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[31 Mar 2004|03:32am] [ mood | amused ] OMG i just saw a what's my line? episode (you know the old black and white game show where a panel of celebreties tries to guess what some person does for a living) and the contestant they had on there was the Colonel from KFC!!! So wierd.. also.. "dove, the soap that creams you while you clean." that's a slogan from a sponder for the show. Steve's sister bid on this house that was up for auction beause it had been reposesed or something, and she got it. It's a two story brick house, so as long as the inspection goes okay then i guess she will buy it. I haven't seen it yet but it sounds cool. I'm making a big list of all the attractions at disney and what they are and how much i want to see them and other tips and things that are in this disney book that steve's niece has. I figure if i write it down on like one sheet of paper then i can acess it all real fast. anyway, it's sorta fun.... nothing new.. nicole post comment

[28 Mar 2004|02:28am] [ mood | sore ] So i haven't upgated in a long time and so i am now, even though there is nothing new to say. Hmm. steve cut the grass today and i gave a drawing lesson to his nephew. who is in second grade. he's pretty good for that age, but of course, that means in general he's not very good at all. He likes to do dino drawings from those books that show you the shapes and stuff and he does them in ink and they are pretty good considering. I'm maybe going to try to teach him about shading... but i don't know that he'll take to it. Oh well. I went to the library and got a bunch of drawing books out but they are not very helpful. Mostly i just want them to have pictures that i can use... ummm.. nothing.. yep nothing i have a headache. post comment

[24 Mar 2004|03:05am] [ mood | chipper ] Ten years since Kurt died. yup. What else? i got a cd from Kool ciggarettes.. i bet it blows. I went to the library today. It was cool, i got out a bunch of books about draiwng and stuff because i'm supposed to be tutoring lance, one of steve's nephews who is like seven or eight i think? in drawing. But it's awfully hard because um.. that's very young to teach any true drawing skills. The disney thing is happening the week of july 10th... in case anyone was wondering.. For my birthday we all are going to go bowling, maybe probably, everyone likes it, i guess cause they've never gone really. It was my idea a long time ago and steve remembered. Cool! Not much else going on.. i made a cool rhyme/song but i can't put it on here on account that some parties might be offended by it. lalala. lalala. 1 comment|post comment

[23 Mar 2004|12:54am] Well.. noone did any of my quizzes. Oh well. So.. nothing is new very much. We're getting my dad a dvd player for his birthday. I've been playing alot of gunbound. There's some nice people on there. I have rabbit ears and wierd big glasses and some pink clothes. so that's cool. Pip won't ever play no more. jerk. Steve's been working alot, plus it's spring and he does the landscaping stuff at the house, and here you have to mow things constantly, and water things constantly. So he's busy all the time. Plus he has to do everything with me, like take me anywhere i go, and do anything i do with me because he's my buffer between me and everyone else. I feel bad because i think it's a big strain on him even though he says it's not. I don't do a thing, and i'm a big free loader, and it sucks. I need to change that but i have too many problems with myself, but that just makes more/worse. so whatever. Steve's family is going to disney this year. It was this wierd all of the sudden decision. They've been saying they will go someday for a long time. And this year someone was like hey lets go and now it's happening. It's good cause um.. disney is cool and stuff. But it i spensive, and takes up vacation time so now we don't know what's happening with our trip to mass. But, if we didn't go to disney it's not like steve's family is gonna go agian next year or something. So.. yeah. If anyone wants to go, they can, they have to pay their own money and all that but yeah. Steve and i went to see starsky and hutch the other day. It was pretyt good i thought considering i thought i would hate it. It was sorta bad that we saw steve's cousin on the way out, because she lives at steve's aunts house that they are working on and his brothers had decided that they were gonna take the day off and told her that everyone was too tired. Ooops. oh well. post comment

