: A Purging
You know who cracks me up more than anyone? Opal Covey, Toledo's next great mayor? Good guess and yes she does. But you know who cracks me up even more? Me. I just cheered myself up by reading my early posts, including of course, the midget posts of late '05. To be fair, the commenters make me laugh as often as I make myself laugh, but one of the most hilarious things is that I can be so un-ironic with irony.* So in a tribute to ME, I'm posting my notes of the highlights and lowlights of the bar exam. I started this earlier in the week when I was in Columbus taking the Ohio bar exam, 7 years after my first bar exam.** Cell phones were strictly prohibited and I had withdrawal from not being able to twitter or facebook all my awesome observations. As I told my cousin Kate (on twitter, obiouvsly), those 20somethings don't understand the brilliance of my quippiness. So here is my list -- dreadfully lacking in parallelism, which pains me*** -- of high/lowlights. There is a story behind nearly every one of these, but the story itself is not that good as the tagline might lead you to believe, so this will hopefully make you think I lead an exciting life.****
Day zero (in columbus, at hotel, allegedly studying)
losing my rubber thumb
getting constantly distracted by the enormous mirror above the desk
insomnia until 12:09 a.m. when additional pharmaceutical assistance was brought in
to drink or not to drink (I didn't!!)
room service guy is super weird and weirder follow up phone call from same
the toothpaste is the only thing I had packed before Elena started packing my toiletries; it is also the only thing I didn't have, discovered absence at 10:30 pm
I actually used the scissors Elena packed for me to open the toothpaste packets the front desk sent up
painting my fingernails bright red, which shined beautifully in the convention center
Day One
didn't know a gavel could look phallic until i saw a giant one on its side in the supreme court fountain
sitting on a folding chair... searching unsuccessfully for padded one to swipe... didn't realize how good I had it until someone switched mine for a broken one on day two
making shit up about secured transacations: breaching the peace and special protection for farm equipment
ohio law schools tailgating - wtf?
wishing i could live-tweet
not knowing what to do with myself at breaks without my cell phone or crackberry
falling asleep during the MPT
rocking the socks off the intestate succession question - yes I said per stirpes
tampon inventory
retail therapy
loving and hating hippies
Graeter's by serendipity
pretending to study
Day Two
uh oh, I didn't sleep at all last night despite my heavy use of prescription medication
the questions are really hard and I'm going to fail; ~50% are a mystery to me
I can know I know the answer but I cannot know how to access the place in my brain where the answer is
Wendy's chilli for two meals (one in taco salad format)
After energy drink at lunch, a return of brain power, or at least the delusion/confidence of such
making executive decision to not study or even go back to my hotel room
spending freaking $175 at target for more retail therapy
watching Definitely Maybe and whimpering (but no actual tears, peoples) while eating chocolate - yes, me and the bar broke up
creating a Jasper crib,***** which I called a "human crib" because I was so exhausted
blackberry facebook in the human crib -- I wrote some weird stuff on friends' walls
having enough sense left at 10:45 p.m. after 2 nights of insomnia to go against my initial instincts and NOT play brickbreaker as a sleep aid, thus going to sleep at a decent hour
Day Three
looking for things to return to target as I packed
did I really buy 2 tubes of toothpaste and 2 different kinds of mouthwash??
you would be surprised how often scissors come in handy in travel, and not just for cutting out hearts as directed by your 4 yr old daughter
eating "superfoods" (registered trademark) to aid brain power
becoming so familiar to the front desk staff that one answered my call "Hey [overly friendly tone].... Ms. Allred [recovering]"
over the exam, so over it
I am an asshole driver
That's it. Pretty, pretty good.***** Or lame, depending on whether or not you are me. Come on, what use is a blog if you can't be completely egocentric.
* Ask me later, I'll explain.
** A final plea for pity, as if I haven't been talking to anyone and everyone enough about it.
*** not enough to actually do anything about it or abstain from posting it.
**** it's in fact true, but it's strictly an inner life.
***** this is a good story - actually, it's just what Elena and her 2nd cousin, Maggie, called a pillow fort they created for Jasper. The phrase then entered my hourly lexicon.
