Tha Xpl!c!t Ang3l's Blurty Entries [entries|friends|calendar]
Tha Xpl!c!t Ang3l

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Move Journal [05 Jan 2004|04:06pm]
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[05 Jan 2004|11:59am]
[ mood | moody ]
[ music | The End With You - Box Car Racer ]


Verse 1:
so the day is grey and the sun is hiding/
its bright as hell outside but see that's the thing/
the sun is shining the sky i blue/
but i am lost without you/
i'd rather turn inside out then throw up in reverse/
guess im just a sick sick bastard/
a couple pills short of a medacine cabinet/ im so absent minded/
WAIT, i mean i lost my mind, i can't find it/
no one will get this, everyone will be confused/
cuz i just feel the need to Pay my dues/

This is the end, i am taking away, tomorrow only, brings another day,
im soo grim, im so upset, get up from the table, i'll get the check,
im full of shit, life is fucked, its all your fault, This is dedicated...

Verse 2:
believe me i take no responsibility/
my day is fucked, and ill do my best/
to fuck yours up, and then the rest/
im so sick of this shit, im sick of your attitude/
you look at me and yell, when i cry and look at you/
but what the hell, what am i to do/
ill just wait til its over...
And Pay My Dues

This is the end, i am taking away, tomorrow only, brings another day,
im soo grim, im so upset, get up from the table, i'll get the check,
im full of shit, life is fucked, its all your fault, This is dedicated...

Verse 3:
so now you know how i feel/
you know who i hate/
its all about you, cuz all you do is degrate/
you critisize, and tears fall from my eyez/
will i shake this off, what will i do/
here comes your turn, it all comes back to you/
i get in your face, i yell back at you/
nows your catchin the serving
and i Pay My Dues...

This is the end, i am taking away, tomorrow only, brings another day,
im soo grim, im so upset, get up from the table, i'll get the check,
im full of shit, life is fucked, its all your fault, This is dedicated...
(repeat 2x)

this song is not specifically for anyone, it has no meaning beyond strictly what it says, it was just some shit i wrote, its not even rap, its not my style at all... but its good to change sometimes.

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[04 Jan 2004|06:41pm]
[ mood | mellow ]
[ music | Betta Ask Somebody - G-Unit ]

damn, didnt have to wake up til 1. and Miranda called and woke me up so that was pretty good too. i was in a good mood. My mom let me drive the Burben for a little bit. it was cool. went to the new Wal-Mart supercenter. i think its pretty much the same as the other one cept it has food. then we went to the reg. wal-mart for somethin else. i Saw Piper and Kim there, my 2 ex g/f together. wasnt that f'in great.

I Got The Al Green Greatest Hits. Good ass singer. from the 70's. soul muzick. its pretty good. it's got all the songs i like. so i was happy.

I'm listeinin to my G-Unit CD. haven't listenned to it in a while. i think im gettin back to that Rap Muzick. it fits me better. cuz we all know im soo Gangstaaa. yeah, right.
i just don't like takin shit/ and people know i don't take shit/ so give me shit and this Gangsta will trip/ slide in a full clip/ and flip/ pop off shot's taht leave ya dead in a ditch/ callin ya momma and tell her that her kid is a bitch/ you pulled out but you wasnt gon pull it/ how you gangsta and don't got no bullits?/ im the hardest kid to ever live in the burbs/ The Streets aint the only thing that produce bad nerves/ paranoid always wonderin whats goin on/ lookin behind all shoulders on my way home/ got my gat in my lap waitin to pop off/ i think my gun's got a cold so watch out when he blow his nose he just might cough/ and i know you dont want all that at once/ just the size of the gun make you jump/ you got a gun and you pull it and wont put it down/ i put a fuckin hollow point in ya eye whatchu gonna do now?

i should quit writin right..?? it's all crap anyways. my skill has kinda died down since i finihed my big green folder. there's some ill shit in there. i should sell it to someone. id be rich beyond dreams. theres a lot of heart and devotion and skill in that book. it's history though. i dont even wanna flip through it. its plastered with tales of love and pain, dedication and dreams, and pretty much all was because of Piper. she was the one who inspired me to keep writin in it. i wonder if she still reads it. i need to get a new folder and replace thegreen one. somethin that holds up a little better. maybe i'll do that one day.. another day another dollar though

im goin broke. i need to start workin again. i think im gonna try to go get a job at Evolution. stockin shelves and shit like that. not necessarily sellin merchandise cuz i know im not allowed... that'd still be a kick ass job. they dont open til 11, and lose up early. kicks ass.