[19 Mar 2004|10:41pm] i just now got that comment about big plans in the big camper. Duh, took me that long. I want big plans too, i want someone to make a big plan to fix my life this time. Not that the plans ever happen, but fuck, it'd be cool to be in a plan. I've been rather miserable off and on lately, mostly on the course of hating myself, in various colors everywhere between deciding that i'm terribly hideous, to the fact that i'm utterly useless, yada yada yada. Dunno why i've been like that lately more than other times. Maybe just because it's too hot. Also, veronica got sick with strep throat and i was not feeling that great either, and i took a cold pill and that screws me up for a couple of days anyway. Went grocery shopping today and spent too much money and then ate too much food. This made me feel alot better and i pretended to be a dino and steve thought it was funny and good. The infamous "duck" episode of dharma and greg is on. I thought i was never going to see it. 1 comment|post comment

[16 Mar 2004|02:23am] Too many things are going on which i am unhappy with at the moment that i don't want to talk about. (dangeling participle) It sucks because if those things weren't there then i might actually be having a pretty good time. Oh well, like all things, i give up on trying to resolve my bad feelings. Partly because by standard standards i am much much overly sensitive, i have no "right" to those feelings, they are figments (of my emogination) and how after all can you resolve figments? and half because it has thus far proved to be a hopeless endeavor, and in all rights probably reasonably so, since there is nothing of the same consistency or, rather, similiar composition with which to push them about or conduct a reaction, or fundamentally or non-so change them in any way. and half over again because i have nothing to compete with, all my efforts to weild my weapons of self worth have been called foul in petty power plays. Anyway, i've got a whole jar full of wishes of what i wish things could be like, and half of it is embroiled in impossible conflicts, and the other half i never make any of it happen anyway. And, just to note, probably none at all of it is what anyone reading this thinks they know it is (complicated wording to loose those with short atttention spans), unless that person is steve. You, the proverbial "you", are supposed to grab life and all that, but that's for the people who aren't me. What if the grabbing of life is exactly the thing that spoils it? i make no sense, and i don't care, because i'm backwards of everyone else anyway, at least that's what people tell me, and i don't care about that either even if i don't add up, i don't measure up, and i don't make up to "you"(proverbial that is). None (of the people out there) feels like identifying with me, when i start spewing my soul (rather, when i'm given the rare chance to let it leak out) or otherwise, or maybe they just can't, and it doesn't much matter which because either way i'm only left in my own club, and either way i still don't agree that i'm not right just because i don't feel the right way. And maybe that's just the way that i am backwards after all, not that i'm so not right, but that i don't believe i'm not (not right). I just understand things in the way that you do not, and i do not see the blame in that. i have the experience of having things most people are looking for, and not things which other people take for granted to begin with. "You don't know what you are talking about (because you cannot see clearly), and you are too far away anyway (to care about anymore), and you can't live your life dwelling on things (which are no longer important)" These are things i hate to hear. I hate being blamed for what people assume i (do or don't) feel, and to what degree they deem it a correct feeling. i see things in a way that i never did before, but, if the truth must be told, i'm not doing anything besides occasionally playing the ingratiating scapegoat in my mind, and repenting to a place of feeling vile over it, and living my life with my broad company of figments. If you don't like this entry, that's quite alright because i doubt you'll tell me, and maybe you already hate me, as my (most likely) most faithful reader does. which, hahaha, has nothing to do with anything, i just find it genuinely funny. But that's what i get for staying up too late. post comment

