The Monkey's Journal

8:15PM - Thanks for the awesome birthday present

We had so much fun with Jennette and Harper on their surprise visit! Here is a picture preview. This was taken by my cell phone at Best Buy when we were picking out a new phone (we had a serious phone crisis for a while, which will be completely resolved once Ammon finds his cell phone or gets a new one - a semi-annual event).
( Elena and Harper on the phone )

Every morning, soon after Elena wakes up, she starts talking about Jennette and/or Harper. This morning she woke up said, "Jennette just took off." I think she meant the airplane took off. A little while later she was asking Ammon to move her sippy cup so Harper wouldn't get it. I think she must dream about them or something.

More later!

10:45AM - No E! but plenty o' TV

So turns out I can't work on being a celebrity gossip because we don't get E! with our new satellite TV package. We do get approximately 9,346 other channels though, most of which are public access.

Even without E! I've been trying to watch a lot of TV. Unfortunately, this hasn't really happened. But we did see the pilot of Dirty Sexy Money. Anyone else? I think I'm going to like the show once I get into the characters, but we decided it's like the depressing Arrested Development. Funny, but once you get children involved in not an entirely absurd or satirical way, it can be sad. Like who just gives away their child? That's inherently sad, even if only on a stupid TV show.

The Office = hilarious. Hopefully it won't get super lame now that PB & J are together.

Desperate Housewives was good, but also has the potential to get very creepy. Again with the kids!

What else is good? We set up TiVo to tape Pushing Daisies but I'm less optimistic about it than Ammon.

Oh, our new guilty pleasure: Beauty and the Geeks. I don't know why I haven't watched it sooner. So good! Plus, so applicable to my life! (just kidding, you know I'm a geek). We watched it with Jennette, the expert, the other night so she filled us in on the details, but I don't really have favorites yet. I do know that the dumbest beauty is Jasmine, who apparently can't read.

By the way, Jennette and Harper flew out here to surprise me for my birthday! So awesome! Only bummer is I have to work, which is always a bummer, but more so now. I may take off Monday, which is also Elena's birthday.

Today is off to quite a start - I spilled freshed squeezed OJ all over my white shirt. Bad for two reasons: (1) I wanted to drink that yummy $4 OJ! (2) the shout wipe doesn't seem to be getting out the stain but rather making me look like I'm entering a wet t-shirt contest and then leaving gray rings, and (bonus 3) I have a litigation department happy hour to go to and no jacket to cover it up!

3:33PM - Addendum on careers

I didn't mean to imply by my update yesterday that I think all lawyers are mean, argumentative or bad people. Several of them are not. Ha! Just kidding, most of my friends are lawyers and they are none of these things.* I just meant that being a lawyer has turned out to be the wrong career path for me.**

The thing is, I really liked law school. I think for regular people, it's the opposite - hate law school, love being a lawyer (or at least practicing law) - so that could be the litmus test: enjoying yourself in law school? Hurry, run away!

The other thing I should add to my list of requirements (in addition to refusing to bill by the six-minute increment or otherwise account for my time in excruciating detail) is that I've been much more fulfilled in my jobs when I think I'm helping people. There are down sides to that too, don't get me wrong, but at least I was left with the feeling that the justice system has a purpose. *** So maybe I should be a software engineer for a charitable company.

I can't think of any other profession that pays as much for so little skill (again, apologies to fellow lawyers). What are my other skills? Hmmm.... sudoku? Civilization (as in the computer game)? Walking and chewing gum? Not marketable. I have a latent skill for memorization of trivial facts, which is particularly useful in the field of keeping track of celebrity goings on. I need to start watching E! again to hone this skill.


*Although I may think differently if I had to work with them.

** Please don't use this against me in 20 years when I'm still practicing law. Just know that I am most likely suffering in (relative) silence.

*** That purpose may or may not be justice.

11:18AM - Career help needed

Many of you already know that Ammon took the Foreign Service Exam a couple of weeks ago. I think he probably passed (he insanely recalled 45 of the 60 general knowledge questions so he could see whether he got them right and I think he only missed 1 or 2), but we don't get to find out until DECEMBER!! Why does it take so long to score a multiple choice exam that was only taken by 5000 people? There is one essay, but they don't even look at that unless you score high enough on the multiple choice. Anyway, this is our current plan for escape from our doldrum lives. If we go overseas, who knows what I will do, but at least it won't be working at a big law firm (hopefully). Ammon will start to earn his keep,* thus relieving some of the pressure.