im out.. SeeYa Shawt!eZ

-Xpl!c!t Ang3l

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[03 Jan 2004|10:44pm]
[ mood | crappy ]
[ music | Your Star - The All-American Rejects ]

well... i had a nice talk with Miranda. she worries too much. she was thinking i was mad at her or there was a problem or somethin, and we havnt been talkin much. so i guess she was just havin more doubts. i don't know what her deal is. But Im really gonna Focus now. i have been kinda distant lately. i can't blame her. we worked shit out, she's cool now. i had a dream last night, well... it was in the morning, that i had met her Ex b/f. pretty fucked up huh. see.. the only problem is... i don't know how she feels about the kid. i told her i love piper and will no matter what, with her, it's flaky, she says she hates the kid, but said she saw him today and he was all nice and they we're cool, how the fuck?? she told me a while ago, before she asked me out, that she's cool, she knows they wont get back together and knows they wont work out, but i don't know if she's over him, she said shes all cool and everything and then sees him and the shit comes back, memories, good times. so i dont know what the fuck to think. women confuse me. i know a lot about them honestly i do, more than most men, but they just still... confuse the FUCK outta me... oops... sorry. cant have this journal suspended... It's all simple... what bothers me is that after allll this time, a whole 2 weeks or soo... shit happens and problems arise... what?? why me... why god why, if you exist at all then give me sumthin to know why my relationships with women suck. i mean... i have a few chick friends who are just awesome... i mean, awesome friends... unbelievably cool... but thats like... 1-2 maybe... they either end up liking me, or me liking them, or i end up WITH them and the relationship is shot to hell within a week or soo... don't get it. well... all i need is those 1 or 2 chicks to be friends with.. and that's all, females just suck all together. no matter how you look at em. ALL OF THEM.

Im Out Shawt!eZ

-Tha Xpl!c!t Angel

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[03 Jan 2004|10:09pm]
[ mood | crappy ]
[ music | Your Star - The All-American Rejects ]

I got in an argument with a girlfriend inside of a tent. That's a bad place for an argument, because then I tried to walk out, and had to slam the flap. How are you supposed to express your anger in this situation? Zip it up real quick?

I Don't have a girlfriend, But i know a woman who would get ,ad at me for sayin that.

I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

Funny stuff...

-Tha Xpl!c!t Angel

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[03 Jan 2004|12:40pm]
[ mood | okay ]
[ music | Really Don't Wanna Go - David Banner ]

so i guess so far my day hasnt been bull shit like yesterday. but uhh.. i gotta stay home again today. gotta watch Taylor unless my mom gets back soon. not like i'd have anywhere to go anyways. nobody fuckin likes me anymore, no one ever wants to do shit anymore. they're all to busy. thats alright. when i get my car, i wont have time for people anymore either. im not drivin anyone anywhere. if they need a ride, call ya damn mama.

i dont know what the hell im gonna do today, or tonight. i have no life anymore... nowhere to go, no one to see, one person was my life... i gave her up... now look what the fuck i got, Muzick and a playstation, thats all i goddamn do anymore. Fuck This...

Xpl!c!t Angel

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[03 Jan 2004|12:36am]
[ mood | discontent ]
[ music | The All-American Rejects Album ]

i got home around 10... my step dad asked me a question i'll never forget. "Where are you at?" he was referring to Miranda and Piper. everyone thinks im stuck in between. Im Not. Piper is my best friend with or without the boy/girlfriend titles. i don't care what anyone else thinks. she'll always be my best friend. irreplacable. I Love Her. But Im With who Im With. Im a one woman man. theres no playin, no cheating, no sneakin. I Got the Last Kiss last night and it was great. but that's what it was. im diving in head first to my relationship with Miranda.its just gonna be extremely slow and it will probably be a long process. i jumped in at light speed with Piper. and havnt actually completely slowed down yet. i still miss the dayz. i still miss the moments. i still miss the kisses. i still miss the sex. i still miss the emotions, the feelings, the smiles, the cries... shit.. i miss piper. but the break ups and make ups killed me. it was just pain i was going through. we got off track and never completely got back on track. i still love her. she's still perfect and flawless to me. my long term plans end with piper. maybe not marriage. maybe not a family. but a kick ass studio apartment in Atlanta. Me single.. hopefully her still single. just livin the life we both dream of. freedom. no rules. just Fun forever. Friends forever. being there for eachother... Forever. the day i lose her as a friend is the day a hollow point bullit from a desert eagle enters one side of my head and exits the other, by my own pull of the trigger. I Could not live without her. she's like my... lungs... im breathless w/o her. that's what i want..
As far as Miranda goes. shes fun, she's lively. She's different. shes beutiful (Bonus) me and her are complete opposites.. but we fit. she dresses in punk rock, skater chick clothes, and there i am, baggy dickies, clean white Tee, clean white shoes, an ATL falcons hat, a cadillac belt buckle, matched, FRESH, Bein Easy, we don't look the same, we dont listen to the same Muzick, but we fit. i like her a lot. shes fun to be with. she makes me happy.
If shit duznt work out with Miranda then im alone. ill stay single. for good. "Gigolo" will be my anthem again.less pressure that way. NO women to please. ill be on my own... until the memories come along..