[12 Mar 2004|03:17am] Ghost or spirit: You are a lost soul. Very calm and sweet, you are often the one who asks: What if? With a clever mind, you want to explore the world on a different level. Without the answers, you aren't ready to move on. You are most likely very creative and find yourself thinking things through on a different level. **Where will you go when you die?**(now with pics) brought to you by Quizilla You are Cleopatra of the Nile. The great biographer of the time, Plutarch, wrote of Cleopatra, 'Her actual beauty, it is said, was not in itself so remarkable that none could be compared with her, or that no one could see her without being struck by it, but the contact of her presence, if you lived with her, was irresistible . . . It was a pleasure merely to hear the sound of her voice, with which, like an instrument of many strings, she could pass from one language to another . . .' You have a spark in you that draws other people to you. Indeed, you are drawn to others because you are always curious. People can talk to you; and you have a passion in life to know, live, love, and learn. What famous female ruler are you? (written for the girls) brought to you by Quizilla Well well well, the old fashioned 17th century vampire, one of my faves. You look for the good things in life, you posses a lot of classical class, and follow that of the original vampires, you have no shame in what you are, infact you embrace it, you love it and wouldn't have it any other way. Your wealth is unspeakable and your way of luring people with your mystical ways and looks is amazing, and most people would often call you The Seductress. What Kind Of Vampire Would You Be? (Cool answers, AND FOR GILRS UNLESS YOU ARE A CROSSDRESSER)! brought to you by Quizilla My inner child is sixteen years old! Life's not fair! It's never been fair, but while adults might just accept that, I know something's gotta change. And it's gonna change, just as soon as I become an adult and get some power of my own. How Old is Your Inner Child? brought to you by Quizilla You are from the Anglo-Saxon time period. It was a very hard time for the people - sickness, death, barely anyone being able to read. But the people learned to have a stoic acceptance to these things. Truly, this is the era where the stuff of legends are made - the most famous one being Beowulf. You have a strong sense of right and wrong. You never give up. Life is sometimes hard but you learn to look on the bright side of things. You have a strong beleif in things that explain; religon, magic swords, omens, etc. Sometimes, though, you have a tendecy to make things look bigger, better, or worse than they are. Which Era do you belong to? brought to you by Quizilla post comment

[12 Mar 2004|02:57am] i read on this news page thing that rated cities of the world for certain catagories that san antonio was number ten for best looking people. I don't understand that too much because it's also on the list for fatest cities in the u.s. (which i heard some other time, not on that site) Then i looked at lists for colleges.. except it wasn't lists it was like the college with the best this is.. ____. So anyway umass was on there for something.. guess what it was.. guess guess.. longest lines and most red tape.. ahahhaahahahahahahaha. sooo funny. Anyway.. something.. i had dreams last night that i was in high school and my friends decided they hated me and i had to go sit with scary people at lunch, and other things about people hating me. i have a headache.. i had one last night too. Maybe it's from being on the computer so much.. but i finally got my rabbit ears. so i'm happy anyway. i dunno, nothing else to say i guess. post comment

[11 Mar 2004|04:08am] [ mood | contemplative ] Underneath the pulling door behind the farworth tree I wait for something to begin an oportunity a crack of light under the door a passing breeze of air the small vibration of a step treading near my lair the slightest shifting bit of earth may disturb my wakeful rest silver shining drops that hit the surface of my nest. disillusion is a weakness to your emerald eyes but i stay safe and hidden waiting where i lie. That's something i thought up this morning while i was trying to sleep but couldn't. 1 comment|post comment

[08 Mar 2004|11:05pm] Today, steve was going to go do some more work at hi aunts house, but before that we went outside and there's these big puddles in the gravela nd grass around the pool and the water in the pool is down about a foot. So steve's brother and steve and i look for a hole in the lining, and we find one, and steve's brother was reaching in the pool to see if it was a real hole or just a mark or something, then i had the idea to take a piece of plastic and put it there and see if it got stuck by the suction to the side, and it did so we knew it was the hole. We all went out and bought a patch kit because we coudln't find the one they had, and steve's brother got in the pool and patched the hole. yes in the pool. The pool was 68 degrees. so, it was cold but not like it would be there that's for sure. Then steve and i went to get some things to keep working on the planter. While we were there we got a call that there was another hole! I don't kow if it was an existing hole really but it was i guess at least like a weak spot that steve's brother was looking for othere tears and he went to see if this was one and his finger went through, so then we had another bigger tear and he had to patch that one to. It's kind of bad because noone knows what caused the tears really, yesterday the pool was fine, today it was gushing water. And noone's been in there or anything so.. yeah. and it's only two years old. oh well. So then steve and i worked on the planter for a long time and then we slept all evening instead of eating diner. post comment

