Remus J. Lupin's Blurty Entries [entries|friends|calendar] Remus J. Lupin [ userinfo | blurty userinfo ] [ calendar | blurty calendar ]

I need a holiday. Hands up who else needs one too? [20 Aug 2003|05:11pm] [ mood | curious ] [ music | Lifehouse - Hanging By A Moment ] How many of you would be interested in a trip to Egypt? I was just thinking, maybe it would be a good idea if I organized a field trip, so that the students could get out and do some sightseeing, and the teachers could... well, teach, and relax a bit. Maybe a holiday is something we could all benefit from at the moment. Of course, from an educational viewpoint, hieroglyphs are fascinating and they fit into the Ancient Runes syllabus. Would any other teachers be interested in taking their classes along for the ride as well? Oh, and I do apologise for not updating. You know, werewolf scatterbrain and such. I blame my advanced classes for having nervous breakdowns about their results. 15 unfurled their wings .::. voice your opinion

How... strange. [18 Jul 2003|11:26pm] [ mood | sore ] [ music | U2 - Elevation ] [private] This seems very odd, yet very good. I don't think I've ever experienced something so... paradoxical in my life. It's like being a walking oxymoron. I dislike attachment, as a rule -- far too messy when everything goes wrong, and most people aren't particularly willing to hold up a long-term relationship with a werewolf. I love being with her, but I'm afraid of hurting her without meaning to. She even stayed with me while I was in my wolf form, which is probably one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me. I know Padfoot and Prongs and Wormtail (slimy git) did as well, but this is... different, somehow. I knew she was scared, but she still stayed. And I really do want to thank her for that, but I honestly have no idea how to go about saying it. 'Oh, by the way, cheers for hanging around while I was running around growing fur and chasing my tail, you know' somehow seems... inappropriate? Disrespectful? I can't seem to convey what I'm trying to say. And as for her thing with Draco... I don't know what she plans to do about that. I can cope with sharing her, as long as it isn't rubbed in my face... but I don't want her to feel unnecessarily tied down. Except I don't know how to break that subject without sounding as if I'm having second thoughts, which I certainly am not. ... bugger, romance is a complicated little fucker. [/private] Hmmm, I needed to vent. I'm still sore and tired from the full moon though, so I'll make more of an update later on. 6 unfurled their wings .::. voice your opinion

With a little sweetness simple numbing me... [27 Jun 2003|08:02pm] [ mood | content ] [ music | Jimmy Eat World - Sweetness ] Well, the last few days have been slightly more hectic than I would have thought. Padfoot and I talked things over, and cleared the air thankfully. The atmosphere was getting a bit too tense for comfort, and I really would hate to lose our friendship over something like this. I still love him though.... don't I? [private] I still have no idea what to get Scarlet for her rather belated birthday present. She says she doesn't want anything big... but I want to try and get her something special. *sigh* I'd ask someone girlie for help (such as Firenze, he's always wearing jewellery and knows about perfume and flowers and things), but I think this is something I'd like to get her on my own. [/private] I've been rather tired recently, but I caught up on a few hours of sleep over the last few nights, so I think I'm okay now. I would write more... but honestly, I'll only end up boring you all, and since I realize my Ancient Runes students have been reading this (oh, the number of quotes they've been making...), I doubt it would be in my best interests to say anything more... revealing. Sidenote: I just got referred to as "interesting". Should I take that as a compliment? ^_~ 7 unfurled their wings .::. voice your opinion