My second plan is to write best-selling legal thrillers, a la John Grisham and Lisa Scottoline. I've never read any books by the latter, but I plan to. And then I have to come up with something totally different so it doesn't just seem like I'm ripping her off (her legal thrillers are set in Philadelphia). So if you have ideas, email them to me. I will give you a shout out in the acknowledgments.** Here is how I came up with this plan: (1) I hate my job; (2) one of the reasons I most hate my job is I have absolutely no control over most aspects of my job; (3) I need a new job where I have total autonomy; (4) there is no such job; (5) but being a best-selling author is close. The thing is, the best-selling part is key, because lame-o authors of copycat legal thrillers are probably drones to their editors. So I will have to make them enough money that I can boss them around.

Alternatively, you can give me other career ideas. I've decided that being a lawyer is the worst possible job, and while I may have some of the skills required to be a good lawyer, I don't want to develop those skills (e.g. being mean and argumentative) because it makes me a worse person. Moreover, I have the distinct impression that I'm not actually good at being a lawyer, and it just keeps getting worse. So I'm either going to start Office Spaceing it or looking for new career paths. Here are the requirements:
(1) I need autonomy - this is one of the key reasons for choosing the legal profession, but boy was I wrong.
(2) I need lots of money - not because I am super greedy but because I have a tremendous amount of debt, student loans and otherwise, and until I can sell my expensive main line house and simplify my life, I'm going to need a good income. Plus, Elena's Montessori is freaking $1100 a month.
(3) I need a lot of down time - mostly because I'm lazy, but also so I can have a semblance of control and balance in my life. Also it would be really nice to not have to wake up at 6:30 every day, or at least be able to take a nap.
(4) I would prefer not to have to deal with people - this is self explanatory.
(5) I really don't want to dress up every day - this was one of the best parts about my previous job. Why do I wear expensive clothes and accessories when rarely does anyone outside my firm see me? I like expensive clothes and accessories, but remember, I'm trying to simplify.
(6) I want the job to be interesting - I've had enough boredom in 5 years of being a lawyer to last for a lifetime.
(6a) I want some sort of intellectual challenge - that said, I may just want to give up if it's too hard.

Reviewing this, it sounds like I may want to be a software programmer. Is that interesting?

* Not that he doesn't earn his keep in other ways, just not in the "contributing very significantly to our income" way. The foreign service gives you housing and countless other perks! It's like doubling your salary.

** Please be advised that your name will likely never appear in print this way because this is obviously just a stupid fantasy. But humor me for now, ok?

8:28PM - vacation photos

OK, I'll update so as to inspire you all to do the same. Here are some photos from our vacation to the Waldheim in the Adirondacks. Even though it was the middle of August, it was cold! Something you Seattlites are used to - the weather (and the scenery for that matter) was basically identical. Here's where we stayed:

That isn't actually our cabin, but it was near us and my favorite one.

Near our cabin there was a rocky beach where we would take Rosie for walks and Elena would throw rocks. Here she is doing her cheesy camera smile, which is not really like her actual smile:

There was a sandy beach too where we swam when it was warm enough. Elena absolutely loved swimming, despite the sometimes tepid temperatures, as did Rosie, who as far as I know had never swum in her life, but she figured it out pretty quickly, especially since she wanted to catch the ducks:


And here are a couple more:


Our vacation was amazing. It makes me a little sad looking at these pictures again because it was so wonderful to be away and completely relaxed. Fortunately, my treo didn't get service, so it was easier to put my worries aside. It's funny though because a lot went wrong - it was colder than expected and we weren't properly attired, Elena got a stomach bug, it rained a lot - but I couldn't have asked for a better vacation. Plus, Ammon liked the cold so he could continually stoke the fires. The food was included so we didn't have to cook or worry about where we were going to eat. There was nothing to do, which was perfect. We tried to go out in a canoe one day but Elena was terrified the moment she stepped foot in it. So we went on hikes, did puzzles, played games, played on the beach. Elena cried when we had to go home (she suggested we move there and get Boo & Borri to come too) and she still talks about New York. We're hoping we can go back again next year!!

2:07PM - somebody please update

I know I haven't in over a month, but I'm relying on you guys to make my work day interesting by giving me a distraction.

Have I mentioned that I hate my job? Let me count the ways...

8:26PM - And now for something completely different

Thanks for the book suggestions. I started reading The Unconsoled, by Kazuo Ishiguro, because it was on my shelf, and then I started reading Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert because it was available at Penn Station in NY when I needed something to read on the train ride back to Philadelphia last week.

Anyway, now I need MOVIE suggestions. And I mean DVD, not in the theaters. On a side note, Ammon took Elena to see a movie in a theater for the first time a couple of weekends ago when I was working and it was a disaster. She didn't even make it to the movie (Ratatouille) because the previews were too scary (and why would they put an alien abduction short at the beginning??) and Elena has never seen a preview before in her life (and only a few commercials, if any).

