give so little to something that won't last grab it by the hand hold onto it tight you never really know, what's beyond tonight freestyle?....I learned that word...up until I heard it....I thought this was just "thought poetry"...yeah...it didn't make since in my head either... I"M OUT like a light bulb Tonya |
|||
| WOWNESS | |||
| 11:24pm 23/11/2003 | |||
|
Last night was mine and Greg's 1yr...it was really really good...I mean the day started off bad, but it ended good. We;re all going to see the Fuel concert the 12 of Dec. They are REALLY great friends. we got drunk over there, Greg had a bit to drink, haha, but he drove us home,...I slept till like 4 today tommorrow I think Brandy and I are going to the gym, I needa go, i've slacked off all week. She's so very awesome. Tonight we went to see Gothika...It's been ALONG time since i've went to a movie that scared me it is AWESOME In other news: Ben's and Greg's friend Scotti left a porno in a movie returned to Ben and everyone is denying it....was it or wasn't it Scotti's?? dun dun daaaaaaaaaa Noone has been able to hang out with Scotti....what's the reason...is it work? Brandy's dog had to be put down...RIP... Brandy and I did NOT really make out at the car was....or did we??? dun dun DAAA stay tuned for further reports... oh my..i'm sl33py...and I gotta get up early tommorrow to go with Killa B (Brandy :)) ) so i'ma go TONYA~~~~~~~~~ |
|||
| (Fuck Me) |
|||
| Good Times!!! | |||
| 06:55pm 19/11/2003 | |||
|
well so far, i've been chillin' with Brandy, she's like...the shit!!! Today we got to sit inside a 2002 z06 cherry red corvette, and she got to go for a test ride...sweeeeeeet... and then we went to Ben and her appt, and hung out, and then they took me to meet Greg and littlw while after that... we've had such a great time...she so awesome...she's like, a friend i've always needed... The only thing that has really bothered me lately...is how distant Greg and I seem to be...and how he's always trying to control me... that's something I can't have...I just can't...and I so wanted to move out...we had the best oppurtunity...and Greg doesn't want to...I feel like screaming... I don't know L8ter Tonya |
|||
| (Fuck Me) |
|||
| halo | |||
| 10:44pm 18/11/2003 | |||
|
um...yeah for the last 4 days i've hung out at Ben's and Brany's..she's really really awesome:):):) were thinking about getting the apt right across from them:) yay :D that makes me happy, because there really cool people:):):) I have to get a hold of Cassey and Scotti to see if they want to room with us tho... hm... oh well, that's about it:) Tonya |
|||
| (Fuck Me) |
|||
| Thankyou Jenny:) | |||
| 11:43pm 16/11/2003 | |||
|
Thankyou for replying, I didn't even think you remembered me, no, the two suicides and one murder I didn't know, I knew of two if them...day before yesterday however I did go to church with another guy that took his life about a day ago by suffocating himself...does anyone else think the world may be nearing the 2nd coming? it's like all in a row... wow... I just don't understand it...and I didn't mean to wig out, it's just how I felt at the time...I missed church tonight but I'm trying to attend it more..God is a big issue to me.. but thankyou:) I was concerned that you didn't care... i'm glad to hear from you...and Ihope we get to see eachother soon, just god forbid it be for another funeral... that seems like the only way to see the rest of the family sometimes.. anyway... other then that all i did was go over ben' and josh's with Greg's, I meant Brandi, she's really awesome...I had fun, I think Julie and Josh may hit if off, that'd be fun!!! well, i'll update more soon Tonya |
|||
| (Fuck Me) |
|||
|
moonwriter |
||
|
Friends Info Calendar My other journal...past life |
||
| skip | ||
| Backward | ||