| independent. |
[07 Oct 2004|04:31am] |
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mood |
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i used to hate those hamsters for ruining my peace. running on the treadmill every
now and then triggers the perturbation nerves in me. yet, it was me who
eventually found one of it, not only once but twice. i don't know where the other
one has gone to, just hope it won't be stuck somewhere and died.
the peace in months finally broke down. i finally broke down too. i kept quiet even
though its not of my fault often. i tried means and ways to make her understand
when she feels insecure sometimes. maybe i've not tried enough, i don't know.
the msg tore me apart. it maybe nothing to people, but as much as i wanna
be nonchalant, it gets harder during the night. i don't know if i was right sticking to
what i want, bcuz thats my happiness. am i selfish ? i don't know. the 2nd msg
blew me away. but i refrained. or else things will be awkward. its ironical, when
you yourself have no respect for her, and you lecture me. when all you do was ran
away as soon as u can.
this is enough, this is not me. i grew out of this phase long ago. there won't be
so much angst, as i promised myself. i just need a shoulder, ears and a sincere
heart to feel what i feel.
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