I'm so scared that I'll never get put back together... [20 Jun 2003|07:02am] [ mood | scared ] [ music | Fiona Apple - Criminal ] Well, yesterday was certainly a confusing day. "Sleeping on it" seems to have made no difference, since I woke up this morning and still had a somewhat unpleasant feeling in my stomach. Such is my life, in general. I must remember to pick up the remainder of my books from home again today. For those students who might be reading, I'll be taking over Ancient Runes as of next Monday. I wonder if this means I'll have to stop writing about my personal life in here. [private] I remember vaguely, during my schooldays, learning about attachments and therapy in Psychology. Something about the fact that the patient can develop feelings for the therapist because it has no-where else to go, e.t.c. I can't help but wonder if the same thing's happening here. I certainly don't understand Scarlet's motives, and I hate to say that, because she is a lovely girl, but I don't understand what she sees in someone old enough to be her father, unless there's some serious problems with her Electra complex going on. Or it might be that her hormones are making her look for someone to help her raise the baby, or something unconscious like that. Plus, I'm not blind, and I know that she seems to have demolished half of the male Hogwarts population in her year already. *sigh* I don't know what she wants, but more importantly, I doubt that I can give it to her. The kisses were different too. I didn't know what to do, it isn't like when I kiss Padfoot and I can just let go, and bite him a little bit here and there, and jump on him and things. Girls are... strange. They seem too delicate to do anything to, as if you'll somehow break them by sneezing. Or perhaps I'm just biased, and I happen to like the way Padfoot is all ... Padfoot-like. (Merlin above, there goes my English.) This sickening feeling of guilt isn't leaving either. I can't stop thinking about Padfoot... I was thinking about him all the time we were out there, I never seem to stop thinking about him really. I love him, I honestly do, and I think that's something that won't ever change. But Padfoot is so honestly confusing... I don't know whether he wants a relationship, or whether this is just a case of "friends with benefits", or what. I do know, though, that if Scarlet moved away somewhere, I'd be able to cope. If Padfoot moved away, I don't think I could. I've been away from him for the last goodness-knows how many years, and that in itself nearly killed me. Why do I have to make everything so complicated? And what if he finds out? ... *sigh* I should tell him, in any case. I need to explain what's going on, I need to ask him about where we stand, I need to apologise and tell him I love him and a million other things besides. I just don't know if he'll believe me... [/private] Padfoot... I need to talk to you, please? 20 unfurled their wings .::. voice your opinion

So hold me when I'm here, right me when I'm wrong.... [18 Jun 2003|08:18pm] [ mood | tired ] [ music | Three Doors Down - When I'm Gone ] Firstly, about Scarlet's baby. This appears to be the gossiping subject of choice recently. I won't go into bearing about psychology and secondary subconscious gains from unwanted pregnancies, because I honestly don't think she's that kind of girl. You children are quite amazingly bitchy for all your angelic outward appearances, you know. Is Scarlet's personal life really any of your business? Surely this baby, and everything that happens to it, is entirely her business? Perhaps I somehow missed the point where it became acceptable for you to all gossip about this as if it's tommorrow's hot news, and I think I also missed the point whereupon it became everyone else's business to go around laughing at her and making certain comments about contraceptive spells (I name no names). As far as I'm concerned, the baby is entirely Scarlet's and the decision towards keeping it, adoption or abortion is also up to her. I somehow think this is me signing my own already-low popularity death certificate, but that's my opinion on the matter in any case. Secondly, and no less importantly, I miss Padfoot. Which is a sickeningly attached thing to admit to, but I do, and the more I think about it, the more restless I get, and the more I want to go and see him but then again I don't because IknowI'llhavetotalktohimabouttheEvilSubject. *ahem* See, having these complex issues and emotional problems makes everything so much more difficult than it needs to be. Really, I do sometimes wish that my life was simpler than it was, if that was somehow plausibly possible. I feel rather... lonely, which is something you expect a werewolf to get used to, but apparently not. I'll have to go over to his room later on, and try and see if I can catch him for a chat. In fact, I'm in such a mood, I even did the pre-pubescent schoolgirl thing of putting song lyrics in a journal entry. Oh yes. ( Lyrics ) And yes, I fully realize that I could have made this journal entry private. Does it occur to any of you that I simply couldn't be bothered? 8 unfurled their wings .::. voice your opinion