we all know who and what i want... we all know im not a very good bull shitter. everything above i said i meant, i just left some shit out. piece the puzzle together and fill in the blanks...

-The Xplicit Angel

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[02 Jan 2004|04:29pm]
[ mood | confused ]
[ music | The Last Song - The All-American Rejects ]

i met a chick yesterday... she was pretty cool i guess. she saw my Pic on and said shes movin to lakeland. she lives in CT. shes comin to The FL in June. she had some questions and i helped her out. thats made me feel good. her name is Katelyn. i think thats how yo spell it.

Well, the crew is back from VA. Welcome back guys. Ive been bored all week. i hope the trip was awesome.

i mowed my grass today... boring boring boring. im never doin it again, haha, i decided... fuck that, my dad can do it from now on. i'd rather watch lifetime with my mom.

last night, i was layin in bed still not sleepin at around 4, thought a lot about the time i spent with piper. made me miss a lot of shit. Im Glad i got that LAST KISS though. that was what i needed. i know ill have her forever. she'll always be the one to stick with me no matter what. I Love Her. With Everything I Have. I Hope she's Happy.

Amanda was in a super awesome mood today. That Kicks-Ass.

I Haven't talked to Miranda today. She called me last night. she was pretty upset. im really startin to feel the bad shit and the fights set in. im not ready for that. 2 weeks and she's already in doubt. if this shit duznt work out, i swear to Jahova, its over. im done. No more fuckin relationships. no more fuckin girlfriends. forget females.

i can get my license. all i gotta do is take the test. im hopin ill get my subs put in and i pass the test b4 i go back to school.

This may be the last thing that i write for long
Can you hear me smiling when i sing this song, for you and only you

As I leave will you be someone to say good-bye
As I leave will you be someone to wipe your eye
My foot is out the door, and you can't stop me now

You wanted the best, it wasn't me, will you give it back
Now i'll take the lead, when there's no more room to make it grow
I'll see you again, you'll pretend you're naive, is this what you want
Is this what you need, how you end up let me know.

As I go, remember all the simple things you know,
My mind is just a crutch and I still hope, that you will miss me when
I'm gone
This is the last song

The hearts start breaking as the year is gone
The dream's beginning and the time rolls on
It seems so surreal, now I sing it.
Somehow I knew that I would be this way,
Somehow I knew that I would slowly fade.
Now i'm gone, just try and stop me now.

And will you need me now, you'll find a way somehow
You want it too, I want it too.
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[01 Jan 2004|10:53pm]
[ mood | relaxed ]
[ music | Hate Ourselves - Bone Crusher ft. Goodie Mob ]

why, how the fuck duz this happen to me?... why can't she trust me?? women suk,

i had a good night. i lt myself get away from myself.. which i should have controlled but it felt soo good to let go... it felt soo damn good.

well... may day turned out to be shit. i got to get outta the house, but it wasnt til the day was almost over.. didnt really do anything. me and Piper went to target i wasted more money. went to the mall. and it was closin early. which sucked. so that was a waste of time. then went all over lookin for somewhere to eat. everywhere was closed. so we went to Denny's. theyre always open. i had a huge ass bacon chedder burger and tons of fries and ate it all. it was good haha. and i had a good time with her, but we didnt really do shit but ride around mostly, si it was ok. but my day just sucked ass. im sleepin late tomorrow too. don't even expect to hear from me til 1 or 2.