[07 Mar 2004|11:08pm] la la la. today i learned that "less than fifty" conjoined twins are born in the u.s. each year. I assume that means not only less than fifty but close to fifty. I think that seems like a lot. but how many people live in the u.s? wayy to many, i'd say. anyway then i learned that today there was a high of 87 degrees here. i knew it was hot but i thought i was just being a wuss. That's too hot! been doing more nothing, but thinking about doing things. Playing this game gunbound, that pip had me download, after he abandoned me in risk. ( i taught him to play but he won't anymore (he sucks at it.. that's why) gunbound is fun, it took forever to download. Even though we have cable now and it's supposed to be faster than anything else. (i looked that up to see for sure) But i think actually that someone else here was downloading stuff that same night, so maybe that was part of it. gunbound is a little anime fighting game, sort of like that video game where they have all of those different nintendo or whatever brand it is characters that play against each other. Except it's in turns and you can only move or shoot at peopel during your turn. you can get gear too, and i'm bound and determined to get me a pair of rabbit ears. Yesterday steve and i worked on building a giant planter though I am rather useless. I can't even drill a deep hole because i'm not strong enough/don't have enough weight to put enough pressure on the drill. hmm. Also, doing much of anything too fast in the sun makes me dizzy. Today i watched the movie version of angela's ashes. I didn't like the ending though i can't remember if it was the same as the book, but i doubt it. If it was then i wouldn't like the ending of the book either. I also watched trading spaces home free, which was okay but had a bunch of boring introuctory parts. If i enter to win them to pay off my mortgage, and i don't have one, do you think they'llpay off the person's of my choice? Or family member of my choice? dunno. I also watched matchstick men. It was pretty good, i recommend it. Not that it will change your life but it was fun. There was one part where i swore the chick said constellation instead of consolation, but it might just have been me. Now mythbusters is on and they are making a cannon out of a tree trunk. They like to make things that explode. Been more depressed in a general way about things than i have been recently. Maybe it's a relapse, but more likely it's lack of exercise and constructive things to do. but also, it's not like i don't have real things to actaully be depressed about, so i guess it's reasonable depression. Yesterday i was thinking about that i actually know what being happy is like, and though i did recognise being hapy at the time, i didn't really realise the extent of how profound the experience is. i didn't say that right but idon't know how to right now. anyway what i have to say about everything is oh well, at least i have some fake plans to plan. 2 comments|post comment

[04 Mar 2004|01:40am] i did my taxes last night. telefiled my state ones and efiled my federal ones. h and r block let me do them online for free. today i sewed up the seam in my jeans that was coming undone. woohoo go me. I kinda feel like doing some art. But i have more sewing to do. oh well we'll see. So anyway i haven't played the vampire game in a long time, but i did today and there's a new power you can get. I already have the first level! Today there is noone on to talk to. Or more accurately everyone that there is to talk to left after a couple minutes of being on or a couple minutes after i came on. Maybe i was too depressing yesterday. oh well. it's not like anyone that talks to me considers me a real friend anyway, and it's not like the other people that might ever talk to me online. so i guess it doesn't matter much, hahah. 4 comments|post comment

[02 Mar 2004|11:18pm] I had a dream that jen was pregnant but she didn't want me to know about it, which wasn't to hard to do since i'm in texas. But someone told me about it or i found out somehow. It was strange because she liked to be pregnant and have the baby which i don't think she would really in the real world. Then later on she had the baby but it was stillborn. what a screwed up dream. post comment