So we have this thing on TiVo where you can download movies from amazon to the TiVo box. We had $15 credit so so far we haven't spent any actual money but we've seen a bunch of movies: (ok, I just looked at my account, and of the movies we've downloaded, we've only actually seen Borat and Music & Lyrics). We've also neglected to see a couple of movies that we downloaded (you get 30 days to watch it from when you download it, and 24 hours once you start it) (Bourne Supremacy, Children of Men, Happy Feet- for E). Anyway, since we are so behind on pop culture, we don't even recognize the titles to most of the movies, let alone know whether they are good. For instance, The Holiday - has anyone seen it? The preview on amazon made it look cute, but it could suck. Hard to tell. Similarly with Idiocracy. Ammon really wants to see it, but I only want to see something if it is going to be worthwhile. Also we can't see anything heavy or depressing. So even though we bought Children of Men a few months ago (they were doing a special where if you rented something one weekend, it was the same price to own - we also own Music & Lyrics now), we haven't seen it.

So let the recommendations . . . begin! (to be read in iron chef voice)

8:49PM - book recommendations

Ammon is taking forever putting Elena to sleep, so lucky readers, you get two updates in one night! (I do feel bad - he's had to take the laboring oar in EVERYTHING since Tuesday).

One of the advantages to throwing out your back is that time goes really quickly (or maybe only in retrospect because my mind is blocking out the extreme pain of the past 3 days) and because you can't do much else, you get to read a lot. So in the past week, between being laid up and traveling, I've read almost 4 books! And usually it takes at least a month to read one. Here they are, in reverse chronological order:
Moral Disorder, by Margaret Atwood
On Chesil Beach, by Ian McEwan
The Double, by Jose Saramago
Olivia Joules and the Overactive Imagination, by Helen Fielding

Ok, to be fair, I'm only 1/2 way through Moral Disorder, Chisel Beach is more of a novella, and I'd read about 1/3 of The Double over the last month or so while putting E to sleep. But still, not bad, eh? And they were all very enjoyable. I've hit a good run with novels. I started to doubt my selection after The Devil Wears Prada (only got through 2 chapters), but most of the books I've read this year have been good. I've even finished all my Chirstmas books (I think. I may have returned or re-gifted some).

Anyway, I may have already asked this in a different post, but I don't remember getting a great response -other than the OCD books :) - so I'm asking again: any recommendations? Oh, let me also recommend a great book that Ammon & I are reading at night: Hypocrite in a Pouffy White Dress, by Sarah Jane Gilman. It is a hilarious memoirs about a girl growing up in New York in the 1970s. I'm serious, it will make you laugh out loud, even while drifting off to sleep. I bought it at the Barnes & Noble close-out sale based purely on the fact that it has an endoresement by Frankie McCourt on the cover (I think she had him as an English teacher, but I'm not far enough in the book yet to know), and it was a great find.

8:13PM - New Orleans beads

We got back from N.O. on Monday, but I threw my back out first thing Tuesday morning, so this is my first chance to update.* I'll start with a picture of us at Joe & Tracy's apartment, where Joe made us a delicious dinner our first night in town.

Joe had a bag full of beads from the Krewe of Muses parade (Tracy is a member of that Krewe; if you don't know what it is- I don't think I do completely- google krewe and mardi gras) and gave Elena full reign of the bag. She was in heaven! They said she could have as many "pairs of beads" as she wanted (that's what they call them, so weird) but the other kiddos hadn't arrived yet, so she just kept 3 of the best ones, plus one candy necklace, and one of those slap on braclets, except this one lit up, which was pretty awesome for all (i.e. Elena, Joe).

We had a great time in New Orleans. It was a crazy place - like no where else I've been in the U.S., more like the Carribbean or Europe - but a very liveable city, surprisingly. Other than that hurricane thing, and the fact that it is so freaking hot and buggy in the summer, it would be a great place to live. It would be weird to be a teenager in N.O., what with the all-the-time partying and "go cups" and whatnot. ("Go cups" are plastic cups filled with your favorite alcoholic beverage, which you may walk around with freely. If I was a homeless alcoholic, no question I'd live in N.O.). I guess I should say it would be weird to be PARENTS of teenagers in N.O.; great to BE a teenager there.

We went for the wedding, which was Saturday 7-7-07, a big wedding day apparently. They had (delicious) cake that had 7's in icing. Elena said "I LIKE the seven cake!" Here's a picture of the happy couple: ( the happy couple ) The stage they are dancing on (which, by the way, was a feat because Tracy had just had emergency knee surgery) is what occupied the approx. 15 kids in attendance, including Elena, who danced, ran, played, etc. on it the entire evening. The reception was at the zoo, so before it got dark, running around the alligator pits is what entertained them. The stage was much less frought with the possibility of ending in tragedy.