****** please read this in the voice Larry David, or don't read it at all.
You know who cracks me up more than anyone? Opal Covey, Toledo's next great mayor? Good guess and yes she does. But you know who cracks me up even more? Me. I just cheered myself up by reading my early posts, including of course, the midget posts of late '05. To be fair, the commenters make me laugh as often as I make myself laugh, but one of the most hilarious things is that I can be so un-ironic with irony.* So in a tribute to ME, I'm posting my notes of the highlights and lowlights of the bar exam. I started this earlier in the week when I was in Columbus taking the Ohio bar exam, 7 years after my first bar exam.** Cell phones were strictly prohibited and I had withdrawal from not being able to twitter or facebook all my awesome observations. As I told my cousin Kate (on twitter, obiouvsly), those 20somethings don't understand the brilliance of my quippiness. So here is my list -- dreadfully lacking in parallelism, which pains me*** -- of high/lowlights. There is a story behind nearly every one of these, but the story itself is not that good as the tagline might lead you to believe, so this will hopefully make you think I lead an exciting life.****
Day zero (in columbus, at hotel, allegedly studying)
losing my rubber thumb
getting constantly distracted by the enormous mirror above the desk
insomnia until 12:09 a.m. when additional pharmaceutical assistance was brought in
to drink or not to drink (I didn't!!)
room service guy is super weird and weirder follow up phone call from same
the toothpaste is the only thing I had packed before Elena started packing my toiletries; it is also the only thing I didn't have, discovered absence at 10:30 pm
I actually used the scissors Elena packed for me to open the toothpaste packets the front desk sent up
painting my fingernails bright red, which shined beautifully in the convention center
Day One
didn't know a gavel could look phallic until i saw a giant one on its side in the supreme court fountain
sitting on a folding chair... searching unsuccessfully for padded one to swipe... didn't realize how good I had it until someone switched mine for a broken one on day two
making shit up about secured transacations: breaching the peace and special protection for farm equipment
ohio law schools tailgating - wtf?
wishing i could live-tweet
not knowing what to do with myself at breaks without my cell phone or crackberry
falling asleep during the MPT
rocking the socks off the intestate succession question - yes I said per stirpes
tampon inventory
retail therapy
loving and hating hippies
Graeter's by serendipity
pretending to study
Day Two
uh oh, I didn't sleep at all last night despite my heavy use of prescription medication
the questions are really hard and I'm going to fail; ~50% are a mystery to me
I can know I know the answer but I cannot know how to access the place in my brain where the answer is
Wendy's chilli for two meals (one in taco salad format)
After energy drink at lunch, a return of brain power, or at least the delusion/confidence of such
making executive decision to not study or even go back to my hotel room
spending freaking $175 at target for more retail therapy
watching Definitely Maybe and whimpering (but no actual tears, peoples) while eating chocolate - yes, me and the bar broke up
creating a Jasper crib,***** which I called a "human crib" because I was so exhausted
blackberry facebook in the human crib -- I wrote some weird stuff on friends' walls
having enough sense left at 10:45 p.m. after 2 nights of insomnia to go against my initial instincts and NOT play brickbreaker as a sleep aid, thus going to sleep at a decent hour
Day Three
looking for things to return to target as I packed
did I really buy 2 tubes of toothpaste and 2 different kinds of mouthwash??
you would be surprised how often scissors come in handy in travel, and not just for cutting out hearts as directed by your 4 yr old daughter
eating "superfoods" (registered trademark) to aid brain power
becoming so familiar to the front desk staff that one answered my call "Hey [overly friendly tone].... Ms. Allred [recovering]"
over the exam, so over it
I am an asshole driver
That's it. Pretty, pretty good.***** Or lame, depending on whether or not you are me. Come on, what use is a blog if you can't be completely egocentric.
* Ask me later, I'll explain.
** A final plea for pity, as if I haven't been talking to anyone and everyone enough about it.
*** not enough to actually do anything about it or abstain from posting it.
**** it's in fact true, but it's strictly an inner life.
***** this is a good story - actually, it's just what Elena and her 2nd cousin, Maggie, called a pillow fort they created for Jasper. The phrase then entered my hourly lexicon.
****** please read this in the voice Larry David, or don't read it at all.