if anyone wants to do somethin this weekend, gimme a call.. im free... got nuthin goin on. alright... im out.
SeeYa Shawt!eZ

-Tha Xplicit Angel

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[01 Jan 2004|01:48pm]
[ mood | moody ]
[ music | Your Star - The All American Rejects ]

Don't let the dayz go by...

what a fuckin bullshit new year, fuck my plans for the year, fuck my resolutions, this year will be the same as the last. except worse. filled with pain and confusion. I Hope you miled the last time you saw me. cuz thats just what it was... the last time. im following through on this one. shed your tears come to the viewing, greet my family, tell them what they missed out on. Piper is the only one who knows me... everyone else only sees the sheel, some people see the soft spots but that only very few, i love these people, Casey, Amanda. Oh how i Miss casey... how i want too see amanda. i havnt spoken to Miranda in a couple dayz. I want her to come over and just sit with me. That's all i ever ask. that someone i care about be with me on my shitty dayz. how fuckin hard is that. why cant Piper, Casey, Amanda or Miranda just one of em be there everyonce in a while when i ask. o well shit happens, Get over it Moody. The dayz are too long. The nightz are too bright. and people are soo fake. i can't wait til i get my Gun in my hand...

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2004 [01 Jan 2004|01:55am]
[ mood | restless ]
[ music | Rollin' - Dungeon Family (last verse repated only) ]

as 2K4 is head on full fledged, my eyes point at the ground and my head hits its low point. the year starts with a bang. a live performance from a terrible band, the kiss i wont get, envy of the alkoholix, wish to be aay. yeah, what a bang. when the clock hit midnight my excitement which was lacking at the moment, slammed into the floor as i realized my life will be over this year, by 2005, i will be gone. 365 days to live it up. dec. 31 next year, i WILL get my kiss, i WILL drink freely, i will listen to good Muzick. there was so much to look forward to, and soo little now. i know my 2004 will only be harder that the last. yes i know. i must be positive. i must stay head up. but how can i when im staring at the berrell of a 45 with a hollow tip bullit in the chamber, thats life for me.. thats my 2004. spontaneously waiting to crush me. the sorrow has began. i begin 2K4 Unhappy, my rage will soon be untamed and you will be sorry. over the past month or soo, the year rushed in fast. almost skipping december. i wasnt ready for new year. i wasnt ready to start over. just in time. hit me like a fuckin brick. how nice to be sober, broke, unemployed, and UNHAPPY for new years. i wish you all a happy holidays. I Wish Piper the best year yet, because i wont be here to fuck it up. I Wish Miranda to have a good year with her hectic household and fucked up father. I Wish Amanda the best year, just because she deserves it. I Wish casey a year filled with fun and smiles with her new relationship. i wish chelsea a great year with everything she has goin and to get out of this ''slump'' shes in with Skit. Genifer, to figure out Chris, and finally realise an get what she wants. i wish my DJ, B-Rad a kick ass year, no matter what the dilly is, i got your back Blood, To my Fam. My Family of friends. i wish you all to be UNlike me.Be Happy. Steer clear of confrontation. stray away from pain. Cock back the hammer on the gun and give the bullits to whom they deserve. Defense is not just a mechanism. defense makes or breaks the weak. I Wish Everyone to be Un Like ME. i wish you all to be happy on new years. Im In Love with the world. Because all the pain brings about Love, and Drama makes the world go round, but drama burns the bad brudges. leaving the smoke to clear and reveal the gold beneath your nose. This year will be the best so far. this year we move ahead of this so called Mob, we are not People, We are individuals. Happy New Year. i LOVE you all.

-Alan Keith Moody Jr.
-The Explicit Angel

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[31 Dec 2003|08:54pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]
[ music | Childhood Dreams - Nelly Furtado (Great Song) ]

well... today was pretty much the same as yesterday, i was helpin my uncle move, so i was up by AMANDA'S. spent a good part of the day there. which sucked. im done though, he can drive his happy ass up there and finish by himself tomorrow. But today was kinda different. i though about her more than yesterday. kinda makes me really want an answer to the question i asked a couple entries back.

Im emotionally difficult. i guess you can call it that. another one of my swift switch of my emotional mood... only causing confusion as to who/what i want and why and hen.. only causes difficulties. i've been thinkin a lot lately. a lot about a lot.

Piper is having a shitty day. i talked to her for a little while. read her Journal entries and comments, and and just thought about all shes told me lately. i really think there's sumthin wrong. she seems really really upset. i dont know. I can't even listen to muzick without it reminding me of her.