[01 Mar 2004|11:19pm] Supposedly, the WB is going to do a remake of dark shadows next season. Scary eh? post comment

i forgot to mention [29 Feb 2004|05:48pm] One of the things i got in the mail was a PETA thing wanting money. Which is fine, i give them some. They tell me that GM used to use dogs as crash test dummies in "animal impact research" and car crash them to death. Ugh! but peta got them to stop. They also said they've made progress with getting gillette to agree to not doing some things. Yay! post comment

la la la [29 Feb 2004|05:08am] [ mood | lethargic ] so here i am... i haven't gotten any comments in a hella long time. So anyway today steve and i went to eat at this place johnny carinos which is a semi expensive italian place. It's really good but for some reason there was way too much of some spice in the marinara sauce that steve had on his meal.. i said the top must have fallen off the bottle. At first i didn't believe him when he said there was too much spice but then at the end i took a piece of bread and swiped some sauce from the bottom of his bowl and ate it and it like burned my tongue cause it had so much of something. It wasn't even like hot spice.. just regular spice. Woah! Also it was crowded because it was saturday night. even thought it was past eight thirty, the place was packed. It wouldn't be so bad but we had to sit across from a couple with a baby and the baby kept yelling and i wanted to smack it.. or them. I don't think peopel should bring thier baby to places like that. I know it's a free world but it's supposed to be like an adult maybe romantic kind of atmosphere, it's not like a typical family restruant.. But i just don't like kids and don't want any so that's just me. Then before we left Another baby came in, and we were in this like little overflow room or something. Anyway then after that we went to wallmart to look at how much camping stuff costs. It seems that we could get what we need for not very much and that's good. But unfortuneatly steve was saying that we might not be able to go there until october.. which is kind of too cold for camping i think. so idon't know what will happen with that. oh well. hmm.. then we came home and steve went to sleep because he has to work tomorrow.. allen told me he gets good book recommendations from amazon from putting in books he's read and so i did that for a long time. books and music.. because once you start it's addictive. that's about all. 1 comment|post comment

[28 Feb 2004|03:00am] So.. today i got alot of mail from my mom and dad. They sent me all the mail i've gotten including my tax resturns so that i can do my taxes. oh joy. heh. Steve and i ate at subway and then we went to academy to look at tent prices. For soem reason it was super packed. Steve says it always is and i find that wierd. Downloaded risk on my computer here and i taught pip to play. yep. that's about all i guess. for some reason i thought i had alot to say but i guess i don't really. post comment

[26 Feb 2004|10:26pm] [ mood | bouncy ] i was watching will and grace, and Gene Wilder was guest starring on there and he said "will, i want to thank you from the heart of my bottom." then he said "strike that, reverse it." it was cool. I forgot to mention yesterday that also there's going to be a pirates of the carribean 2. with depp and orlando bloom. I dind't think they would make a sequel but i guess they can't leave a big blockbuster money maker alone eh. Crossing jordan is a show i like and it's coming back, because whats her name had her baby.. but it sucks because the good part of the show is jordan's personal life and the mystery of her mom's death when she was a child, but they said they aren't going to do anything with it anytime son because "jordan" doens't want to play a huge part right now so she can take care of her baby better. admirable but um sucky for me. oh well. My cable works now.. boy is it fast. and i can watch video clips and stuff and actually see them. post comment