And I come here to talk, I hope you understand... [16 Jun 2003|06:56pm] [ mood | energetic ] [ music | Coldplay - Green Eyes ] Agenda for today: Send owl to Albus. Get Pepperup Potion to help self awaken from post-lunar disorder. Find Padfoot. Need to talk. Other than that, not much to post really. I must stop spamming this journal. Bad Lupin. (I think speaking about oneself in third person is probably a sign that I drank too much Pepperup. Hee.) [private] Is there such a thing as hyperactive nervousness? I'm not entirely sure what to make of the other night... the more I think about it, the more my paranoid personality comes up with 101 excuses as to why it might be too good to be true. I just don't know... I'm not entirely sure if Sirius wants to settle down at all, really, and I'm not sure if I'm expecting too much from him. I don't know how he feels about the whole thing... oh, this is all so painfully confusing. Maybe I should owl him...? [/private] Edit: Changed my journal layout. Okay, so I'm procrastinating. I'm a grown man, I'm allowed to. 4 unfurled their wings .::. voice your opinion

Are they really lesbians? Or are they just pretending to be lesbians? [15 Jun 2003|03:34pm] [ mood | rejuvenated ] [ music | T.A.T.U. - Not Gonna Get Us ] Isn't it intriguing how one small little thing can make your entire day change from "really bloody crap" to "fucking amazing"? Overall, today has been a fairly productive day. I've completely sorted out my house, done my shopping, relieved Padfoot of a hangover, and gotten over my... hm... "post-lunar effects", all since I woke up this morning. Now, all I have to do is gather up enough energy to write an owl to Albus and ask him for a list of job vacancies, if he would be so obliging. I would post more, but I doubt it would be terribly interesting to the rest of you. [private] Is 'love' too strong a word? [/private] 2 unfurled their wings .::. voice your opinion

Your black-eyed soul, you should know, that there's no-where else to go... [13 Jun 2003|07:15pm] [ mood | dejected ] [ music | Texas - Black Eyed Boy ] I just realized it's a full moon tommorrow night. Oh...fuck. I'll have to go and see Padfoot, then apparate back here tommorrow before sunset. I hate this so much. 1 unfurled their wings .::. voice your opinion

Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry, you don't know how lovely you are... [12 Jun 2003|09:33pm] [ mood | lonely ] [ music | Coldplay - The Scientist ] Well... I certainly haven't written in this for a while. I haven't had the motivation to, really. My life, in essence, is rather sleepy and inactive, and to tell the truth, I'm quite happy with it like that most of the time. I've been toying with the idea of asking Dumbledore if I should return to teaching, but I'm still somewhat wary of the parents' reactions. It's understandable, most guardians wouldn't want their nearest and dearest children under the parentus loci of a werewolf. It is somewhat unconventional and controversial, at best. I get so tired of it all sometimes... the stares, the whispers, the glances. I've forgotten what it was like to be 'normal', what it was like to live a life without constant paranoia, without a rather childish fear of the moon (of all things). [private] I really miss Padfoot. ... It feels strange to call him by any other name. "Siri" isn't too bad, but I feel somewhat strange calling him "Sirius" or anything else. I don't even know how I got onto this subject. But I do, honestly, truly miss him. His company, his apparent lack of morals/shyness/fear, and just him in general. Such is life, I suppose. How ironic. A werewolf getting lonely. Ha. [/private] I wonder if Padfoot's in tonight? 11 unfurled their wings .::. voice your opinion

Well... [05 May 2003|09:27am] [ mood | tired ] [ music | Rob D - Clubbed To Death ] I finally decided to get a journal. Although I cannot currently decide whether I feel stupid and "sheep-like" for following the masses, or whether I feel accomplished for getting my head around this Muggle fiend known as a computer. Honestly, I really am quite useless with all of these Muggle contraptions, and I often wonder about my sanity for being drawn to them like a moth to a candle. I'll end up making some horrific mistake and blowing half of my flat up, I swear. I've gained quite an affinity for a Muggle movie known as "The Matrix". The storyline is okay, slightly confusing in places, but it does have an awfully good soundtrack, you know. Not of course, that any of you particularly wish to read my thoughts on such things, so I'll jsut be quiet now. ^^ That said though, how is everyone? I'm desperately trying to read through everyone else's journal posts to try and get some headway going on, but honestly, you all write so much! (Although it is very interesting, and certainly is better than trying to continue painting my bedroom a rather bright shade of purple). Speaking of people, I probably should go and owl someone now... hmm. 12 unfurled their wings .::. voice your opinion

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