Elena didn't want to leave. It may have been because she developed a primal fear of flying on the plane ride out there, but also because she had so much fun. They have an amazing aquarium, and the best children's museum. It turned out her fear of crawfish was both enchanting and misguided. There were not crawfish walking down the street (as she thought there might be)! And I think this caused a little disappointment. There was crawfish at the wedding, and awesome food generally, but I didn't really eat much, due to a little thing we'll call "the incident." I can't write about it actually (because I may be sick) but Ammon will post to his blog soon, I'm sure. Let's just say that when he told Joe why he had to suddenly leave the reception, this was Joe's reaction: ( horror )

By the way, thanks to John W. for the photos.

* Please forgive any incoherence in this update. It is due to the pain and/or pain meds.

9:39PM - movie

I don't think you can post movies on blurty, so see Elena playing with Boo here

8:48PM - SYTYCD

This is a funny recap of my new favorite summer show (thanks to Jennette). I didn't even watch the results show and it's hilarious. This is my favorite line: "Mary [the Paula Abdul-equivalent judge], who is dressed like Mrs. Colonel Sanders, says America got it wrong this time. Then she laughs. She's like Dr. Hibbert with the inappropriate laughter."

Benji's last name is Schwimmer? What kind of Mormon name is that?

One thing I love about the show is how Nigel, reminiscent of the guy who hosts Bargain Hunt, always says what I just said to Ammon. It makes me feel good about myself and my dance judging capabilities. And there's nothing like TV to improve your self esteem.

6:59PM - WATCH DATELINE TONIGHT ON NBC 7:00 PM EST/PST

They are doing a story on one of my former clients, Donald Vance. He thinks I'm responsible for getting him out of prison in Iraq (it's not true), so I'm thinking he might, but hoping he won't, mention my name. I've never met him, so I'm excited to see what he's like. Anyway, it's a very interesting story, so check it out.

The other story on Dateline tonight is about Steve Carrell, so it's a win-win situation.

10:51AM - Help - Quick

We have an overnight babysitter tonight!! Ok, it's just Ammon's dad, and he's just going to babysit Elena over at her cousins' house in Drexel Hill, but still. So we're going to a lovely Italian restaurant nearby (I actually have no idea if it's lovely - we've never been there) and going to walk around there and perhaps go to . . . A MOVIE!! We haven't been to a movie in the theater since we went to Utah for Christmas last, which was I think 2 years ago. Anyway, I have no idea about any of the movies out, other than I do NOT want to see Spiderman 3, Shrek 3, or Pirates 3. So, any suggestions??

8:45PM - TV

Let's move the discussion from Erica's spider entry over here. Because I want to tell you all that you must watch 30 Rock on Thursday at 8:30 p.m. (NBC) if you haven't already seen it because it is a hilarious show. I can't remember if this particular episode is awesome or whatever, but just start watching the show, OK? It has low ratings, but they are re-playing it during hiatus to give it time to get an audience. So BE that audience.

So I just set up TiVo to record So You Think You Can Dance tomorrow. Any other TV suggestions?

8:08PM - Haircut and sexaphone

Elena got her hair cut again today. It's weird how she doesn't like having long hair. The person who does it french braids it and it looks so cute! Here are some pictures:


In the last photo, she is playing with her "saxaflute," which is a flute thing that has different pieces so you can configure it differently. It's really nothing like a saxaphone. But she calls it a "sexaphone." It's really hard not to laugh, but obviously we don't want to encourage it.

8:19PM - Our weekend

We went to the zoo this weekend to see Curious George (who was TERRIFYING, but also fascinating - note there is no picture of him, due to the fact that we couldn't get close enough to take a decent photo without Elena gripping hard to my shirt and saying "I do NOT want to sit on his lap."). We decided to ride in the swan paddle boats, which was tons of fun:



The fact that it cost us $15 for this half-hour adventure leads us to believe that we should upgrade our membership to the one that includes free swan boat and animal rides. It also includes free fake-hot air balloon rides, but we've never actually been able to do the balloon because it is ALWAYS closed "due to weather." Don't know what the criteria is, seeing as, for instance, it was 65 degrees and clear on Saturday morning.

8:59PM - Even better - a movie

This is a trial. And please ignore the sound, except for the music (if you can hear it).

8:48PM - Easter pics

8:53PM - P.S.

If you haven't heard the news, it SNOWED today. Yes, we woke up to snow. And it continued to snow all morning. More like slush, but still. It was enough to suspend train service and knock out the power at Elena's school (although I'm convinced they just turn the switch whenever it's bad weather so they don't have to pay the teachers).

The worst part is that it was EIGHTY DEGREES like 2 weeks ago. Crazy global warming. I think I'm going to invest in property in Kazakhstan. From Borat, it seems like such a lovely place. Except for that gross guy that he nude fights with. That image is forever scarred on my brain.

10:28AM - More Seattle pics

To see a bunch of photos, click ( here )

The things Elena still talks about from Seattle:
Harper
Scout
Walking on the ceiling