New Year's Resolutions - Less Fucking Cuss Words, No more Half-Ass, Control my temper and actions better, be less violent... ok, pretty much to improve myself overall.. what the fuck else would it be...

yeah, im gettin all i can before i end the cussing. So Fuck it. Hopefully the fuckin faggit service wont fuckin suspend my bullshit account like last goddamn time...

This is fun, i havnt been able to relieve tension lately, i didnt wanna break shit... Mah woulda been pissed

has anyone ever taken Oxy Cotten?? Or Codiene?? im thinkin they would help me through troubled times... sorry, im just gonna catch shit for that one.. im tired of lectures...

so what's the plans for the new year?? im hopefully gonna get my shit together and me and B-Rad can get crackin on that P.I.C. album... full fledged crew style. i want him to have his half, not just me... next on the list. waste my money on unbelievebaly powerfull subwoofers... hahaha... that's actually a goal... i also wanna take Marilyn and someone else on a trip to ATL with me... yeah, Mah probably wont let me, and the three people i'd love to take wouldnt b able to, their 'rents would say no.. o well. Im goin when im out of HS and one person already made the promise and commitment to go with me... hopefully this year, i'll mend my past, stay in touch with all the friends i lost. and make some more. i Wanna get up to Altamonte Springs to Give Amanda that Hug i Promised.

well... thats what my year will hopefully be like.. i will continue to make people smile, even if it kills me, that's what i liv for. Comedy and Muzick. maybe ill do stand up with some Muzick in the background one day lol.

Everyone needs to Kiss who they want to kiss the most on this Beutiful new Years Eve. I know who i want to. i can't.

SeeYa... Be Easy...

-The Explicit Angel

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AMANDA [30 Dec 2003|10:20pm]
[ mood | indescribable ]
[ music | My Lord - David Banner ft. Sky and Marcus ]


-Alan Moody Jr.
- The Explicit Angel

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The Dayz are Full [30 Dec 2003|10:18pm]
well... i was in Altamonte Springs most of the day... that's where Amanda lives.. helped my uncle Move... he has more shit then a single guy living alone should have, and we still gotta get more shit. so back on the road at 9 up there, packing, then back on the road back here, to unload... then im done goddammit... no more movin. im commin home. Takin a Shower. Callin Miranda, callin Piper, maybe callin a few other people to wish them a happy new year, eating my big fat steak, and watchin TV. Fun huh? yeah right. id rather be gone, miles from home, with 5-6 people havin a good ass time. well... that was my day. Some chick told my mom i was hott today... i guess that was good. (miranda would be very unhappy, ill keep that minor detail from her for now)
Alright... SeeYa ShawtieZ
-The Explicit Angel
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Muzick [30 Dec 2003|12:54am]
[ mood | okay ]
[ music | Dream Come True (Instrumental) - Rakim ft. Dr. Dre ]

Until you're truly ready to say, "Fuck your fear!"
You are not alive
You don't have to settle and be stuck right here
You can let me drive
Come and ride the roller-coaster
Give all the troubles of the world to me
At least come and see, come see the other side
This may be the way you want the world to be (Oh Ohhhhh)

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[29 Dec 2003|11:37pm]
[ mood | calm ]
[ music | Pop That - David Banner ]

wow... what in the world am i doin, this Journal is gonna be exactly the same as the other one and it will probably get suspended too... w/e. ill have somewhere to place my thoughts for the world to critisize for a little while...

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[29 Dec 2003|11:37pm]
[ mood | happy ]
[ music | We Ride dem Caddies - David Banner ]

So Im Back... im waitin for someone to throw something at me, im broken, crumbled, i need the love of someone.. only a couple people can make or break me..

I saw miranda Today, the difficulties began.. how wonderful that feels, they all start like that, i should stop caring about peoples feelings and get in and out of various relationships.. that would be eezy... yeah right. i so couldnt do that...

Amanda made me very happy tonight... just the fact that she thinks about me makes me feel semi-important, bein we arent these awesome friends... we just talk online, i love talkin to her, if i could think of something to say and say what i want whenever i want then i know i'd have no problem talkin to her for hours... i don't know her that wel so i refrain from saying some things.. they arent necessary anyways.. but anyways... i smiled just like i always tell her to... it felt nice..

Is it possible to like someone you don't even know?

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