[26 Feb 2004|01:53am] [ mood | curious ] So we got cable modem here, (yes cable modem no cable tv as it was much more expensive than satelite for the same things) and anyway after a bunch of finagaling (sp?) with our wiring we got it connected and running. Unfortunately it doens't appear that my connection is very good because web ages take a literal ten minutes to load and sometimes just crap out. So, there's something wrong. Steve's sister has a friend that is a computer guy and he's going to take a look. One of the other computers is having a similar problem. Poo! we'll see. It was alot of work to run all our wiring so this better work out. Actually though i had fun the days that we were setting up stuff because everyone was around and i was around watching and something was going on, and it's probably one of the days of the most social contact i had in a long while. Some people here are going on a trip to New Orleans at the end of April. Steve and I aren't but a whole bunch of steve's family are. Just for fun. Steve has a weeks vacation he's going to take off sometime soon. I can't believe my birthday (also at the end of april) is less than two months away now. Steve and i are talking now instead of flying up there driving up there when steve has two weeks off (maybe late summer) but um, nothing i settled yet. I could get alot of my things if we did, but on the other hand, i don't have a place for most of my things here, and storage is sort of expensive. Does anyone remember this showthat i used to watch as a kid. It was a kids show, animated and it had characters that were animals, i particularily remember there were koala's a koala boy and his younger sister and he had a best friend that was a rabbit and a friend that was a girl but ambiguosly romantic but i don't remember what animal she was.. and they the koalas ate eucalytis leaves, and one time in the show there were locusts, and in the mountain there was some strange guy who you couldn't see most of him he was all wrapped up and he had a little flying squirrel, and there was always this inane gecko that would run around with it's neck flap up freaking out. does anyone else remember this? tv quide makes mention of johnny depps upcoming role in charlie and the chocolate factory's remake (he's playing willy wonka) and a movie that i want to see that's called the libertine, which is about a 17th century poet but i want to see it because it has both him and samantha morton in it who i really like. lastly apparently, he's going to play a role in a movie about the author of peter pan, j.m. barrie. which is cool because there's a relaly neat story behind why he wrote peter pan which i can't remember the details of but i read about oncein this book for psychology class and had to dow ith something like his brother who was his mother's favorite died and his mother consoled herself with the fact that he would never get old and "tainted" by things and so he himself never married or anythign in an attempt to stay a child and then he wrote peter pan. Like i said i'm not sure about the details but maybe someone remembers me telling the story before. and i think i still have the book somewhere, if i didn't sell it back. so if they tell that story then that will be very interesting, though it just says here that he plays "a drug adict with pedophilic leanings." I want to see firestarter again, but i think if i actually did i would be like, this isn't very good. i want to see colonial house, which i guess in may will be it's new fourth season but i've never seen it yet. it's "26 history buffs re-creating life as 17th century pilgrims in maine." So.. other than that nothing much has been happening. Steve's brother might want me to show his some some things about drawing sometime.. gotta go see ya later. post comment

[21 Feb 2004|04:38am] [ mood | drained ] My new favorite show is cooking in Brooklyn. It features this average looking guy who gets in these situations where he has to cook for someone, or some group of people. Like right now it’s on and he’s cooking for the mechanics that are fixing his car. I don’t know if he’s doing this for payment or just to make them work faster or not screw him over or something, but anyway he’s making a stir-fry. (mmmm) Every time I see this show he’s making something good. Even if it has meat in it it either still looks good or looks like it would be good if I took out the meat. It’s funny because even though he makes some fancy kind of stuff sometimes he makes everything low key. Like the first one I saw he was making a whole bunch of soups for the workers who were working on his restaurant which he’s opening, and he was using like a camp stove to cook on and stuff. And even today to make some sauce he was making he dumped it in a mason jar and shook it up. He also goes to the store and takes you there and pretends he doesn’t know what he’s doing. Like he went and bought a wok and was like.. what? I need to season it first? Anyway I’m into cooking shows in general now because I like to drool over the fancy food. This show though, it’s like this happy surprise every time I see it because I never know when it’s on. It’s on sometime prime time I think but I never see it then cause I’m always busy. But it comes on late at night too, but I can never seem to pin down when it is on exactly. Like I thought it was on this one time and went to see it the next week and it wasn’t on then. There’s a HEB (grocery store) like a few blocks away from here and the other day a helicopter crash landed there. The guys lived and all, it was on the news. But it’s kinda cool it was just over there. It turns out that dsl service isn’t even offered here. Steve and steve’s brother and I went to the store to buy a bunch of stuff for dsl. We went to comp usa first and then we went to best buy. Best buy wants you to sign up through them, I guess cause then you buy all the shit you need for it there. So they have a computer to do sign up through and we were going to do it but that’s when we found out that we can’t get dsl. We can only get cable through roadrunner or earthlink. Which we may be doing. We might be switching from satellite to cable tv too and get a package thing. I put up some pictures of my room here and some art that I did. So go look. post comment

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